Sheaffer Told Me To

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The Bachelor: Huhwahn Takes The Girls To Their Hometowns. He needs to take me to the pharmacy because I need a mood stabalizer.

By 38 Comments

Before we get to The Bachelor recap,
have you heard?
Miss Sarah Jessica Parker is launching a collection at Nordstrom on Friday.
I’m a little bit excited about it.
I probably won’t be able to afford anything, but I sure am happy to do some online window shopping!

Speaking of shoes (oh we weren’t really?, oh well)……..
If you didn’t see my post last Friday, you need to click HERE.
I loved the simple outfit recreation…..and I gave lots AND LOTS of leopard shoe recommendations.

I featured a pair of leopard wedges in a collage last Friday, and I was able to try them on at the mall over the weekend.
Thought you might want to see them!
They are FABULOUS.
However, they are really high, so if you don’t like a high shoe, these aren’t for you.
If you DO like a high shoe, click HERE.
LOVE.

One more shoe aside.
My friend Andrea (my friend who does all of the graphics for the blog) has a super cute blog called Momfessionals that you can find HERE.  She posted this on instagram last night (click HERE for her ig account). and I was laughing SO hard.
This is why I love her.
The suede pair shown is sold out, but check out THIS pair with the cut-outs!  So cool!
And click HERE for the burlap pair (on the right).

#boysaredumb
#theyareQUITEdifferent
#anybodywitheyesshouldseethat

I understand Andrea.
And so does Shelby.
#mycolorsareblushandbashful,oneismuchdeeperthantheother

And when looking for the above pair online, I found THIS pair too.
Imagine how cute they would be with white and colored jeans!!!
Click HERE for the burlap.
Click HERE for the chambray.

OKAY…IT’S BACHELOR TIME.
Let me start out by saying this.

From the looks of things that are going to go down tonight and tomorrow, I think I’m going to need to self-medicate to get through it.
I AM STRESSING OUT!
What in the world could be happening?
The only person I even care about is Mama, so I’m not sure why I feel like I could stroke out as I’m watching the previews…..but I am seriously having trouble processing what is going on.
Hand me some wine.
Hand me some Xanex.
HAND ME SOMETHING!

And let’s all take a quick moment to be happy that we aren’t going to have to see this:

It’s HOMETOWN DATES tonight, so you know there’s going to be some serious drama.
Will they love him?
Will them hate him?
Will Des’s brother show up to give him hell just for fun?
Only time will tell…..

Kansas City with Nikki
Nikki looks cute in a lace top, scarf, and leather jacket, and I all of a sudden feel
 like I need a leather jacket.  Yesterday.
Like seriously, what do you girls think about a light spring leather jacket?
Like THIS one (under $100!) or THIS one with a cool ombre effect!
I haven’t had a leather jacket since like ’94, but now I want one!
What’s your stance?!?
They head to a barbecue joint and Huhwahn is PUTTING AWAY some barbecue.
Like, I’m pretty sure I’ver never seen him happier or more alive than when he was chomping down on a rib and squirting the barbecue sauce all over his fries.

THE BARBECUE MADE HIM COME ALIVE.
And I suddenly find myself relating to Huhwahan for like the first time ever.
I CAN GET EXCITED OVER FOOD.
Like STUPID excited.

