FOR THE LOVE.
How many more episodes are left?
They start out the episode with Huhwahn heading to see Cameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeela!
He loves on Cameeeeeeeeela and talks to his cousin about the remaining girls and confides that Sharleen “may be the one”.
However, I cannot concentrate on what Hwahan is saying.
All I see is that the cousin is wearing a mouth full of braces on what appears to be beautiful, shiny, and SUPER straight white teeth?!? I mean, he’s got some fabulous teeth!
And while we are talking about braces, I thought you might find it interesting to know that during part of my 7th grade year I had to wear a series of different rubber band combinations with my braces to align my bite. Super cool. And for a couple of weeks I had to wear one that went from the top of the left side of my mouth to the bottom of the right side of my mouth. Awesome.
The rubber band phase of my life was after both the Herbst device (doesn’t it sound glamorous?) and the chin cup head gear that rubbed a tiny little bald spot on the top of my head.
But that is neither here nor there.
The dress code for the hometown arrival consists of tank tops and short shorts.
Huhwahan shows up at the girl’s condo and hands the
first date card to Sharleen.
It says: Come SEA my City
She is MORE THAN reluctant when she finds out she has the first date and she keeps looking at the date card like she has no idea what it is.
IT’S A DATE CARD.
Huhwahan lets her know that they are leaving immediately.
So, she copes with her confusion and anxiety by heading upstairs and putting on a sensible navy blue dress that she belts at the waist.
And now I’m confused.
Sharleen, you’re not going to high tea. You are going to make out with a guy on a beach and in a boat. The “dress” for that occasion should be much more casual.
They hop on a yacht, lay in each other’s arms, and moan.
I wish I was kidding.
But then they start kissing, and I wish they would just go back to the moaning.
Please, I beg you, put your tongues away.
They get out of the yacht onto a private island, and Sharleen and her ROCKING BACK are both on the date.
Sharleen’s back needs her own twitter account.
She tells Hwahan that she would be willing to leave opera for him.
They hop in the ocean and kiss some more.
For the evening portion of their make-out fest (talking is too smarty pants for Huhwahan), they get dressed up in fancy clothes and get back on the yacht.
Which means more tongue.
Lots and Lots of tongue.
And lip biting.
Sharleen says, “Why can’t I stop kissing you?”
Hwahan says , “I don’t know, you tell me.”
Let me interrupt.
I’ll tell you why Sharleen. Because deep down you know that he can’t hold an intelligent conversation and actually talking with him would just solidify your decision that it’s time
to pack your bags girl.
So you are simply trying to put off the talking.
Sharleen gets back to the girl’s house, and she runs to Mama.
She says she’s not sure and isn’t feeling like it’s fair to take the opportunity
from somebody that is sure.
Mama has this unbelievable ability to separate herself from the conversation and give really good advice. I sure do love me some Mama.
The date card arrives.
It’s for Nikki.
And it says Listen to My Heart Beat.
Huhwahan tells Nikki that they are going to Cameeeeeeeeeeela’s dance recital.
And in addition to meeting Cameeeeeeeela, she will also be meeting Huhwahan’s mom and dad AND Cameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeela’s mama.
I wonder how quickly Miss Nikki regretted the decision to wear the teensy tiny bootie shorts.
I know it’s hard to see in the picture below, but she is in fact wearing shorts.
Cameeeeeeeeeeeeela and the other children perform some type of recital with both singing and dancing, and right when it’s over Cameeeeeeeeeeela goes to hug her daddy and hugs Nikki before she hugs her own mom. And part of my mama’s heart died a little.
I’m thinking that Baby Mama is going to be Miss Nikki some SERIOUS stink eye, but she doesn’t.
She is looking gorgeous and is acting totally polite.
Well played Carla, WELL PLAYED.
And just in case you didn’t see the show and need proof that BABY MAMA IS FINE,
here’s your proof.
Nikki and Huhwhan head to his “office” (Marlins Park) and throw the ball around. And this portion of the show was sponsored by double sided tape.
