but I’m telling you…
THIS ACTUALLY WAS THE MOST DRAMATIC WEEK EVER.
Now before we get to the post, it is my civic duty to alert you to all of these sale items that are between 20-50% OFF! I created a super cute fall outfit…all with items that are ON SALE!
v-neck sweaters $22.80/ cuffed jeans $53.40 / wine boots $127.90/
nydj ankle jeans $74.40 / leopard flats $35.37 (only 3 sizes left)
disc earrings $11.98 / metallic infinity scarf $9.98/ cognac cross body $58.80
LET’S GET TO THE RECAP!!!!!!!!!
In the first 6 minutes of the show, #virgininabottle says the word “virgin” approximately 23,764 times. Like, I think she said “virgin” more times than Samantha said “drama” in the last 3 weeks combined. In a nutshell, although she is still currently a virgin at this juncture, she’s totally okay with that not being the case at this time tomorrow.
Meatball realizes that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for Juelia and he only sees her as a friend.
She quite literally RUNS down the beach (dang the crocheted swimsuit bottoms that keep trying to fall off her hiney while running), packs her stuff up, and goes home.
I know we are all hoping that Juelia finds love.
Because she’s good enough, she’s smart enough, and doggone it people like her.
#doesnt’wanttobeavirgininabottleanymore seeks out Harrison and asks him if she can have a date card that ends in a fantasy suite.
NO HARRISON! DON’T DO IT!
And just as Jaclyn is about to ask Jared on her date, #don’twannabeavirginnomo rushes in and asks Jared on her date.
He says yes.
Jaclyn stares in disbelief. And to be honest, so do I.
Didn’t Jared already “break up” with her at least 7 times already?
Jaclyn (whose hiney is blurred out, purely fyi) asks Justin out.
And he says “Yes”.
And then Cassandra arrives.
And Cassandra asks Justin out.
And he says “Yes”.
And then Justin goes and tells Jaclyn that he can no longer go with her, because he’s pretty certain he’s already in love with Cassandra. Okay, so he didn’t say those exact words, but that was the gist.
Nick decides to grab the bull by the horns.
He marches down to Jaclyn and asks her if he can have her date card because he wants to take out….wait for it…Samantha.
Let’s talk frankly for a minute.
Is the girl pretty? Yes.
Stunning, even? Yes.
Does she have AMAZING HAIR? Yes.
But I feel like that is where the package ends. Yes?
Jaclyn makes Nick roll around in the sand like a Victoria’s Secret model in order for her to give him the date card.
Mikey talks to Dan about his fears concerning Ashley’s possible Stage 5 Clinger status with Jared.
He might have even said something about Jared getting murdered in his sleep.
Everybody laughed nervously.
It’s funny because it’s true.
So, the overnight date happens.
Jared and #notsureifshe’savirginanymoreinabottle come back from their date.
And nobody knows exactly what went down.
We do know that Jared was pumped about the A.C. and that Ashley loved watching him sleep.
Justin and Cassandra go out.
They ride horses on the beach, Cassandra takes off her shirt revealing her hot bod, and Justin almost proposed on the spot.
They sit on a bench, talk about their kids, and make out.
And I’m not convinced they are falling in love, but I am convinced that they both think they are falling in love.
UM. YOU MET LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO.
So #notsureifshe’savirginanymoreinabottle tells the camera that she’s in love with Jared…..
At the same time, he’s telling the camera that he still doesn’t feel it with her.
He tells the guys that he’s going to break up with, but he doesn’t think it’s going to go well.
Spoiler Alert: he’s right.
He takes off across the island to tell her, and I think I’m going to have a panic attack.
HIDE THE KNIVES!
Let’s all take a minute to applaud Ashley here
I think we all expected her to absolutely crumble, but she did NOT!
To be honest, I half expected her to fall into a ball on the floor and rock back and
forth screaming “WHERE’S MY ALLADIN?”
We’re proud of you Jasmine.
Don’t worry, you’ll get your own personal magic carpet ride soon enough.
Jared took himself out of the game and headed home.
From what he said, I don’t think they wiggled.
I wasn’t emotionally ready for that “whole new world” to open up for Jasmine.
Jared leaves and then #virgininabottle leaves.
Time to give our Power Couple Carly and Kirk a little air time.
Carly and Kirk cozy up on a rock and talk about their future.
Actually, that’s not true.
Carly talks about their future and Kirk listens.
