It’s Hometown Dates, Baby!
And let’s be real here. Hometown dates usually bring all sorts of crazy. It’s hometown dates that have given us the following gems over the years…
This year’s hometown dates weren’t quite as eventful or eye opening as in year’s past, but there was a temper tantrum of epic proportions, so stay tuned for that.
KNOXVILLE WITH HANNAH ANN
First and foremost….I’m going to say it again…somebody needs to get Peter some Vitamin E oil! His scar needs attention!!! It can’t be just me that’s worried about it.
Second of all, let’s talk about Hannah Ann’s jeans, because I feel like THESE are the ones she’s wearing, or at least super similar. I bought them for myself just last week, I’ll be showing them on the blog on Friday, AND I LOVE THEM.
They did some ax throwing (as one does when the father is a forest ranger and you want to try to doing something really manly before you meet him), and then Peter had his own Things I Love About You note for Hannah Ann.
But I mean, how serious about her can he really be? Because the “i” on “things” just had a regular old dot. #lame
They walked in to see the family, and my goodness they were all ADORABLE. Hannah’s mama was cute as can be (and was wearing a shirt that I have from Target last year). #respect
Her baby sister was precious, her brother was darling, and her dad was cute, BUT ALL SORTS OF RESERVED. He was all “We haven’t seen Hannah Ann in a long time, but Peter is here with her, so I guess that’s different and cool.” I’m paraphrasing, but the subtext was that the dad did not in fact think it was different or cool.
Truth be told, Ranger Rick was eerily quiet and DID NOT SEEM IMPRESSED. Bless this man. I think he was genuinely trying to be welcoming here.
After some typical hometown date fodder between Peter and Ranger Rick, Peter stepped up his game and told him that he was falling in love with his daughter.
And then this was Rick.
JK. This was Rick.
Ranger Rick was not thrilled. And he asked Peter to not say “I Love You” to Hannah Ann unless he sincerely meant it. What a good, dad! I thought that was a fair request.
I thought that the ranger’s warnings might perhaps make Peter a bit more reserved with what he would say to Hannah Ann. BUT NOPE. After about 23 seconds of thinking about it, Peter felt confident in the fact that he was in fact in love with Hannah Ann, and he told her so. And then Hannah said it back.
So, Ranger Rick is now googling how to quietly and efficiently dispose of a body in a forest. You know, just in case. A tree “accidentally” falling on somebody’s head….a wood chipper malfunction….sooooo many possibilities.
*****************************************************
Des Moines with Kelsey
Before meeting the family, Kelsey and Peter went somewhere that Iowa is super well known for. They headed to an Iowa winery of course. They stomped on some grapes, made some wine, and then crafted lots of metaphors about how wine is a lot like love. It can be spicy, it can be sweet, sometimes it needs to breathe, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
And after what I can only imagine was several glasses of wine, Kelsey went ahead and declared to Peter that she does in fact love him. And I feel like now is as good a time as any to say that I’m proud of the growing up that Kelsey has done in the last 6 weeks. If during all of the YOU DRANK MY CHAMPAGNE silliness you would have told me that she was actually likeable, I wouldn’t have believed you. But here I am, LIKING HER. Nobody is more surprised than me.
Kelsey’s family home was gorgeous and so was her family.
Peter tried crab rangoon for the first time, toasted her family, and then her two sisters took her away for a sister chat. The chat was very blonde.
Kelsey’s mama sat Peter down on the couch. And it started out lovely and casual, but it ended with “Don’t break my girl’s heart. Do you understand?” And I’m telling you, there was something sinister about the “do you understand?” Like, there was a little bit of mafia in her when she said it. PETER. DO YOU understand? Advance with precaution.
They sat on the front porch just as he did with Hannah Ann, and then he said “my heart is definitely falling.” So……….Kelsey is “definitely in love with Peter”…..and Peter is falling.
Noted.
*****************************************************
AUBURN, ALABAMA WITH MADISON
Welcome to Auburn University, y’all! Let’s show some school spirit! WAR EAGLE! I will say, when Peter did the War Eagle call, I suffered from a pretty healthy case of second hand embarrassment.
