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On last week’s recap, Colton said that Hannah G. looked like a sushi roll and followed that with “I would definitely eat that sushi roll.”
And America was all…
I’ll tell you this, Colton’s little sushi roll was AGGRESSIVE. (I’ll have you know that I thought of THE FUNNIEST HASHTAG ever to put right here, but my parents read here soooooo……)
THIS WEEK’S EPISODE
We opened up this week’s episode with us all thinking that this was DEFINITELY going to be the week that he scaled the fence. In fact, if you were really quiet while watching, you could hear America chanting “SCALE THAT FENCE! SCALE THAT FENCE!” But, listen. I’m a firm believer in the “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” school of thought. And if the last 74 seasons of The Bachelor have taught me anything, it’s that the producers like to play mind games with us. So I wasn’t going to be holding my breath for a fence jump this week.
Please remember that last week the episode ended with Colton thinking that there was AT LEAST 1 girl remaining that wasn’t ready for commitment and shouldn’t be there. And man, it was messing with his head.
THE BACHELOR GOES TO DENVER
The group headed back to the U.S., specifically to Denver! Colton’s hometown!
Colton needed some bro time and some advice, so the producers set up a little meeting. The smart thing to do would have been to summon one of their successful Bachelors to come back, talk about his now wife (that he of course met on The Bachelor), and give some sage advice on how to weed through those who might not be there for the right reasons. But this is The Bachelor, y’all. So Ben Higgins was their instead!
PETER! We’ve missed you!!! And really, who better to give our confused Bachelor advice than a former bachelor that told his final 2 that he loved them.
Peter told him to just be honest with the girls about how he was scared. Solid advice, Peter. Did you learn that from Greg? Or is that a little bit of wisdom that Alice passed on to you?
BRING ON THE GIRLS!
It was time for Colton to meet the ladies! So all the girls headed to the park to meet Colton and his dog, Sniper. And Hannah B. got all dressed up in her park outfit. Complete with black bra and a sheer bodysuit. #thatsjanet #missjacksonifyourenasty
They all oohd and ahhd appropriately over Colton’s dog. Had one of them not ooh and ahhd appropriately, I would of loved to see him send a girl home RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Colton announced that the dates were going to start immediately, and then he told Tayshia that she was up first!
They had such a cute date together all over Denver. They walked around, ate oysters, drank some wine, grabbed ice cream, and pet the dog (that is not a euphemism).
Of utmost importance here is what went down at the ice cream parlor. Colton ordered Butter Pecan ice cream. Now, stop and think about how you just read the word “pecan” in your head. There are two types of people in this world. Those that say puh-con , and those that say pee-can. I’m firmly rooted in the puh-con camp. Colton is not. He said “PEEEEEE-CAN”. I’m sorry, but I peee-can’t.
And then they stopped for champagne and deep conversation.
He shared with her how he was definitely questioning some of the girls, but he was NOT questioning her. And then he asked for her opinion on who she thought might not be ready. She said she didn’t want to tattle tale, but in the next couple of seconds she tattled and taled.
She explained that she had heard conversations where both Cassie and Caelynn had talked about being the next Bachelorette, and they had also both said that they didn’t know if they could be engaged at the end of this.
HOLD THE PHONE, TAYSHIA. Did you actually HEAR them say these things? She was being a bit unclear.
I was experiencing confusion and doubt. I mean, I feel like if these conversations had actually happened and if the girls had actually been talking about being the next Bachelorette, production would most likely have recorded at least some of them. Yes?
Colton then said if he told somebody that he loved them and it wasn’t reciprocated, that would be THE GREATEST FEAR OF HIS LIFE. So…..you can add that to his fear list of heights and snakes. Seems he scares easily.
The boy was shook. When doing an interview in an alley, he bent over as if he was going to puke. I mean sure, it might have been emotional trauma making him nauseous. But it could have just as easily been the oysters, wine, ice cream, and champagne.
