Sheaffer Told Me To

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Prince Farming Episode #1: It’s Harvest Time (LADY Harvest that is)

By 77 Comments

So Girls, here we are again!  
It’s BACHELOR TIME!
And for the first time in several seasons, I’m actually finding myself excited about watching AND recapping it all!  Because Monday night gave me LOTS of material.
BRING. ON. THE. CRAZY.
The show Monday night was 3 hours long (FOR THE LOVE), and it starts with an hour on the red carpet (FOR THE LOVE) with hundreds of adoring fans (do you see that girl in the orange scarf?  well, she lost her EVER LOVING MIND) and around 20 bachelor celebrities.  And yes, I’m using the term celebrities loosely hear.  
I think Bachelor Nation reached a new low with these red carpet shenanigans.
Chris Harrison stood in the foreground, fans stood in the background, and Bachelor peeps just kind of milled around with their hands in their pockets and paid literally no attention to the fans.
 It was weird.
Harrison (who usually can do no wrong in my eyes) should have shut this whole red carpet idea down.  Come on Harrison.
Here’s a brief recap of the red carpet.
Erica is committed to wearing tiaras.  And lame jumpsuits apparently.
(Okay, so I have no idea how to put that little slash mark above the “e” ….so it reads “lame” jumpsuit.  Which also fits.)
There is NO WAY Josh and Andi are actually getting married.
Sean and Catherine like to do it a lot, but they aren’t officially making babies yet. I’ll say one thing, those are going to be some precious babies.
Nikki finally admits to the world that ol’ Huhwhan Pablo is a total loser.
Bachelor alumns like to pose on a red carpet like they are famous.
Yep, that about wraps it up.
The End.
TOO BAD IT TOOK 58 MINUTES on TV.
#CLEAR
Okay….let’s get to the show!
First, let’s meet our Bachelor.
If you don’t remember him from Andi’s season, his name is Chris, and he’s a farmer.
And if you think you might forget his occupation, I can guarantee you that you won’t….because he’ll tell you 23,000 times, and there will be more farming puns that you can count.
But we don’t care.
Because this farmer knows how to ROCK A PUFFER.
This is Chris.  He hearts puffers, and we heart him.
#ilovearuggedlyhandsomefarmersinapuffer
#andplaid

Now it’s time to begin the PARADE O’ CRAZY!
In this picture it looks like he has a huge crop (see what I did there?) of nice and normal ladies to choose from, but don’t worry, there is plenty of material here for an entire season of eye rolling and “OH NO she dih-unts”.
And this is neither here nore there…..but do you see the girl on the very right in the red?
I want her boobs.
Sorry Dad.
I’m not going to talk about all of the girls, but I am going to mention some that struck me as particularly blog worthy.  Here we go.

Let’s get started with #crazyeyes.  Because her eyes?  Well, they’re crazy.
You might have initially thought the she was just wide eyed, and maybe a little innocent, and excited.  But No.
 She Cray.
TRUST.
Even if you didn’t initially think so, you knew she was when she picked what she thought was an onion OFF OF A TREE.  Because you know, onions grow on trees.
This girl, let’s call her Doily.
I don’t remember anything about her, except for the fact that a strong gust of wind could have blown her dress right off of her.  
Or a hang nail catching on it could have made it shred to pieces.
Either one would have been good t.v.
This next girl made me shake my head.
I know this is going to be shocking since she looks like such a classy gal in the picture below, but this next girl in fact IS NOT.
She made a “plowing her field” reference (ewwww) and then told a joke that was in super poor taste.
Let’s just say she managed to offend seals, walruses, and tupperware enthusiasts everywhere.
 Okay, so this next girl is every little girl’s parents worst nightmare.
You see, she’s a ballet teacher.
She teaches precious little girls how to dance.
 And yet when talking about Prince Farming, she used the term “panty dropper”.  Um, not okay.
Time to shop around for another dance studio parents.
 Also, she lives with her mommy because she doesn’t like to cook or clean.
Go ahead and twirl your way right on outta hear ballet girl because Prince Farming wants a lady that can shuck corn and chicken fry a steak.
And that ain’t you.
Seriously, mosey on along.
Hey Twinkle Toes, your exit is straight ahead.
Thank you flight attendant girl.
 This girl thought it would be funny if she wore a pig snout, because you know, he’s a farmer.
But he’s not a pig farmer.
Sooooooooo……not as funny as she had hoped.
But I loved her hair. And her dress.
 This next girl first hopped out of the limo in a flannel and a pair of denim panties.
Denim panties are memorable, so I gotta give it to her there.
#yeehaw
She then ran through the mansion (and in that short time managed to be judged by every other girl in the house), threw on a black dress, and then popped out of the limo again.  20 points to Prince Farming for recognizing it was the same girl!
All you need to know about Denim Panties is that she knows how to BRING THE PARTY.
She may have had one or seven too many drinks, and she may have had trouble maintaining an upright position during the rose ceremony.  
And she may have looked sleepy and a little disheveled by the end of the night.   
Allegedly.
 This is the fertility specialist giving #bringtheparty the side eye when she was basically tap dancing on the bleachers during the rose ceremony and willing herself not to spew on the ladies below her.
But admit it.  That would have been t.v. GOLD.
The fertility specialist seems like a great girl.  She’s gorgeous and seems super sweet, but I have two pieces of advice for her:
1)  Try to lower your voice several octaves.
2) Maybe hold off on talking about pig insemination until the 2nd date.
Still, I like her.  I’m thinking Top 5 for sure.
And I want her earrings.
This next doll face steps out of the limo carrying a bubble gum pink karaoke machine.
And at first, I averted my eyes because OH THE HUMANITY.
But I have to tell you, I now have “My name is Carly, it’s nice to meet you” stuck in my head.  And if I’m being honest, it’s kind of catchy.
Her dress was a little too Sandra Dee for me, but hey, I like Sandra Dee.
#greaseforever