They headed to the Auburn basketball stadium, were greeted by a jumbo tron message from Charles Barkley, and met with Bruce Pearl (head basketball coach at Auburn). They tried to do some pretty fancy basketball skills and drills (Madison DID them and Peter TRIED), played a little 1:1, and they were basically just both cute as a button together. I did give the side eye to Peter’s pants and wondered on more than 1 occasion if he was wearing leggings. Thankfully, at some point I was able to see a waistband, and I can confirm that it was jeans he was wearing. They were super skinny and not my favorite, BUT AT LEAST THEY WEREN’T LEGGINGS.
Right before the 1:1, I misunderstood something that was said.
Madi said “I’m really excited to kick his butt.”
But I thought she said, “I’m really excited to pick his butt.”
I WAS MORE THAN A LITTLE CONFUSED.
Kick. with a K.
Got it.
AND Y’ALL. He lifted her up, and then she wrapped her legs around him. And for the first time, her thighs looked like they were in love.
Time to meet Madison’s family!
I was wondering where Mr. Prewett was, BUT THEN I realized that the person I thought was a younger brother, was actually Mr. Prewett. You can’t tell me he’s not 14 years old. Or maybe Benjamin Button.
They sat down to dinner, and Madi got the special plate at the table, which is a sweet little family tradition where whomever gets the special plate gets to listen to everybody at the table say something special about them. They all said something, and then mama whisked her away.
Madi and her mom had a mother daughter talk while sitting on the bed. Her mom wondered if she had shared that she was saving herself for marriage. She told her that she hadn’t shared that yet.
Madi, FANTASY SUITES ARE NEXT WEEK. And you’ve heard the windmill story, right?
Peter sat down with Mr. Prewett, preteen dad. I really liked the dad, by the way. And if we’re honest, I would like to know his skincare routine. He is sweet and protective, but firm. He said things like “How you can assure me that this is genuine? She is so pure. and Do you feel like you guys are compatible?” He shared that he has prayed for Madi’s husband since she was a baby (so sweet) and said “We’ve challenged her to not settle.”
Peter said something that I actually liked. He said, “I’m willing to put the work in and be the man that she deserves.” Only time will tell I guess.
When dad tried to nail Peter down on if Madi was “the one”, Peter didn’t commit. But I respected that.
They said goodbye, and things were looking pretty good for these two. Although, it’s clear Peter has no idea that Madi has any doubts at this point.
*****************************************************
Virginia Beach with Victoria
They hung out on the beach for a minute with her dog, they took old timey photos, and they shared ice cream. What’s important here is that ALL OF THAT WENT SMOOTHLY. She didn’t act like a petulant child and no exes showed up, so I was calling their hometown date a win thus far.
Then she took him to her favorite venue, The Shack on 8th. People were dancing around, and Hunter Hayes was there playing one of his most popular hits “I don’t want easy, I want crazy”.
It’s a catchy little tune.
AND IT SHOULD BE PETER AND VICTORIA’S THEME SONG.
BECAUSE THE GIRL IS CRAY.
They danced around for a bit in the crowd, Peter knew all the lyrics, and they looked like they were having a blast.
He was on Cloud 9 walking out of the place, when a girl THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS (just kidding, her name is Marissa) stopped him to spill some tea. I’m not sure why they blurred out her face since she clearly identified herself and said she and Victoria know each other, but they did. She didn’t share anything super specific, but she kept saying that she knows that Peter is a good guy, and she successfully planted big ol’ seeds of doubt by saying that Victoria has broken up lots of relationships.
Peter thanked her, was visibly upset (and confused), and knew he was going to need to talk to dear old Vicky that night.
When he arrived at Victoria’s parent’s home, there was an obvious heaviness as soon as he got out of the car. She noticed it immediately, asked him if he was okay, and he said they needed to talk.
They sat down on the front stoop AND OMG SHE WAS SUCH A BRAT.
SHE MADE MY BLOOD PRESSURE SHOOT STRAIGHT THE THE ROOF.
