Like, I thought about writing the following….
SCARVES and HOODIES.
The End.
Or maybe.
Stupid half pony tail.
Buh-Bye.
One more.
Andi likes to make duck faces when involved in serious conversations and Nick is a jackwagon.
That about sums it up.
But alas, it seems as if the majority of you ladies wanted a real recap….so a real recap you will get.
Although I will say, you all granted me a lot of grace as far as if I should keep doing the recaps, and I soooooo appreciate that.
This week you’re getting one, and then I will take the upcoming weeks on a case by case basis.
I’m going to be really focused on shopping and highlighting the best items from the Anniversary Sale (remember to GET A CARD if you want to shop a full week early with me and the other cardholders!), so I’m guessing some weeks there will be a recap, and some there won’t.
Thanks for the support girls!
Here we go…..
It’s time for the parade of colorful hoodies and whimsical scarves to enter the
hotel upon arrival in Belgium.
Let me start by saying this: Harrison. KUDOS TO YOU MAN.
When you walked into the hotel room you all but erased every memory of the tragic turtleneck choice in Versailles. Well done Harrison. You needed to come back in a big way, and you did.
I applaud your shallow v-neck and blazer.
The guys could learn a thing or 12 from you.
I’m just kidding.
The impromptu seminar didn’t happen.
But it should have.
I mean. Seriously. Check out the pink sweater with the gauzy grey scarf thrown ever so gingerly around his neck.
1st Date Card:
Nick reads :
Marcus. Let’s get a taste of Brussels.
He decides to change out of his scarf. Good idea Marcus.
They walk the streets of Belgium and they sit down to eat mussels. Yep, that’s right. They ate mussels in Brussels. Right after they sit down, this is how the conversation goes:
Marcus: I’ve been looking back at my journal.
Andi: Have you been doing a lot of journaling?
Marcus: Yeah.
Andi: Well, I’m out. I can’t be with a man who journals.
Okay. So I made up that last sentence. But he really does journal.
They head to a castle to eat, and Andi says “There’s no rose tonight, but meeting families is what’s on the table.” Touché Andi.
Marcus starts off talking about his family-life growing up, which was not good. In a nutshell, his dad left and his mom “did the best she could”. I felt awful for him.
Andi was giving him her best duck face while he was pouring out his soul, but she was saying all the right things to make him feel comfortable and she obviously appreciated his openness.
They made out a lot.
Against a wall.
And I have to say I’m surprised. I wasn’t really thinking Marcus was going to be sticking around this long, but by the looks of things he is IN IT TO WIN IT.
After Marcus comes home, Nick knows Andi must be back in the hotel and decides to make a move.
He goes to the front desk at the hotel and is all “Um…..I lost the key to my room. I don’t remember the room number but it’s under my wife’s name. Andi Dorfman. D-0-R-F-M-A-N.”
And then the lady at the front desk just hands over the room number.
Whatever.
As if the entire hotel isn’t under high alert with the entire cast and crew of The Bachelor staying there.
Marcus makes it to her room, and she is shocked when she opens the door. She is obviously scared that he’s coming to tell her that he’s leaving, but that is NOT the case.
He basically professes his love and then they make out on a bench….and then up against a tree.
Apparently if you want to make out with Andi, there needs to be some sort of structure that one of you can be pushed up against.
If Andi had to use one word to describe the relationship with Nick, she says it would be “passion”. Apparently, she can feel what he’s thinking when he kisses her, and it’s HOT. Hot? Um, no. Creepy is the word you are looking for Andi.
And can I get a show of hands on how many of you ladies would get in SO MUCH TROUBLE with your hubbies if he could know your thoughts when you were kissing.
Sure, sometimes the thoughts would be “Oh my goodness. I love this man so much and I’m so lucky to be able to kiss him whenever I want to. Gosh, he’s such a good kisser.”
HOWEVER.
There would also be those days when the thought process would go like this,
“As soon as we’re done, don’t forget to take the clothes out of the dryer immediately, or else plan on fluffing them. AGAIN. And remember to write “sour cream” on the grocery list. I don’t want to forget the sour cream at the grocery store. We’re having tacos tonight, and I would be so sad if I forgot the sour cream.”
