If you’re not a Bachelor fan, scroll to the bottom of this post for a mini Shopping with Sheaffer!
And in other NON BACHELOR related news, I want everybody to know about a cool feature on the blog that I’m not sure if I’ve ever talked about.
Click HERE to see it.
Scroll through the pics of me, and if you see one you like, you just click on it to get all of the details!
It’s super user friendly and a great way to see my outfits at a glance and streamline your shopping.
I love this feature, and I hope you do too!
(If you ever want to get here on your own, just click “Shop My Instagrams” on my toolbar up top!)
Episode 4 kicks off with Harrison back in the driver’s seat where he belongs.
He explains that Prince Farming’s 3 sisters get to decide who goes on the 1:1 date with him this week.
HIS SISTERS ARE HERE! WooHoooooooooooooo!
Because you know what they say:
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Sister Who Feels like her Brother Picked an Idiot for a Wife.
Okay, maybe people don’t say that.
But they totally should.
The group card date arrives.
Here’s who is going:
Megan, Kaitlyn, #crazyeyes, #genieinabottle, Juellia, Samantha (WHO?), 5th grade Mackenzie, and Kelsey.
The date card says “Let’s do what feels natural…“.
Some speculate that means they should go without make-up, and #genieinabottle dies a little inside. But she brushes off the suggestion, glues on her eyelashes, paints on a bright red lip, and pops in her weave.
No, I’m not kidding.
They hop into some vintage cars, and Chris’s car has Selena sitting shotgun and a 1950s housewife in the backseat? (It’s hard to tell in this picture, but Kelsey is wearing a scarf around her head and looks like she is fresh out of the beauty shop.)
Selena #genieinabottle says that a guy driving is one of the sexiest things he can do.
And then she hops out of the car like this.
The wind up at a lake, strip down to their bikinis, and hop in.
And then #genieinabottle and Kaitlin decide to one up everybody by shedding parts of their swimsuits before jumping in.
Our 1950’s housewife is NOT amused.
Then they play Red Rover, because Mackenzie is on the date and DUH…5th grade recess.
which means she is HINEY UP.
All 3 of the sisters are DARLING and stylish..
But I am DYING over this sister’s chic blue jumpsuit and FABULOUS green earrings.
And if you notice in the picture above, she’s got on the Stella and Dot renegade bracelet. (Remember from last Friday’s post that you can find a knock-off HERE for less than 1/2 the price!)
All of the girls parade through like it’s the interview portion of the Miss America contest, but sadly, there’s nothing much to talk about here. Again, except for the earrings, because OMG.
Jade gets picked for the 1:1 by the sisters, and I feel that Britt’s reaction to Jade getting picked is pretty representative of America’s reaction.
I mean, Jade’s fine, but I’m not really sure what made her stand out to the sisters?!?
The date card says they are going to go to a royal ball.
AND OH MY WORD ARE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS ARE JELLY.
Back to the group date.
Kelsey continues to be LESS THAN IMPRESSED.
“This is absurd….I’m from Michigan….this is a dingy pond….my face is getting skinnier because I spend so much time fake smiling…..I’m trying to pretend like a enjoy this hell hole….there are moments when I want to take a fork a stab it in my eye.”
Doesn’t she sound lovely?
Those are all direct quotes by the way.
Well, never fear, after her monologue, karma strikes.
And she gets stung by a bee. On her upper inner thigh.
But I’m less concerned about the bee sting than I am about the Yeti.
(And let’s not even act for a second like there wasn’t an ABC intern with a jar full of bees releasing them in Kelsey’s general direction after they doused her in honey-scented body spray.)
It’s time for everybody to put together the tents, and we have another sighting.
First a yeti, and now a howler monkey.
(Just fyi, Mackenzie had just made a joke about putting the stick in the hole. Because FIFTH GRADE.)
Kelsey’s fake laugh is LOUD AND PROUD and my ears are starting to bleed.
And then, THANK HEAVENS, things start getting crazy thanks to#crazyeyes.
