Sheaffer Told Me To

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The Bachelorette Episode 4 Recap AND some Really Really Really Fun News

By 52 Comments

Before we start with today’s recap.
I’ve got some SUPER FUN news.
On Thursday afternoon I received the following text from an unknown number:

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  
WHAT?
I was so confused.
And I honestly didn’t have any idea who it was from.
I took a screen shot, texted Shay, and was like “What in the world do you think this is?”
She texted back and said “I might know who that is from.  You should text them back.” 🙂
Dying.
I. Was. Dying.
This is how it went down……
And if you doubt my excitement, please note that there are around 37 exclamation points.

The arrow pointing to my text in red and the message that says “Classic Sheaffer” is totally classic me.  I meant to send that one to Shay, but I’m always texting the wrong people.
Let’s not forget the inadvertant sexting scandal that happened last year.
Click HERE to read the post entitled “That Time I Wanted The Ground To Swallow Me Up Whole.”
🙂

Okay…back to the texts from Sean…

So, Shay and I are packing up and heading to L.A. in July for a fun little girl’s weekend and  the taping of THE MEN TELL ALL!
THANK YOU SEAN FOR MAKING THIS HAPPEN!
And how sweet was it that he texted me himself to tell me?!?
I’m telling you.
Harrison was right.
He’s the Golden Boy.
Okay, time for the recap!
So you know we ended last week with Kaitlyn hearing from several guys that Clint was a “total doucher”.  Their words, not mine.  (Sorry, Dad.)
  But hey.  If the shoe fits.

So Kaitlyn goes up and pulls Clint away from a group of guys and basically tells him that nobody in the house likes him and she doesn’t trust him.

Clint disagrees and just explains that people in the house have just grown “very very very jealous”.
He goes on to say that he and JJ have become “best best best friends.”
And they have grown “very very very very close.”
If you are counting, that was 3 BESTs and 7 VERYs.
Please know that by repeating those words, he’s letting us know that he really really really really really means what he’s saying.

Clint is very very very very confused.
He feels like all of the guys in the house really really really really like him.
And now he’s super super super sad that he’s being sent home.

The guys are back in the house speculating that it’s not good news for Clint.
But Clint’s bestie JJ comes to his defense and says that no matter what happens, they will be Best Friends Forever.
Kaitlyn escorts Clint back in the room and tells everybody that she’s sending him home.
And it’s super super super super super awkward.
And then y’all, JJ flips ON A DIME.
He struts up in front of the group and says that as Clint’s friend that he really thinks Clint owes the other guys an apology.
He looks at Clint and says “I think you should say sorry to all of us right now because you are taking time and emotions.  And I think that needs to be said.  There is an emotional energy that gets taken away.  And as your friend, I just feel that has to be said man.”
Clint looks at him like “Whuh?”
And I think he was speaking there on behalf of America.
WHUH?
JJ and Clint meet in the foyer on Clint’s way out, and it’s hard to know what was said because there were a lot of bleeps and blurred mouths.
Here’s all you really need to know.
They BOTH suck.
But I do think JJ now sucks a little more.
And I would like to ask all of you this,
HAVE WE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR PERSONAL SPACE?
#closetalker

Do you see Clint’s fist above?  Closed as if he is clutching something?
Well, I’m convinced that Clint just handed JJ back the other side of his James Every bestie necklace.

 Clint ends the war of words by saying “That (expletive) tie goes really good with your (expletive) shirt.”
Good one Clint.
I’m telling you, it might have been THE MOST DRAMATIC BREAK-UP EVER.
Clint then climbs in a mini van and almost hulks the door right off of it’s sliders.
Now Cut to JJ in full ON CAMERA break down mode.
I guess we can all relate to saying something that we wish we could just take back.
 JJ just did it on national t.v.
To his bestie.
#suckstobeJJ
#andnotjustbecauseofhisshirtandtie
The Bachelorette
Harrison saunters in and says it’s time for the rose ceremony.
 Kaitlyn asks Harrison for a moment.
Kaitlyn then walks back in and tells everybody that there isn’t going to be a rose ceremony.
And that nobody is going home.
I think she is expecting thunderous applause and high fives all around.
But y ‘all.
C.R.I.C.K.E.T.S.
Everybody was hoping that JJ would be headed home, so the news that nobody was going home hit everybody like a ton of bricks.
 Harrison breaks the silence by announcing that it’s time to continue their journey to love in New York City!

