OKAY, Y’all. The end is in sight.
By the end of Monday night’s episode, we were down to 4 ladies, AND I WAS DOWN WITH THAT. We are starting to creep towards the finish line, and if I’m being honest, it can’t come soon enough. I WANT TO KNOW WHO HAS CAUSED BARBARA TO HAVE A MILD PANIC ATTACK. It’s like the wall jump of this season, because otherwise, this season has been all sorts of “eh” for me. I can’t really put my finger on it, I’m just not invested. LIKE AT ALL.
But great news for you Bachelor lovers! I’ve got more of a formal recap for y’all today! If you’ve missed my previous Bachelor musings, go ahead and catch up…
Click HERE for my musings from Week 1. Peter was giving off major Top Gun vibes, but his jacket looked like it was better suited for Kelly McGillis than Tom Cruise.
Click HERE for my musings from Week 2. You know the episode, it’s where our “shy little wall flower with insecurity issues” stripped down to black lace lingerie on the runway ON NATIONAL T.V. and made out with Peter. Good times.
Click HERE for my musings from Week 3. It was the week of the lamest pool party EVER.
Click HERE and scroll down to WHAT ARE WE WATCHING for my musings for Week 4. I once again tried to educate the general population on how to fill out a Bachelor application, should you ever apply.
Click HERE for my musings from Week 5. I mean, you have to read about MyKenna’s tongue.
WEEK 6 MUSINGS
All right, Ladies! It’s time for Week 6!
This week Peter and the ladies headed to Lima, Peru. Which is the perfect place to
fall in love see Alpacas. I mean, if you’re anybody but Kelley, it’s the perfect place to fall in love. But if you’re Kelley, it’s the perfect place to see Alpacas. Period. The end.
And don’t you worry, the girls squealed and jumped on their Peruvian hotel beds like it was their jobs. Which it kind of is. Until the FabFitFun contracts start coming through. #influenced #theyaregoingtotellusto
Peter swung by the room and made a surprise visit to the remaining ladies. He wanted to make sure that they were being real with themselves and knew what they wanted. Pot, meet Kettle.
Worth mentioning… While casually walking the streets of Peru, Peter stopped to admire some street art. And I just about died. Do you think the Bachelor producers commissioned this piece? #IDO Or better yet, maybe Mark the intern ran to the Peruvian Dollar General, bought some paints and a couple of brushes, and slapped these windmills on the canvas. Either scenario is plausible.
1:1 Date with Madison
Madison was the first 1:1. date. And spoiler alert, she’s still adorable. I mean, I’d date her. HOWEVER, I am questioning her love for Peter. WHY? Because she ran up to him, and she jumped in his arms, BUT SHE DIDN’T STRADDLE HIM.
Has she ever seen the show?
DOES SHE NOT HAVE ANY SORT OF RESPECT FOR THE STRADDLE PROTOCOL?
Look at her feet just dangling there. Her feet, her ankles, her calves, and her thighs certainly don’t look like they are in love.
In addition to the worry that I’m experiencing over the lack of love being produced by Maddie’s thighs, I am also worried about Peter’s scar. He got the stitches out, but the scar seems extremely prominent. IS IT HEALING PROPERLY? I mean, is Chris Harrison making sure he’s applying Vitamin E oil to minimize scarring? Because somebody needs to be reminding him. Barbara’s not there for crying out loud. And you know Mama Barbara would prioritize scar care.
Peter and Madi had fun during the day while fishing and making out on a boat. And then Madi got real with Peter over dinner. She shared that her faith is “all of who she is” and that she “wants somebody who has the same relationship with the Lord.” You could tell she was incredibly nervous, but she talked about her faith so openly. She poured out her heart and it was very sweet to listen to her, but her words were met with silence.
After what seemed like an eternity, Peter responded with the standard “I love that“. #uhoh
But then he doubled down saying that her faith “inspires him.” I”ll be honest, the silence scared me at first, but he turned it around. He said, “I’ve been in raised in a Christian household, but I do feel like my faith could be stronger. It is something that is important to me, I promise you that.” He followed that up with “I know that I’m falling in love with you.” That was all she needed.
And listen, I believed him when he said his faith was important to him, and it did seem as if he was ready and willing to dive deeper into it. I mean, he’s going to have to if he wants this girl. He’s also going to have to keep the snake in it’s cage. #ifyouknowwhatimean #namethatmovie
Hannah Ann read the next date card in “Spanish”. If you can call it that. It was legitimately the worst Spanish I’ve ever heard, but it said that Peter and Natasha were going to go exploring. Here’s the Cliff’s Notes version. They ate. They danced. They explored. They talked. It was obvious to me that she wasn’t really into him and that he wasn’t really into her. And then it ended. Without a rose. #itwasforthebest
Next up, Kelsey’s 1:1!