Peter very calmly told her how this girl had showed up and told him that Victoria had broken up some relationships. In my mind, if Victoria wasn’t as guilty as sin, she would have calmly responded and refuted the charges.
But instead… her voice raised around 23 octaves (that’s a conservative estimate), she barely let him get a word in edgewise, and she basically spoke defensive gibberish. I would say she was acting like a child, but her behavior was more like a self indulgent teenager who had just had her cell phone taken away. It’s something you really have to see yourself to believe. Her overall attitude, her tone, her body language….it all made me nauseous. FOR REAL.
Let me say this…if I was Peter, I would have pulled a Colton and jumped over the nearest fence, kept walking, and NEVER looked back.
And when I tell you that the whining was out of control, PLEASE BELIEVE ME. She whined some more, he looked more and more confused, and then he left. Actually, she got up and left first. And then he left after that. He never even met her family.
At that point, I had hope for Peter and humanity.
The next day, Peter was hanging out at what I can only imagine was a Motel 6 when there was a knock on the door. DON’T ANSWER IT, PETER!!!!!!!!! You guessed it, it was Vicky. Looking just as deranged as ever.
Knock Knock! Who’s there? CRAZY.
She came in and explained how she’s trying hard and she can’t walk away from him.
And Peter was all, “Um, except you kinda did.”
She looked at him with her doe like eyes and seemed to be putting him under some kind of spell. He said he hadn’t made his decision yet, and then she left.
Me: PETER. LISTEN TO ME. THIS IS IMPORTANT. IT’S TIME FOR VICKY TO GO.
Narrator: Peter did not listen
*****************************************************
The Rose Ceremony
The girls all arrived at the rose ceremony, which was taking place in a candlelit airplane hanger. Did y’all know that Peter is a pilot?
He kept Madi (duh), Hannah Ann (totally understandable), and Victoria.
HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?
Let’s just cut to the chase. Kelsey’s mama with the mafia vibes is DISPLEASED right now. AND SO AM I.
I am really having trouble understanding how he watched Victoria act so incredibly immaturely and thought “Yep, I can see how being married to that would be lots of fun.”
Let’s be honest, he just wants to get the girl in a windmill.
*****************************************************
LOOKING FORWARD TO NEXT WEEK
At the end of this week’s episode, Madi actually pulls Peter off to the side while still in the hangar, presumably to tell him of her intention to remain a virgin. But spoilers for next week tell us that she also ends up telling him that if he sleeps with any of the other girls, that will also cause her to be out. Which I’m guessing totally ruins his plans.
I’ve gotta say, I REALLY LOVE ME SOME MADI.
I also have to say, in addition to Victoria talking making me want to mutilate my own ears, she also just makes me roll my eyes aggressively. There’s footage from next week of Victoria calling Madi “disgusting” because of her morals. I’m sorry, I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Well, that’s it for this week y’all!
And if you are new here and need to catch up, here you go:
Click HERE for my musings from Week 1. Peter was giving off major Top Gun vibes, but his jacket looked like it was better suited for Kelly McGillis than Tom Cruise.
Click HERE for my musings from Week 2. You know the episode, it’s where our “shy little wall flower with insecurity issues” stripped down to black lace lingerie on the runway ON NATIONAL T.V. and made out with Peter. Good times.
Click HERE for my musings from Week 3. It was the week of the lamest pool party EVER.
Click HERE and scroll down to WHAT ARE WE WATCHING for my musings for Week 4. I once again tried to educate the general population on how to fill out a Bachelor application, should you ever apply.
Click HERE for my musings from Week 5. I mean, you have to read about MyKenna’s tongue.
Click HERE for Week 6.
******************************
SALE ALERTS
Before you go! I’ve got one really great SALE ALERT for you!
Y’all know I’ve loved leopard flats for years, and I of course continue to love them. But when I saw these tiger flats last year, I thought they were a great updated option! I still consider the pattern a neutral (just like our beloved leopard), but I love the punch this new print added to my outfits. They are a bit unexpected, and I think they are so much fun. I absolutely love wearing them.