They headed back to Colton’s place to cook dinner together. (I mean, I think it was his place, but they made no mention of the fact that it was his.)
When they sat down to “eat” the dinner they had just prepared, Colton asked Tayshia how her family would receive him if she made it to hometowns. She was honest and said that her dad would probably have a hard time since she’s been married and divorced. He knows how hurt she was, and she said, “He’s pretty much a hard ass.” Colton took that information in stride. He said he wouldn’t be able to get down on 1 knee if he didn’t have the dad’s blessing.
She said that her dad would ask the tough questions, but she did think that after a bit he would be accepting of Colton. They retired to his bedroom for a bit and he called it “the place where magic doesn’t happen”. FINALLY! A FUNNY VIRGIN JOKE! #wellplayedColton
It was no surprise, but she got the rose. He said “Tonight I started falling in love with Tayshia.”
CAELYNN: COME MEET ME IN THE ROCKIES
When Caelynn got the next date card, tears sprang into the eyes of all the other girls. But sweet Cassie said, “I know you needed this, so I’m happy for you.”
I mean, at this point I refuse to believe that Cassie isn’t there for Colton and isn’t a genuinely sweet girl…but only time will tell. I’ve been fooled before. I’m looking at you 10 foot wall.
Caelynn met Colton on top of a snow covered mountain, but she didn’t really run and jump into his arms. It was more of a slow saunter and then he hoisted her up. I’m guessing it was the altitude that kept her from doing a proper run and jump.
They snowboarded together for all of about 23 seconds (and that’s being generous), and then Colton did what Colton does best.
He called Caelynn out and named names while doing it. He was all “Tayshia says you suck.” JK. He didn’t say that. But he did say that Tayshia had said that Caelynn was one of the ones that “might not be ready” and “had talked about being the bachelorette“.
Them’s fightin’ words, Tayshia.
Our resident beauty queen was ticked the freak off and convincingly said the stories were “completely fabricated“. She claimed Tayshia was lying. And she cussed. A lot. I’ll tell you this, her behavior was not becoming of a Miss North Carolina.
That night they headed to a cozy dinner. Colton told the cameras “I’m more confused than hurt” with tears streaming down his face. I just wanted to scoop him up, stroke his hair, sing him lullabies, and rock him to sleep while assuring him that everything was going to be okay. Is that weird?
Caelynn assured him that she was in fact there for the right reasons. And I was leaning towards believing her. She talked about being engaged and having kids, and she ended it with “I am falling in love with you.”
Even though I was still on the fence, he believed her, and he LOVED it. She got the crown. I mean, the rose. And he reciprocated her feelings and said “I know that I am falling in love with you.”
So, I have a big question. At that point, did Colton think Tayshia was a liar?
Was I thinking that Tayshia was a liar? I’ll be honest. I didn’t know who to believe. I was bumfuzzled.
He then took Caelynn to an amphitheater to hear a country music “sensation” (take note of the ” “, Onyeka) at a private outdoor concert. I didn’t know who he was, but I liked his song, and I liked his outfit. I’m going to have to recreate it soon.
BACK AT THE HOUSE
Caelynn got home, sat down with Cassie, and she told her everything that Colton said that Tayshia had said.
WHO DID I BELIEVE????
I still couldn’t decide.
The next day Caelynn and Tayshia sat down to hash things out, and all I could focus on was Tayshia’s darling sweater. To sum it up, Caelynn was pretty furious and Tayshia could not have cared less.
Tayshia’s story seemed to change a bit during this encounter with Caelynn. With Colton, she seemed to be saying that she actuallyheard Caelynn and Cassie say those things. RIGHT? Well, now she’s saying that when Colton expressed his fears at the end of the rose ceremony about what Katie had told him, that Tayshia and the other girls thought that Caelynn and Cassie were the only ones that acted defensive.
Which is it Tayshia? Did you actually hear them say these things? Or are you just INTERPRETING their reactions to mean that they probably said those things. I was going to need some proof.
