All right, Ladies! We are now officially 2 episodes in to The Bachelorette Season 14, and I know it’s probably too early to call it, but I have a strong feeling this is going to be one of THE MOST DRAMATIC seasons yet. #youhearditherefirst
1) We liked this guy enough to decide to overlook his crushed velvet hoodie. Which is obviously a big deal. Because CRUSHED VELVET.
2) We all decided to collectively not enjoy this guy. As far as I’m concerned he can take his pensive attitude and stick it where the sun don’t shine. But again, as much as I want to punch him in the trachea, I also want him to stick around for just a bit. Again, the recaps don’t write themselves.
Before we officially start, I’ve got some great news for everybody. TONS of Kendra Scott jewelry is ON SALE, and THESE BABIES (regularly $70) are going to be hard to resist. Remember that THESE DROP EARRINGS (regularly $95) were a definite splurge for me earlier this year, but I’m wearing the heck out of them and haven’t regretted the purchase! Click HERE to see me wearing them with a cocktail dress at a blogging conference. Click HERE to see me wearing them with a cami and jean shorts.
As the show opened, Becca announced that she was “officially dating again” while joyfully riding a bike down the street. I feel like getting back in the saddle should always be announced in this way.
Harrison dropped off the first group date card, and while there he pointed out a guy and declared “I don’t even remember you from Night One.” #same
And y’all, I’m not sure why this wasn’t given more air time, but it appears that Mr. Peppermint is one of Becca’s suitors.
FIRST GROUP DATE
Clay, Nick, Eddie (Chris), David, (the chicken), Jean Blanc (he really likes cologne, y’all), Zoolander (he’s pensive), Connor, and Lincoln.
I’m ready for my big day. – Becca
The guys arrived, and Becca announced to everybody that she was going to pamper them all, just like she was pampered on her first date. Zoolander almost passed out from sheer glee. Everybody knows pensive gentleman love being pampered. She passed out tuxes and “didn’t watch” them as they changed. #neitherdidI
Zoolander decided to start flexing his model muscles by treating everybody to a little runway walk. Becca confusedly asked “Are you a model?”, and I might have cheered from the couch. He wasn’t phased and gave a smoldering reply of “yes”. I guess Becca didn’t talk to him for more than 20 second on the first night, because I’m pretty sure he said the word model every 22 seconds. He then proceeded to tell her that in order to nail the model look, she needed to put on her confidence even before she put on her panty hose. That’s a direct quote.
All dressed up in their tuxedos, they headed outside where Rachel and Brian were waiting for everybody (tell me you didn’t wish for Ashton and Mila) and introduced them to the “GROOM’S DAY” obstacle course. The obstacles included the following: Ball and Chain (where you race with a ball and chain attached to your ankle), Cold Feet (where you stand in a barrel of freezing water), Slippery Slope (think adult slip ‘n slide with Crisco), and Get Over Your Exes (maneuver some obstacles).
They strapped on goggles and helmets and got to work. It was ridiculous. I mean, I can say that right? It was all just dumb.
I did enjoy seeing all of the guys in the buckets of freezing water. But Clay was right at home. He does this after every football game, so this was just another day at the office for him.
Lincoln “won” (even though many of the guys think he cheated), he “proposed”, and they took their wedding pictures.
That night at the cocktail party, Becca decided to OWN THE PLACE in a red bedazzled jumpsuit. I’m not sure if I could name one other person on earth that could look great in this jumpsuit, but I’m telling you, she did. She was a red bedazzled VISION.
When they first arrived, Lincoln declared that he was going to take his “wife” away for a minute. This did not sit well with the other men, and Zoolander damn near lost his mind. He started making all sorts of weird sounds in protest. Weird sounds are not pensive, man. This is NOT your brand.
While alone with Becca, Lincoln spewed what I imagined were sweet nothings. But really, I had no idea what he was saying. Something about if she was always who she was, then that would help him be the best he could be. I mean, it all sounded stupid EVEN WITH the accent. Imagine it without the accent. Becca went and grabbed their “wedding photo” and presented it to Lincoln. And then they kissed. And y’all. It was ew worthy. But Lincoln thought it was awesome. He said, “Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a Pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold.” Um, okay.
She had some time with Eddie, and he said, “I want to treat the woman I’m going to marry like I treat my mom and sister. ” DANG. Chandler’s roommate is smooth.