And I want a bite.
LIKE NOW.
I WANT A BITE NOW.
HAND ME A RIB HUHWHAN.
(This might have something to do with the fact that I’m pretty much in my first hardcore week of my summer slimdown.  I want to eat pretty much everything in site.  Give me another week or so, and won’t want to eat my jeans….or the chair…….but I’m telling you right now I would eat just about anything as long as it had a little spray butter and salt on it.)
BUT I DIGRESS.
Nikki then takes him to ride a mechanical bull.
He rides the bull.
She rides the bull.
Then they ride the bull together.
And yes, it’s about as wrong as it can be.
The bull is not bucking, it’s in a slow groove.
Ew.
They zoom in on their crotches and play weird music in the background.
Double Ew.
They head to Nikki’s parent’s house mansion for dinner.
They all greet each other, and they they immediately head into the dining room.
The dining room with humongous and gorgeous fireplace and a Chinese screen in the background that probably cost more than my car.
They walk into the dining room, and the plates WITH THE FOOD ALREADY ON THEM are all nicely placed on the table.
Weird, right?
I want to help my own plate thankyouverymuch.
I’m quite sure you won’t give me as much macaroni and cheese as I would give myself if I were in control of the portion size.
Her mom immediately steels her away for a chat EVEN THOUGH THE FULL PLATS OF FOOD ARE SITTING RIGHT ON THE TABLE and she tells her mom that she’s in love with Huhwahnn.  Nikki’s mom is pretty much like “Okay.  Sounds good to me.”
Mom was an easy sell.
Then it shows Nikki’s dad with Huhwahn and her dad was super sweet.
He seems like a really fabulous dad.
And I was thinking……
Papa Jay (Sean’s dad), Ashlee Frazier’s dad, and Nikki’s dad all need to get together and hang out.

 Huhwahn and Nikki step outside.
He man handles her face.
She wants to tell him she loves him, but she doesn’t.
Atlanta with Andi
I would like to title this hometown date “Andi Get Your Gun.”
Get it?

 

I love Andi’s whole outfit when they first show her, and I immediately want her gold MK watch and her cute little booties.

BUT, 
her hair is looking EXTRA ombre, right?
Think her colorist might have been a little heavy handed.
First they go to the park.
See that HUMONGO gold MK watch.  I want it.

They head to a gun range, and Andi is a good shot!
Huhwahan, not so much.
 And I think we can all agree, Andi looks hot with a gun.

They go back to Andi’s house, and Andi’s dad is NOT DRINKING the Huhwahn Pablo kool-aid.
LIKE NOT AT ALL.
I like him.
Andi’s mom takes Huhwahn to the side.
Huhwahn and Andi dance for her.  If that’s what you can call it.
Andi canNOT dance, but Andi’s mom seems to be swayed by Huhwahn’s accent and his salsa.
Andi’s dad and Huhwahn talk.

He’s still not a fan.
You better be careful Huhwahn, Hy WILL kill you if you hurt his little girl.
And by the way, I want to wipe that snarky look off of Huhwahn’s face.

“The problem isn’t finding someone.  It’s finding someone good enough.”
Andi talks to her sister, and the sister says she’s just not sure.
She said “I am very very close to being in love with him.”

He man handles her face.
She thinks that she maybe  could fall in love with him, she’s just not sure.


Florida with Mama
They walk down the beach for like a hot second, and then they headed to Ben’s little league game.
Mama is obviously OVER THE MOON to see her son, and when they first see each other they fall into each other’s arms for the longest hug ever.  It is OH SO SWEET, but all I can do is feel badly that she’s been away from him for so long since it’s so obvious to me that Mama and Huhwahn are deep DEEP in the friend zone.

They sit and watch Ben’s game, and I’m struck by how naturally beautiful Mama is.
And she seems so genuine and kind.
I want to be her friend.
Mainly so she can share her mascara tips with me.

After the game they go to Mama’s parent’s house.
 You know, Grandmama’s house.
Ben is just as cute as a button.
Seriously precious.
Beyond adorable.
And Renee’s brother is FINE.
Nothing of note really happens.
Grandmama says some mumbo jumbo about how a husband’s love is different than a pet’s love.
Grandmama is so wise.

They leave the house, Huhwahn pulls a Huhwahn and man handles her face.
She wants to tell him she loves him, but she doesn’t.
I’m sensing a theme.

Sacremento with Clare
I could be wrong, but I’m thinking this picture is now hanging in the Sacramento visitor’s center.
Or maybe the Chamber of Commerce.
And the good news is that if Clare ends up getting the final rose, this can be their engagement photo.
(And don’t you just love how she’s rockin’ the black dress with the brown wedges?  Go Clare.)