First she starts this little jig and chanting tateetateetateetata.
Then she pulls Prince Farming off for some alone time, she starts in with the crazy talk,
and I find myself so confused by everything. She mumbles 1/2 of what she says, and the other half of the time I’m not even sure she’s speaking English.
But as confused as I am, I can assure you this, Chris is more confused.
Kaitlin gets the rose.
Everybody heads to their tents and goes to bed.
But #genieinabottle sneaks in his tent with the intent of telling him that she’s a virgin.
She also wants him to know that SHE’S NOT JUST HOOK UP MATERIAL.
And how does she do that?
Well she mumbles something about being different, AND THEN HOOKS UP WITH HIM.
I’m not sure he got the message.
Here’s a tip to all of you young girls reading out there.
If you want a guy to think you’re NOT a hook up girl….try NOT hooking up with him.
The campers arrive back at the house and they are told that Jade gets to dress up like a princess and go on a 1:1 date to a ball.
And #genieinabottle just about LOSES HER MIND.
ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS BE A DISNEY PRINCESS PEOPLE.
SHE WAS MADE FOR THIS.
A team of people arrive to
promote Disney’s newest movie transform Jade into a princess. #genieinabottle almost spontaneously combusts at least 5 times.
AND GET THIS.
Jade gets to keep the Louboutin heels and the Neil Lane diamond earrings.
Do you hear that?
That’s #genieinabottle’s soul screaming.
Prince Farming is awaiting Jade’s arrival at the ball, and he passes the time by waltzing by himself.
It might have been the most awkward 20 seconds on t.v. that I’ve ever seen.
But it was also kind of precious.
Jade is super sweet, super shy, and I’m not sure if it’s true or not, but I heard that she posed for Playboy? And you know what else I heard?
For the record, Kelsey is up in arms about the whole thing.
They ate dinner and the entire date was just ho-hum.
But no worries, while back at the house, #genieinabottle threw on a princess dress and munched on an ear of corn.
I have absolutely no idea.
Back to the ball.
There was a symphony, and they danced, and the clock struck 12:00 and they made her run down the stairs. Otherwise known as CHEESEFEST.
And I have to admit, I prayed Jade down those stairs in her Louboutin’s.
And it’s just about now that I look at the clock and realize I have AN HOUR LEFT.
I’m not sure if I have the stamina for this.
The next group date card arrives.
Let’s Get Dirty.
Here’s who is going:
Nikki (WHO?), Jillian, Whitney, My Name is Carly It’s Nice To Meet You, Britt, Becca
There are 6 white boxes on the front porch filled with the most awful wedding dresses you’ve ever laid eyes on. They throw on the dresses, hop on a private jet, and arrive at a muddy obstacle course.
And Jillian knows she has this one in the bag.
She does some stretches, kisses her biceps, and then DOMINATES.
The other girls are TOAST.
Check her out.
Jillian wins the race (duh), and she and Chris have their 1:1 date.
Jillian is talking NON STOP about every type of fitness competition she’s ever been in.
And Chris is listening.
And then listening some more.
He says she’s talking too fast for him to process it, he talks about how her words are “flowing over his head”, and he lets us know that he started to think about “unicorns and dancing fairies”.
And I start to wonder if he got into #crazyeye’s stash of pills.
Jillian then suggests a rousing came of “Would You Rather?”
But her “would you rather?” scenario would make a stripper blush, so I’m not going to write it here.
Needless to say.
My mind immediately goes to Britt. Who is going to spoon Britt on the couch now?
Now they’re back at the mansion for the cocktail party.
And Prince Farming assures everybody that he sent Jillian home because he’s ready to find a wife.
#genieinabottle isn’t so sure she fully drove the I’M A VIRGIN point home, because I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but she is in fact a virgin.
So she pulls him aside to tell him. AGAIN. That’s she’s a virgin. But this time she doesn’t speak in code and straight up says “I’m a virgin.” She also says, “But don’t worry, because it’s not something I’m super serious about.”