And now I’d like present to you the front runner.
Meet Britt.
She’s a hugger.

And she also happens to be darling.
And is it me, or does she kind of look like Catherine?

And by the end of the night, I felt like our little ClaireBear.
I needed iv fluids to revive me too BECAUSE 3 HOURS IS TOO LONG FOR A PREMIER.
Do you hear that ABC?
TOO. LONG.
(Apparently Claire over did it on the red carpet and at the after party.)

The two people I’m most happy that he kept (even though they literally have NO SHOT) are #bringtheparty and #crazyeyes.
Because those two girls are gonna bring it.

So…what are your thoughts?  Are you girls are as excited about this season as I am?
Sound off in the comments!
And let’s all keep our fingers crossed that Prince Farming finds a little lassie to settle down with!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂

p.s.
I HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS!!!!!
Nordstrom re-stocked the new MUST HAVE JEANS!
Now, I have no idea how many are in each size, but right now all sizes are available!  THANK YOU NORDSTROM!


Click HERE for the jeans.
For size reference, I am wearing a size 4, so I feel like they are true to size.
Some reviews say to order down a size, but I’m glad I got my normal size.
If you want to see my full review of these jeans and why I love them so much, click HERE for the original post!




p.p.s.
If you follow me on facebook, then you saw me post THESE on facebook last night.
GREAT NEWS!  THEY ARE STILL ON SALE!
They were on my front porch yesterday afternoon when I arrived home, and I couldn’t get them on my feet fast enough.  CUTE, COMFY, and soooooooooo LIGHT.
(All Nike Free for women ON SALE HERE.)
Click HERE to see what everybody had to say about them on facebook!

p.p.p.s.
And if you’re new here, I would love for you to look around for a bit and see what Pinterest Told Me To is about!
Click HERE for my post yesterday with a blanket scarf (and a link to my blanket scarf tutorial)!  This post also highlights a $25 long sleeve white tee from Nordstrom with RAVE reviews (and free shipping and returns, as always)!
Click HERE for Monday’s post where I highlight lots and lots of puffer vests and admit that I’m cuckoo for puffers.

Filed Under: Fashion 77 Comments

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Comments

  1. Erika Slaughter says

    Eek!!! I agree Britt and the fertility girl were two of my faves too!!! Loved your recap!! So glad they're back!!

    Reply

  2. Anonymous says

    I noticed the girl with the orange scarf, too, during the Red Carpet part. I like Kelsey…. she is the guidance counselor who is also is a widow. She appeared in the previews at the end for the season, so I think she will be around for awhile.
    Becky

    Reply

  4. Melissa H. says

    Yes, the red carpet was ridiculous. But I agree, the season looks like it will provide lots of laughs. Like anonymous above, I liked Kelsey. She seems classy. I also really liked the fertility specialist. Thanks for doing these recaps!!!

