Hey, I get it.
I’m not entirely sure I’m a Bachelor person anymore…but the people want the recaps…..so the recaps you will get!
There is still something here for you today even if you aren’t watching The Bachelor.
Scroll down to the bottom of the post for a little surprise from Goodnight Macaroon as well as some awesome beauty deals from Nordstrom!
Ooooh! And I have a link for an Erin Condren gift card giveaway!
Also, if you are a HARD CORE Bachelor person and you only pop over to this blog once a week, I get that too! However, you really need to click HERE. It gives you a peek into quite possibly the favorite thing I do on this blog. 🙂
If you missed the first too, here they are:
Bachelor Recap Episode 1 Click HERE
Bachelor Recap Episode 2 Click HERE
HUHWHAN PABLO RECAP: EPISODE TRES
First up.
We have to talk about this.
WHERE WERE YOU LAST WEEK HARRISON?
I missed you so!
We missed you.
AMERICA missed you.
One things for sure, you came back in a BIG way.
Rocking the color blocking.
Cassandra gets the first 1:1.
The date card says “Love is a wild ride.”
They get in a funny looking car, drive down a beachy rode, and then drive straight into the ocean.
Surprise! It’s a water car!
And all I can think is
“You’re going way to fast Huhwhan!” and “Where are the life jackets Huhwhan?”
and “You both are single parents Huhwhan! SLOW DOWN and THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME! DON’T ORPHAN YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME HUHWHAN!”
That’s just a tiny little peek into my mind.
The worry gene comes from my mom. Thanks mom.
I’m just a big ol’ mess of fun.
They head back to his house for dinner, and Huhwhan says, and I quote,
“all I want to do is something that makes her feel more comfortable.”
And it seems as if he decides the best way to facilitate that comfort is to GRIND all up on
Cassandra and her floral jeggings.
Um, no thank you.
Not a fan of the grinding loverboy.
And I’m not sure if you heard her say this, but Cassandra hasn’t had a first date in over 3 years.
Oh, you heard that?
Oh, maybe it was because she said it 74,362 times.
And listen, I’m not really a numbers person, so you do the math.
They look at pics of each others kids and one thing becomes SUPER clear to me.
I COULD NOT be in a room with Huhwhan AND a baby at the same time.
He likes to baby talk not pictures of babies, his own kid (who I think is like 6), AND to any girls that have had or are thinking about having a baby.
I’m guessing his baby talk would be OUT OF CONTROL with a real life baby.
#goochiegoochiegoo
He likes her, and she gets a rose.
The next date card arrives.
It’s a group date with 10 girls, and it says “Let’s Kick It”, so we are guessing soccer will be involved.
Or is it futbol?
Anyhoo.
One of the girls on the date is Kelly. The Dog Lover.
Like it literally still says “Dog Lover” under her.
I thought it said “Dog Lover” the fist night because her dog was with her. But now we are 3 episodes in, and it still says “Dog Lover?” Is this really what best defines her?
If so, Kelly needs to get a job. OR AT THE VERY LEAST another hobby.
They practice some and then divide into teams.
It’s BLUE vs. RED.
And is it me, or are you kind of scared of the red team too?
And to be honest, I’m a little disappointed. I was hoping No Shoes McGee was going to suggest to play shirts vs. skins, but no such luck.
I guess even the exhibitionist knows that running topless isn’t a good look.
Which makes me think of “bad naked”.
So I googled “bad naked” in hopes of finding the picture of Jerry belt sanding, trying to prove to his girlfriend that being naked wasn’t always a good look.
No pic of Jerry with the belt sander to be found, but I did find this screen shot.
And now I have to share with you possibly the most important information I’ve ever shared with you.
Please.
I beg of you.
Lean in and listen.
NEVER EVER EVER google search “bad naked”.
Never.
Ever.
You will want to wash your eyeballs out with soap.
Cocktail party time.
Not much happens.
He makes out with one girl behind a fast food stand.
And then he and the opera sing head down to the soccer field to sit on a blanket.
And then y’all….I’m not sure what happened next.
However, I am unsure what it actually was.
My hubby looked at me and said “WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE?”
I wasn’t sure.
I do know this, I had to look away from the screen and I was so confused that
I’m pretty sure my eyebrow went all Tierra on me.
However, in an effort to figure out what had just transpired, we did run it back to watch it again.
#bigmistake
#confusionabounds
#mygagreflexmighthavekickedupabit
Chelsea gets the other 1:1 date and the card says “Trust me”.
Huhwhan picks her up and they rock out to Venezuelan music during the car ride.
