It’s BACHELOR WEDNESDAY, y’all! And this week was hometown dates! Just think back over the years to how much goodness hometown date episodes have given us. Case and point: JoJo’s mama drinking straight from the bottle, Desiree’s brother being dang near psychotic with Sean, Kendall taking whoever the boy was that year (I seriously can’t remember) to her taxidermy sanctuary. And we can’t forget when Sean took Emily Maynard to meet Shay and the rest of the fam. LOTS OF GOOD TIMES, y’all! (Speaking of Shay, if you are here for What’s Up Wednesday, scroll to the bottom of the post!)
I was excited to see what this week was going to hold, although I have to be honest, I was seriously disappointed we weren’t going to be meeting Demi’s Mommy.
If you want to catch up on this season, click HERE to scroll through all of the posts!
Click HERE if you just need to catch up on last week.
This week opened with yet another gratuitous shower scene. Although I still don’t believe I’ve spotted any Pantene or Irish Spring in one of these so called showers. And this time he topped it off with a really long stare into a mirror.
CAELYNN’S HOMETOWN
WHERE: Fredericksburg,VA
WHO WAS THERE: Step Dad, Mom, Sister, and many other supporting players
They got picked up by a horse and carriage, and Caelynn immediately admitted to the cameras that she does in fact love Colton.
They got some ice cream and then headed to a park bench to talk about the future. She explained that her biological dad was no longer a part of her life, but her step dad IS her dad, and he would be there. Colton talked about dogs and kids.
There were quite a few people gathered at Caelynn’s house ready to meet the happy couple. Everybody greeted each other with hugs, and John (Caelynn’s dad) said the sweetest things about Caelynn while talking to other family members. It’s obvious he is a great guy and is a wonderful father to Caelynn.
Things were going along swimmingly until the happy couple needed to use a pair of tongs. It appears that neither Caelynn nor Colton knows how to use a pair of tongs. How can they be ready for marriage when they can’t even operate a pair of standard kitchen tongs?
Ariana, Caelynn’s sister, was the first one to grab Caelynn and take her aside. She was glad that Caelynn felt comfortable enough to share her past sexual assault with Colton, but she was still quite guarded.
The men of America were glad that Ariana felt comfortable enough to break out her mini skirt, her over the knee boots, and her deep v blouse. The girl went all out for her t.v. debut. #vavavoom
Colton sat down with Caelynn’s mom and shared with her that they had both told each other that they were falling in love. Mom shared her concern with Colton that it was so quick, and she questioned if they were both truly ready.
Caelynn sat down with John and told him that she did want to get married. John questioned what was different than just a regular friendship between them. Instead of answering him about Colton, she said some wonderful things to John about his role as her father. It was really very sweet. But I have to say, that was some CLASSIC beauty pageant interview competition redirection. #wellplayedCaelynn #youwintheinterviewportion
It was Colton’s turn with John. “How do you know if you’re the right person for her?” Colton said “I don’t yet.” But then he said, “When and if those feelings get there…can I have your permission to marry Caelynn?”
After a long and dramatic pause, John asked “Are you ready truly to get married?“. Colton said, “I am at a point in my life where I can confidently say that I am ready“. John continued…“I would need for you to promise me that you’re marriage and the foundation all the way through would be a lifelong commitment. If your marriage is built on that foundation, I would welcome you into my family, and you would have my permission to ask Caelynn to marry you.”
Caelynn ended it by telling Colton she was “confident that I am fully in love with you.”
*****************************************************
HANNAH’S HOMETOWN
WHERE: Birmingham, Alabama
WHO WAS THERE: Mom, Dad, Hannah’s best friend, and 3 cousins
After the proper Bachelor greeting was executed perfectly….
they headed to this stately home. I was thinking that Hannah’s family was #fancy, but they were actually headed to an etiquette class so he could learn to be a Southern gentleman before meeting the fam.
Y’all aren’t going to believe this. But one of his biggest fears is attending a Southern Etiquette class.
JK.
He did the book on top of your head walk LIKE A BOSS. #takethatmissmanners
When they sat down at the table and the etiquette expert asked what they were supposed to do first, he responded “Say grace?” Which I thought was super endearing and very adorable. She was actually talking about napkin placement, but I liked Colton’s answer better.
(Sidenote: I loved Hannah’s top, and I found THIS ONE on Amazon for under $20, and it comes in over 20 colors! I also love this short sleeve one with scallops on the bottom.)
But, y’all. It all went down hill after that. He didn’t know how to serve bread, how to pass bread, OR APPARENTLY HOW TO EAT BREAD appropriately. Look how upset she was. You guys, he tried to butter his entire roll all at once. And she was beside herself. She even said “bless your heart.”