I kept waiting for her boob to just pop out of the side of her tiny little outfit,
but they stayed contained.
When investing so much time into something like this, I wouldn’t mind a little boob poppage.
Sharleen walks out in a sensible pair of shorts and a classic blouse.
BECAUSE THE GIRL IS SENSIBLE.
Which is why she is telling the girls that she is all PEACE OUT.
The girls try their best to act sad, but nobody is falling for it.
She heads to Huhwahan’s place to tell him.
Lots of tears.
Lots of Huhwahan wiping away tears.
And lots of whispering.
And I have a HUGE question for the people over at ABC:
WHY IN THE WORLD IS SHARLEEN SUBTITLED BUY HUHWAHAN IS NOT?
Throw me a bone here people! WHAT IS HE SAYING?
I’M A SPEECH PATHOLOGIST FOR CRYING OUT LOUD AND I DON’T HAVE A CLUE!
Huhwahan is staring at her like he doesn’t understand…and I’m thinking it’s maybe because he truly doesn’t understand.
She keeps on saying that she is afraid this might be a decision she ends up regretting.
By the time you get to the plane you’ll be high fiving yourself and well on your way to Living La Vida Loca.
She leaves, and he heads to the balcony to sit on a chair and gaze out into the great beyond.
So in Bachelor speak, she pulled a Brooks, and he pulled a 1/2 Mesnick.
(To be clear, a Full Mesnick would involve leaning over the balcony railing and LOTS more tears.)
Date card arrives for Cheslie, Mama, Clare, and Andi
The date card says: My Hometown for Yours
They are also informed that there’s going to be a rose on the date that catapults one lucky lady straight to the hometown dates.
(Just an aside, somebody on the crew knows how to do a mean fishtail braid. Both Andi and Mama have rocked them so far this show.)
(One more sidenote, Chris Harrison’s penmanship is lovely.)
They head to the beach.
Chelsie takes Huhwahan to the side and reads some letters that her mom and dad have written her.
Here’s the summary:
Mom says keep your clothes on and don’t get drunk.
Dad says whatever. YOLO.
Andi and Hwahan get some time, and she discusses her concerns with him over the whole process. He calms her down. Again.
And it’s here that I realize that Huhwahan is like a mama monkey.
He likes to wipe things off and pick things off his ladies.
Now It’s Clare and Hwahan’s chance for alone time.
She is very emotional about her dad (who passed away) and apparently left a video for her future husband to watch before they get married. I thought that was such a sweet sentiment for a father to leave for his daughters when he knew he wasn’t going to be there.
But something was weird about how she was talking about it.
Like she wasn’t just opening up and being vulnerable, it was like she was trying to be sexy when talking about it. Did anybody else get that vibe?
And listen, they were in swimsuits and could have easily hopped into the ocean for a quick romp. Buy Huhwhan took out a restraining order against the ocean and he is not allowed to go within 75 yards of it in Clare’s presence.
Andi gets the rose.
Which means she for sure gets to take him to her hometown, AND she gets 1:1 time with him while all the other girls get shuttled home in a teeny tiny little plane.
Clare declares “Let’s BLEEPing wrap this BLEEP up and go home.”
For the first time EVER I am in complete agreement with Clare.
But I’m talking about the season, not just the date.
It shows Andi and Huhwahan making out in the ocean as the plane flies away, and I want to shout out a warning,
“ANDI! DON’T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM IN THE OCEAN!
BELIEVE YOU ME HE WILL TURN ON YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A HOOCHIE IN THE MORNING!”
As the girls are headed back to their penthouse, Clare declares “Well, on the upside, we get to hang out with Nikki. I want to hang out with Nikki like I want to get stung by jellyfish.”
Clearly, she’s not a fan.
The girls all walk in to their condo, and they call Nikki down.
Chelsie explains to Nikki that Andi got to stay and they all got sent home.