And…I would like to make an official announcement right here…
from henceforth, #genieinabottle will now be referred to as #virgininabottle
Britt took Chris aside and asked him why the heck he is validating behavior such as sex talk and stripping at the lake by handing out roses to girls who have participated in these types of shenanigans. As a girl, you gotta respect Britt for asking the question. YOU GO BRITT!
However, as a person who has watched the Bachelor in previous seasons, I’ve gotta say, this is a CLASSIC mistake that girls sometimes make.
And all of a sudden Britt became THAT GIRL.
Chris lost the ability to speak.
He was stumbling all over his words and making no sense.
And I tell ya, I wanted Dancing Chris back from last week.
Because this stammering and offended Chris? Not attractive.
He started talking in broken sentences, was obviously TICKED OFF, and then just stood up and left.
Who gets the roses?
My name is Carly, It’s Nice To Meet You
Samantha (AGAIN! WHO?)
Mackenzie (For realz???)
Who gets sent home?
and some girl who I still don’t know her name
During her exit interview, #crazyeyes says “I feel nothing. I have no feelings.
I’m not worried about me.”
Well, maybe you’re not.
But therapists all over America ARE in fact worried.
And you can bet that the Bachelor therapist is waiting for her in that limo with some mood stabilizers. I’m also quite sure they’ve already confiscated her nail file and all other sharp objects out of her bag.
That’s all for The Bachelor this week.
Now before you go, as I promised earlier, there’s a mini Shopping With Sheaffer today!
I ran through Nordstrom the other day, tried on several things that I liked, but there weren’t enough items to make an entire post…..so on to the end of the Bachelor recap they go!
Now, the lace work is see-through at certain parts, so you would definitely have to wear a cami under it, but I feel like it’s a great transition piece for spring!
Click HERE. It’s only $38!
For size reference, I’m wearing an x-small and I felt like it was plenty roomy.
(I like it a little more fitted than it looks on the model on the Nordstrom site.
I’m guessing she sized up.)
And THIS Lush floral blouse is so pretty!
And for $38, you simply can’t beat the price.
I’m not wearing a cami in this picture, but it needs a cami for both the sheerness and the fact that it’s pretty low-cut. I thought it looked great with jeans, but it’s dressy enough to be paired with a pair of slacks or a pencil skirt for office wear.
For size reference, I’m wearing a small.
If you want to see all of the Lush blouses available, click HERE! Lots to choose from!
I know I’m starting to feature some spring items, but I’m fully aware that it’s still cold as all get out in many places. So I thought there were lots of you that would want to know about THIS cardigan coat.
I thought this cardi was greatness.
It’s very cozy, and I loved the styling of it! The big collar is so fun!
For size reference, I was wearing a small.
Okay, back to spring. For a nice and lightweight spring staple, check out THIS scarf.
It’s black with little white hearts. Very sweet! It also comes in a mint green with black hearts.
It’s difficult to tell in my photo below, but it has fringe on it. And it’s an infinity scarf!
And I’m not sure THIS long and flowy tunic tank is me, but I know it’s going to be interesting to many of you. And I’m pretty sure Andrea is already clicking “purchase”.
It’s QUITE long in back, but I think it would be a great layering piece. Not necessarily under a military jacket, but you get the idea.
For size reference, I was wearing a small.
Click HERE for all Chloe K tunics.
These pics include the prices of all items above, just click what you are interested in!
And if you normally just come here for the Bachelor, you might want to check out Monday’s post HERE because I have a new pair of coral boyfriend jeans and a pair of grey “snakeskin” slip on sneakers that I’m crazy about!
We’re half-way through the week girls! We can do this!
If you’re interested in my Get Healthy journey (a.k.a. weight loss journey…let’s just be honest), click HERE to see my Week 1 update. Week 2 will be up on Friday and I will report back with what I’ve eaten, what I’ve done to keep active, and how much I’ve lost.
Know this, I have to fight off the constant urge to cook up and eat a vat of queso.