Tonight’s episode includes:
Some making out, a couple of hot tub scenes, some boobies, and somebody ingesting obscene amounts of alcohol and locking herself in a bathroom stall.
Just a regular ol’ Monday night at the bachelor mansion.
But, before we get started on the recap, if you didn’t see yesterday’s post, you need to click HERE
to see why Ryan felt it was necessary to drop by with this message.
Oh, and the winner of the Goodnight Macaroon $100 gift card is Annie Cox!!! Congrats Annie!
Annie is a long time reader and regular commenter, so I’m so excited! Yay Annie!
The 1st Date is with Claire, the 32 year old hairstylist.
Fist bump to the 32 year old.
Which sounds dreamy by the way.
That is not however what happens.
He blindfolds her, they hop in a car, and Claire “smells him”.
She is already saying things like “This could be my first date with my future husband.”
Tap the breaks Claire. (That one was for you Cassie). 🙂 It’s your first date.
They act like they’re cold and ice skate.
Don’t worry, it’s not because I think Claire is the one for Huhwahn or anything like that… I realize that my heart is racing because I am ticked off because I am now thinking about the fact that swimsuit season is just around the corner.
Wish I was. But I’m not.
To all my real-life friends out there, I’m about to turn into Get Ready for Summer Sheaffer.
It’s a part of me that all my friends are super familiar with.
Yep, it’s time to kick it into gear and lose the 15 pounds I put on ever year between August and December. Like I said, my hubby and friends are used to this and are quite familiar with the process. It’s a type of tradition of sorts.
An awful tradition that nobody likes.
To the people that don’t know me in real life, here’s what’s about to go down.
Every January or February I start to work out like a maniac and eat super SUPER healthy in order to get ready for summer. It takes me about 2 months, and I drop the weight I put on every year. And every year when I drop it, I vow I will never put it back on again which let’s be honest is just a big ol’ lie because this is what I’ve pretty much done all my life. I gain it, I lose it, I gain it, I lose it, etc.
Anyway, just an aside.
(Please no links to your diet pill or workout regime,
I work out and I eat healthy, and I drop the weight.
It’s just that I HATE working out and eating healthy so I can’t keep it up all year.)
I know that people say “Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels.”
queso does in fact taste as good as skinny feels.
I will say that when out shopping last week I saw THIS swimsuit and I kind of got inspired.
I talked about it last year and several of you got it and SANG IT’S MAKES ME LOOK SKINNIER THAN I AM PRAISES.
And then when you see and read the reviews I start to think I should probably buy one in every color.
Make sure you checked out the HUNDREDS of 5 star reviews. IMPRESSIVE.
It comes in 5 colors.
Sorry for the tangent.
He offers her a rose.
And she decides to seal the deal with
At least a lift (although I hear those are quite painful and I don’t really do pain.)
And all of a sudden we see Jack Somebodyoranother (just googled it, Jack Krajcik) playing
a private concert.
anybody else EVER know the person playing the private concert? I never
do. But now I feel stupid because he’s probably super famous. I’m not
a music person. Another sidenote, I’ve never EVER bought a cd.
NEVER. In my whole life. I know, I’m a freak.
And in her head, Claire just picked out her wedding colors and booked the chapel for what will surely be their fairy tale wedding.
I’m thinking it will be somewhere with snow, you know, to pay homage to their first date.
And I would like to decree that I will henceforth refer to Lucy as No Shoes McGee.
Kat is 29, almost fist bumping age, but not quite. Sorry Kat.
Exact shirt HERE.
OR…you can click HERE for a great option at LOFT that is 40% off today!!!!
If you don’t have a denim shirt, get one NOW.
Hwahan then throws on a glow in the dark track suit and pulls one out for Kat too.
America is confused.
I’d be all, ” Um. No thanks. Raves really aren’t my thing.”
But it’s not a rave, it’s an “electric run”.
Suddenly I would find myself yearning for the raves of yesteryear.
If I had to pick rave or run, I would pick “rave” EVERY DANG TIME. And twice on Sunday.
A run? What?
I’d be all “NOPE. NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.”
make me participate in some type of organized run.
I don’t do organized runs.
(In fact, the last time I ran was probably in the 6th grade when Ms/. Adams was timing us for the 9 minute mile we had to complete for the fitness gram.)
In between running, they dance.
Kat has some moves.
Go Kat. Go Kat. It’s your birthday. Go Kat.
And here’s what is most impressive, I think they TRULY had fun at the rave/ 5K.
But in all seriousness, it’s a calendar shoot for an organization called “Mutts n’ Models”, with the goal being to raise awareness for pet adoption.
Notice the fire hydrant second from the left and the dog costume from 3rd from the right.
Props to this girl.
It seems as if she decided the best way to make people want a dog was to straddle Huhwahn.
And then….the plot thickens….Two poor girls get assigned NOTHING for their costumes.
You and the puppy dogs (that one was for you Erika) are on your own.“
The first grade teacher (who was assigned NOTHING to wear) goes to talk to the wardrobe director about the fact that she doesn’t want to be naked. I like this girl. He gives her some RIDICULOUS song and dance about
“how it’s not about what she’s wearing, it’s about what she’s doing for a good cause.”
You just want to see some boobies dude.
Just FYI, I MIGHT consider getting naked for starving kids or something like that.
But for a dog?
NOPE. NO WAY. NO HOW.
1st grade teacher has a brainstorm, and she’s all “Hey, Lucy!”
She asks No Shoes McGee to trade costumes with her, and NO SHOES is
MORE THAN HAPPY to oblige.