Chelsea plays the air maracas, and for some reason it makes me like her more.
I’ve learned two things about myself so far this episode:
Not a fan of the grinding.
Fan of the air maracas.
The two head to a little Venezuelan bistro and sample some Venezuelan cuisine.
Then, after their bellies are completely full of greasy foreign food, they head to a bridge and Huhwahn asks her “Are you afraid of heights?”
and she is all “yeah, a little bit.'”
And at that very second I imagine she was probably re-thinking her second helping of arepas.
I can GUARANTEE you this…
Chelsea probably wrote FEAR OF HEIGHTS and WEAK STOMACH all over her
Bachelor application.
I have a PSA for all of you future Bachelor contestants.
Be VERY MINDFUL about what you share on your application or in your interviews because you can be absolutely certain they are going to EXPLOIT THE HECK out of that fear.
I wouldn’t recommend writing anything like the following:
deathly afraid of sharks
spiders make me want to pass out
i would rather die than bungee jump
The following would be what my application would look like:
Name: Sheaffer Sims
Do you have any fears? If so, please list.
I’m crazy scared of queso and tacos. Chocolate makes me cry.
Diamonds make me want to puke.
But that is neither here nor there.
Chelsea goes back and forth…and back and forth….and back and forth…..about if she wants to jump or not.
Huhwhan is all “Do you trust me?”
And if I was Chelsea, it would be here that I think I would have point out to Huhwhan that trusting HIM really isn’t the issue.
It’s about the bungee cord.
And the man who rigged up the bungee cord.
And the jagged rocks below that could possibly crack my skull into lots of teeny tiny pieces.
They end up jumping off.
And then they kiss upside down.
Chelsea says that since they got through this she feels that they could get through anything.
Sure Chelsea. You keep thinking that sweetheart.
The first time Camila says “You’re not my mommy!” I’m guessing you and your air maracas would be out the door.
And then they walk off with their arms around each other with their harnesses still on.
#safetyfirst
They eat dinner, and then lo and behold….what’s that I hear?
Yep friends! There is music in the background!
But this time I actually know the song!
“Hey Girl. What’s your name girl….”
They dance, and Chelsea is SUPER cute….but homegirl CANNOT dance.
Let’s just say Chelsea and Elaine are dancing soul sisters.
(Who knew that a Seinfeld theme would emerge today?!?)
The next morning all the ladies are sleeping and Huhwhan sneaks in to cook them breakfast.
The dog lover sees him first when she goes downstairs to let her dog out because THAT’S HER JOB you know. She covers her face, runs upstairs, and I find that for some strange reason I am super annoyed with her and kind of angry. Why do I care?
I love that Huhwhan popped over unannounced to cook them breakfast, but I do have one complaint.
He was wearing sweatshorts.
And men in any type of a sweatpant in a public situation make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
Huhwhan announces that there is going to be a pool party instead of a cocktail party.
And Kat is totally into it, because obviously.
The girls are hanging out around the pool,
and I still find myself wondering who a couple of them are.
Claire gets wind of the kissing between the opera singer and Huhwhan and she just can’t take it anymore. She heads to the bathroom to cry.
Um…
Can somebody get Mama?
PAGING MAMA!
WE’VE GOT A CRIER!
Mama shows up and talks her down.
Thank you Mama.
Time for the rose ceremony (THANK HEAVENS!)
So, that’s it for Episode 3!
As far as next week goes, I may or may not be doing a recap.
I will however have a recap of SEAN and CATHERINE’S WEDDING up on Wednesday!
BEFORE YOU GO….3 FANTASTIC THINGS TO SHARE WITH YOU:
1)
GOODNIGHT MACAROON NEWS!
Apparently several of you contacted Goodnight Macaroon saying you were sad
you had missed the code, so they decided to offer the 20% off PTMT code again!
The code PTMT will again get you 20% off on all of the Pinterest Told Me To picks.
Below is a reminder of some of my favorite things in the collection.
Click HERE if you want to see my original post to see sizing information and lots of
pictures of each pick!
(ex. The puffer vest seems to run true to size, but the black fur vest runs super small.)
Click HERE for the PTMT picks!
(You have to hit “confirm/complete purchase” before it gives you a spot to enter in the code.)
Aren’t they so cute?!? 🙂
I also received the following e-mail from Sarah:
This vest is better than the pics! I love how heavy it is and the
quality is out of this world. I think this vest runs very true to size
(not small like some were concerned about) I can’t wait to style it with
jeans, skirts and my black leggings. (Grey Hue leggings are in the pic)
I took the hood off because I like less bulk, but the hood is cute
too.