I actually have these exact flats in leopard too, so I can stand by the fact that they are comfortable and well made.
They are true to size.
Click HERE for the flats.
And although not for sale, I want to talk about the jeans, because I know I’ll get questions about them!
The jeans are amazing. They shape, they smooth, they lift, and they boast the Wit and Wisdom Ab-Solution technology that we’ve all fallen in love with. I also love the ankle length, and I always like to show a little bit of ankle when wearing flats or booties. If between sizes, I would go down a size. I HIGHLY recommend them. The dark wash makes them easy to dress up, and Wit and Wisdom jeans are always flattering as all get out. They fit me great, hold me in (in all the right places), and still manage to be insanely comfortable.
raw hem ankle jeans/ tiger flats
That’s all for today, y’all! Sorry the recap was a little bit late going live today, but the day got away from me yesterday and I had to take all the screen shots this morning! #betterlatethannever
See y’all back here on Friday for a post I’m really excited about!
Susan Matthews says
I thought Madison’s dad was Jack McBrayer. And then I couldn’t stop laughing.
Sheaffer says
SUSAN! I didn’t know who that was…..so I Googled him….AND OMG. They do look alike! xoxo
Renee says
Your bachelor recaps are a million times better than having to actually watch the show! I tried to watch it a couple of times early on since you weren’t doing the recaps but the number of times these people say “like” is more than I can handle. Your recaps are hilarious!
LindaZ says
Benjamin Button FTW! ??
That just made my day.
Carole says
So happy you’re doing full re-caps for these final episodes!!
Sheaffer says
Hey, Carole! I deleted your question since I don’t share spoilers…but that is something I hadn’t heard!!!!! I have no idea, but it’s interesting!
Ahsia says
Me Too. I loved it.
Lisa G. says
Just got the tiger flats! I have the leopard also and they are very comfy. Thanks for the alert.
Mandi says
Did you realize that all of their houses are actually stages houses! I’m sure you did but up until yesterday I thought everyone was rich on this show. #teamadi
Sheaffer says
Really? When they went to Sean’s parent’s house on hometowns, it was really their house!
Ericka says
Some of the houses are fake houses! You can kind of tell now which of them are.. I just learned that this week!
Kimberly Nations says
Mandi, I had seen that the house that Madi and Fam went to was Coach Pearle’s.. I thougth the same thing you did too they all were rich..
Katie says
Sometimes they rent houses, not always. I’m assuming some houses can’t handle productions crews and all that.
Tiff says
Sheaffer!
Bless you, BLESS YOU for this recap. So so good. I’m with you on everything here, sister.
Becky says
Love your recaps and agree with your thoughts except I hope Peter and Madi don’t even up together, I think she deserves better. Also it’s Des Moines (sorry, I’m an Iowa girl).
Sheaffer says
I’ll fix it! Thanks, Becky!
CIndy says
Love, love, love your recaps! I’m from Alabama and am a huge Auburn fan, team Madi all the way!! I seriously cringed at Peter’s attempt at “War Eagle”…hopefully with a little practice, he’ll get it! I don’t read spoilers, but I’m afraid he’s going to “screw” it up with her, literally!!
Melissa says
I was waiting for this and you did not disappoint!
Gina says
Benjamin Button ????. I thought her dad was the brother too! Great recap as usual. I watch the show and always think…”what is Sheaffer going to say in her recap?
Katie says
Your recaps are the best! I don’t watch anymore because I can’t handle it ?! Her thighs finally looked like they were in love ?.
Jodi says
That wasn’t actually Kelsey’s home. They used another home for filming! ?
Sherry says
Your commentaries are hilarious! I truly think Madison would be a good choice for him although not sure if he would be the best for her. That’s my vote!
SD says
I actually grew up in the small town that Madison’s parents are from. I dated her Uncle back in High School and remember Madison as a baby. Madison’s parents were high school sweethearts and did had her at a younger age. They are an awesome family!
Sheaffer says
The family seems incredible!!!!!