The Group Date Card Arrives!
Who:  Jonathon, Justin, Ben Z, Corey, Ryan, Tanner, JJ, Shawn
What it says: Let’s Keep Our Love Fresh.
Kaitlyn takes them all to a club, confesses that she loves rap, introduces Doug E. Fresh 
to the guys (Who?), and then lets them all know that they are going to participate in a rap battle.
(disclaimer:  Until I googled Mr. Fresh, I thought his name was Dougie Fresh.  Not Doug E. Fresh.  And I all of a sudden feel 73 years old.)

All of the guys silently die inside at the thought of having to RAP FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, and then they choose who they are going to battle.

Ladies and Gentleman, please enjoy the musical stylings of our bachelors.


Ben vs. Tanner
Tanner schools Ben on this one by rhyming “pocket” with “rocket”.
And that’s all I’m saying.
Jonathon vs.  Ryan
There’s nothing to talk about here.

Shawn vs. This guy.  His name is escaping me.  Justin, maybe?
Shawn wins by rapping:
“First things first, let’s get this out of the way. Your hair?  Just ask.  I’ll help you one day.  
And then he goes in for the big finish with, 
“You say you’re a big time personal trainer.  Kaitlyn:  His body, my body – no brainer.”

PEACE OUT GOSLING!  DROP THE MIC!


Corey vs. JJ
Apparently JJ crosses the line when he says something about “New York hoes”.
Oops.
JJ.
You’re IN New York.
#knowyouraudience
Kaitlyn gets told that #virgininabottle is in the audience (who is looking GORG by the way), and she runs over to hug her.  When she gets there, she sees Nick.
Nick is the guy from Andi’s season with a tiny little curly fro.
(If you need a refresher…I totally did…he’s the one that on After The Final Rose who told the world what had gone down between them in the fantasy suite.  Not cool Nick.  Not cool.)
Well, Kaitlyn doesn’t care about that, and it’s immediately obvious that she is a smitten kitten.
She really really really really really really really likes Nick.
I mean, check her out.
The Bachelorette
She’s  a giggly little school girl.

She tells the guys about Nick showing up and that she might want to keep him around.
The guys are understandably less than thrilled.
Justin gets the date rose.

The group date guys get back to the hotel and tell the other guys how Nick showed up and how Kaitlyn is thinking about keeping him on the show.
Egos are bruised all around.
Kaitlyn calls Nick to let him know that she wants to meet him later that afternoon to tell him her decision after she gets her hair done.
 And yes.  That’s #crazyeyesashley in the flesh, just doing some hair.
Who let her out of the Mesa Verde?
But I’ve got to give it to her, she tells Kaitlyn that basically it’s just lust that she’s feeling for Nick, that those types of feelings will fade, and that better relationships are
 started with friendship as the basis.
PREACH IT #crazyeyes.
(And is it just me, or do she and JJ kind of look alike?)
The Bachelorette
Kaitlyn chooses to ignore her crazy-eyed hairstyling confidant.
In a nutshell, Kaitlyn really really really really really wants him to stay around, but she is very very very very worried about how the guys are going to take it.
She eventually let’s Nick know that she would like him to stay.
It is my hope that she also told him to never wear the purple cardigan ever ever ever ever ever again.

And then they made out.

The 1:1 date card arrives:

Who:  Jared (patchy soul patch guy)
What:  “Let’s re-imagine the night we first met.”

Jared gets all dressed up in a tux, and I’m THRILLED that he’s finally taken the time to shave a bit.
Oh, he’s still patchy, but it’s still an improvement.
They are dressed all fancy, they have the Met to themselves, but all she can think about is Nick.
They do kiss at the end.
The Bachelorette

And then them leave and decide to follow Bachelor Date Formula 101 and take a helicopter ride.
Probably not exactly what Lady Liberty had in mind when she made the trip over from France.
The Bachelorette

The 2nd Group Date Card Arrives.
Who: Ian, Chris, Joe, Joshua, Peter Brady
What: “Let’s Play.”


They end up on Broadway and find out that they are going to have to go through an audition where they will sing, dance, and act.
And I’m pretty sure Joe peed himself when he heard.  His eyes literally almost popped right out of their sockets.

