ALL ABOARD THE CRAZY TRAIN!
It’s time for Week 4’s BIP recap!
See the previous episodes recapped HERE.
Seriously, if you haven’t seen them, you don’t want to miss them.
I want to give a quick reminder that #textgate between Sam and Joe ended last week with Samantha accepting Justin’s invitation to go on a date. Because she was done with…you guessed it….drama.
#youdon’tsay
So this week’s show started with Joe talking about Sam not liking him, and Joe said
“It’s not fair to Joe.”
*
*
*
The picture doesn’t do his burn justice.
#morespf
Amber and Justin got closer and closer while Salsaing. Just act like it’s a verb.
Insert me rolling my eyes here.
#ofcoursehedoes
And nobody has seen or heard from him since.
jk
I’ll give her this, she’s a persistent little booger.
#atleastnottome
#youfellasleeeeeeeePPPPPP?
Me thinks that Tanner might have a better read on Jade.
AND THEN IT’S TIME FOR THE FINAL ROSE.
Mmm, okay.
And then Joe says something that I won’t repeat because my parents read here.
#goodluckgettingadateafterthisbuddy
The new people just keep coming!
*
lets her crazy hang out again.
She becomes enraged at the fact that he came to talk to her while she was washing her face.
Enraged.
#iknow
#shestillcray
There was mud, smoke, flowers, tribal dancing of sorts, and kissing.
And then they were pronounced husband and wife.
And I think a small part of Mackenzie actually thinks they ARE married.
And then Mackenzie wondered if they were to have children if the children
would be considered Mexican.
I can’t make this stuff up.
*
ANOTHER girl shows up.
Harrison, is there a clown car in the back filled with girls? They just won’t quit coming!
It’s Jaclyn.
I don’t remember anything about Jaclyn, but gauging from how she made her entrance on the island AND WHAT SHE WAS WEARING, I think it’s safe to say that girlfriend does not give a #&$@.
Exhibit A your honor.
Exhibit B your honor.
And the way she is talking she kind of reminds me of Kit from Pretty Woman.
#ohyo
#ohyo
*
Jaclyn starts trying to put her claws into Jared, and #virgininabottle panics.
She scurries off to find Harrison and tells him that she needs to have an overnight date with Jared.
Uh oh.
ASHLEY! NO!
NOTHING good can come of this.
HAVE SOME PRIDE WOMAN!
HARRISON! DON’T GIVE HER AN OVERNIGHT DATE!!!
Here are the 2 main reasons that the overnight date shouldn’t happen:
1)
If she goes through with “the deed”, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO CALL HER?
Just plain #inabottle ?????
That’s no good.
2)
JARED.
I BEG OF YOU.
YOU KNOW THE GIRL IS UNSTABLE, SO PLEASE TAKE THAT INTO ACCOUNT.
I have 3 words for you:
STAGE.FIVE.CLINGER.
The episode ends with previews for next week and OH MY AT THE TEARS.
Samantha better get ready, because (spoiler alert) although I know she prefers not to be around it, it looks like there could possibly be some drama.
YOU HAVE TO.
YOU MUST.
Erika Slaughter says
Girl! You got some talent!! I love these recaps almost as much as I love you! 🙂
Not A Mom says
So many friends references that I thought of during the episode too! #couldtheyBEanymoreobvious
Linds @ Not A Mom
Sheaffer says
Totally LOL'd at this! 😉
Narci says
18 pages front and back!!! The friends references never get old for me either!! 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
The Friends references are so funny!! Bahahaha!
Amy Klein says
Oh my, Sheaffer, you are hilarious. Literally giggling here trying not to wake my kids up!
Anonymous says
Joey is the one who couldn't step up and Chandler is the one who peed on Monica.
KK says
"He did everything but pee on her." I can't. I don't even watch the show but read your re-caps just to laugh. Love this!
Lauren Vause says
I love reading your recaps every week!
Amanda Brezgel says
I LOVE your blog and your Bachelor recaps!!! But your Friends' references were soooo great! LOVE IT!
Amy Lawrence says
Love all the friends references!
Then on After Paradise Sam makes Jenny Mollen (the co-host) leave the stage or she says she will not come out and speak because of Jenny's "mean tweets" toward her. I think Psyco Sam may be the craziest one of bachelor history.
MissKimmie says
Oh my word I had all the same thoughts. Friends comparison was perfect. Your # are ON POINT.