Also, I was extremely impressed with how fast I got it! 5 business
days!!
Thank you for finding this, Sheaffer! I own a lot of your
recommendations and this vest is definitely in my top 3 favorites!
(Along with the boots and the jeans! Ok, and maybe the fringe scarf
too!) ?
Have a great Sunday,
Sarah
NOW….LISTEN TO THIS….
And the winner will get a $500 GIFT CODE TO GOODNIGHT MACAROON!!!!!!!!!!
SO FUN, RIGHT?
I’ve worn the puffer 3 times already. Twice I wore it in looks you saw styled on the initial post.
BUT THEN I HAD A STROKE OF GENIUS!
I paired the puffer with the grey sweater with the red plaid peeking out.
Why in the world hadn’t I thought of this before?
LET’S TALK SIZE FOR A MINUTE.
I normally wear a small or medium in tops and sweaters. I definitely needed a medium in this top. Several readers talk about how it runs SUPER small and to make sure you order a size (or 2) up! The medium is good with me and if I would have ordered 2 sizes up (a large) I feel certain it would have been too big. Concerning the vest, I have a medium. I usually wear a medium in jackets, so I would say this is true to size.
Grey and Plaid Layer sweater HERE
Puffer vest HERE
MUST HAVE jeans HERE (only 24s and 25s left)
TOMS wedges HERE
Cora Earrings HERE
LET’S TALK SIZE FOR A MINUTE.
I love both pieces so much.
So, Go and Start Instagramming your pictures! The contest will end next Thursday and the winner will be announced on Friday
Goodnight Macaroon we would all just pretend it was Friday today if they
would go ahead and give us access to the sale items.Goodnight Macaroon
Flash Sale Friday, and they obliged.
Click HERE for the items on FLASH SALE! (Remember, the PTMT code only applies to my picks,so you can get the sale prices of the flash sale items, you just won’t get an additional 20% off.)
2)
I just heard yesterday about a cool promotion going on at Nordstrom!
For a limited time, save up to 45% with super-size beauty values!
Who doesn’t love more for less?!?!
Click HERE.
Lots of awesome brands and amazing products have been super-sized for a GREAT value!
Just look at the picture to see just a fraction of the brands involved!
3)
Remember you can check out Shay’s post HERE.
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
The Seinfeld references cracked me up! I think you should include them every time! And the fact that you googled bad naked…Sheaffer…that must have been awful! Eeks!
Samantha says
I haven't watched the Bachelor in years but I love your recaps. Better than the actual show!!
I got the Loft softened two in one top because of your post and I love it!!!
SarahN says
Well that was funny – I'm just reading along and enjoying the recap and all of a sudden – BAM- there I am! 🙂 I will reiterate how much I LOVE THIS VEST. I've been wearing it non-stop because it goes with so many things I already own! Seriously, it's probably the most versatile piece of winter clothing I own. I liken this to my much loved denim jacket – which covers all the other seasons for versatility. I had to restrain myself from wearing it a 4th day this week 🙂 now I need to win that gift card so I can buy that black vest too! 🙂 thank you Sheaffer, you have single handedly transformed my wardrobe 🙂 I know "things" can't make people happy, but they sure do help 🙂 happy day!
Anonymous says
LOVED this post today! I missed the first episode, so I feel like I can't start in the middle of the season!! But…I'm actually preferring your recaps over the real thing. My fave part…"I don't like queso or tacos"…hahahaha!!! Erika @ A Little Bit of Everything
http://www.tabanderika.blogspot.com
Lynn Thompson says
I'm glad I don't watch the Bachelor because I like reading your recap more! Hilarious!
Cheryl says
Thanks for the recap…….I usually always watch but I just can't make myself this year…..JP is just not it for me……so I read your recap and a few other recappers and laugh….ha, ha…..BUT I will so enjoy reading your recap of the wedding…..since you actually know the people involved…..can't wait……and I can't believe they are showing it live….how scary would that be?????
Erica Gammon says
What size is Shay in the gaw-geous white puffer vest?
Sheaffer says
She tried mine on the day I received it, and mine is a medium (that is the picture you might have seen on instagram). But it was too roomy on her, so she ordered a small!
Anonymous says
Love your recaps, and laughed when I read what you wrote about the dog lover and mama. My husband will catch a few minutes of the bachelor with me to usually make fun of it. We call Rene the mama bear!
Kim Preston says
Will there be any "behind the scenes" wedding stories or pictures?
Kathy Stevens says
Your recap is hilarious! I am still giggling that you googled "naked bad". Your poor eyes, there are some things that can't be unseen, ha!