Nikki says, “You guys are funny. Chelsie is giggling. Mama is smiling from her to ear. And Clare is just like checked out.”
To which Clare responds, “I’m not checked out, I’m just not going to sit here and be fake.”
Clare puts it out there that maybe Andi got the rose because she “needed that reassurance.” Nikki piped in with a, “That’s so stupid,” and then she ran off upstairs.
Mama is left nervously twirling her hair on the couch probably pondering if she has the power to send one of them to time out.
Well, Clare WAS NOT GOING TO STAND FOR Nikki’s behavior.
She actually said she “would not be disrespected like that”.
Did she get counseling after her public shaming in Nam, because that sounds like something a therapist has told her to say.
She hops up and runs up after Nikki and was all “What was that about?”
Nikki says she doesn’t want to sit around while “people are talking sh%$ about her friend.”
That confused Clare (and me), because I don’t think she said anything bad about Andi.
Clare said, “Um, who was talking sh%$?”
And that’s when Nikki said,
“Okay. You interrupted.”
Oh no she dih unt.
Then Nikki says “I was about to say that that is where I feel like it was headed.”
Clare doesn’t understand.
And listen, I’m not Clare’s biggest fan, but I too am confused.
They go back and forth, Clare asks Nikki not to cut her off, they go back and forth some more, and then Nikki lays it on the line.
I’m not going to quote the argument verbatim because I feel like I need
to give it the respect it deserves.
Nikki: Clare I have nothing to say to you. Let’s be honest. I don’t like you, we’re never going to be friends. You can just excuse yourself from my room.
Clare: I can excuse myself? This is all of our suite.
Nikki: Oh, do you have stuff in here?
Clare: This is NOT your room.
Nikki: Oh, it’s not? Did you sleep in here?
Clare: Did you pay for it?
Nikki: Did you sleep in here?
Clare: Did YOU pay for it?
Clare: No, so it’s neither of our rooms.
Clare: So it’s open space.
Nikki: All right. Great.
Clare: Just want to clarify that.
Nikki: Please do.
Me: MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They continue to argue.
When Clare leaves the room she says, “You’re a piece of work Nikki.”
and Nikki says “You’re batsh%$ crazy.”
Two things we can all agree on.
Cut to the cocktail party.
The girls are all BRINGING IT in their short and tight and colorful dresses, and they all look fab.
Chelsie is trying to make things normal when she and Clare and Nikki are sitting there during his alone time with Mama, and Nikki is having none of it.
Chelsie is sent home, but she holds it together.
She’s off to go educate the masses on science.
So, at the end of this episode, I’m left wondering several things?
If you had to choose a side, would it be TEAM CLARE or TEAM NIKKI?
I understand that neither is a desirable choice.
Why is Huhwahn always moaning?
Who do you want to be left in the end?
I love Mama sooooooooo much, but it’s because of that that I don’t want her to be the last one standing. Agreed?
Before you go, I want to make sure you’ve seen my Spring Shoe Post from Friday.
I talked about these wedges all last spring and summer, but there are so many new people to the blog that I feel OBLIGATED to talk about them some more!
THE NEW READERS DESERVE TO KNOW! 🙂
And then I got this e-mail last night from a new reader that just received the wedges, and I knew I had to share it!
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know it might seem like an overstatement, but these wedges will
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light they are. I think I have flats and tennis shoes that weigh the
same. You were not kidding when you said stupid comfortable too. It’s
too cold to wear them outside so I wore them while I cooked dinner. I
think I’m still in shock with how comfortable they are!! I hope they
never go out of style because I want to order more!!!
SHE COOKED DINNER IN THEM. I LOVE IT.
Click HERE and get ya some! 🙂
The putty color goes with EVERYTHING.
And just in case you are new to the blog and are a huge fan of The Bachelor, see below so you can have fun with the previous episodes!
***BACHELOR RECAP REVIEW***
Click HERE for Sean and Catherine’s Wedding
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E-mail me at email@example.com within the next 72 hours to claim your prize!