Bachelor in Paradise Week 4 Recap

Before we get started today, if you haven’t yet entered the Birthday contest ($500 gift cards for a pair of friends!), you need to do so right now!
The contest closes Thursday at midnight, and the winner will be announced on Friday morning by 10:00 a.m.  Make sure you see all the different ways to enter (click HERE) and good luck!

Week 4 is of Bachelor in Paradise just happened (catch up on previous weeks HERE if you need to).
Week 4 bullet points follow:

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I’m OVER the Joe and Sam stuff,  but I thought it was hysterical how Dr. Hunt is now referring to the whole mess as “Text Gate”.
Here’s the deal.
THE PEOPLE THAT CAME TO THIS ISLAND KNEW WHAT THEY WERE GETTING IN TO.
I don’t think what Joe did was really all that different than what others are doing, have done in the past, or will do in the future.
That being said, the way Joe HAS REACTED to all of this is just plain ridonkulous.
Joe is a butt head.
*
And Samantha is coming off as mean.
And dumb.
But she still has the best hair I’ve ever seen.
*
#virbininabottle is “over the drama” and just wants stare at Jared’s face.
And apparently wear Rose’s necklace.
#theheartoftheoceanisback
#neverletgoJack

*
Speaking of drama, Samantha said the word “drama” approximately 73,412 times
 during this week’s episodes.
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My Name is Carly, It’s Nice To Meet You is rocking some Accessory Concierge bling.
Click HERE for the necklace.

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Dr. Hunt is wearing suspenders, and he is somehow ROCKING THEM.
Even though he looks like a castmember from Newsies.
*
This next one really makes me crazy.
Clare said supposably.
SUPPOSABLY is NOT a word people.
And Joe, “conversate” still isn’t a word either.  The word you’re looking for is “converse”.
But if that’s too hard, just say TALK.
And while we’re on the subject, you know what else isn’t a word?
 Libary.
And please know that if your tooth is loose then you might lose it.
#justacoupleofmypetpeeves
*
Juelia goes to see Harrison and requests that Mikey get to come back for her since she felt she was duped by Joe.  Harrison seems to find the idea interesting, but he makes no promises.
*
Time for the rose ceremony!
Joshua gives his rose toTenley.
Jared gives his rose to Ashley.
Kirk gives his rose to My Name is Carly, It’s Nice to Meet You.
Tanner gives his rose to Jade.
Joe gives his rose to Samantha.
*
JJ is up next.
Everybody is talking about how JJ has to pick between Megan and Juelia (even though Clare and Ashley are left as well).
But everybody is wrong.
Because he chooses Ashley.
Huh?  Whuh?  But nobody is as surprised as Ashley.
She says she can’t possibly accept the rose…but then she does 2.3 seconds later.

And then he recited a monologue about how there is somebody he loves back at home and he is all PEACE OUT.  Raise your hand if you think it’s Clint.

*
It’s Dan’s turn to hand out his rose.
And he needs a moment.
He asks Carly to have a word for a minute and he’s trying to talk out his options with her.
Should he give the rose to Amber (who he maybe could possibly like, but let’s be honest, doesn’t)?
Or should he give it to Juelia?
Everybody is speculating about what the heck is going on, but EVERYBODY (but Joe and Sam)
are Team Juelia.
He gives his rose to Amber (who he maybe could possibly like, but let’s be honest, doesn’t).
Which means Megan leaves.
And Clare leaves.
And Juelia leaves.
orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr does she?
On her way to the rejection mini, Meatball pops out and surprises her.
#it’sameatballsurprise

They walk back to the cabana, Harrison announces that they are returning to the show.
And Joe and Sam want to crawl in a hole and die.
*
In the limo leaving, Clare announces her retirement from Bachelor in paradise.
I’m not sure I believe her.
Nobody throw her a retirement party quite yet.
*

Tanner gets the date card, and he asks Jade.  Obvi.
She borrowed Carly’s  tile bib necklace.  And now I want it.