I’m going to need to know her source. Did she hear this with her own ears? Did somebody tell her? I NEED DETAILS. And some sort of audio or video recording. I mean, I’m going to need her to go back into the house with a wire and get some ACTUAL EVIDENCE. After all, she threw some serious shade and didn’t really have anything of worth to back up her story.
HANNAH B: HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS
They hopped in his Mercedes SUV (#fancy) and were driving around town. It was obvious that Hannah didn’t know where they were headed…..and then they rolled up to one of his parent’s houses.
I had to wonder if she was rethinking the crop top at that point.
They all sat down together on the cozy sectional, and she was holding her own. She looked genuinely thrilled and happy to be there (more like an enthusiastic girlfriend than a beast monster), and it seemed like she was making a good impression.
Colton’s dad took him aside, but before we get to the conversation, I have an important question to ask. Did y’all think that he looked really young? Like reallllllllllllllllllllllllllly young? Dad told him to be careful of what other girls said and to trust his own judgement more. That’s some good solid advice, Dad.
Mama (who looks young too!) asked Hannah if she was ready for an engagement, and she very enthusiastically responded with the fact that she was “SO READY”. When mama questioned Hannah about Colton’s feelings, she was much less sure.
Back with Dad, Colton told him that Hannah had told him that she was falling in love with him, but he wasn’t quite there yet. UH OH. Somebody should go ahead and call Uber.
That night, Hannah stepped out of the limo looking like Disco Barbie. I will say this, pink lame is her color. The girl was glowing.
When they sat down, Hannah started pouring her heart out to him, but Colton still didn’t know if he could get there. So he told her that. And then he walked Disco Barbie to the SUV of shame.
She was heartbroken, but she handled it like a champ. She even said she was glad it was happening before she introduced him to her family.
I was inspired to make a toast in honor of Hannah. To placing 5th. In pageants and in love. #rolltide
I was actually quite proud of how she handled the break up. Yes, she was teary in the limo, but she said “I will not allow myself to not feel chosen every single day.” Which I thought was pretty profound. YOU GO, HANNAH!
Sidebar: At this point, there was only 40 minutes left in the episode, and I had to be honest with myself. NO WAY was a wall jump going to be happening.
Back at the house, the girls were aghast when the guy came to sweep Hannah B’s suitcase away.
Hannah G, Kirpa, Cassie, Heather: Saying Goodbye is Never Easy
It was now time for the group date. It was starting with 4 girls, but it was going to end with only 2. Look how fun the limo ride looked to the destination.
Colton rolled up casually on a a steam engine train. As one does on The Bachelor.
All the girls hopped on board with him. #comeonridethetrain #andrideit
They each got some alone time with him where they were expected to prove that they were worthy of a hometown date. Heather was first. And the girl dropped a bomb that I did not see coming. She told him that she wasn’t there yet with him. It was a short and sweet “break up”, and then she got on the train and chugged away.
When Hannah G. was with Colton, Cassie and Kirpa were “talking”. Kirpa was all “Yeah, I’d heard the same things about you that Tayshia had heard.” Kirpa told the camera that she thinks that Cassie is still trying to find herself and isn’t quite ready for a long term commitment. She went on to say to the camera “I have no problem…if Colton asks about the situation, asks for more clarity, I don’t want him to be blindsided. I’ll just let him know that I think Cassie needs to go home.” When Cassie tried to question Kirpa, Kirpa said something about it being “her opinion”. Which was a stupid argument. And I thought she looked so smug. I was annoyed.
Cassie went away with Colton next. He was very cautious with her, but he did tell her that her name was brought up to him as not being ready and that it terrified him. Same old story…he was scared…heights, snakes, and unrequited love.
Cassie responded with “I’m SO shocked. I don’t want you to believe that. I’m telling you, I would not be here if it weren’t for you. I don’t know why girls are making stuff up like that.” She was acting upset, but for some reason it just didn’t ring true for me. And y’all know, I LOVE CASSIE. But yeah, I’m just not sure I believed her. Doth protest too much, ya’ know? But Colton did seem to believe her.