But I agree with Colton, who has the time to butter each individual bite of bread before eating it? SLATHER THAT BUTTER ON and GO TO TOWN. And I thought he handled the criticism like a gentleman. #sojobwelldone
At the house, the following people were waiting for the well-mannered couple: Hannah’s mom, her dad, her best friend, and some cousins. As you can see, Hannah’s mom was happy and excited. For like .04 seconds.
Colton stood up, made a sweet toast, and Hannah’s mom gave a look that you will now see in future seasons of Bachelor recaps. This pic will pop up in recaps for years to come, so get comfortable with it.
The look was iconic.
AND I LOVE HER.
It was then that I remembered the EPIC story that Hannah told Colton about her mama! REMEMBER, Y’ALL! MAMA DROVE THROUGH HER DAD’S NICELY MANICURED AND MUCH LOVED LAWN. I’m dying. I pictured her differently.
And just when I thought I couldn’t love her more, she said this during her camera interview…..
When talking about Colton’s toast, she said….AND I QUOTE, “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO ME, GUY WHO I JUST MET 3 MINUTES AGO?” I mean, y’all. She’s awesome. That’s awesome. This shall go down as the best line I’ve ever heard anybody say on The Bachelor. EVER.
There was SO MUCH TRUTH in her words and in her face.
Hannah went to talk with her cousins and her sister, and they were all drinking the Colton Kool-Aid. All except the chick on the end. She said, “Does it scare you that he’s a virgin?” I don’t really understand why this would be scary, but Hannah did answer “No”.
Time for a moment with dad. Hannah’s dad sat down, and very sweetly said “What are your intentions with my daughter, man?” And Colton basically gave him the same line that he gave Caelynn’s dad. The whole IF it is your daughter at the end of this, THEN can I have your blessing? I appreciate the fact Colton is asking the fathers for their blessing, but it takes a bit of the “special” out of it when he says the same thing to all of them.
“With your daughter, from the very moment that I met her, she was somebody special. Somebody that had everything I was looking for.” I mean, at least he didn’t say she felt like home for the 74th time. #whatdoesthatevenmean
And then Hannah sat down with her mom.
And this is when I knew who she reminded me of. Who remembers Coffee Talk on SNL? #shewasverklempt
I did feel like we needed a Maury Povich sit down with mama, the etiquette expert, and Hannah. Because our resident etiquette expert definitely looked like she could have birthed Hannah. Right?
But let me tell you one thing. Hannah’s mom doesn’t play. Wanna know how I know? 1) Because she drives through freshly mowed lawns with reckless abandon. and 2) Look at her game face.
But after just a moment with her doe eyed daughter, she caved and said “You go get it, girl.” Then she told the cameras, “She left a mamma’s girl and came home a woman in love.”
I feel strongly that the above line is the solid beginning of a chart topping country song.
After the family visit, Colton and Hannah were both on cloud 9 and exchanged “I’m falling in love with you’s”.
They might be sure, but I’m just not sure if this can work long term. Hannah still doesn’t say her medial /t/s. Which makes the accurate production of “ColTon” quite difficult. AND, does Colton really want to marry a girl that says “buh-un” instead of “button”? I know I wouldn’t.
ALL RIGHT! THAT’S IT FOR PART 1, LADIES! MAKE SURE YOU HEAD BACK TOMORROW FOR PART 2. I’m already half way done, and it’s good.
I need to know all of your thoughts thus far! Please sound off in the comments!
*****************************************************
Three more things before you go:
1. These leopard booties are DARLING, ON SALE, and waterproof! 60% OFF, y’all! Blondo is a great brand and known for their waterproof technology.
Some STMT readers commented on my facebook post and gave them the thumbs up!
I have them! And love them!!! So comfortable. All of Blondo booties are great. They run TTS if you wear with a thin sock. – Stefanie
I have them and love them. Now I can wear cute boots on a rainy day. – Sherry
2. Shopbop is having one of their huge Buy More/Save More sales.
With the code GOBIG19, you can get 15% OFF of your $200 order, 20% OFF your $500 order, and 25% OFF your $800 order. I doubt any of us will get to $800 (no judgement if you do! ha!), but I could get to $200 easily! I mean, my AG jeans are included in the sale….those alone get you to $200! (Click HERE if you want to see me in the jeans.)
I grabbed this white dress and hope it works for me for Easter! It won’t be nearly as short as it is on the model on my 5’4″ frame. I also love this dress. I mean, if I was a dress, this is the dress I would be. And you know these are the only pony tail holders I ever wear anymore.
I always forget about Shopbop because so many of the items that have are crazy expensive, but the two dresses I mentioned above (and ordered for myself) are really darling exceptions! You should see the selection of straw totes, and make sure you scroll to page 2.