Mary says
Great recap! :). Made me smile….can't wait for the wedding recap!! Just want to let you know the "must have" scarf is back in stock in 2 colors and is $9.98! Woo-hoo! Already ordered another one!
Kate says
Can we also talk about how that Elise girl said that Chelsea is "not ready to be a mother…she just seems like a baby to me" like a bajillion times?? We get it. You're mad you didn't get a 1:1 date. Let it go, just let it go.
Maggie Kosciolek says
OMG best thing I have read all week… literally cracking up at my desk. I also found myself wondering who were some of these girls during the pool party HA!
Also bought the loft terrycloth bathing suit coverup… thank you Sheaffer!
Alison @ Get Your Pretty On says
Even though I don't watch the show I always look forward to your recaps. I'm sure they are WAY funnier anyway! I cannot wait for your wedding recap next week!
Jen Pogue says
Sheaffer!!! Thank you SO much for linking to my EC giveaway today! I'm loving "meeting" your super sweet PTMT readers! I've been on the fence about buying the cream puffer but I'm going to do it today…I've wanted one in that color for a long time and couldn't find one on my own. And, the gray back…swoon! Thanks for the coupon code! xoxo
Kim Kauffman says
Wow, what a fun giveaway! I've seriously worn my puffer vest four times already ha! It was definitely true to size for me. I normally wear a small in jackets and the small was perfect. Here's to hoping I win the giveaway so I can get the black one too! 🙂
Sasa Zoe says
Haha so funny! I love the vest and it looks great on you<3
http://www.shallwesasa.com
Rachel says
Thanks so much for tipping us off to the Loft sale. I want everything on their site right now! I ordered the stripped tankini, I have been looking for the perfect "bandini" for like two years now! Can't wait for it to come in the mail!
Sabrina says
OMG sooo sooo funny!!! I am cracking up at your recaps. And let's just talk about the kiss with the opera singer. I was hiding under my blanket begging for that girl to just stop. I was so embarrased for her. More like humiliated. And the DOG LOVER. Get a job. Or a better title. Or just make up one for heavens sake.
And I want to go shop at Loft now. Except I'm still working off the winter weight haha! So I don't want to think about a swimsuit right now. Blah!
Liz/happymommy says
I can't even….I cry laugh at these posts every single week cause it's like you are in my head saying exactly what I am thinking!! I couldn't even handle hearing Cassandra say ONE more time that she hasn't been on a date in 3 years, ya we get it Cass!! And your application for the show, too stinkin funny! The opera singer and that kiss…I about lost my supper….what in the hell was that? She bugs me on so many levels!
I can't wait for Sean and Catherine's wedding this Sunday, they are just the sweetest cutest couple and I am so looking forward to watching their wedding! Look forward to you recap on it!!!
stacey says
i love everything about this post…almost. i don't like that you said you may not do a recap of next weeks show. you MUST!!! i (along with the rest of the world) look so forward to them!!
gap sale + loft sale = 'nuff said 🙂
Dena Wofford says
Just wanted to let you know that I ordered the $25 cardigan from Nordstrom that you posted last Friday. I received it yesterday and LOVE IT!! It is SO soft and comfortable. Since there wasn't any feedback I wanted to let you know. THANKS for all the sale info and ideas you post everyday!!!!
Keely says
I don't even watch the Bachelor, but I am hooked on your recaps. You are hilarious!
V @ X-tremely V says
I normally never watch The Bachelor, but I love reading your recaps! Chelsea is from my husband's hometown and where we currently live! I have tuned in a couple times just to see if she is the same as how she was when I met her before…and she is! Goofy, up for a good time 🙂 Funny thing is I saw her dancing and thought the same as you, but I actually met her when she was a cheerleader in high school here. She can dance! I have no idea why she made it look so bad on tv though! lol!
Now I will be tuning in to Sean & Catherine's wedding 🙂 I have to see those cute kids of Shay's!
And I have followed your advice on so many other clothing items, I think I will have to take the plunge and order that puffer vest! I love it!
Katie says
Thanks for the recap. Not sure what this says about me but your recap is one of the highlights of my week…hilarious!!!
Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says
Bhahaha! The Seinfeld references, genius! The Elaine is probably one of my favorite episodes. I was mortified by the kiss with the opera singer as well. Chills. Even my hubby was grossed out. Excited for Sean and Catherine's wedding as well. She's a Seattle girl like myself so I love her to pieces!
Anonymous says
Hilarious! Especially "queso, chocolate, and diamonds"!
JazzerMomma says
I don't watch the Bachelor either but LOVE your recaps. Please keep them coming!!