First up, the dance auditions.
The guys actually totally impressed me.
Not because they were good….NO M’AM…but because they were trying so hard!
I mean, look how committed they are to their jazz hands!

Then they sang, and a couple of them weren’t awful
The Bachelorette

Cupcake Boy (the dentist) gets the part.
But I’m telling you, I’m not sure if he “GOT” the part, or if he “IS” the part.
After seeing him on stage, this guy was born to be a Disney character.
Aladdin, Prince Charming, WHOMEVER.  It’s like somebody drew him and then he magically became animated.  And he smiles hard if that makes sense.  Like really really really really hard.
But just to be clear, his lip gloss and eyeliner were perfection.

After their “performance” (I use that term loosely because they walked on stage, smiled, picked out some flowers from a flower cart, and then walked back off stage) they couldn’t stop talking about how magical it was and that they would never forget it.
Mmmm, okay.
Then they “walked up like 1 million flights of stairs to reach the 23rd floor” (that’s a direct quote) and got to see the New Year’s Eve ball.
And they kissed.
#trytoactsurprised

Back to the hotel.
Kaitlyn tells the guys that Nick is in fact going to be moving into the house.
And as you can see Ryan Gosling and Peter Brady ARE NOT AMUSED.

What in store for next week?
I’m guessing a plot is hatched to kill Nick.

Three things before you go:
1)
I put this on facebook and ig on Monday night, but in case you don’t follow me there, my new green and hot pink earrings came in!

Colorful studs HERE.
After reading your ig and facebook comments, it’s obvious that y’all are just as cuckoo about these studs as I am.  And I like that.  Because crazy loves company.
The faceted studs on the right sold out already.  🙁
2)
I bought THIS spaghetti strapped tank several weeks ago and I have been loving it!  But it sold out (except for Large), so I haven’t linked to it.
But when I saw THESE that were very similar to mine, I knew I had to see how I liked them (the tank comes in two different colors/patterns).
They are both very cute, and they are only $32!!!!!
In the words of Clint, I really really really really liked them.
tank HERE / exact highly distressed jeans HERE (Fun jeans for summer!)/ ‘
similar sandals HERE / earrings HERE

3)
If you need ideas for Father’s Day and you missed my Father’s Day post, make sure you click HERE to see it!  Lots of great ideas at varying price points!
I have some more ideas coming on Friday, but I thought of this one late last night.
Chris loves his Yeti cup as much as anybody can love a cup, and there are several options out there.  If you are wanting to get a realllllllly nice present, Chris also loves his Yeti cooler.
If your husband hunts and/or camps, he would love any of these Yeti products.
Click on what you are interested in:


See you girls back here on Friday for Friday Favorites!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂 

Filed Under: Fashion 52 Comments

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THE BACHELORETTE FINALE! SHE DID THE DAMN THING.
THE MEN TELL ALL: Top Takeaways and General Musings
The Bachelorette Fantasy Suites: Where 1 Man Did NOT Go All The Way #punverymuchintended

Comments

  2. Erika Slaughter says

    She was completely giddy over that Nick guy. Wasn't she?! I had no clue who he was but she was majorly crushin!!

    Reply

  3. Mix and Match Mama says

    I mean…we're going to have a blast! Love that my brother wanted to tell you himself. He's a pretty good guy :).

    Reply

  4. Stacy P. says

    Ok- a few things….
    1- CONGRATULATIONS ON GOING TO THE BACHELOR THING! I have no idea what it entails (I don't watch the show but enjoy your recaps) but I know you all will have fun and Sean is indeed the Golden Boy!
    2- Your recap was so funny…but I'm afraid you'll be losing brain cells watching it! (and that guy does look like Ryan Gosling!)
    3- The guy who "really times 10" likes the girl, it reminds me of the Carley Rae Jepson song "I Really Really Really Really Really Really Like You". 🙂

    Reply

  5. Raashi Agarwal says

    Been reading your recaps for so long now – you're freakin hilarious! Peace out gosling drop the mic killed me! Haha. Also love the studs!!!

    Reply

  6. Katie says

    I can't wait for your MTA post!! So excited for you! Love your recaps, so funny and spot on. I look forward to them as i'm watching!

