Sheaffer Told Me To

fashion influencer blog

Huhwhahn Pablo

By 37 Comments

Hola Mi Amigos!
It’s Bachelor Time!
{My plan is to have my Bachelor posts go live every Thursday morning, so make sure you check back each week.  Also, make sure you tell your friends!  I always love the thoughts in the comments from other people that are watching!  Bachelor people are PASSIONATE and I love it!}

I told you this Tuesday, but just in case you missed it,

I will be referring to our new bachelor as the following:
“Huhwhahn Pablo”
Because
every single time he says his name (which is a lot by the way. weird.),
it sounds like it is spelled that way.

So,without further ado,

THIS MY FRIENDS IS HUHWHAHN PABLO.
The soccer ball kicking, Spanish accent talking, salsa dancing, Latin lover.
And I don’t know if you’ve heard, but he has a daughter.

Yes, Huhwhahan is handsome.
HOWEVER.
When I google searched “Juan Pablo”, this next guy’s picture came up.
I don’t know who he is, but I’m going to go ahead and start an official campaign and petition to get him to be the next bachelor.
Whose with me?
This guy is muy guapo.
And just because, look at our dynamic duo for this season.
Not bad, not bad.

I’m gonna kick off today with some first impressions of the ladies when they stepped out of the limo.
(And can I just say, hearing the girls SHRIEKING in the limo as it pulls down the wet and glistening
driveway NEVER GETS OLD.)

Now before we get started, here’s the classic bachelor shot with all the ladies.
Everybody looks normal enough, right?
Ha!
It’s season like 27 or something.  We all know better.

 And by the way,
Check out the girl in the ombre dress.
 Does it remind any of you loyal Pinterest Told Me To readers of anything?

Yes!  Our Beloved Blardigan!

One
of my readers (shout out Sarah!) e-mailed me about the blardigan dress
before I even watched the show.  I’ll tell you this, this girl would
have probably KILLED for a blardigan that night.  Those poor girls
always look so cold!

For those of you that are new here, click HERE for the Blardigan.
And just take my word for it.  You need it in your life.
(MUST HAVE skinny jeans HERE, my MUST HAVE shirt HERE (make sure you size down), my Sanibel Pendant HERE,
and my Cognac Wedge boots HERE.)

And just because, I had to share an e-mail I got yesterday:
Hi Sheaffer!

So I just found out I’m pregnant with baby #2! He or she is due in September. So what did I do when I found out? Did I call my husband? Perhaps my doctor? Nope!! I logged onto Nordstrom dot com and bought myself another blardigan! 🙂
xox
Karen

I like the way Karen thinks.
Oh wait…if you’re a fan of the blardigan, you have to check THIS out, and then I PROMISE we will get back to EL BACHELOR.
It’s a hoodie.
I know.
Click HERE for this little piece of Heaven on Earth.
If you LOVE the Blardigan (and if you have it, I KNOW you love it), they you will ADORE this.
I know this is hard to believe, but this hoodie is actually even softer than our beloved blardigan.
#sayitaintso

Okay…..back to Bachelor talk.

Here’s what going to happen tonight.
I’m not going to talk about every girl.  I’m just going to talk about what the high points were for me.
Some of my observations will have accompanying pictures, some will not.
Just roll with it.
😉

1st girl out of the limo.
News reporter.
Gorgeous.
However, I felt like she was acting in a play.
And not only was she acting, she was vying for Best Actress at the One Act Competition.
She put her hand to heart and longingly looked to the sky as she said “The sun could not set fast enough tonight. I’ve been so excited to see you.”
Okay, Juliet.
Calm down.

2nd Girl out of the limo.
Cassandra. 21.  She’s a former NBA dancer.
There was an awkward pause between Cassandra and Huhwhahn Pablo, and ABC actually piped in crickets. Hilarious.  High five to the sound guys for that one.
First observation:
Cassandra needs to eat a cheeseburger.
2nd observation:
CASSANDRA! You are 21!!!!!  What are you doing here?!?
Third observation:
I should quit eating cheeseburgers.
Wedding Barbie, I mean Christie, was 3rd out of the limo.


UM.
Lucy.
Okay.
Let’s chat about Lucy for a moment, shall we?
Before we even talk about the flower headband, let’s talk about her choice to go barefoot.
Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.
tsk. tsk.
 I hope you’ve been properly vaccinated before walking into THE BACHELOR MANSION without shoes on.  There is literally no telling what you might pick up.
And I’m going to go out on a limb and call something right now:
Little Miss Lucy and her free spirit will win the NAKED FIRST award.
MARK MY WORDS, she will be skipping around the house naked by episode 3.