When with Jean Blanc, he told her that he’s ready to not focus on his career, but instead focus on his personal life. I WAS SO RELIEVED because that means that Jean Blanc isn’t going to focus on the fact that he owns a bunch of cologne. Whew. But you could tell that Becca totally dug his chili. She said he was so attentive during the group date and so good at eye contact, which made her feel really good. They shared a first kiss, and it was A LOT less awkward than her first kiss with Lincoln.
David (the chicken) said that he wants to be pushed intellectually and said he had a feeling that Becca did too. She was like, “it’s like you are taking the words right out of my mouth”. I mean, how adorable. If somebody said that to me right now, I’d be all “Not really. I just want somebody who will wash the dishes, vacuum, binge watch Netflix with me on the couch, and eat Bueno.” Priorities change after 17 years of marriage.
Now, the entire time that Becca was rotating through alone time with the guys on the date, Lincoln was out in the common area with the other guys and talking to the picture of him and Becca. He was just being silly, and it was totally immature, but HE WAS JUST BEING SILLY.
But y’all Connor was having NONE OF IT. He picked up the picture and threw it behind the couch.
When Lincoln picked it up and calmly put it back on the table, Connor took it and hurdled it out of the room and into the pool. I AM SO SURE, CONNOR.
You know who wouldn’t have dreamed of throwing a fit and a picture frame? GROCERY MAN JOE.
Lincoln was all “I don’t deserve this.” And I was all, NEITHER DO WE LINCOLN. I thought Lincoln was handling the whole situation just fine, until he went and tattletaled to Becca. LINCOLN! MAN UP! She told him to “take some deep breaths” and that they would “figure this out”. I would have told him to shut his mouth and grow a pair. But that’s just me.
Becca was obviously not impressed with Connor’s behavior, so she pulled him away to give him a talking to. Connor only argument was “That’s truly not me”.
WELL, here’s a little something I’ve picked up from years of watching The Bachelor. A guy saying “That’s truly not me” is like a girl saying “I’m not crazy.” #yeah #sureyourenot #webelieveyou
It did make me feel better that Connor seemed appropriately embarrassed afterwards.
She gave the rose to Jean Blanc. (While writing this recap, I made a note to “insert cologne joke here”. Sadly, I never thought of one. Somebody please leave a punch line in the comments.)
The next day, we got to see Lincoln at the house CRYING over the broken picture. Like crying REAL TEARS. And claiming that the broken picture broke his heart.
Seeing a grown man cry over a broken picture frame was upsetting, but not as upsetting as Grant’s pants. I just don’t understand them.
FIRST 1:1 DATE
Back at the house, a 1:1 date card arrived.
Blake, Let’s lose control. – Becca
Becca picked Blake up in a limo and let him know that she didn’t even know what they were doing on their date because Harrison was taking over. They drove up to what looked like an abandon warehouse and they were wondering what the heck they were in for. They walked up to our steely eyed host wielding a sledgehammer. He told Becca that she needed to deal with her past break up in order to move on. He suited them up in protective gear (don’t worry, Becca tight rolled her coveralls and cinched up her onesie with a sassy little gold bow belt) and opened up the big warehouse doors.
There were little vignettes set up all over the warehouse, and first Becca didn’t understand what was going on. But then she started to realize that everything was somehow connected to her past with Arie, including the grey couch that they sat on whilst he dumped her. And then Lil’ John showed up and told her to “purge all those memories by destroying it all”. And guess what, he would provide the background sound track to it all. TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!
Miss Becca scaled the race car in 2 seconds flat and started beating the crap out of it while exclaiming “this is so satisfying”. And then she WENT TO TOWN on everything. It was actually pretty hysterical and satisfying for me as well.
At “dinner” (where not 1 bite of food was consumed – I think the only thing on their plates was Romaine lettuce) these two really connected. Blake shared how he was in a serious relationship with a girl that he loved after only 2 months. However, when her phone was out one day and she was in another room, he saw text messages pop up from a friend asking her if she’d broken up with him yet. The fact that they were both blindsided by people they loved definitely bonded them together.
They really did seem at ease with each other and like they truly enjoyed each other. She said that their date helped to “restore her hope” and she gave him the rose. When she said, “Blake, will you accept this rose?” He responded with “Yes. Every time yes.” AWWWWWWWWWWW!
They walked out, and then Becca pretty much pushed herself up against a wall so they could make out. Way to take control, girl. I respected the power move. This is 2018, ladies! If we want to get kissed against a wall, WE CAN THROW OURSELVES AGAINST SAID WALL. Although, I must admit, I would prefer to be thrown instead of the one throwing myself. Still, we’re allowed if we want to. And it was kind of like a silent screw you to Arie, don’t you think? I enjoyed it.