    Reply

  7. Anonymous says

    When I was watching the show and saw Chris in his puffer, I immediately thought of you and what you might say in your recap! Haha

    Reply

  8. Whitney and Blaire says

    I am basically watching the bachelor, just so I can read your recaps. These are so much fun, and let's just say that I am NOT pulling for Tori, #overserved.
    xo, Whitney and Blaire
    Peaches In A Pod

    Reply

  9. Megan says

    Bahhahahahha!!!! This is hysterical!! I am not a tv watcher.and maybe it's because our tv, at this moment in our lives, only has Curious George, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on it! 😉 I think it's time to jump on the bachelor bandwagon!! 🙂

    Reply

  10. Jersey Love says

    Sheaffer – I'm dying. We would so be best friends if we lived near each other. I couldn't agree more with the red carpet garbage… so boring! I couldn't stand orange scarf girl! I literally have the exact same thought on all the girls! Ballet Bimbo was the worst omg.. she looked so shocked to not get a rose! Like HELLO you're a nut job go ron de jambe back to mama's house! and I love the denim panties call…too funny!! You totally forgot about the creepy human tissue girl!?! She was a LITTLE too enthusiastic about human flesh…and the cooler she toted along with the fake heart which she said "Don't worry its fake" REALLY? Obviously its fake you blood crazed whacknut. I was secretly praying that #bringtheparty would pass out and have a domino affect on everyone – #greatTV but it didn't. Hhaha Excited to watch Monday!!
    ~Tiffany

    Reply

    • CampDallas says

      I am dying at your comments!! Good call on tissue girl!! Oh, and I totally thought over-served-party-girl was going down. I couldn't stop laughing. And then I'd close my eyes…because it was a train wreck!

      Reply

  11. Dani {Adventures of a Pharm Girl} says

    Crazy eyes is seriously cray! And 3 houses is in fact way to long. Get the memo ABC! 🙂
    So happy the recaps are back!!

    Reply

  12. Denise Holthaus says

    I agree about the red carpet!! I wanted to poke my eyes out at 7:05!! And how many ways could Chris ask Nikki if Juan was a jerk??? It was painful! The show promises to entertain and I can't wait to see it all unfold with the tears and drama!!! Thanks for the recap!!

    Reply

  13. Kirbie says

    "it's a pomegranate, god bless it" seriously?? onions grow under the ground honey!! The fertility nurse was totally adorable, i loved her LBD and bright yellow shoes!!

    Reply

  14. Dana Vissage says

    Love your Bachelor recap posts… HILARIOUS!! And I'm thinking Andi's eyebrows need their own show… holy eyebrows!! And I am digging those Nike's!!

    Reply

  16. The Lovely One says

    I liked Britt, and I also liked Kelsey, the widow from Texas. And I LOVED Catherine's cape! Are capes cool to wear? I could feel like a super hero and stay warm at the same time! Please feature your favorite capes on your blog so I can find the right one!

    Reply

  18. Libby Gordon says

    I gave up watching Bachelor quite a few seasons ago but your recaps are so hilarious, I am TOTALLY sucked in. #crazyeyes ( I will never remember this girl's and denim panties girl's names because the hashtags are better) is seriously freaking me out and I haven't gotten to the rose ceremony yet but I can't wait to see denim panties girl in action. I'm pulling for Britt because she seems so sincere and sweet. Thanks for the updates and keep them coming!

    Reply

  19. Queen In Between says

    I honestly don't actually watch the show but your recap always cracks me up! And my must have jeans came yesterday….can't wait to try them!

    Reply

  20. Wendy says

    Love Kelsey…classy, smart, pretty and a poignant back story (that's not too over the top where you think ABC added some drama to it). I also think Chris did a little too much digging to Nikki about Juan. How many ways could he ask the same question? I thought Nikki did an admirable job of not spilling the beans too much, while letting it be known that he was less than husband material.

    Side note…my husband seriously likes Crazy Eyes, well maybe until the onion reference. He's not a fan of dumb. She reminds me of Courtney Thorne-Smith of Melrose Place fame (remember when she was an alcoholic on the show…Ashley S. nailed the same exact wide-eyed, deer in the headlight, blank look….but maybe that show was before your time and you have no idea what I'm talking about…I'm at least 10 years older than you) .

    Reply

    • Anonymous says

      I agree! I kept telling my daughters that she looked like Courtney Thorne-Smith, but they had no clue who she is!

