It’s BACHELOR WEDNESDAY, y’all! And this week was hometown dates! Just think back over the years to how much goodness hometown date episodes have given us. Case and point: JoJo’s mama drinking straight from the bottle, Desiree’s brother being dang near psychotic with Sean, Kendall taking whoever the boy was that year (I seriously can’t remember) to her taxidermy sanctuary. And we can’t forget when Sean took Emily Maynard to meet Shay and the rest of the fam. LOTS OF GOOD TIMES, y’all! (Speaking of Shay, if you are here for What’s Up Wednesday, scroll to the bottom of the post!)
I was excited to see what this week was going to hold, although I have to be honest, I was seriously disappointed we weren’t going to be meeting Demi’s Mommy.
If you want to catch up on this season, click HERE to scroll through all of the posts!
Click HERE if you just need to catch up on last week.
This week opened with yet another gratuitous shower scene. Although I still don’t believe I’ve spotted any Pantene or Irish Spring in one of these so called showers. And this time he topped it off with a really long stare into a mirror.
WHO WAS THERE: Step Dad, Mom, Sister, and many other supporting players
They got picked up by a horse and carriage, and Caelynn immediately admitted to the cameras that she does in fact love Colton.
They got some ice cream and then headed to a park bench to talk about the future. She explained that her biological dad was no longer a part of her life, but her step dad IS her dad, and he would be there. Colton talked about dogs and kids.
There were quite a few people gathered at Caelynn’s house ready to meet the happy couple. Everybody greeted each other with hugs, and John (Caelynn’s dad) said the sweetest things about Caelynn while talking to other family members. It’s obvious he is a great guy and is a wonderful father to Caelynn.
Things were going along swimmingly until the happy couple needed to use a pair of tongs. It appears that neither Caelynn nor Colton knows how to use a pair of tongs. How can they be ready for marriage when they can’t even operate a pair of standard kitchen tongs?
Ariana, Caelynn’s sister, was the first one to grab Caelynn and take her aside. She was glad that Caelynn felt comfortable enough to share her past sexual assault with Colton, but she was still quite guarded.
The men of America were glad that Ariana felt comfortable enough to break out her mini skirt, her over the knee boots, and her deep v blouse. The girl went all out for her t.v. debut. #vavavoom
Colton sat down with Caelynn’s mom and shared with her that they had both told each other that they were falling in love. Mom shared her concern with Colton that it was so quick, and she questioned if they were both truly ready.
Caelynn sat down with John and told him that she did want to get married. John questioned what was different than just a regular friendship between them. Instead of answering him about Colton, she said some wonderful things to John about his role as her father. It was really very sweet. But I have to say, that was some CLASSIC beauty pageant interview competition redirection. #wellplayedCaelynn #youwintheinterviewportion
It was Colton’s turn with John. “How do you know if you’re the right person for her?” Colton said “I don’t yet.” But then he said, “When and if those feelings get there…can I have your permission to marry Caelynn?”
After a long and dramatic pause, John asked “Are you ready truly to get married?“. Colton said, “I am at a point in my life where I can confidently say that I am ready“. John continued…“I would need for you to promise me that you’re marriage and the foundation all the way through would be a lifelong commitment. If your marriage is built on that foundation, I would welcome you into my family, and you would have my permission to ask Caelynn to marry you.”
Caelynn ended it by telling Colton she was “confident that I am fully in love with you.”
WHERE: Birmingham, Alabama
WHO WAS THERE: Mom, Dad, Hannah’s best friend, and 3 cousins
After the proper Bachelor greeting was executed perfectly….
they headed to this stately home. I was thinking that Hannah’s family was #fancy, but they were actually headed to an etiquette class so he could learn to be a Southern gentleman before meeting the fam.
Y’all aren’t going to believe this. But one of his biggest fears is attending a Southern Etiquette class.
He did the book on top of your head walk LIKE A BOSS. #takethatmissmanners
When they sat down at the table and the etiquette expert asked what they were supposed to do first, he responded “Say grace?” Which I thought was super endearing and very adorable. She was actually talking about napkin placement, but I liked Colton’s answer better.
But, y’all. It all went down hill after that. He didn’t know how to serve bread, how to pass bread, OR APPARENTLY HOW TO EAT BREAD appropriately. Look how upset she was. You guys, he tried to butter his entire roll all at once. And she was beside herself. She even said “bless your heart.”
But I agree with Colton, who has the time to butter each individual bite of bread before eating it? SLATHER THAT BUTTER ON and GO TO TOWN. And I thought he handled the criticism like a gentleman. #sojobwelldone
At the house, the following people were waiting for the well-mannered couple: Hannah’s mom, her dad, her best friend, and some cousins. As you can see, Hannah’s mom was happy and excited. For like .04 seconds.