They sit on a bench and she talks to Huhwahn about her dad.
The words she is saying are sweet.
But she’s saying them in a sexy voice.
I don’t get it.

They head to her mom’s Momma’s house to see the family, and remember, Clare is the youngest of 6 sisters.  Oh the estrogen.
And I think at least one of them might be PMSing.
I’m looking at you Laura.

Let’s be clear, I don’t like that Clare and her sisters call her Momma.  It’s MOM.
And I especially don’t like the way they say it.
It sounds weird, right?
And I know that the dad passed away (God rest his soul), but I don’t enjoy that they all call him Daddy.  It’s DAD.

Several of the sisters weigh in with their opinions.
They all seem nice.
AND THEN.
Laura enters from stage left.
Laura has a chip on her shoulder.
Clare and Momma and Laura all sit down to talk.
Except Momma just sits there and watches Clare and Laura go at it.
FIGHT….FIGHT…..FIGHT 
(In case you didn’t get that, I was chanting.)
And just so you know.  I thought Laura’s behavior was cray.
Here’s what I looked like as I was watching it all unfold.

Laura speaks for Momma and says that as far as accepting Huhwahan, “THEY” aren’t really there yet.  She then stands up, crosses her arms, and blocks the camera.
Clare is BEYOND annoyed.
And then I had this thought….
I see LOVE in Laura’s future…..
these crazy kids need to get together……….


Huhwahn finally gets a chance to talk to Clare’s mom.
They speak a little Spanish.  They speak a little English.
I’m not really sure what anybody is saying.

Huhwhan man handle Clare’s face.
She wants to tell him she loves him, but she doesn’t.
Yes.  The theme is now fully developed.

ROSE CEREMONY

To be clear, I did NOT, I repeat DID NOT want Mama to get the rose.
And I’m imagining that once Mama started watching the season, she was feeling 1,000 shades of relieved that she wasn’t the last one standing.
First he called Nikki’s name.
Then he called Clare’s name.
Then he called Andi’s name.
Poor poor Mama.
He didn’t call Mama’s name, and then there was like a 1 1/2 hour pause before anything happened.
SERIOUSLY.
The longest pause EVER.
My soul was screaming:
HARRISON!
WHERE THE FRACK WERE YOU?
WE NEED YOU TO COME IN AND SAY:
“Sorry Renee.  Take a moment and say your goodbyes.”
CUE the exit music.

Okay girls.
Come back tomorrow FOR THE MOST DRAMATIC FANTASY SUITE DATES EVAHHHHHH!

We’re in the home stretch girls.
I think I can…I think I can…I think I can.

Before you go, I saw on facebook last night that Neiman’s is in the middle of their Beauty Event!
Click HERE. 
Receive a free (and SUPER FUN!)  sample-stuffed tote with a $125 beauty purchase. 
The tote looks awesome!
If it’s time for you to buy make-up, skin care, or new fragrance…NOW’S THE TIME! 
You might as well get a really great freebie with your purchase!
For example, buy THIS gorgeous Bobbi Brown set, throw in a lip gloss or something, 
and get the free tote!

the previous episodes! 
 ***BACHELOR RECAP REVIEW***

If you are a Bachelor fan and want to see my recaps from Juan Pablo’s season, here they are:

Click HERE for Episode 3
 

Click HERE for Sean and Catherine’s Wedding

(Skipped episode 4 because I was recapping the wedding.)
Click HERE for episode 5.

Click HERE for episode 6.

Click HERE for episode 7.

Filed Under: Fashion 38 Comments

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Comments

  1. Mix and Match Mama says

    I don't know who Mama is…I have no idea what happened with her this season…but I feel like I need to track her down and give her a hug. From one mama to another.

    Reply

  2. Tab & Erika says

    This was THE best hometown recap EVER!!! I didn't watch, but you totally had me "feeling" all the drama!! Great job, friend!!

    Reply

  3. Rachel Brown says

    1.) You are hilarious! Thanks for the early morning laughs. 2.) I literally gasped out loud upon seeing those leopard wedges! 3.) I too could eat just about anything if you add a little salt n butter to it! Now to buy something to get me a free sample tote…thanks for a great blog post. Enjoy your day!!