She talks about getting married and having his babies.
And Kirk just listens.
Nick and Samantha go on their date.
And the kissy noises about threw me over the edge.
Summary of their date:
Nick tells Samantha how beautiful she is.
Samantha pretty much agrees.
Nick kisses Samantha and she seems to tolerate it.
ROSE CEREMONY TIME!!!!
Dr. Hunt’s rose goes to My Name is Carly, It’s Nice To Meet You.
Tanner’s rose goes to Jade.
Justin’s rose goes to Cassandra.
Nick’s rose goes to Samantha.
Dan’s rose goes to nobody. He makes a little speech, and then takes off.
Mike’s rose goes to Mackenzie.
But Mackenzie says thanks, but I’m good… and then takes off.
And then Mikey goes too.
And just fyi, this was Jaclyn’s face when Mackenzie said “nah”.
Which to be fair, was kind of what my face looked like when I saw the dress Jaclyn was wearing.
Who does she think she is? Cher?
The others that go home?
Ashley S., Chelsie, Amber, and Jaclyn
For those of you keeping track…..that’s now 10 people that have left over the course of 1 hour.
I hope the shuttle driver is getting paid overtime.
The next morning the remaining couples are all cuddled up and dreaming about what opportunities the island will present to them over the next several days.
Carly goes on and on and on and on and on and on about how blissfully happy she is with Kirk.
THAT’S WHAT THEY CALL FORESHADOWING PEOPLE
Let’s just cut to Kirk.
Dr. Hunt says he’s just going through the motions.
He says “last night she talked about having my kids.” And he is FREAKING.
All the while, Carly is ALL IN. She’d picked out the china and her wedding colors were blush and bashful. Two distinct shades of pink, one much deepuh than the other
And I want to dig a hole, crawl in it, and live in it until the show is over.
You can tell Kirk’s genuinely upset about all of this and that he seems to truly care for her, but he’s just not feeling it the way he thinks he should be feeling it.
He’s a nervous wreck (so am I), and he goes to seek out Carly.
He tells her that he’d like to talk to her and pulls her away from her girls.
On the way down to the beach, she giggles and says “Are you breaking up with me?”
I ABOUT DIED.
Kirk starts talking, and it doesn’t take her very long to figure out where this is going.
He says “I think I’m a little behind……. I’m afraid I’m a lot behind…….I see your face light up……I’m not there yet……Because I’m having doubts doesn’t discredit anything that happens…..”
Carly says she wants to throw up.
I’m sure Dr. Hunt wants to ralph as well.
She won’t look at him, and I actually feel awful for both of them.
He says that he respects and adores her.
She feels like she’s been “tricked”.
Kirk wants to continue their talk, but she runs away crying and says she wants to go home.
Poor Carly. It was excruciating to watch. She was absolutely heartbroken.
I think most of us have been there at some point, and we were all feeling all sorts of empathy for her.
But on the other hand…
I’m not sure how everybody else is going to feel about these next 2 words I’m about to write:
I actually do feel awful for BOTH of them
Kirk tells the camera that “That went as terribly as it could have” and “was the worst breakup” he’s ever had in his entire life.
Carly’s girls (Jade and Tenley) rally around her as she’s bawling and packing her things.
It is very sweet to see how her friends are hurting for her as well, but I would like to throw it out there that it’s not like Kirk left her at the altar. They’ve been on the island for 5 weeks. And I think that he was having a really great time getting to know her and exploring their relationship.
Should Kirk have maybe shared his feelings earlier? Possibly.
But to be fair, it’s not like he’d held back the truth for months. It had been a week.
And I kind of think that all of the girls are acting ridiculous.
(DISCLAIMER HERE: Several people have told me that on After Paradise that it sounded like Kirk actually was doing a lot of the talking as well about their future. And if that’s the case, that explains why she seemed 100% blindsided.)
Jade and Tenley are telling Kirk to keep his distance from her, and Carly says she hates him and “won’t give him the satisfaction” of talking to him.
It seems Dr. Hunt is trying to be an adult and have a conversation.
And although I can understand that Carly was shocked and heartbroken, I felt like she was more than a little off the rails with her reaction.
CODE RED EVERYBODY!
GET A GRIP!
Both Carly and Kirk leave.
And now we are at an even dozen of dearly departed contestants this week.
Where does everybody fall on the Carly and Kirk debate?
Is it just me that feels badly for BOTH of them?