They board a private plane, sip on champagne, and head to Tequila, Mexico.
Tanner has to hack away at an agave plant while the gentlemen that actually work at the tequila plant just shake their heads.

They are presented an invitation for an overnight date, and they happily accept.
Here’s a tip Jade.
Don’t bring your laptop this time.
*
Nick shows up.
He looks familiar, but I can’t place him.   It says he’s from Ashley’s season.
I googled him, and found this.

Good call on the haircut Nick.

*
When he arrives, he talks to Harrison, and we immediately find out that he and Sam have already been talking and texting.  He says that if he gets a date card, it will be for her.
America stood up and cheered.
Harrison hands him a date card.
*
 Nick asks Sam on the date (WoooooooHoooooooo!), BUT she awkwardly says “no”.
DANGGGGGITTTTTTTTTTTTTT! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nick then asks Ashley S.
Purely FYI:  I want her body, but I don’t want her headband.
And if you think her arms and shoulders are good, you should see her abs.

They are supposed to go on a boat ride, but apparently a hurricane is a comin’, so the boat ride is cancelled.  Instead, they drink tequila.
And drink tequila.
And then drink tequila some more.
They go for a sensual tequila massage (totally made up thing I’m guessing).   Ashley is massaging his arms, and the camera keeps on going in for a close up of Nick’s “shorts”.

I’m not posting a screen shot of the “shorts” in an effort to protect your retinas from breaking.
You’re welcome.
Ashley is weird SOBER.
So imagine her DRUNK.
It’s something to behold.
She appears to be having some sort of telepathic conversation with a very inappropriate and pushy crow while she is massaging Nick.

After the massages they decided to drink some more.
And then some more.
And then they get in a hot tub.
And to be honest, I’m worried about the possibility of a drowning.
I hope one of the interns is CPR certified.
Ashley starts talking nonsense.
Like absolute nonsense.
I’d paraphrase it here, but I have no idea how to even try.

*
Joe and Sam are lying on the beach talking, AND I NEED SUBTITLES.
Although I can’t make out everything that is being said, I can see that this is the beginning of of the end for Ol’ Joe.

He’s all of a sudden coming off as super needy.
And we all know that neediness is NOT an attractive quality.
Neither is the hillbilly accent.
Or the fact that he’s a total dillweed.
So yeah, Joe’s not looking super cute right now.
And Sam seems to to be backpeddling a bit.
THAT’S WHAT THEY CALL KARMA JOE.
#it’sab%*#&
*
Whatever Jorge the bartender gets paid, it’s not enough.
*
Jared decides to finally talk to Ashley because he fears she likes him more than he likes her.
#duh
And he basically admits that he’s not over Kaitlyn.
Which makes it difficult for #virgininabottle to appropriately take in air and you know, BREATHE.
*
Joe throws himself a birthday party.
And he invites Samantha and….wait….he only invites Samantha.
#worstbirthdaypartyEVER
Sam immediately ruins the party by telling him that she doesn’t like drama (liar), that she’s never been surrounded by so much drama (liar), and that the drama is beneath her (liar), and that she wants to date other people (now THAT I believe).

Joe IMMEDIATELY turns on Samantha.
He finds Josh, tells him that Sam is a “B” and that he will expose her to the others by showing her text messages to everybody.
Joe, I would like to remind you that not that long ago you were wishing her to be the mother of your children.
#yousuckJoe
#sodoyouSam
#ifeelthesuddenurgetosayITOLDYOUSO
*

NIGHT 2
The show opens with Tenley and My Name is Carly It’s Nice To Meet You doing a synchronized swimming routine on a bed.
It sounds weird.
And it was weird.
But, I’ve gotta say, that they were strangely good at their routine.
I think synchronized swimming NOT IN WATER might have been an athletic event I could have really excelled in.  (I’m fully aware that I just ended my sentence in a preposition, but I tried to edit it a thousand different ways and couldn’t come up with anything.)
Anyway, I think I missed my calling.

*
#virgininabottle seeks out Joe and she has on her Accessory Concierge bracelets again!
#shoutoutAC
And the girl cannot hold it together.
She says it’s the worst day ever.
Um….do you not remember being dropped off in the Badlands with #kraziinakardikelsey?  Cuz I’m thinking that day was worse.