    Reply

  4. Alison @ Get Your Pretty On says

    Leopard and wedges together?!? Seriously perfect. I can't even look at this season's Bachelor's face. He just oozes something. I'm not sure what, but it's not good.

    Reply

  6. Kelly says

    I am with you on the "mommy" and "daddy" talk…. especially from Laura, who looks like she could be a grandma herself!
    And Claire seriously bothers me with her lips when she talks. I guess it's her sexy talk, but it is so annoying!
    And one more and… Love Des' brother and Laura kissing in the tree! haha!

    Reply

  7. BoardingTogether says

    Oh my goodness, you are hilarious. I was definitely sitting at my desk at work (where it's silent) laughing out loud. But just like the dumb text "LOL" but the real Laughing Out Loud kind of laugh. Who do you think he will end up with in the end?!? I'm thinking he needs Nikki because she has a little attitude about her (as you could see with Clare).

    Reply

  8. Leena Thomas says

    Think i can is right!!! I didn't watch either and see now you have me feeling like I need to watch to see all the Claire family wackiness. I love Mama too and I need to watch to see this brother of hers!! She's been so lovely all season long!
    Also I need your help- bathing suits-*** cue the dread*** 🙂 are there any, anywhere that provide good hinney coverage- almost like a board short type ?
    Thanks Sheffer- you make my mornings!!!

    Reply

  9. Baby Kate's Mom says

    Love your recaps since I don't watch the whole show anymore, I can't. Huhwahn has just about ruined the Bachelor for me forever. Tell Harrison that they need to redeem themselves next season! Renee is from my town so it was all big news lately that she was on the Bachelor. I'm SO thrilled that she didn't get a rose & I hope she is too 🙂

    Reply

  10. The Wheatfarmer's Wife says

    You nailed it! For the record…. I print out your Bachelor recaps and leave them in the staff room for my fellow teaching partners to read throughout the day! The laughter you provide to a bunch of tired, crabby teachers is cheaper than therapy! 🙂 Can't wait to read about the fantasy suites! 🙂

    Reply

  11. Marie says

    Love. As usual. I, too was DYING over Andi's watch and loved Nikki's lace shirt. I need to invest in both of those pieces. And I'm seriously a little nervous to watch last night's episode… I have a date with the DVR later!

    Reply

    • Rachel says

      I'm 99.9% sure that Nikki's lace shirt from her hometown date is from Express. I found it there in December for 50% off.

      Reply

  12. Ashlee says

    I couldn't stomach Huhwahn as the bachelor and stopped watching after 1 episode, but I love your recaps! They crack me up.

    Reply

  13. cstudebaker says

    I haven't been watching this season because I'm certain your recaps are more entertaining, but that East Sacramento sign is literally two blocks from my house, so now I feel a need to watch the Clare's segment to see how else/where else they defiled my neighborhood!

    Reply

  14. Heather says

    Ugh, I just can't with Huhwahn, like at all. #TEAMJUANPABLNO!!! On a brighter note, off to order those wedges like now!

    Reply

  15. Blondie says

    You NAILED it. I actually thought, "I can't WAIT to see what Sheaffer has to say about THIS!" several times through both episodes this week. And seriously?? I cannot WAIT to hear your thoughts on the MOST DRAMATIC FANTASY SUITE DATES EVER!!!

    Reply

  16. Blondie says

    You NAILED it. I actually thought, "I can't WAIT to see what Sheaffer has to say about THIS!" several times through both episodes this week. And seriously?? I cannot WAIT to hear your thoughts on the MOST DRAMATIC FANTASY SUITE DATES EVER!!!

    Reply

  17. April Parrish says

    Girl, you are too funny!!!! 2 Bachelor recaps in 1 week— you poor thing!!!
    Loved the graphic for Andi get your gun- hilarious!!! Laura & Des's brother would be a perfect match!!!
    Love the leopard wedges, but I'm probably too tall for them. 🙁
    Have a great day!

