Because while The Bachelor recap is important, a Nordstrom sale trumps that everyday of the week in my book…and the Nordstrom Clearance Sale started yesterday.
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(If you follow me on facebook, you saw these picks yesterday!)
TIME FOR THE BACHELOR!
So we ended last week with Kelsey on the floor having a “panic attack.”
The girl is ridic.
Last week I opened up the comments for nicknames for Kelsey, and you girls did not disappoint.
Here were some of my favs:
Amazingly Tragic Kelsey
Thank you anonymous commenter!
The show opens with over the top crying from #krazyinakardi herself.
I will say, posting this next picture of her does make me feel a little bit better.
Deadwood, SOUTH DAKOTA.
(Sidenote for Megan: South Dakota is in fact in the United States.)
And the giggling?
Chris doesn’t “just giggle”. He giggles like a 5th grade girl.
I’d like to give Whitney’s side eye to Chris’s laugh.
Whitney side eye to that as well.
Even with the make-out session, the date is totes boring.
Still, I like her, and I think she might be able to actually live on a farm in Iowa.
They can be boring in Iowa together.
And you have to admit, they make a handsome couple.
It becomes apparent very quickly that Carly is the president of the I Hate Kelsey club.
Whitney is VP.
And Kaitlyn is the Social Chair. Because obviously.
(I mean really, I’ll bet you all $20 that Kaitlyn was social chair of every club she was ever in.)
In a nutshell, the translation for what all of the girls are saying to Kelsey can be broken down into the following:
We hate you Kelsey.
Pack your bags.
The word “win” always sends up red flags for me.
The only thing #krazyinakardi is winning tonight is the ability to grow old alone in a house full of cats…because no man sitting at home right now is thinking how he wants to get with her.
Let that sink in.
Way to keep it classy ABC.
Britt is surprisingly pretty dang awesome.
She has perfect hair even when she doesn’t shower for days AND she can sing?
Too bad she thought she was dressing for an NKOTB concert in 91 though. Because WOW.
Can’t you just picture her waving her arms back and forth over her head and giving us some
“Whoah oh oh oh oh – Hanging Tough! OH oh oh oh oh xx Hanging Tough!”
And just because I know you are all singing it in your heads anyway, let’s go ahead and have a little sing-a-long.
Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance.
Just get on the floor and do the New Kid’s dance.
Don’t worry ’bout nothin’ cause it won’t take long.
WE’RE GONNA PUT YOU IN THE TRANCE WITH A FUNKY SONG.
Put me in a trance with a funky song.
I beg you.
Megan’s turn, but sadly, nobody has given her the memo that Leggings are Not Pants.
But somebody needs to.
Because they’re not.
Carly’s song was impressive!
She should sing for a living on a cruise ship or something.
The night of the group date, everybody was just sitting around on couches and hanging out.
And all of a sudden Chris and Brit head out the door and start running down the street, and they wind up at a Big and Rich concert. They totally make out in the crowd.
they dance on stage, and then he gives her a rose.
And then Big and Rich start playing their famous “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” song.
Except, they change the words up.
“Save a Horse, Ride a Farmboy.”
I only wish I would have thought of it myself.
I might be a little bitter.
Nobody likes a missed opportunity.
Chris and Britt walk back in to the group of girls on the date with them.
Really scary kill you in your sleep and then eat your eyeballs right out of your head crickets.
And Whitney brought out her face again.
And then Carly cried.
And they Kaitlyn cried.
And then Whitney cried.
It’s time for the 2:1 date!
1 Stays 1 Goes
Let’s have a good time in the badlands.
The girls are getting ready for their dates, and I can’t help but think they are dressing for two completely different dates.
#virgininabottle must think that “The Badlands” is an 80s dance club. which to be fair, seems like an honest mistake to me.
#kraziinakardi appears to have dressed for a fishing expedition seminar held at
the local community college.
Girls, how did we get to this place where #virgininabottle is the more sensible pick?
During #virgininabottle’s 1:1 time, they make out, and then she tells Chris that all the girls think that #krazyinakardi is fake.
Then he has 1:1 time with #krazyinakardi
She’s being her normal sanctimonious self.
And then Chris throws #virgininabottle under the buss.
Like he says “Ashley just told me that you’re being fake, and that scares me.”
You know what scares me Chris? KELSEY!
And all I can think is that one of the camera men needs to warn Ashley.
I mean, somebody needs to quietly whisper in her ear that she needs to get the heck out of dodge.
Or maybe one should just scream “ASHLEY! RUN FOR THE HILLS!”
And I’m thinking that joining Witness Protection might not be the worst idea either.
#kraziinakardi comes back from the date and she hops on the bed with #virgininabottle.
She shoots daggers out of her eyes at her for a good 30 seconds, and when Ashley finally makes eye contact, Kelsey lowers her chin and calmly says “I know what you did.”
And I almost peed myself.
And it deserves mentioning that although #kraziinacardi is most definitely certifiable, the girl must have a great skin care regimen and routine, because her skin is flawless.
#virgininabottle goes and grabs Chris, starts bawling, and asks him why he told her what she said. She puts her head in his lap, and at this point, the only thing I am thinking is WHAT THE HECK IS HER MAKE-UP GOING TO LOOK LIKE WHEN SHE LOOKS UP!?!?
She looks up, and there’s no mascara anywhere.
Not a drop.
Not a flake.
Not a schmear.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
It then becomes obvious that he’s sending #virgininabottle home because he doesn’t think she “fits his lifestyle”.
And he’s right.
I mean, of course he’s right.
But #virgininabottle does not go quietly.
On her way out she throws Britt under the bus too and is all “You think BRITT fits your lifestyle?”
It shows the intern back at the hotel grabbing Ashley’s suitcase, and the girls freak out.
And then Ashley has a full on breakdown in the badlands.
And the sobbing and hyperventilating continues.
And won’t you all please join me in looking for mascara running.
BECAUSE THERE IS NONE.
And then in a SHOCKING TWIST, Chris tells #krazyinakardi that she’s going home too.
And here’s the deal, she handles it gracefully.
Just like a real psychopath should.
She talks about her tragic, inspiring, and beautiful story again and says she is immeasurably blessed.
Cut back to the house.
The girls FLIP THE FREAK OUT when the intern comes in to get Kelsey’s suitcase too.
COMPLETE and TOTAL JUBILATION is how I would describe the scene.
People are high fiving, jumping on couches, and Carly is making it rain with champagne.
They are all feeling #soblessed now that #krazyinakardi is gone.
But if I were them, I wouldn’t feel totally settled about any of this.
I’m thinking #krazyinakardi might be the hold a grudge type.
If you want to win a $150 gift card to Old Navy, just go HERE and leave a comment on my Old Navy post from Monday to be entered. I will announce the winner this coming Friday!
And if you haven’t seen the post, you really should take a second to go check it out!
Old Navy has lots of great pieces for spring at amazing prices.
Just look at this sweater and this military jacket!
striped sweater HERE / military jacket HERE /
scarf HERE / jeans HERE / grey slip on sneakers HERE
If you need a Bachelor Review, here you go!
Click HERE for Episode 5.
Click HERE for Episode 4.
See everybody back here on Friday!