Am I right ladies?
The next date card arrives.
Ponytail reads it:
Josh, let’s ghent it on.
I had no idea what that meant or why it was clever, so I looked it up.
Ghent (/ˈɡɛnt/; Dutch: Gent, pronounced [ɣ̟ɛn̪t̪]; French: Gand, pronounced: [ɡɑ̃]) is a city and a municipality located in the Flemish region of Belgium. It is the capital and largest city of the East Flanders province.
Ahhhh. I see. “Ghent” is a city that they will be exploring.
Please tell me there were others of you that didn’t “ghent” it.
See what I did there?
So Dimples gets a 1:1.
They wander through the streets sampling chocolate and watching a goose parade.
No, “goose parade” isn’t code for something. They really watched a gaggle of geese parade down a street while accompanied by a 2-man band.
Don’t believe me? Well, here’s your proof.
But to be honest, I barely noticed the geese parade because I was OBSESSED with Andi’s outfit.
White jeans, lace top, light pink fringe scarf, and a military jacket.
YES TO ALL OF IT ANDI.
And a sweet reader (thanks Jessica!) e-mailed me to tell me she found the exact jacket Andi was wearing. And guess what girls…it’s 60% OFF RIGHT NOW!
Click HERE for the jacket.
(It kind of looks like the military jacket I posted yesterday, right?)
While watching the geese parade, it occurred to me it was time to change Dimples’ nickname.
Can anybody guess what it is now? Anybody? Anybody? I’ll give you a hint.
Yep, that’s right. Dimples will henceforth be known as Nibbles.
Which is unfortunate.
(And no…nibbles isn’t a typo…I just thought it sounded so much nicer than nipples. You’re welcome.)
That night Nibbles and Andi curl up on a sofa with candles all around.
He talks about his family and how happy he will be to see them.
Andi really tries to pry his feelings out of him. She’s like “DANGIT. He WILL say he loves me.”
And then, he says he IS falling in love with her.
And Andi just about Pulls a Cruise.
The third date card arrives.
Nick, Ponytail, Coach, Farmer.
True love is sacred.
They head to the ruins of a castle found somewhere in the Belgian countryside.
Ponytail says “The ruins stood the test of time, and hopefully our relationship will stand the test of time.” Don’t count on it Ponytail.
They hop on rail bikes (guys peddle down a railroad track on a bike and almost pass out), and then they hop out and get told that they are on sacred ground, at a monastery.
And I immediately start to question who the head monk was that thought it was a good idea to let THE BACHELOR come in and walk their sacred grounds.
Can monks get pink slips?
She lined them all up, told them there was no kissing aloud on such sacred ground, and I got a chance to admire her outfit. Sweater, skinny cargo pants, scarf, jacket, and booties. Loved it all.
Andi and the farmer went off together and headed to make some pottery (OUTSIDE of the walls of the monastery), which is a good thing since they are about to go all Ghost on us.
The guys all get told that there is a rose on the group date, and that whomever gets the rose will gets to stay on the date, while all of the other guys go home.
And from there on out it is GAME ON.
Coach takes her aside and tells her he is falling in love with her.
Nick takes a walk by himself and talks to the cameras about how he is better than everybody else.
Nick gets some time with Andi and proceeds to tell her that he is 100% confident that he’s THE guy.
He also basically tells her that he feels her falling in love with him.
Then she leans in and tries to get him to kiss her. ANDI. LET’S NOT MAKE A MOCKERY OF THE MONASTERY.
Andi gives the group date rose to Nick (gasp!) and you can feel the collective jaw tightening, bicep flexing, and butt clinching that is happening with the other guys.
I’m with them, I just don’t get Nick. At all.
Nick doesn’t have any friends in the house, and his scarf and handkercheif aren’t doing him any favors with America.
Farmer, Ponytail, and Coach get in the limo to head back to the hotel…and expletives are flying.
Nick and Andi make googly eyes at each other and then they watch fireworks.
Nick returns to the house…and for what seems like a solid 5 minutes…CRICKETS.
They all just sit around in silence until Coach breaks.
They all give Nick the what for.