3. Maybe you’re here for What’s Up Wednesday! As soon as Bachelor season is over I’ll start participating again, but for now, you can still link up here! And you need to make sure you hop over to see what Shay has been up to.
Link up here and let us know what you’re doing this fine Wednesday!
Natashajk says
Kendall took Arie to the taxidermy place. With all the drama at the end of that season no wonder the Hometown date specifics are gone!
PS, I’ve never watched The Bachelor/Bachelorette — I just read your recaps!
Beth K says
I loved Caelynn! I thought she was so down to earth and her family seemed so endearing!!
Erika Slaughter says
I didn’t know I loved Hannah’s mom so much until you recapped this for me!!!
Narci says
I fell in love with both of these families! Great recap friend!!
Julia Norman says
Oh my word! I must say that I don’t watch the show anymore, buy I live for your recaps!! I’m with you, when I first heard the lawn story recounted I thought of some country club type lady pulling her mercedes across the lawn instead of down the driveway that is perfectly manicured with magnolia trees and southern oaks alternating down the sides. However, after ‘meeting’ her I have the image more of Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatos yelling ‘Tawanda!!’ while ramming lawn ornaments, plantings of flower and bushes out of the way! LOVE the faces too!! #newfavorite
Sheaffer says
I’m DYING, Julia. YES!!!!!!!!!
Lynn Duncan says
Yesss! Kathy Bates on the lawn!!
Go mama!!
Paige Wright says
LAUGH OUT LOUD, you nailed it with Hannah’s mom! You are so funny!!!
Jamie R. says
I didn’t remember it was Hannah’s mom that drive through the lawn!! That totally makes her even that much better. ?
Shay Shull says
Remember that time I was on a hometown date? Yeah, it feels like a million years ago. Hahaha!
Carol Lee says
Best expressions ever! So many times in life where one could use that game face – convos with funeral home florists for starters! Still laughing
Sheaffer says
YES, Carol Lee! It would be the PERFECT place for a conversation such as that!!!!! xoxo
Tricia says
You are killing me with these recaps! LOL. I need to go back and watch this episode just for Hannah’s mom!!
Patricia says
Hannah’s mom is a dead ringer for Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie! I think the glasses are identical!
Sheaffer says
OMG!!!!!!!!! I LOVE TOOTSIE!!!!!! And you’re right! I’m dying.
OMEGALADON says
WHO IS TOOTSIE?????
Sheaffer says
Google “Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie”. It’s a movie from the early 80s (it’s hysterical and my parents loved it) where Dustin Hoffman plays an out of work actor that dresses as a woman to get a part. The part turns into a long term role, and complications arise. 🙂
Vicki says
Yes!! That is too funny!
Lisa says
My husband said the same thing! I was dying!!
Sarah says
That’s it!!!!! I couldn’t pinpoint it??
Pam B. says
I totally thought the etiquette lady was her mom too!!! Love your recaps!!!
Rachel G says
I said to my husband, “I can’t wait to hear what Sheaffer says about Caelynn’s sister and Hannah’s mom!” Your re-cap did not disappoint! I can’t wait for Part II ?
One question- what size are you trying in the white dress? Both you mention are so cute!
Sheaffer says
Hi, Rachel! I’m actually going to order a small and a medium in both since I have no idea on sizing with these brands! xoxo
Addison says
Your recaps always crack me up! I thought Hannah was playing a prank on Colton and that the etiquette lady was actually her mom. Too funny! Can’t wait to come back tomorrow for the second half of the recap!
Molly says
Medial /t/ ???? I’m an SLP too and it’s been making me crazy! Excellent recap…spot on and hilarious as usual
Bren says
I love Wednesday mornings and your recaps! The Hannah G mom screenshots are epic and I was so hoping you’d feel the same! 🙂 Looking forward to seeing those in future recaps!
Hey..hope this is okay to post here. I visited a DSW yesterday and they had your amazing, classic Steve Madden leopard flats! I had a coupon right now for $10 off, which is a pretty good deal for those great shoes! (Code REFRESH).
Sheaffer says
THANK YOU, BREN! I’m going to post this on facebook right now!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Bren says
Sorry I didn’t realize it sooner, 🙁 but I think that coupon expired yesterday as my email last evening said “last chance” (for the $10 or $20 off). BUT! They frequently have coupons, so I’m sure it will come up again to get those super cute shoes! ~Bren~
Sheaffer says
I posted it last night on social media, Bren! And yes, it expired yesterday. 🙁 But thanks for letting me know!
Laci says
I am genuinely laughing out loud at my work!! Hannah’s mom is just nailing it!!
Julie H. says
Great recap!!! I look forward to it every week. And you answered a BIG questions for me. I was extremely bothered by how Hannah pronounces Colton’s name. Like extremely, extremely bothered….I was texting my friend who watches in Michigan, saying what the hell is she saying? Colt-in or some nonsense!!!! So thank you for clearing that up!! Maybe they can take speech classes together (suggested with nothing but love).