      Reply

  21. Jumi says

    I haven't watched the Bachelor in about 5 years but I am going to watch it because of you and I like the idea of Prince Farming. I watched a bit of the red carpet and maybe I heard wrong but did Lacey say she and Marcus are a little 80/40 on the wedding date….. The whole red carper idea is kind of ridiculous but it is nice to see some of the Bachelor Alum

    Reply

  22. Liz/ says

    Yay for Bachelor recaps….my favorite for sure (I mean I love all your other posts too but these are just too good)! LOVE Britt and I thought she resembled Catherine too…..both gorgeous and fun….and I loved the fertility chick BUT I can't stand her voice….I may be able to get past it as time goes on but right now, I just can't! Looks like it's going to be the most dramatic season ever and I can't wait!!!

    Reply

  23. Kari Maddox says

    I am excited about this season. I only started to watch when it was Sean's season….then we had Pablo and now I am excited Chris!! I love the crazy girls and can't wait for the crying and fighting!!!

    Reply

  25. Leslie @ Life Begins at 30? says

    I love your recap! I lost it when the girl from Bachelore in Paradise said 80-40 on the red carpet!! I'm so glad that you are recapping Prince Farming. 🙂

    Reply

    • Jumi says

      That made me loose it too.. I had to think for a second. I actually never planned to watch the Bachelor but enjoyed Scheaffer's recaps so much I got sucked in and now I am looking forward to the rest of this season.

      Reply

  26. Lora G says

    I never understood how people could read your recaps and not watch this show, but I simply don't have the wherewithal for the show and LOVED this recap, so I get it now. 'A girl who can chicken fry a steak' had me seriously laughing out loud! I'll be following along with PTMT and NOT the show 🙂
    By the way, seriously considering the Must Have Jeans, I have 3 pairs of Vigoss, including the gray, which I am obsessed with, so just trying to decide if I need a new pair, probably yes….

    Reply

  28. Jennifer G. says

    Yesssss! You're going to recap!! The recaps are what make it worth watching. On a side note, did you notice how Orange Scarf got moved towards the end? #obnoxious

    Reply

  30. Jen says

    I decided to save myself from 3 hours of that show because I knew I could count on you for a recap! 🙂 And a fantastic one at that. Thanks!

    Reply

  31. Laura says

    I got a blanket scarf for Christmas from my fiancé (it was one of those here you bought me this fyi presents hahaha) and I'm IN LOVE! Just ordered your scarf from the above pics! Can't wait til it arrives!!!

    Reply

  32. Danika says

    I'm with you Sheaffer, 3 hours is just too long. Far too long. It's a serious commitment us viewers have to make to watching a bunch of crazies! Did you know that karaoke Carly is the sister of former bachelor contestant Zak from Desiree's season? She brought up the random fact about how it's illegal to have an ice cream truck in Iowa. I guess that family won't be packing up and moving to Iowa any time soon.
    Looking forward to next weeks post!!

    Reply

  33. Lacey Salmon says

    I died when bring the party got a rose! That had to have been the longest night ever though since they spread out the limos!! Thanks for doing a recap! So fun!

    Reply

  34. Cyndi@Walking in Grace and Beauty says

    I've ordered the must have jeans and can't wait to get them in. I also ordered the chevron poncho you mentioned a few weeks ago and I love it!!
    Blessings
    Cyndi

    Reply

  35. Jen Bowers says

    Random Bachelor trivia – Carly (the cruise singer) is Zak Waddell (from Des's season)'s little sis! She's adorable and has that same goofball personality as her big bro!

    Reply

  38. kate says

    I just read that Andi and Josh broke up! You totally called it!! And as soon as I read it, I thought, "I have to let Sheaffer know!" (Because we're BFFs.) Ha! LOVE!

    Reply

  39. Carolyn says

    Haha wow you really nailed it with Josh and Andi.. Just saw on E! that they ended their engagement. Maybe it was the eyebrows ??

    Reply

  40. Kristin says

    Britt and Whitney, the fertility girl, were my two faves. I can't believe he kept #bringtheparty aka Woobling Tara but I heard she doesn't last long. I can't believe the crazy ballet teacher admitted on TV that she prefers to live at home because she doesn't have to do anything…yeah, some guy is REALLY going to want you!

    Reply

  41. DIYbyDesign says

    Ok… you are good…it was just announced that Andi and Josh broke up. Nice call!! Agreed – 3 hours too long and red carpet a train wreck to watch.

    Reply

  42. Anonymous says

    First of all, if we lived closer we would be hanging out 🙂 You crack me up and I agree with everything you said about the Bachelor! You were right too about Andi and Josh. They announced their break up today! I do have a question for you about the must have jeans. I just got them in a 0 and they seem big still. Will they stretch more or will I be okay? There is nothing I hate more than a baggy skinny jean.
    Thanks for all your great posts. I LOVE your blog and look forward to reading it each day.