But Nick couldn’t care less.
Time for the rose ceremony.
And I think we all know who is going home.
First up. Ponytail.
The writing has been on the wall for this exit for quite awhile.
Before this episode started I was for sure that Marcus was going home, but when I watched this scene, I started to question that.
See?
While she was kissing Marcus. Writing. On an actual wall.
Ponytail and Coach go home.
Both are very sad, but I have a feeling they will both be over it in approximately 36 hours.
THE END.
Now, if you are new to these parts, click HERE to see the other episodes
I’ve recapped from Andi’s season!
Two things before you go:
1)
I don’t know how I missed it, but I found a pic of THIS dress on my phone that somehow never made it to the blog.
I tried it on in black (obviously) but it also comes in a white and cream color combo…
and from the pictures on the site, I think I might like white more!
This dress is now 40% off, which makes it $39.90!
WHAT? $39.90 for a dress?
I was also wearing the fatima necklace c/o Gorjana and Griffin HERE and the KS Rayne necklace (c/o Kendra Scott) at Nordstrom HERE (no more in magenta)
and at Kendra Scott in magenta HERE.
Sidebar: How cute is my little guy in the pics? 🙂
We had
eaten lunch, played at the playground, and spent WAY TOO MUCH time in
the Lego store with friends on this day, but he was still less than
thrilled that I wanted to try a couple of dresses. Still, homeboy was a
good sport, he stretched out on the floor and said “Ahhhh. I’m soooo
cozy.”
2)
BAUBLEBAR is having a sale!
not apply to Buried Bauble, Platinum Buried Bauble, Monthly Musts,
Sales Item, Gift Cards, featured designer products or other promotional
items.
I want to link you to the necklace that I teased this past weekend…because it is now available!!!!
Click HERE.
It’s normally $32, but right now it’s only $20!!!
Click HERE for the Paleolithic Pendant.
I’m also wearing my new favorite Kendra Scott Abalone earrings that I’m obsessed with, c/o Jewelry Nut Auctions. Earrings are also available at Nordstrom HERE.
OBSESSED I tell ya. I’m obsessed.
A reader asked me on facebook yesterday if they are heavy, and they aren’t at all!
The Danielle earrings (the larger version) are heavy. But this Elle version isn’t!
3)
Did you see yesterday’s post?
Because if you didn’t, you need to click HERE.
Seriously, click HERE right now. 😉
Lots of great sale items including this jacket and these awesome camo pants!
See you back here tomorrow ladies for FIVE ON FRIDAY!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
The entire post just made me want to go into my closet and get all layered up. Sigh. I really wish I were wearing scarves, booties and jackets today! And you should totally have sweet Carter sneak into all of your selfies…he's so cute :). Happy Thursday friend!
Anonymous says
I didn't comment yesterday when you asked if you should keep doing the recaps, but I'm commenting now. Yes! Please keep doing them. The nicknames alone made me lol. Nibbles and Ponytail. So funny!
Sarah E @ theteacherswife.com says
Yeap, totally agree, Nick is a creep and needs to go!! And man, do I wish I had Andi's figure – not so sure I could pull off those white jeans! 🙂
Jackie T. says
Excellent recap of the "Game of Scarves" episode! Yes, your nicknames are hilarious!
Anonymous says
I reallly like the beige loafers Andi is wearing with the military jacket. Any idea who makes them?.
Sheaffer says
I don't. So sorry!
April Parrish says
You've done it AGAIN!!! So funny! Loved the guys nicknames! I just don't see what she sees in Nick. He is not attractive at ALL!!!
The new Bauble Bar necklace is a must! Love it!
Have a blessed day! 🙂
Stephanie Jennings says
Love these posts! I didn't comment yesterday, but I so look forward to them. Writing on the ACTUAL wall…hysterical!!!! 🙂
emma @ {from my little pink couch} says
I don't even watch the bachelor, but I love your recaps!!!! Recap on, girl!
dresselfamily.blogspot.com says
ooooohh love.this, amen to.everything!
Amber Sanders says
You are hilarious. I LOVE these recaps. Thanks for taking one for the team and doing it for another week 🙂
kristine says
$20 for that necklace? Yes, please! Awesome recap!