*
A date card arrives for Meatball.
He chooses Juelia.
They  go to a Mexican wrestling match.
And I don’t know if you know this, but Mexican wrestling is a lot like love…

*
Joe talks to Sam and tries to warn her that SHE’S GOING DOWN.
He straight up threatens her by telling her it’s going to look really bad for her when he shares the text message where she allegedly said “Do whatever you have to do to get the rose.”
Let’s hope she never sent him any nudie pics, because I’m guessing he would have no problem plastering those all over the world wide web faster than you can say karmaisab#&S*
Joe scares me.
*
My Name is Carly, It’s Nice To Meet You and Dr. Hunt go on a fishing date.
I like Carly, but her shorts were unfortunate.

But OH MY WORD are they cute together.
Carly, get this pic printed on canvas STAT.

*
#virgininabottle convinces Joe to try a new approach with Sam by being silly and wiping the slate clean by acting like they just met.
Joe agrees to try it, but Sam just looks at him like he has 2 heads.
He crashes and burns.
*
THERE IS ANOTHER NEW GUY COMING IN!
STOP THE MADNESS ABC!
    Justin from Kaitlyn’s season comes in (I don’t remember him either) and asks Sam on a date.
She accepts.
*
I don’t watch After Paradise, BECAUSE I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN.
But, I do know that Peter Brady has now been announced as the next bachelor!
I am THRILLED.
I feel like he’s very Sean Lowe-esque.
Lots of people are afraid Ben is going to be too “vanilla” and boring, but I’m PUMPED!
Because let’s be real, ABC doesn’t do “vanilla”
They will make up for Peter’s good manners and kindness by making sure
 the ladies are EXTRA crazy.
Do we not remember Tiarra’s from Sean’s season?
Because this picture is Exhibit A.
#lookslikesomebodystolehersparkle

SEVERAL more things before you go today!
1)
My Vigoss jeans are BACK IN STOCK!
They are VERY soft and VERY stretchy and STUPID comfy.
Click HERE to see all the comments on facebook when I posted the “Back In Stock” alert on Monday night.
In a nutshell, everybody agrees that you need to size down a size for sure.
For size reference, I got a 26.
One reader even referred to them as her “yoga jeans” and another said “I don’t need to take them off and switch to comfy pants when I get home.”  Now THAT is quite an endorsement!
Click HERE for the jeans.

2)
Some really cute items are on super sale!
gingham shirt HERE
michael kors anorak HERE
treasure and bond slim bootcut HERE (great reviews!)
treasure and bond skinny jeans HERE
perforated flat HERE (great reviews!)
ivanka trump over the knee boot HERE

3)
Anthropologie is running a FREE SHIPPING with NO MINIMUM with the code SUNNYSKIES.
 (I think it might end today.)
You can also get an additional 20% OFF of sale items HERE!
Click HERE for my post from Friday where I highlight several of my fav Anthro items right now, including this sweater.
HANKY HEM PULOVER SWEATER
For size reference, I’m wearing a small.
This sweater is super soft, and I love the detailing on the sides.
earrings / necklace/ exact jeans back in stock!!!! / nude patent flats / watch

4)

If you usually only come around here on Wednesday’s for the Bachelor posts, take a second to click HERE and read Monday’s post about my new shirt that I can wear now, but is also going to take me straight into fall!
Here are all three looks with THIS TRANSITIONAL SHIRT side by side.
Good, right?
For size reference, I’m wearing a small.
Click HERE for all of the outfit sources.
My new flares (pictured on the left) are my fav!

5)
Some of you have asked for some flare jean options that aren’t from the junior’s section,
 so here you go!
Click on what you are interested in!

See you back here on Friday for Friday Favorites!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂

p.s.
And remember that Shay and Mel are still hosting What’s Up Wednesday!
(I’m planning on starting back too when I’m not recapping on Wednesdays).
You can still link up here or on on of their blogs!