Lauren H., the mineral coordinator from Edmond, Oklahoma

Two Observations.
1)  She likes bronzer.  You can’t really tell in the picture, but she does.  Trust.
2)  I have a hunch right off the bat that this girl is going to be CRAY.


Before we move on Lauren inspired me to tell you about this next item.
You probably need it in your life too.
I told you girls about it in December when I bought it for myself.
Well, now that I’ve been using it for several weeks, I need to profess my love for it.
Heck, I need to give it a rose.
Click HERE for Bobbi Brown Shimmer Bricks,
and make sure you check out all of the FABULOUS reviews.
I brush it lightly all over my face, and I also just began using it as an eyeshadow.
It provides SHIMMER without making you all SPARKLY.
Oh great.
Now I miss Tierra.
But really, it gives you a nice healthy looking “glow” without making your face all glittery.
I’m not a fan of the glitter.

Bobbi.
If after reading the text on my graphic you want me to join your marketing team, I’d be happy to.
You can call my people.
Oh wait.
I don’t have people.

Okay.
Back to the girls.
Chelsea is a science educator.
She is DARLING.
She does a little science experiment schtick and JP immediately
sniffs one of the test tubes.
Whoah.
Chemistry 101 Huhwhahn.
NEVER SNIFF THE TEST TUBES.

 Claire gets out of the limo supporting her back and clutching her belly.
Her gimmick is that she’s knocked up.
Really ABC?
We immediately know that she’s not actually preggo because ONE, people that are REALLY pregnant don’t clutch their bellies like that and TWO, it’s The Bachelor. Hello?
Still, she’s cute, and I like that she’s 32.
Fist bump to everybody out there over 30.

I thought it was darling how Huhwhahn Pablo called the single mom “mama”.  Yep, he’s a charmer.
Mama seems easy to talk to and very down to earth.  I like her.
She’s gonna go far.  She’s the girl in black.

Lacy is the hottest nursing home owner in the history of nursing home owners.
  Her bit was that she gave him a prescription to help with his headache that he was probably going to have after his head was spinning from meeting all of these girls.
However, my theory is that she was just trying to rufie him. 
(My spell check doesn’t recognized “rufie”, but I think that’s how you spell it.  Not sure.
Anybody know how to spell rufie?
Bueller? Bueller?)

Okay…all of the girls have met Huhwhahn, and it’s time to head into the house.
Our Latin lover looks pretty comfortable surrounded by all these ladies, don’t ya think?

The
massage therapist, Amy (I’m going to refer to her as Sheera because homegirl is RIPPED) 
threw Huhwhahn Pablo down on her massage table and went to town.  
I mean, she REALLY GOT AFTER IT.  
 She was wearing
gold lame.
And she moaned a lot.  
Did you hear me?
She audibly moaned.
Like a lot.  
And she closed her eyes.
It was beyond weird.
It was around this time
that I fear I might have pulled a muscle in my neck as I whipped my head around to try to avoid
the whole mess of awkward that was all over my t.v.  
But even though I could no longer see it, I could hear it.
In fact, I’m pretty sure I still hear the moaning.
It’s like I have post traumatic stress or something.
Maybe the mineral coordinator and I can go halvsies on a psychiatrist, because I’m telling you, by the end of the night, she’s going to need it.

The
first impression rose is brought out by Chris and the girls start to
collectively hyperventilate.

Lauren,
the mineral coordinator starts to chew her nails, and we are beginning
to see the cray creep out.  And about 10 minutes later, she admits in a
1:1 interview that she was the unfortunate victim of a surprise break up
when she was engaged.  She is BAWLING her head off.  BAWLING.  Somebody
needs to tell her THIS IS THE FIRST NIGHT.  Somebody should also tell
her that crying on the couch alone in a room doesn’t scream “fun loving
girl that you want to be with.” 
 And then Huhwhahn comes in.
  She talks. And
talks. And talks. 
 This poor girl is broken.  
And suddenly I don’t think she’s crazy.
I think she’s a normal girl WHO WAS DONE SO WRONG by a boy and she just hasn’t gotten over it yet.
Hey, who can blame her.
Now I just want to rock her, stroke her hair, sing her a lullaby, and tell her that the right guy will come along.
I also feel like I should go ahead and tell her that it’s most probably not going to be Huhwhahn Pablo.  The glassy look that came over him as she was bearing her soul to him was a dead giveaway.