    Rachel Peterson

    Reply

  43. Melody Lietzau says

    LOVED this recap. So we were at this "Live" premiere. It was so not live. The red carpet was shot for like three hours and edited. The past cast members were all great and took pictures and talked with us all but by the time they filmed they didn't know what to do with themselves. Funny story about crazy orange scarf girl. I was in my pink wheel chair with my girls beside me. ABC gave us the royal treatment and placed us upfront next to Chris. That girl complained that we were blocking the walk way and they moved us. She was super mean and super obnoxious and I was so happy when they booted her. I got to meet Sean and Catherine who are so lovely and sweet, and I was more excited to tell them what a fan of Shay's I was and how we had adopted from China as well. You could tell the chemistry between Andi and Josh was dunzo. It was a super fun day but oh soooooo long.

    Reply

    • Sheaffer says

      No Way Melody! This is such a cool story! I love that the ABC people (former cast members AND crew members) were so great! And now I want to "have words" with orange scarf girl! Thanks for taking the time to comment about your experience!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂

      Reply

    • katk17 says

      That's so cool! Now I need to go back and watch for orange scarf girl. Did you get some tv time? How did y'all get to go? So it really wasn't live?!?

      Reply

  45. Mandy :))) says

    I am cracking up over here…you are SPOT ON for this season…It's like you read my mind. Cannot wait for the rest of "the most dramatic season yet" haha. 🙂

    Reply

  46. Sara Glomski says

    I just love your recaps! The red carpet… I mean do they think this is the golden globes!? Britt, fertility gal, and Kelsey are my faves so far!

    Reply

  47. Alyssa Albany says

    I love love love your recaps!!! I'm excited for this season (and all of your recaps of course!) you are hilarious!!!

    Reply

  48. Slightly Askew Designs says

    Britt looks like the girl Nick Lachey married! Who is that??? I could google it – but apparently I'm lazy. LOVE the recaps – so glad you're back at 'em! 🙂

    Reply

  49. Tracy K says

    Literally LOLing while reading your recap! Did you see the preview of the whole tent debacle??? Can't wait to see what that's all about! I'm sure it won't be as dramatic as they make it seem, but one can hope!
    Also-did u hear that Josh & Andi broke up??? You called that one! How did you know??? I adore him! So freaking cute!!!!! Like the cutest in my opinion. I say next bachelor material right there!

    Reply

  51. Mandy says

    Great recap! So much good material to work with. So glad you're doing the recaps again. That's how I initially found your blog!

    Reply

  52. Anonymous says

    I just read on People.com before I read your post that Andi and Josh have split. Supposedly they split five months ago? You would never know by their Instagram accounts.
    I like Britt a lot, and I thought Becca was really pretty too.

    Reply

  53. Anonymous says

    I don't watch the show but I LOVE the recaps. I was laughing so hard my husband had to mute the tv and ask me what I was reading! Looking forward to the next installment.
    Kim

    Reply

  56. Astleigh H. says

    Gal, you hit the nail on the head with this post. It's like reading my own thoughts. But, I'm kind of thinking that the last girl standing is going to be Becca in her sparkly romper! Did you see the way he looked at her??

    Reply

  57. Marie says

    OMG Sheaffer your recaps crack me up, I am so glad you are doing this again, I sit here at work and laugh out SO loud, everbody is looking at me like I have lost it!! I will keep watching this season just so I can keep up with your recaps, your rock:))

    Reply

  58. Anonymous says

    Yay! That is so fantastic! I love that I found your blog with great fashion help (and still loving my jeans) and now a Bachelor recap! Thanks for this! 🙂 Brandi

    Reply

  60. Maggie C. says

    Loved this recap! I agree with pretty much everything you said. I liked Whitney but her voice is kind of annoying. I don't think I'd be able to listen to that for the rest of my life if I was Chris. Good call on Andi & Josh! And did you see Emily Maynard is pregnant?!

    Reply

  61. Paula says

    This is my favorite! I love your recaps! Hilarious! My husband watches with me, so I just read your recap! Agree! Agree! Agree!

    Orange scarf…simmer down.
    Impressed Nikki didn't just call Pablo an @ss. Really classy.

    Crazy eyes all over!
    Drunk gal…gonna be a party! He only kept her because "Demin panties" had him at hello! Train wreck!
    Looking forward to the drama…and your recaps!

    Reply

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