Dani {Adventures of a Pharm Girl} says
I voted no on doing the recaps but they are seriously soo funny!! I like the case by case basis though 🙂 and carter is too cute! Have a happy holiday!!
Kathleen Hulbert says
It seriously cracks me up that I agree with every single thing in your recaps, that alone makes it worth it to keep doing them, right? 🙂
Maria says
You're so funny, I love the bachelorette recaps. I was thinking the same thing "seriously, whats up with the scarves, guys?"
Kimberly says
OK Sheaffer…after this episode, I am now completely convinced that Andi's wardrobe stylist is a PTMT follower!!!
sammy says
Excellent…just excellent! I was laughing out loud the entire time reading this recap! I just put the black embroidered dress in my Nordstrom's shopping cart last night. Seeing it today on the blog must be a sign…I'm off to hit submit 😉 Thanks!
Liz/ says
Your thought process on when kissing your significant other had me dying….so very true! Also, I know there are not many Nick fans out there but I for one really like him! I think all the other guys are just jealous they have no game and that Nick is actually stepping up and making the moves….if they are so pissed about it why don't they step up and make moves too instead of sitting back and crying like little babies….ridiculous I tell you! And really it's just production making him look so terrible, I don't really believe he is as bad as they are making him out to be!
Sheri says
Of COURSE you should keep writing the re-caps!! I haven't watched this show since Sean's season, but I love reading your re-caps because of your fun sense of humor. Please keep them up!
Kathryn says
Love the blog and not just the recaps! However, creepy Nick kept reminding me of someone. Then Steel Magnolias came on yesterday (which I have to watch if it is on) and I finally figured it out. He reminds me of Kevin O'Connor who played Sammy the bartender turned Daryl Hannah's love interest. I can't believe he has made it this far!
Nicole Bickham says
You, my dear, made my morning! Perfect recap…this season is getting ridiculous. Thank you for the hilarious recap and the laughter it brought. Happy day to you!
Anonymous says
Mussels in Brussels? Yes! Sprouts in Brussels? No. Please continue with the recaps!
Lindsay says
Oh my gosh, too funny about kissing your sig other while thinking of sour cream!! So true! And yes, the man scarves needed an intervention from Harrison. It was also the way they were wearing them that was all feminine and drapey. If it's cold and you are outside I say yes to man scarves, but indoors it's a no for me. Thanks for continuing the recaps, love em!!
Gwen L. says
You know, I typed up a big long post about how much this season, and Andi, are annoying me to death, but I will spare you all my ramblings and just say UGH. The faces, the voices that are somewhere between a purr and a growl. "THAT'S a man!" Oh ugh. Just…ugh…
amy says
Your recaps are the reason I read your blog – you have a gift of humor. Please don't stop. 🙂
Anonymous says
Where can I find that cute whit top you are wearing? New follower and just ordered a pair of vigroos jeans:))) tried to order the must have twill military jacket, but its out of stock in my size: (((((
Sheaffer says
So sorry! It's from LOFT several years ago! 🙁
Sarah Kuykendall says
One word: nibbles. Sooo funny!!
Anonymous says
You never disappoint with your recaps! Excellent post. You're hilarious!!! Thanks for indulging all of us with recaps 🙂
Kim says
I felt like this episode was sponsored by colored hoodies and scarves! So awful. I hope they fire the boys wardrobe stylist. I'm sure Farmer Chris doesn't dress like that in Iowa!
Thanks for the laughs and Happy 4th!!
Kelsey Long says
Love those camo pants from yesterday's post!! I'm kind of obsessed! Great recap, as always 🙂
Kels
http://www.excusemyblog.com
Elizabeth {Chasin' Mason} says
Carter is so cute in the right picture where you are trying on the dress! At first I thought "poor boy, he is so tired, he just wants to go home" but no! He could have stayed for hours all cozy there on the floor. Such a sweet boy!
Susan Cahalane says
I hated the man scarves too!! Love your recaps!!
Anonymous says
I love love love your Bachelorette re-caps. You are so funny. It is seriously the main reason I come here. I hope you keep doing them.