Before we get to the date, let’s talk about Kelsey’s form when greeting Peter. THIS IS STRADDLE PROTOCOL, PEOPLE.
Her running start was impressive. She had good speed, a nice push off when mounting him, and there was good height and leg extension for the actual straddle. However, I was definitely concerned that the sheer force of her jumping into his arms while going downhill might be too much for our Bachelor. You know, gravity and all. But he held firm.
Maddison, you see Kelsey’s thighs here? Those are thighs that are in starting to fall in love.
They started out the date by riding ATVs on a mountain side. I would have been less than pleased with the mandatory protective eyewear. As well as the camera angles. Everybody knows the camera needs to be above you and looking down to garner the most flattering angle. They ended the day portion of their date by making out on the side of the mountain.
Kelsey’s evening date got deep. She talked about how her father was absent in her life for years and years, and she talked about she had made the decision to try to have a relationship with him now in her adult life. BUT HER MOM DIDN’T KNOW. Until now of course. Kelsey seemed very level headed when talking about it all, and I found myself confused. Was this the same chick that LOST HER EVER LOVING MIND when Hannah Ann drank her champagne? She seemed normal. Almost self aware. And I found myself not knowing up from down.
3:1 with Kelley, Hannah Ann, and Victoria F.
Time for the 3:1. Which if you ask me, is even worse than a 2:1.
It was during this date that it became obvious to me that although I’m worried about the lack of Vitamin E application to his scar, NOBODY ELSE IS. Peter loves it and thinks he looks like a total bad a$$. At the beginning of every date he’s like Hey, Girl. Have you seen my scar?
The ride to the 3:1 date made me lol. Look how happy they all are.
And I have to say, it was foreshadowing at it’s finest when Kelley went on and on about how childish the other two girls were and gave the impression that she thought she was a sure thing. She was all “I’m a lawyer, and they are nothing.” Kelley, Kelley, Kelley….let’s try to keep it classy.
The car arrived at a Peruvian Vineyard, and each girl prepared for their time with Peter. Well, that’s not entirely true. As evidenced by her body language as she lounged around on a wicker bench, Kelley couldn’t have cared less. She was just bummed that there were no alpacas in sight.
Don’t worry though, Hannah Ann DID CARE. How do I know? Easy. On her Things I Love About You list, the i in “Things” was dotted with a heart. WHOAH. That’s how I knew she was serious. #shemeantbusiness
It was very 7th grade of her. Next up, a rousing game of MASH. JK.
Victoria F. had her time. I had only one word written down. That word was EXHAUSTING. The girl is exhausting. #timetogoVicky
Kelley said, “Look at me, I’m an attorney. The other girls, what are they? I’m ready for a rose. Give it to me.” I don’t remember if she said it to Peter or to the cameras, but that’s neither here nor there. The fact is she said it.
After his time alone with each girl, he announced to the 3 of them that he was ready to make his decision. He walked Victoria F. to the car and I was quite sure that he was sending her home (as were the other 2 girls), although I was confused as to why he was carrying a rose to walk her to the SUV. WELL. He’s a tricky little booger, because he gave her a rose before putting her in the car. #SNEAKY
He walked back to the other two ladies.
And he gave Hannah Ann the rose. EVEN THOUGH SHE’S NOT AN ATTORNEY. #inyourfacekelley
(Sidenote: I liked Kelley until this episode.)
For Kelley’s sake, I am however hoping there’s an alpaca in the SUV.
And now that Kelley’s gone, I’m wondering if she’s ready to jump back in to the courtroom. Because I’m feeling personally victimized by this season and might want to file a civil suit. #justiceforME
IN THE PREVIEWS FOR NEXT WEEK
Madison: If he sleeps with anybody else, it’s going to be difficult for me to move forward.
Windmills everywhere: *awkward silence
Also….they showed Victoria F. whining like an over-tired toddler. Again. I think Chase Rice is somewhere cracking open a cold beer and writing a song about the one who THANKFULLY got away.
SOMETHING ELSE YOU NEED TO KNOW
On Monday I talked about some of the special bundle deals that Colleen Rothschild had available for Valentine’s Day week (including the new body bundle, the glycolic acid peel pad bundle, and micro mineral duo). Several of you asked me to recommend my very favorite product, but I told you to hold off on purchasing it because I knew a site wide sale was just around the corner. WELL, great news! It’s time for the Customer Appreciation Sale!
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If you are new to her products and want a detailed review, click over to my Colleen Rothschild Told Me To post. This sale is a great time to finally take the plunge and try her products. And if you are already a devoted user, these sales are a great time to restock things that are getting low.
Also, my SHEAFFER20 code is good for only 2 more days! Make sure you take advantage and get 20% OFF your Kendra Scott purchase (and FREE SHIPPING!). Fine jewelry is excluded, but everything else is fair game!
Whew! Thanks it for today, so I’ll see you back here on Friday!