    Reply

  7. April Parrish says

    I am so happy for you and seriously…JEALOUS!!!! You and Shay will have a blast and I will totally be watching and trying to pick y'all out in the audience!!!
    Have a blessed day! 🙂

    Reply

  8. Libby Gordon says

    I'm soooo excited for you and Shay! You are going to have a blast:) I haven't been able to sit through five minutes of the Bachelorette but your recaps are better anyway (I canNOT stand Kaitlyn!!). My BP studs finally came on Monday and I literally jumped up and down…while my thirteen year-old daughter watched with amazement as she worried that her 50 year-old mother acted like a but over two pairs of earrings:) thanks for a great blog post!

    Reply

  9. Laurie S says

    You and Shay are going to take Southern California by storm! Watch out! Can't watch The Bachelorette – too painful / impending train wreck

    Reply

  10. Sarah says

    OH my gosh, how fun, going to the Men Tell All, and a trip to LA dream come true! 🙂 Can't wait to see your IG and your blog posts afterward!

    Reply

  11. Danielle says

    Oh my word! You are absolutely hilarious (seriously, just ask my husband who thinks I am totally weird for sitting in front of my computer laughing to myself!). Yay for Men Tell All!! I can't wait to read what you write after that one!

    Reply

  12. Blake Callahan says

    You are going to have so much fun at the Men Tell All!!! And I love your recaps! Have a great day!

    Reply

  15. Stephanie Jennings says

    You are fabulous!!!! The Men Tell All is going to be do much fun!!! Love your recaps. I just almost spit out my tea after seeing the "st ends" necklace. Hysterical!!!

    Reply

  16. Rebecca Jo says

    I could hardly read anything past the beginning because I was a. Excited for you and b. totally jealous of you … you're going!!!! He really is the #Goldenboy … I cant wait for THAT recap!

    Reply

  17. Jenny Morgan says

    I can't even with your posts!!!! I literally LOL every single time I read it and I am so thankful no one is around me. The best of this week is totally the "clutching" of the BFF charm. Hi-Larious! And I am so jealous of your Men Tell All invite—so cool, can't wait to hear all about it!

    Reply

  19. Brooke Rice says

    PLEASE tell me that you saw that Carly will be on Bachelor in paradise! Ahh jealous that you will be at the men tell all!

    Reply

  20. Kim Kauffman says

    EEEK!! YOU'RE GOING TO MEN TELL ALL!!! I am SO excited for you. I loved Sean's texts to you. How sweet of him and to tell you himself! I absolutely cannot wait to watch it! Oh and I also thought it was Dougie Fresh until it showed his name. I had no clue who he was. We can be 93 together!

    Reply

  21. KellyinPA says

    I have never watched the Bachelor or the Bachelorette but love your re-caps. They really should pay you. I ordered three pair of the stud earrings for my daughter-in-law's bday gift. Hope she loves them as much as you do!

    Reply

  23. Liz/ says

    OMG, I am SO jealous that you are going to the MTA….that is awesome and Sean will forever and ever be the Golden Boy….fits him perfectly and besides he truly was the BEST Bachelor there ever was!
    And your recaps…killin them as usual! Peace out Gosling, dying….I mean Gosling has some major fine abs, dang boy! I remembered Nick form Andi's season and I am probably the only person on earth that actually likes him…..anybody else I have ever talked to hates him but there is just something about him that is intriguing so I'm glad she kept him!

    Reply

  24. Anonymous says

    So excited for you and Shay! I love your recaps! I'm pretty sure Jared and Count Chocula (yes the character on the cereal box) are one in the same 🙂 Google him if you don't know who Count Chocula is. They could be twins!

    Reply

  25. Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld says

    GAAAAHHHH I'm soooo jealous! I wanna go! I wanna go!

    <3 Linds at LindsaysSweetWorld.blogspot.com

    Reply

  26. Janna says

    I don't know how I never realized that your bestie Shay is Sean Lowe's sister! How awesome is that? And you're going to a "Men Tell All" or "After the Final Rose" taping? SO jealous!!! 🙂 You have all the fun! 🙂 I love your blog. Your sense of humor makes me literally laugh out loud, which is pretty funny when I'm reading it during my lunch hour at work (like I am right now). Everyone wants to know what I'm laughing at. 🙂 I can't wait to read your recap of what it was like to be at the taping! How FUN! 🙂 Have a great time!!!