Colton stood up, made a sweet toast, and Hannah’s mom gave a look that you will now see in future seasons of Bachelor recaps. This pic will pop up in recaps for years to come, so get comfortable with it.
The look was iconic.
AND I LOVE HER.
It was then that I remembered the EPIC story that Hannah told Colton about her mama! REMEMBER, Y’ALL! MAMA DROVE THROUGH HER DAD’S NICELY MANICURED AND MUCH LOVED LAWN. I’m dying. I pictured her differently.
And just when I thought I couldn’t love her more, she said this during her camera interview…..
When talking about Colton’s toast, she said….AND I QUOTE, “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO ME, GUY WHO I JUST MET 3 MINUTES AGO?” I mean, y’all. She’s awesome. That’s awesome. This shall go down as the best line I’ve ever heard anybody say on The Bachelor. EVER.
There was SO MUCH TRUTH in her words and in her face.
Hannah went to talk with her cousins and her sister, and they were all drinking the Colton Kool-Aid. All except the chick on the end. She said, “Does it scare you that he’s a virgin?” I don’t really understand why this would be scary, but Hannah did answer “No”.
Time for a moment with dad. Hannah’s dad sat down, and very sweetly said “What are your intentions with my daughter, man?” And Colton basically gave him the same line that he gave Caelynn’s dad. The whole IF it is your daughter at the end of this, THEN can I have your blessing? I appreciate the fact Colton is asking the fathers for their blessing, but it takes a bit of the “special” out of it when he says the same thing to all of them.
“With your daughter, from the very moment that I met her, she was somebody special. Somebody that had everything I was looking for.” I mean, at least he didn’t say she felt like home for the 74th time. #whatdoesthatevenmean
And then Hannah sat down with her mom.
And this is when I knew who she reminded me of. Who remembers Coffee Talk on SNL? #shewasverklempt
I did feel like we needed a Maury Povich sit down with mama, the etiquette expert, and Hannah. Because our resident etiquette expert definitely looked like she could have birthed Hannah. Right?
But let me tell you one thing. Hannah’s mom doesn’t play. Wanna know how I know? 1) Because she drives through freshly mowed lawns with reckless abandon. and 2) Look at her game face.
But after just a moment with her doe eyed daughter, she caved and said “You go get it, girl.” Then she told the cameras, “She left a mamma’s girl and came home a woman in love.”
I feel strongly that the above line is the solid beginning of a chart topping country song.
After the family visit, Colton and Hannah were both on cloud 9 and exchanged “I’m falling in love with you’s”.
They might be sure, but I’m just not sure if this can work long term. Hannah still doesn’t say her medial /t/s. Which makes the accurate production of “ColTon” quite difficult. AND, does Colton really want to marry a girl that says “buh-un” instead of “button”? I know I wouldn’t.
ALL RIGHT! THAT’S IT FOR PART 1, LADIES! MAKE SURE YOU HEAD BACK TOMORROW FOR PART 2. I’m already half way done, and it’s good.
I need to know all of your thoughts thus far! Please sound off in the comments!
Three more things before you go:
Some STMT readers commented on my facebook post and gave them the thumbs up!
I have them! And love them!!! So comfortable. All of Blondo booties are great. They run TTS if you wear with a thin sock. – Stefanie
I have them and love them. Now I can wear cute boots on a rainy day. – Sherry
2. Shopbop is having one of their huge Buy More/Save More sales.
With the code GOBIG19, you can get 15% OFF of your $200 order, 20% OFF your $500 order, and 25% OFF your $800 order. I doubt any of us will get to $800 (no judgement if you do! ha!), but I could get to $200 easily! I mean, my AG jeans are included in the sale….those alone get you to $200! (Click HERE if you want to see me in the jeans.)
I grabbed this white dress and hope it works for me for Easter! It won’t be nearly as short as it is on the model on my 5’4″ frame. I also love this dress. I mean, if I was a dress, this is the dress I would be. And you know these are the only pony tail holders I ever wear anymore.
I always forget about Shopbop because so many of the items that have are crazy expensive, but the two dresses I mentioned above (and ordered for myself) are really darling exceptions! You should see the selection of straw totes, and make sure you scroll to page 2.
3. Maybe you’re here for What’s Up Wednesday! As soon as Bachelor season is over I’ll start participating again, but for now, you can still link up here! And you need to make sure you hop over to see what Shay has been up to.
Link up here and let us know what you’re doing this fine Wednesday!