God Bless!
Tabatha & Michael Stimpson says
First off…I LOVE YOUR RECAPS!! I said this last week – I don't watch the shows but with your recap/comments…i'd almost want to watch it. but then again, I think your recaps are better then the show soooo KEEP THE RECAPS!!!!!!
Anonymous says
too funny. I find myself watching and thinking…"can't wait to see if that makes the blog"…it usually does. Susan Campbell
Melanie Lien says
"I'm crazy scared of queso and tacos…." I died. Amen sister! Who is still putting legit fears on this application?!?!?!
Dinah Cicenas says
I laughed from start to finish at this post! Thanks! 🙂
sammy says
I love reading these…after the 74,362nd time Cassandra said she hadn't been on a date in 3 years I thought of these recaps! For some reason this season seems so much more comical to me…like these girls can't be for real! I mean they must have watched previous seasons and someone they love at home must have given them some type of pep talk before leaving…something maybe like don't drink too much or make sure you know how to kiss! I don't see this season ending well for some reason. Thanks for the laughs 🙂
Kelli says
Oh my gosh I just laughed very loud at work after reading what your application would say! I think that every time they do some adventurous activity and the girl is "scared of heights." I love your wittiness!
Caravan Sonnet says
I mean honestly… I literally laugh OUT LOUD when I read your recaps. These are classic and I STILL think that you should be paid by ABC for your absolutely PERFECT recaps. *smiles* I am so happy that I am not the only one that was thinking "why does she still have "dog lover" in her job description"? Does that even pay? hahaha Oh my gosh and EXACTLY about the bungee jumping – all I could think was umm… this is not about trusting you boy this is about trusting the bungee people & the rope… I mean this is not the amazing race… is this even safe? hahaha anyways I think that "mama" is the best… and incredibly sane! 🙂 Thanks again for a great laugh!
🙂 Rebecca
Lindsay says
Great recap again Sheaffer!! From the Seinfeld references, to the gross "kiss" that I tried not to watch, to the fear of queso and tacos (me too…and guacamole!!) it was all hilarious! And I thought the same thing about JP saying "just trust me" and how jumping off a bridge has NOTHING to do with trusting a guy..like he's going to do anything when the cord snaps? Thanks for the laughs at 7:00 am and again at 4:30 PM (gotta read through it twice to make sure I caught everything right?). And I also got the white puffer and I have to agree with you that it is VERY well made and I LOVE it. I also bought the Olivia sweater and like the way it fits as well (I did go up a size in that but used my regular size for the puffer). So far Goodnight Maccaroon has been a hit!
Ditto That says
Oh no! The vest and plaid shirt/grey sweater are sold out in my size:(
I hate that I am such a weenie about pulling the trigger on things. I over analyze until it is too late. It says last chance to get the shirt but crossing fingers that was a ploy to get people to buy fast!
Patrice
Dittothatstyle.blogspot.com
April Parrish says
I agree-Juan Pablo's kiss with the opera singer was weird! I'm just not sure about her!
Great recap! You always make me laugh out loud!!!!
So excited to see Sean & Catherine's "live" tv wedding!
😉
Tara says
Hands down funniest part, "I'm pretty sure my eyebrow went all Tierra on me." Love your blog. Has now replaced a few others I used to stalk daily. 🙂
mangovino says
Omg, you have to continue your recaps – they are the best!! You make me laugh so hard and I've gotten 2 of my friends hooked on them as well. We all LOVE you!
Kelly says
One of your best recaps ever!!! I love how you tied in the Seinfeld references. Everything goes back to Seinfeld.Thank you for making me laugh my face off.
marielazs says
Dying with the Rene reference! I call her Mother Theresa haha!
vickyl says
I would love to know where Sarah got her fantastic denim tunic in the pic ….the one under the puffer vest. Would love to be able to get one . Thanks.
Katie Surly says
Okay your bachelor application would have been awesome and hilarious! Thanks for the laughs! Really hoping you do another recap, because yours are the best!
{Hi Sugarplum!} says
Hilarious, as always….please don't deny us a recap next week!!!! And the "kissing" on the field was so awkward!! I made John come in and watch it and we were both kind of nervous laughing, just so uncomfortable for her! I can't believe Juan not only kept her, but kissed her again!!??!!
Heaven's Roses says
Hilarious recap of the bachelor! I love your whit and quirky views. I have become a fan of your blog within the last few months (after just finding it recently) and keep coming back.
Thanks for the laughs and fashion advice! Love it!
Kelly Z says
Is it just me or does Kelly look drunk during her interviews?