SECOND GROUP DATE
Garret, Ricky, John, Ryan, Alex, Chris, Trent, Leo, Wills, and Colton
Love comes at you hard and fast.
The boys were picked up in a school bus and carted off to a school where Becca met them in a pair of silver shorty shorts. They looked like tin foil, and not the extra strength kind.
When they walked in the gym, the guys were pelted by big rubber balls from 3 elementary school children that were HARD. CORE.
The kids made the guys run gassers and participate in different conditioning exercises (I especially loved the little girl barking orders at them), and then they drug out a machine for the purpose of hurdling balls at them at 50 mph.
You know what they say, getting hit in the privates with a 50 mph rubber ball is like love.
They were then bussed over to a trampoline park where they were going to participate in a championship game of dodge ball. It was pink vs. green, and the competition was INTENSE.
Leo was a BEAST and was the last one standing on his team for 3 games in a row. He tried to Matrix his way out of the last balls hurdled at him, but the green team won in the end.
That night at the group date cocktail party, Becca was happy that the day had been drama free. But we all know producers couldn’t stand for that. She spent some time with several of the guys, and it all went well.
And then the camera cut to Colton. He was nervous about the 1:1 time they were going to spend together because he was going to have to have a big conversation with her where he revealed something huge. WHAT WAS THIS SECRET? I was intrigued.
Well, it seems as if he had a relationship with Tia from season’s past. GASP. To review, Tia was Raven’s friend. Colton told Becca that he and Tia basically spent a weekend together….but although there was an initial spark, it had never grown into a flame. Becca was displeased about the spark.
She gave the rose to Wills.
FINAL COCKTAIL PARTY
Becca showed up in a floor length blue sequined gown that was cut up to here AND down to there. And it worked.
Clay taught her how to do a touchdown celebration, one guy wrote her poetry, and the Connor had her launch his own picture into the pool. She seemed to dig it.
This is where things took a surprising turn. Zoolander decided he wanted to really make an impression. His exact words, while stripping down to his skivvies were, “Nothing attracts a woman more than being comfortable next to a sexy man.” Is that right? I disagree.
And he said this, “TICK TOCK LET’S MAKE IT ROCK”. Which I found to be awesome. I want that on a shirt. I have a phrase for you too, man. “DING DONG, PLEASE DON’T WEAR A THONG.”
So he walked down the stairs in his undies AND WINGTIPS. Wingtips with a white dress shirt thrown casually over his shoulder BECAUSE HE’S A PENSIVE GENTLEMAN, Y’ALL.
I find it particularly ironic that last week it was this guy that was shaming others for not wearing socks.
He interrupted Becca’s 1:1 time with the chicken boy, and the chicken boy was less than amused. Zoolander spent some time with Becca, and as far as I’m concerned, she wasn’t appropriately annoyed. Please, take special note of the wingtips.
After Zoolander returned to the group WRAPPED IN A PLUSH PINK BLANKET MIND YOU, he and chicken boy engaged in a basic elementary school game of “I’m rubber, your glue” and hurled stupid insults back and forth.
Chicken boy was concerned about the level of disrespect that he felt Zoolander had towards both Becca and himself. And Zoolander made up another word. It’s called ingenuinity. And there might have even been an extra “inity” thrown in for good measure.
And then she had another conversation with Colton. She let it be known that she wasn’t jazzed about the whole thing, but it definitely looked like she was going to give him another shot.
First of all, Zoolander wore his plush pink blanket to the ceremony. I didn’t know whether to roll my eyes reallllllllllllly far back in my head or applaud him for his commitment.
WHO GOT ROSES? Chandler’s roommate, Jason, John, Clay, Mike, Connor, Leo, David (Chicken Boy), Garrett, Nick, Ryan, Christon, Zoolander, Lincoln, and Colton
That means Ricky, Trent, and Alex went home. Who? Who? and Who?
Alex boo hood at the end, but I’m thinking it wasn’t about Becca, more about the fact that he just needed less liquor and more sleep. But I tell ya, this face broke my heart wide open.
Dresses and Sale Alerts
Before you go, if you need a dress for any upcoming occasion, make sure you check out Monday’s post! I highlight a ton of dresses for different occasions, and almost all are quite affordable!
p.s. Don’t forget! TONS of Kendra Scott jewelry is ON SALE!!!
p.p.s. LOFT is having a 50% OFF selected items FLASH SALE!
See y’all back here on Friday for Friday Favorites!