    Reply

  27. Lori Smith says

    I'm sure people will see prices for Yeti and freak out but I have to say that men LOVE Yeti products and they are actuall amazing. I put ice water in my cup and it doesn't fully melt for about 20 hours!

    Reply

  28. Kent Harms says

    I really really really love reading your recaps, because they are very very very funny, and they make me laugh really really really hard.

    I died, DIED!, at the parting shot Clint took at JJ. Because his shirt and tie?? Them's fighting words.

    So fun =)
    -Sara

    Reply

  29. Bama Girl in TX says

    Read the blog…pause to click on link to buy 4 pairs of earrings (aqua, coral, light pink, hot pink)…continue reading blog…pause to click on link to buy YETI mug…continue reading blog…remember while buying YETI on Amazon I need to by the hammock. Father's day – DONE (and some Maui ear bling for me)! Thanks Sheaffer!!

    Reply

  30. Brooke says

    Awesome that you get to attend the taping! Can't wait to follow on IG, it will be like almost being there! Almost! LOL

    Reply

  31. Bri Bliss says

    I really really really liked Nick on Andi's season & was totally rooting for him…. then he went completely psycho after he got dumped. Maybe Kaitlyn should do a little Google search herself & relive the crazy that went down after he was kicked out last time!

    And congrats on your tickets!!

    Reply

  32. Allison O says

    Thank you for the hyperlink to you setting the handyman. I haven't even finished the post but just laughed out loud at that aside. Soo funny!

    Reply

  33. Maddy Haggerty says

    Im so glad you linked the handyman post…. I completely forgot about that and have not laughed that hard in a long time!!! (well since the first time you posted it!) Hilarious!!!

    Reply

  35. sfitzg2 says

    Just think – you're going to be able to do a re-cap where you can actually screen cap a pic of you and Shay on the screen. Crazy!

    Reply

  36. Anonymous says

    I can't wait to see you at the MTA! I am so excited for you guys. Sean really is the best and your texts cracked me up. This is hands down one of your best recaps ever! I didn't know who Doug E. Fresh was either so I am 73 right there with you.

    Reply

  40. Chris T says

    FUH-NEE!!! You will be the perfect audience member for the show-hope they show you on TV!! also did you notice in the dance picture that Peter Brady's feet are totally opposite everyone else's-heh heh

    Reply

  41. Bethany says

    I am very, very, very, very, very excited you are going to the MTA! Probably more excited than if I was going myself (potentially being on national television=nightmare in the making for me). I can't wait for your behind the scenes recap!

    Reply

  42. Paula says

    EEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Excited for you & Shay! So much F.U.N!

    JJ & Clint….wordLESS! JJ needs to leave on his own & go find Clinty!

    Reply

  43. kristine says

    Can't wait to see what you and Shay wear to the MTL! Pretty sure it won't be a purple cardigan! Lol #whatwashethinking

    Reply

  44. Anonymous says

    Ok, so there is this faithful reader who would really really really really love to meet you and shay, and she lives in l.a. ( and by she, I mean me.) any chance you would be willing to meet her on your visit? Her email is mitchiedini@yahoo.com ( just in case )

    Reply

    • Sheaffer says

      You are too sweet and so nice to want to meet up. The trip is going to be crazy fast, but if we think that we are going to have a bit of time, I'll e-mail you! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂

      Reply

  45. Andrea says

    I don't even watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette, but I do love reading your recaps. I love that you penned two of the contestants, Ryan Gosling and Peter Brady. That last screen shot made me laugh out loud, literally… at work. You always nail it! Love your humor.

    Reply

  46. Anonymous says

    I really really really (well you get it) LOVE your recaps!!!! I totally laugh out loud and think your are so hysterical. I'm so happy that you get to go the the taping. No one deserves it more. One of my favs from this recap is guessing what is in Clint's clutched fist (the bestie necklace), well maybe the jazz hand comment too!!!! Too funny!!!! Okay I think I used enough exclamation points too!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maureen from Long Island, NY

    Reply

  47. Because Shanna Said So says

    If anyone deserves to go….it's you!! Chris Harrison needs to call you up on the couch for a recap of recaps!! Have so much fun!

    Reply

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