4 couples remain in Paradise.
And they all get overnight dates.
Cassandra and Justin
Cassandra says she doesn’t want to lose Justin.
And I’m like YOU MET HIM YESTERDAY.
And she’s worried about the idea of not going THERE in the fantasy suite.
I want to again remind you Cassandra THAT YOU MET HIM YESTERDAY.
Nobody expects you to do the big wiggle.
Nick and Samantha
Let me just put it out there that this couple is just plain stupid.
Nick is stupid.
Samantha is stupid.
And they are extra stupid together.
I’m aware this sounds mean and incredibly harsh, and I’m sure that in the real world they are not stupid. BUT ON THIS ISLAND, they ARE IN FACT STUPID.
Tenley and Joshua
I’m not sure Joshua’s hair is ever going to fully recover from Kaitlyn playing barber shop.
Tenley thinks Joshua is a sweet sweet man.
However, she’s worried if she and the sweet sweet man that adores her can make a long distance relationship work.
Tanner and Jade
Tanner tells her he loves her, and she says it back.
They probably wiggle. Allegedly.
ROSE CEREMONY TIME!
Harrison steps in and pontificates about the significance of these roses.
Because these aren’t just any regular ol’ run of the mill roses y’all.
These roses mean that you want to try to keep dating after the show is over and once you get off this stupid hot and extremely humid island.
BUT COME ON, LET’S GET REAL FOR JUST A SECOND.
We all know that everybody could accept their roses and break up the next week.
I mean, it’s not like these roses are contractually binding.
First up, Justin and Cassandra.
Yes, the ones that now have a full 48 hours of knowing each other under their belts.
Well, he thinks she’s awesome, and he gives her his very serious let’s keep dating rose.
Next, Nick and Samantha.
He offers a rose and she accepts it….EVEN THOUGH he says something about how he is going to die of suffocation because she takes his breath away.
If Carly and Kirk are puking somewhere, I would now like to join them.
The bigger news here (and the only news we care about) is that she didn’t say the word “drama” once.
Now it’s Tenley and Joshua’s turn.
Joshua tries to give her his oh so serious let’s keep dating rose.
But Tenley refuses.
How is what Tenley did to Josh not worse than what Dr. Hunt did to Carly?
Now don’t get me wrong, I think it was fine for her not to accept the rose…but nobody seems to be calling for Tenley’s head like they are calling for Kirk’s.
AND NOW….HARRISON’S GOT ONE MORE SHOT!
ONE FINAL CHANCE TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT YOU CAN IN FACT FIND LOVE IN PARADISE: JANNER
Tanner says lots of really sweet things and then the pendulum shifts as he’s telling her that he can’t give her a rose. Nice try Tanner, but we don’t buy your shenanigans for a second.
You might not be able to give her the rose….BUT YOU CAN GIVE HER A SHINY NEW ENGAGEMENT RING FROM UNCLE NEIL!
Am I the only one that’s thinking that these two crazy kids just might have a shot?
Let’s just hope that the wedding isn’t next year on the opening night of BIP 2016.
Cuz that would just be sad.
OH…and I would just like to put it out there right now….
these 2 lovebirds are going to tie the knot WAY before Kaitlyn and Alf ever do.
SO…THAT’S IT FOR BIP LADIES!
It’s been a wild ride.
Harrison, we’ll miss you.
Until January ladies!
BUT BEFORE YOU GO……
Some more SALE ITEMS for you to see…
layered tops HERE 40% OFF!
short initial necklace 50% OFF! /
aqua glitter studs (back in stock!) / jeans (lots of sizes back in stock!) / booties
Size References: I’m wearing a 26 in the jeans (so I suggest sizing down 1 size) and a small in the tops, so I think they run true to size. People are saying the boots run small (they didn’t have my size so the ones I’m wearing were too big)…but it seems that you should order 1/2 a size up.
click HERE for this year’s blardigan that is now ON SALE again!!!!
Don’t forget to check back here tomorrow.
I’m talking about wearing black and brown together (JUST DO IT!), I have a great dress to share with you, and I have a code for my favorite jewelry!
dashed split neck tunic c/o LOFT
earrings / watch / similar height wedges / bag sold out
Seriously, go HERE to check everything out.
Because at 40% OFF you owe it to yourself. 😉
I highlight A TON of AWESOME stuff that will help get you ready for fall!!!!!
And I beg of you, give a pair of flares a chance!