Now it’s time for the opera singer.
Huhwhahn was smitten with this girl, though I’m not sure why.
But I can promise you, nobody was more surprised than she was.
He really liked her dress.  I know this because he told her like 3 times.
 He loves her dress, and she said the word weiner. 
She had him at weiner.
He leaves to go grab the first
impression rose, and at the exact same time she is confessing to all of
America that she’s not super into him.  
Whah-Whah. 
 He brings back the
rose, she raises an eyebrow, pauses for around 14 minutes and says “Seriously?”  She was neither
impressed nor excited.  I guess it’s true what our moms always tell us, a
guy is often in it for the chase.

It’s time for the rose ceremony.
He calls several girl’s names, and they all floated on air to accept their roses.
Except Lucy.
Lucy did pirouettes.

And
then Huhwhahn called the next girl’s name.
He said “Kat”.
 And both Kat AND KYLIE (oh my word let’s all say a
collective BLESS HER HEART) BOTH started moving towards Huhwhahn Pablo. 
Huhwhahn Pablo was all, “I
said Kat.  Kat.  I said Kat”.
And that my friends is when poor sweet Kylie wanted the world to just
open up and swallow her whole.  I wanted to just scoop her up in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. 
I probably would have also suggested some tequila shots.
You know, to lessen the blow.
I’m telling you.
It was tragic.


And I seriously felt just as awful for poor Huhwhahn.




 I think the girl’s face on the left SAYS IT ALL.

SOME OF THE GIRLS THAT DIDN’T GET A ROSE:
Sheera
green dress girl
Kylie (not Kat)
the poor girl from Oklahoma that WAS WRONGED by her fiance
(I really liked her exit interview by the way.  She was real.)
plus a couple others that I can’t remember

FRONT RUNNERS:
MAMA
KAT  (that’s Kat in the picture above in the middle – not Kylie, just to be clear)
the fake a pregnancy girl
the pediatric nurse

And the sneak peaks of the rest of the season let us know to HANG ON GIRLS.
WE ARE IN FOR A BUMPY RIDE.
 WooooooooHooooooooo!
Oh, and make sure you come back tomorrow for FAVORITE #2 from 2013!

xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂

p.s.
There are still some AMAZING DEALS to be had at Nordstrom right now.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, there are lots of bags on sale for 33% off and more!

There are also LOTS and LOTS of bags on sale for 33% off.

Sale bags include Kate Spade, Rebecca Minkoff, Michael Kors, Marc Jacobs, Vince Camuto, as well as some lesser known brands.
Click HERE for the bag sale at Nordstrom!

Click HERE for the women’s shoe sale. 
LOTS and LOTS of AMAZING deals to still be had on boots and shoes!

  
Other great Nordstrom deals:
Click HERE for ALL women’s clothing that is 33% off and more.
Remember to use the search bars to your advantage to narrow down price and size to make your shopping easier!
 Click HERE for the Jessica Simpson heeled booties (also in black and brown leather).
I LOVE these booties.  So sassy!
 
Click HERE for a colorblock cashmere sweater. Cashmere people! At 50% off!
(which is the only way to buy cashmere!)
***

Also, LOFT has a couple of different sales going on right now.
Click HERE for all jeans and sweaters that are 40% off! 


Click HERE for their SALE that is on sale!

Filed Under: Fashion 37 Comments

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Comments

  1. Mix and Match Mama says

    Let's be honest, if you were a contestant on the Bachelor, you would wear the Blardigan on the first night. You totally would. And I would wear neon shortie shorts. Just sayin'…

    Reply

  2. Jessica says

    Sheaffer,
    Let me just say, I don't even watch the Bachelor but this is hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

    Reply

  3. Alaleh says

    SO excited you're doing Bach recaps again…I literally LOL everytime I see your spelling of Juan Pablo and just stop and say it out loud 😉

    Reply

  6. Peggy Bowes says

    I've never even seen a single episode of the Bachelor, but I will be tuning in to your updates every week because you are so hilarious! I almost snorted my morning coffee reading this.

    Reply

  7. Nicki says

    Your Bachelor recaps are one of my favorite things about this blog! I can't wait to see how this season unfolds…loved seeing Sean on there too, especially the salsa lesson at the end! haha 🙂

    Reply

  8. Meredith Anna says

    Can we please talk about when Juan gave opera singer the rose she said "thank you sir" LIKE WHAT #awkward

    Reply

  9. Anonymous says

    I am SO excited your doing Bach recaps again!!!! They are just the best. You are so funny! Thanks for the morning laugh 😉

    Reply

  10. Rachel Brown says

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all the laughs this morning. Great recap! I have to say I was a little disappointed he didn't choose the girl in the green dress-she did after all give him a bracelet for his daughter! Oh and I think I want Lucy's occupation on my next resume.