And then she takes her random dog on a naked walk around the neighborhood.
I don’t know about you guys, but for some reason I all of a sudden feel super
compelled to adopt a dog.
Except that I don’t.
Somebody please explain it to me,
WHY IN THE WORLD IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME WANT TO BRING HOME A DOG?
The group goes back for the cocktail party on a roof somewhere.
He has 1:1 time with several girls and there is also some girl drama.
Well, the drama is just really with one girl, but there was a lot of it.
The NBA dancer tells Huhwahn that she has a son.
He says “Oh, that’s so cute” in a really high pitched voice.
Translation = I already have a kid, and I don’t really want yours too.
But listen, Huhwahn baby, you should be less concerned that she has a kid, and more concerned that she talks to her mom 10x a day.
Mama had some time alone with him. She really wanted to kiss him, but she didn’t.
I REALLY like this girl. A LOT.
I want to be her friend.
Victoria, the legal assistant, is hammered. Even though she claims she has only had 1 drink.
Listen Victoria, WHO DO YOU THINK WE ARE?
This isn’t our first Bachelor rodeo.
And we all know it.
And actually, if we are going to be TOTALLY honest, we are all kind of happy about it.
I’m not sure if Victoria is speaking broken English or drunken English, but she is quite
difficult to understand.
Several of the girls try to reign her in, but it doesn’t work.
And here she is in her 1:1 interview.
It is here that she proclaims to the camera that if she is lucky enough for Huhwahn Pablo to be hers that she will…
and I quote…
“straddle him every day. Because that’s what life is about. Straddling people. And things.”
Gosh Victoria, I didn’t know that. Thanks for sharing.
AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET ANY
Like, it gets WAY
Just in case you need a reminder, Victoria is Little Miss Straddle.
When Victoria is talking about her photo shoot it in her interview
She says she gave him the HYMEN maneuver.
YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP PEOPLE.
And Honey, just fyi, you didn’t give him the Hymen maneuver.
You didn’t even give him the Heimlich maneuver.
What you were “giving” him is called CPR.
It then cuts to the pool where Victoria is twerking and pounding some more alcohol.
Yeah, that seems like a good idea to me.
Victoria then goes running all over the hotel and ends up on the floor in the bathroom. Crying. Squealing. Moaning really. Saying “I’ve had enough. WHY? WHY am I here? WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY?
Well, that’s easy.
You’re here because you signed up for the crazy.
SO, WELCOME to the crazy.
Mama goes to her and tries to go comfort her.
Gosh I love Mama.
She crawled under the bathroom stall to get to her.
This my friends is what you call TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM.
And suddenly it reminds me of this picture.
Which was taken Monday afternoon on my phone before The Bachelor had even aired.
(Stay tuned for Shopping with Sheaffer and Shay next week.)
Mama tries to reason with her, but there is no reasoning with her.
SHE WILL NOT BE CONSOLED.
Huhwahn tries to go talk to her, but he gets nowhere.
AND IN THE NICEST POSSIBLE WAY, he then cancels the rest of the party.
Cut to the next morning and Huhwahn let’s Victoria down easy.
Little Miss Straddle…it’s time to move along.
FOR THE LOVE!
PLEASE MAKE MY TIME SPENT HERE WORTH IT!
Two MUY IMPORTANTE things before you go:
LOFT is 40% off EVERYTHING.
EV-UH-REE-THING with code GET40.
Except if it’s already on sale…and then it’s an additional 60% off. Wowza.
Here are a couple of my favorite things right now.
THIS shirt. You saw it last week.
I loved it then, I love it now.
Love the stripes….love the layer…..love everything.
For size reference, I am wearing a medium.
And I am ordering this suit for myself tonight!
Click HERE for the top, click HERE for the bottoms pictured. Click HERE for a bikini bottom.
I love how at LOFT you can buy different sizes for each piece you want.
Click HERE for all swimwear and beach cover ups (LOTS of really great beach options)!
And all of it is 40% off! Somebody hand me my sunscreen. And a pina colada.
And while you’re at it…get me some MOTIVATION to start my program today!
Don’t you love the details of THIS shirt?
For size reference, I’m wearing a small.
And how could you not love these accessories and shoes? Again, all 40% off
Check out my new necklace from Bauble Bar!
LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!
Click HERE for the necklace.
It looks great with my black shirt and jeans.
It would look great with a little black dress.
But I also think it would look AWESOME with some frayed jean shorts and a white v-neck.
Or a denim shirt with white jeans.
Or colored shorts with a striped shirt.
So what I guess I’m saying is that it will pretty much look fantastic with anything and everything in your closet. And what a great thing to kick off your spring wardrobe!
And guess what, I’m going to give this one away to one of you lucky ladies!
AND, I contacted Bauble Bar and asked them if they would kick in a gift card too,
and they said “yes”!
And yes…for those of you that are wondering….
I am still wearing THE HECK out of my black MUST HAVE shirt.
I’ve probably worn it once a week since I bought it in July (and sometimes more than that).
MUST HAVE Shirt HERE
(If you are a petite, there are 2 colors of the MUST HAVE Shirt 40% off HERE.)
MUST HAVE Jeans sold out (sorry!)
Leopard flats HERE
(Oh…and I have another shirt that I’m realllllllyyyyyy thinking about naming a MUST HAVE. So stay tuned for that!)
OKAY! Adios for now!
TIME TO ENTER THE BAUBLE BAR GIVEAWAY!!!!!!