Amber Sanders says
I love your recaps they are hilarious and so glad to see a few of them coming back for this trainwreck of a season. Also just FYI it is Des Moines, Iowa!! Coming from a girl who loves there! ?
Shay Shull says
I can feel the awkwardness from those hometown dates through my computer screen. Eeeeeeeks!
Christine R says
Sheaffer! I nearly choked on my coffee laughing – Benjamin Button!!! Thank you for the recaps, they are wayyy better than actually watching. ??♀️
Stacy says
Run, Madi, run! Windmill guy is not the man for you!
The relationships Victoria broke up were marriages, (yes plural). and the wives were her friends!
Serita spiers says
I can’t believe anyone would ever want to watch the Bachelor after this season!!!! It’s been nothing but drama and would you want any of those cry baby’s??? Peter deserves Victoria P!!!!???
Amy says
Oh my gosh. Why is this the first time reading your recaps. Thank you for the laughs this morning!!
Dana S. says
You are the best! I love your recaps, they make me laugh out loud! Thank you for your work in making this!
Kim says
Thank you for recapping! This season is so rough, it may be the only thing getting me through :). What is Victoria still doing there?!
Susan Stancliff says
I know that I am in the minority here but please just don’t with the bachelor recaps. It’s bad enough its on TV let alone come to my favorite blogger and see it rehashed. Believe me, I don’t read any of it and this is just my opinion. These shows are so fake.
AnnTN says
Then don’t read The Bachelor recaps. Come back another day and read the blog. It’s that simple. When you see that there’s recaps, just back away from your phone or computer or iPad and move along.
I don’t watch The Bachelor, but the recaps crack me up.
Kelli Gustafson says
I am 60 years young, don’t watch the Bachelor at all, but if you’ve got a Bachelor post up, I read it every time. You. Are. Hilarious.
Carol says
Let’s face it, there is only one reason Peter would keep Victoria at this point. And that reason is enough of a reason for me to know he doesn’t DESERVE sweet Madi. AT ALL.
Sharon says
Carol— I sooooo agree! My thoughts too.
Micah E Tjeerdsma says
Ok, I have to tell you…go follow Back to Love Doc on insta. You will go down a rabbit hole and you won’t regret it! She is a Psychiatrist and she straight up nailed Vic F to a T!! So good!!
Terr D. says
I just love your recaps! I seriously think you should write a book!! Your humor and descriptive writing are really good. Thanks for the entertainment and laughs?
Shelley Roten says
Don’t stop!!!
Davida says
Hi, I don’t watch The Batchelor but I started reading your recaps several shows ago and you are hilarious! I don’t know if you read about this…..
Sheaffer says
Hi, Davida! I erased part of your comment bc this is a spoil free zone…but I had heard that from another reader! I can’t wait to find out! xoxo
Davida says
I’m sorry! I did not know. My lips are sealed!
Sheaffer says
No worries at all, Davida!!! 🙂 xoxo
Susan Jeffries says
We have watched this crazy show for several years with our daughter. She left for college in the fall ( I have nearly grieved my pitiful self to death over her leaving), and we don’t feel like watching this show. So, thanks for recapping and making this lonely momma laugh out loud(:
Monica Seeley says
So funny! You missed your calling as a comedy writer!
In the fashion dept, I want to thank you for recommending the Good Threads utility jacket from Amazon. It got immediate, appreciative comments from husband and sons— who are mainly quietly, not verbally appreciative! And they came back to it throughout the day: “sure do like that jacket!” THAT is a first. So, thank you very much!
April Thompson Parrish says
I agree 100% with everything you said! I also thought Peter was wearing leggings-so scary! These posts make me laugh so hard.
Terra Heck says
As always, love your Bachelor posts. I think Peter is drawn to criers/drama/brats. It’s almost like he feels the need to be a hero and rescue the girl from her problems. Victoria needs a good ole’ butt spanking after that tantrum.
Patti Carroll says
Where can I get that orange tote? Love it.
Patti
Sheaffer says
Hi, Patti! It’s actually more of a cognac in person…but you can search “Street Level Tote” on Nordstrom.com xoxo