    Reply

  11. Heaven's Roses says

    I absolutely loved your comments on the Bachelor show! Funny, funny. I know I love your blog because of fashion tips and advice but now we get the extra added bonus to hear your view of the bachelor. Loved it! Thank you for giving your view, it was hilarious and correct to a T!

    Reply

  12. Courtney says

    Shay-baby! I don't think I have ever read a post of yours that was less than hilarious, but these bachelor recaps are just OVER THE TOP. And I love every single second. When you started recapping the rose ceremony I was all: nooo I don't want this to be over, yet!

    Thanks for the laughs. You never fail to put a smile on my face. 🙂

    Reply

  13. Liz/happymommy says

    I love, love, love your Bachelor recaps….like love them even better than the show. You had me laughing through this whole post!! I just can't get on board with JP but you know, it just sucks you in anyway! You are just so witty and funny and well this is going to be another great season because of you! Spot on with everything you said about Mondays episode!!!

    Reply

  16. Kim Kauffman says

    We haven't gotten our cable hooked up yet since the move so I didn't get to watch. But oh my this had me cracking up. The only reason I even want to watch it this season is because of your recaps. Happy Thursday!

    Reply

  17. Leiah says

    Omg – best post ever! I laughed so hard. You hit it on the nose with the Bachelor recap. I'm a Bachelor watcher and I will be tuning in each Thursday morning to hear your thoughts and have a good laugh!

    Reply

  18. Coleen Yazurlo says

    Sheaffer… I'm literally sitting at work LAUGHING so hard that I am crying… like, someone came in to my office to ask if I was okay…

    THANK YOU for making my Thursday morning 🙂

    Reply

  19. Susan Jeffries says

    So… I have never seen this show. But, if you were my neighbor, I would be at your house watching it with you every chance I got! this post made me laugh out loud!! I still won't be watching the show because 1. I don't have time and 2. it creeps me out to watch girls beg for men. 3. you are sadly not my neighbr. BUT I will be reading your hilarious posts(: Susan

    Reply

  20. Alison @ Get Your Pretty On says

    I can honestly say I've never watched a full episode but that doesn't mean I won't be reading every word of your recaps again this year. They are hilarious!

    Reply

  22. Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says

    I am soooo excited that the Bachelor is back on, purely for this (and JP isn't bad on the eyes either). I have missed your recaps oh so much. These make my week. And you started off with a bang. And he'll kill me for telling you (and everyone that sees this), but my hubby actually watches with me now, just so he understands your recaps, because he thinks they are LOL hilarious as well 🙂

    Reply

  24. The Heath's says

    Oh how I would LOVE to watch the Bachelor with you every week. Your recaps are HILARIOUS and make watching the show so much more fun. You say all the things I am thinking as I watch it. LOVE it.

    Reply

  27. Sarah E @ theteacherswife.com says

    Still haven't decided whether to tune in, but your post was still as funny as could be! Love it!

    Reply

  28. Kris says

    I don't watch the Bachelor. I might be the only one of my friends who don't . And I won't like, the idea of women fighting over a guy on TV kinda makes me sick to my stomach. Having said that, this post is hysterical!! I don't feel any more compelled to watch (although Huhwhahn is easy on the eyes!)…but I will look forward to reading your updates!

    Reply

  31. Jennifer Morgan says

    This post is HYSTERICAL! I am a Bachelor watcher as well and felt just as many cringeworthy moments as you did—especially the massage girl. Talk about me (and I'm sure the whole viewing audience) being UNCOMFORTABLE! Can't wait to see what else you write as the season progresses! I'm pulling for Mama.
    muchadoaboutjenny.blogspot.com

    Reply

  33. My friends says

    I'm so glad you are doing the recaps again! You got me through the Desiree season with your wit and I look forward to this every Thursday!

    Reply

  34. Lindsey says

    I've been waiting for your Bachelor update all week! I almost love it more than watching the show, almost! Can we talk about the serious time commitment this is each week? That's 2 hours of my life I can't get back, but I just can't stop!

    Reply

  35. The Marsh's says

    SO happy the bachelor recaps are back – I will look forward to reading them every Thursday! You say what all the rest of us are thinking but can't put into words, hilarious!

    Reply

  36. Zivah G. says

    My first time on your blog and I DIED OF LAUGHTER. Who are you and how are you SO funny!!?
    I will be revisiting this blog 4 times a day. Oh, what a good laugh. My tummy hurts! Thanks for that 🙂

    Reply

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