Lovie says
Sheaffer, I thought the same thing. Why doesn't Joe just show everyone the incriminating text?? Then it dawned on me, I'm sure they confiscated all the phones when they arrived. You can only imagine how fast the producers put his phone back into his hands, so the whole world could see this calculating text. HaHa!
Thanks so much for the great recaps on my guilty pleasure!
P.S. Please tell Shay, this is sooo much better than Housewives!
StaceyWalden says
I love, love, love all of the Friends references here! I don't even watch BIP but I would never dare miss one of your recaps!
Keisha Dawson says
Your Bachelor franchise posts have to be my absolute favorites, and there can never be enough Friends references! You nail these every week! Thanks so much for sharing!
Mother Henn says
While I'm sure you have many talents, clearly Bachelor recaps are one of them! I don't even watch the shows (don't judge…..I just can't keep up), but I tune in to every one of your recaps like it's my job!
Lindsay says
Ohhh my gosh! I loooove your recaps and always make my co workers read them. But you have really won me over even more today… I hhhhhhaaaaaatttttte Banana strings! Those little suckers give me anxiety and make me cringe. 🙂
June says
I have never watched the Bachelor or BIP, but come every week to read your recaps Sheaffer. You have a gift. I laugh so much and it helps me to feel better about my own cray cray, because at least mine is not broadcast for the world. 🙂
Shannon McDowell says
I need to be friends with you. You make me laugh so hard girl!! Love it!! Thank you for making me smile! You have no idea how much I needed it! Call her: #notavirgininabottle
I Like Ike says
Friends references make life fun. Your recaps are HILARIOUS.
Petrina Pate says
I just have to say, You. Crack. Me. UP!!! I don't watch Bachelor or BIP either, but I couldn't love your re-caps more! The "Friends" references!!! Awesome! And your #'s??? #EPICness !!!!
Lori says
Ashley did look good. Maybe no snot and tears helped. Love the friends references too! Can't wait for next weeks drama!
Rachel says
I made all of these FRIENDS references too!! So funny! Did you notice that Mackenzie was wearing one of the necklaces you posted a few months ago? The gold pendant necklace with three arrows at the end. I know because I bought one and love it!!
tenminutesago says
What is the story behind "My Name is Carly It's Nice To Meet You" ?? I feel like I'm missing something major lol.
Sheaffer says
When Carly was on The Bachelor, when she got out of the limo she had a karaoke machine (she used to sing on a cruise ship) and was singing "My Name is Carly, It's Nice To Meet You…" 🙂
Liz/ says
Your recaps are just the BEST…..I about died at 18 pages front and back…like almost really died laughing! I think we should start campaigning for you to be the co-host with Harrison on the After Paradise show and I have heard that they are going to start doing the after show for the Bachelor and Bachelorette too, you'd be much better than that chick that's on there now!
Happylife38 says
Amen to that!
The Rohman Family says
Hey, I tried to find the post where you highlighted this sweater but can't, can you tell me what size you got in it or give me a link back to the post?
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/chelsea28-floral-embroidered-sweater/3947170?cm_cat=tellapart&cm_ite=core&cm_pla=women:tops:sweater&cm_ven=display_rt
Sheaffer says
Hey there! It was a small!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Happylife38 says
Omg, I am so glad you talked about the two Friends references here. As I was making my boyfriend watch this with me #forcewatching/bribewatching, I was telling him that it was like they took two Friends episodes, and modeled this episode after them on purpose. As a sidenote, he asked me if he had to watch the aftershow also as part of the bribe, but I couldn't do that to him. Btw, I would pay you weekly for recapping every reality show out there. You are so entertaining, love them!! Thanks for doing these!!
Mom to 4 J's says
I know it was a small part of this recap (one of my FAVORITE recaps you've ever done and I've read them ALL) but the #ohyo #ohyo was ON POINT!!! LOLOLOL! I laughed so hard at the Kit reference, as well as referring to Ashley as #inabottle. Dying. Love you.
Mom to 4 J's says
Can't you see Ashley and her sister totally having the "you should go for him, you look hot tonight, don't take less than $100, take care of you…" conversation???? LOL. #kit
Melissa says
OMG! Dying!!!!!! The Friend's references are the best!!!!!!
Brittany says
Friends references are too good, but nothing beats a Kit hashtag. #ohyo
Karen At Home says
Your recaps are priceless, I am still cracking up. You have a gift!!! Have a great weekend 🙂