    Reply

  20. Liz/happymommy says

    I have to say that I loved, loved, loved Hy (Andi's dad)….seriously he was so real and honest and so not on the Huhwahn train and I am so happy he wasn't…he could see what the rest of us see, that this guy is a loser and oh so freakin creepy. I mean if I have to hear him say ay ay ay one more time or watch him brush the hair off the girls faces or say that's ok….I just can't take it anymore. So glad we are down to the end cause even though I know what happens and I can't even stand this season I still get sucked in and watch it. Thanks for your always hilarious recaps and I can't wait to see what you have to say about last nights episode…..talk about uncomfortable to even watch!!!

    Reply

  22. Amy Lawrence says

    I think this is your funniest recap ever. "I'm looking at you Laura." Everyone was thinking the same thing! This season… Woah.

    Reply

  24. Ashley Shorter says

    Yes, this is your best recap ever! Hilarious! I'm so ready for this awful season to be over! Thanks for keeping me laughing through this horrific season…I pray they redeem themselves next time, but I'm not sure they can! And thank goodness mama got eliminated. She needs a good guy!

    Reply

  25. Hailey says

    This is so hilarious! I love it! When I'm watching The Bachelor I can't even focus…all I think about is the wonderful recap you will do. Great job!

    Reply

  27. Susan Campbell says

    I had an absolute rotten day and I'm telling you this recap – made me laugh – which of course is the best medicine. You are so witty. Susan Campbell

    Reply

  30. Kim G says

    Hi Sheaffer! I have not been watching The Bachelor, but I have been following your updates because of how hilarious they are. However, this is the first week I actually watched the show with Huhwahn. I felt like I already knew everyone because of your posts. Honestly, ABC must be kicking themselves over this Bachelor choice. Wow – the guy is egotistical, rude and so annoying! I also watched it and throughout the entire two episodes this week kept wondering what you were going to comment on. There is so much I can imagine you have a hard time condensing your post. Huhwahn certainly give you plenty of material to work with. I am in total agreement with Liz/happymom…STOP touching the girls hair/face. Even my husband caught part of the show with me last night and during the scene with Andi (which I know you will be having a field day with tomorrow), my husband kept yelling "Stop touching her"! And, is it just me or does this guy mumble? We couldn't understand him most of the time. I found myself turning the volume up because I thought it was our TV. This guy is really a piece of work. I wanted to think it was a language barrier – but after two long episodes this week, I quickly realized he's just an idiot! Keep the hilarious posts coming…they totally make my day. Can't wait to read your post on the overnight dates. OH WOW!!!!! Oh and the leopard shoes are a must have for sure. 🙂

    Reply

  32. Katriel-Maria Berbert says

    Since the show is a little bit painful, but the girls always have rocking outfits…maybe we should just recap their outfits? 🙂 whatever happened to Sean's season?? He was never creepy and didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

    Reply

  33. katie elizabeth says

    Love these recaps. Cannot wait for what you have to say about last night's show… And I am TOTALLY IN LOVE with my leather jacket 🙂 I went with a less expensive one from Target because I wasn't sure, but I wear it all the time – have had it for over a year and it has totally held up!
    Black leather jacket + any shirt + bright chunky necklace + skinny jeans + heels = LOVE.
    Seriously it's a staple if you ask me 🙂

    Reply

  34. Alli says

    This bit…is comedic genius…

    Let's be clear, I don't like that Clare and her sisters call her Momma. It's MOM.
    And I especially don't like the way they say it.
    It sounds weird, right?
    And I know that the dad passed away (God rest his soul), but I don't enjoy that they all call him Daddy. It's DAD.

    I want to be your friend.
    Thanks for bettering my days with your wit and charm. And, also, the shopping 🙂

    Reply

  35. Donielle S. says

    I haven't been keeping up with The Bachelor this season, but happened to watch Monday's episode. Your recap is HILARIOUS!!! I laughed out loud the whole time I was reading it! I could totally see myself hanging out with you!!

    Reply

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