Scarlett Spangler says
Kendall took Arie to the taxidermy place… and let’s be real, he was the most boring derpy bachelor in the history of the franchise, so I can’t blame you for forgetting him.
Also, I read somewhere that the house Caelynn met her family at was not their home, it’s some famous house in town that they host events and weddings at… oh, the deception!
Sheaffer says
That makes sense! I thought the little brick opening they came thru was strange for a private residence!
Allie L says
You may have mentioned it before in a previous recap and I missed it, but I’m pretty sure I heard Colton say “bolth” instead of “both” in this episode. If they do get married and have kids, i hope their insurance covers speech therapy! 🙂
Sheaffer says
Yes. I mentioned it. lolol!!!!!! 🙂
Laurie says
Part ONE?? Throw a girl a bone! I’m a teacher on a surprise snow day with nothing to do! And yes, Coffee Talk all the way! Tawanda! You are a scream.
Lindsay H says
Remember when Shawntel Newton took Brad to her hometown and she was a mortician?
Lauren Barnett says
First, I don’t even watch the show (I just read your recaps) and I cannot stand Hannah’s deletion of a medial /t/. As a fellow SLP, it just grind my gears. Next, HANNAH’S MOM. I love her and her faces. I laughed out loud reading this recap, all because of your hilarious account of Hannah’s mom.
And, I will be purchasing that top from Amazon because OH MY GOSH, CUTE!
Thanks for keeping me entertained on my lunch breaks! 🙂
Rebecca Jo says
The whole time I was watching hannah’s home town – I was just WAITING for Mike Meyers to pop out.
I also could NOT STAND that girl on the end with the 1980’s 50 something hair style. I kept looking at her trying to figure out her age – especially when she asked the ‘scared’ about virginity thing. I’m still confused on this woman’s age. Friend? cousin? GREAT GREAT GREAT Aunt?
Crystal says
These recaps are EVERYTHING doing Bachelor/Bachelorette season!
I’ve started watching the episodes Tuesday night b/c I just can’t wait any longer than that between watching & reading your recap! ?
This entire episode all I could think so many times was how I couldn’t wait for Sheaffer’s take on “THAT”!! So many good, “Sheaffer moments”
Great work as always lady!
Crystal says
Also, can we talk about Hannah’s rap? Her dad KILLED me. I think her mom & her dad are both Bachelor GOLD!! I too loved them…
Julie A says
Two things:
1) what on earth was going on with Caelynn’s sister’s eye(s)? Whoa!!!
2) my bro and sister in law thought Hannah’s mom reminded them of Mrs Doubtfire!! Lol!
Love your recaps!!
Lauren Sparks says
Loved this. So entertaining. laurensparks.net
Carolyn says
Hilarious as always! But another great line from Hannah’s mom…. I’m down with love! She’s a hoot! She is nothing like I pictured!
Gina says
The pronunciation of Colton drives me BONKERS. Another blogger I read wrote it as Cole’n. SO PERFECT!
My girlfriends and I were commenting about the fact that we actually thought Hannah and her mom looked IDENTICAL. Like- their face… exact same features. Look at those profiles in the pic you posted. Same mouth. Same nose. It’s crazy!
Another question.. if Caelynn is Miss North Carolina- is it just that her family now/currently lives in Virginia and not NC?? I was confused as to how that works….
Sheaffer says
Hi, Gina! I don’t think you have to be actually from the state you represent in a pageant….you only have to have lived there for a pre-determined block of time. And I think that block is pretty short. That’s how I understand it anyway!
Gina says
Ah- got it!! Thank you!
Also… a little info I found out about Cassie’s perfect looking sister- she’s basically Instagram famous and is dating a guy named Gregg Sulkin who was in an MTV show a few years back. I of course Instagram stalked her – which led me to all of this obvious need to know info! They are beyond gorgeous together- to the point of basically being annoying. 🙂 https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=gregg+sulkin
Bella Fig says
Im dying to hear your thoughts about Cassie and Cassie’s hometown in general..
Paul says
“He makes me feel safe,” said Hannah. I hope she doesn’t come to regret those words if she gets dumped at the end. With three competitors in the race, she has lots of confidence.I do think her odds are better than 1 in 4.
Is is really possible to be falling in love with four women simultaneously?
Angela Ellingson says
Hilarious!! I’m most excited to read your recap of Tayshia’s dad. He was my very favorite!
Laura says
Love your blog! When will Part 2 come out?
Sheaffer says
Hi, Laura! It’s out! Click on The Bachelor tab at the top of my blog, and it’s the most recent post! xoxo
Kathryn says
The brick house in Birmingham is where I had my wedding reception 26 years ago.