Ya’ll, this dress can totally talk

I first met this dress last Tuesday, and she was so polite and lovely.

I was in Nordstrom with friends, and she called me over to her and totally picked me up.
She was all like, “You’re kinda cute. I’d like you to wear me.”
I totally fell for her sweet talk. However, it was lies. All lies.
Anyway, I bought her, took her home, and couldn’t wait to be friends for life.
Isn’t she cute?
WELL.
Once I got her home, things changed.
At the store, she was sweet. At home, she turned on me.
She was all sorts of sassy. And not in a good way.
I tried to style her like 7 or 8 different ways.
And you know what?
Each time she would laugh and say something hurtful.
When I threw tall boots on with her, she was all….
“Hmmmm….MAYBE that would work if you weren’t 5’3″ and 3/4.” (You ladies know how important that extra 3/4 is.)
When I tried to belt her at the waist, she scoffed and said, “MAYBE that would work if you could exercise a little self control and put down the chips and queso.”
When I tried to just wear it plain with a simple necklace she said
“You know what. That looks good!…..If you LIKE the uniboob look.”
That one was mean spirited.
When I got crazy and tried to mix it up and wear a cardigan and a scarf, and belt them both, she said I looked a colonial woman.
I’m not sure what she meant by that, but I think she was right.
For 2 days and 2 nights, every time I looked at her she would quietly mock me.
Well…..I showed her.
Guess who went back to the store last Thursday?
Yep.
I hope she and her sassy little mouth learned a lesson.
And for her next owner’s sake, I hope the girl is at least 5’9″ and a 00.
Jeni, if you’re reading, you should totally go buy this dress!!!!
🙂