Next up, Kirpa and Colton. She flat out said “I have concerns about Cassie and Caelynn. That they aren’t ready.” And then Kirpa, while trying to corroborate her story, also brought up how Cassie and Caelynn were the only ones that were nervous after Katy called people out. WAS THIS REALLY THEIR EVIDENCE? Because people interpreting how others reacted to an announcement IS NOT ACTUAL EVIDENCE.
When Kirpa returned, she and and Cassie got into it. And it was pretty much a case of “I’m rubber, you’re glue.” But I have to say, Kirpa came off as the one who was just spewing information that may or may not be true. It seemed as if she was basing all of her beliefs off of something that Katie told her. Which was ridiculous.
And just like that, I was back on Team Cassie.
And then I decided to run for president of Team Cassie when she said this in regards to Kirpa.
At that time, Colton was equipped with 2 roses to hand out. But he chose to continue into the evening with all 3 of the girls. He needed more time.
That night, all three sat down with what looked to be grilled chicken and broccoli. Nobody touched their food, and then Colton walked in to join them at the very awkward table set up.
He sat down and let the ladies know he did get clarity, and then he immediately asked Hannah if they could go out and talk….and he left Cassie and Kirpa sitting there. WHAT? HUH? Was he letting his little sushi roll go????????????
Calm down, everybody. He walked back in and grabbed the rose and walked right back outside to Hannah. Which meant either Kirpa or Cassie was going home.
The next thing I knew, Kirpa and Colton were upstairs talking. And kissing. With a little too much tongue coverage, if you ask me.
Back at the girl’s house, Hannah walked back in with her rose and talked a bit with Caelynn and Tayshia. She let them know about the altercation between Kirpa and Cassie. Caelynn told the camera how she would NOT be okay with things if Cassie went home because of false statements.
So Caelynn took matters into her own hands. With Kirpa and Cassie sitting quietly at the awkwardly long table, Caelynn busted in to the room like she was a member of S.W.A.T. She didn’t say a word. She just headed up the stairs.
She wanted Colton to know that she fully believed the stories about her and Cassie were false. She said her peace, and then she exited without saying a thing to either girl. She barely even gave them a glance. #stealthmode
Kirpa and Cassie were like, “Who dat?”
Colton made his wan down the stairs. He sat down with the girls, he grabbed the rose, and he handed it to…..
wait for it………
WHEW! That was a close one y’all! In the end, he went with his gut.
So what are your thoughts? Are you Team Tayshia? Or are you Team Caelynn/Cassie? Do you think Hannah G.won the night by just keeping her mouth shut? Sound off in the comments!
Before you go….
If you didn’t see my February Amazon haul, you need to click HERE right now. I found so much great stuff this month, and I was amazed at the prices. Most items are under $40 and some are under $20! The t-shirt dress on the top left is $18! The grey military jacket is under $40! And the blush colored hoodie is under $30 and crazy soft!
I also introduced you to a new pair of jeans that are going to be my GO TO jeans for Spring and Summer!
I LOVE AND ADORE THESE JEANS.
They are super stretchy (but they don’t sag!), very comfy, and sooooooooooooooooo flattering. They hug me in all the right places and just make me feel great. I love the medium wash, the slight whiskering, and the ankle length. For size reference, I’m wearing a 4, so I think they’re true to size.
And look! Our favorite peplum tee just went 40% OFF!!! I’m wearing a small in the tee (s0 I didn’t size down like suggested) and it’s a great spring a summer basic. I’m wearing a 27 in the shorts (consider sizing down if between sizes), and size up a 1/2 size in the sandals. This is one of my warm weather uniforms, and the tee comes in 8 colors!
One of my Top 3 Favorites Bras is 40% OFF too!
All right, that’s it for today! I have an extra post this week, so make sure you come back tomorrow for a little peek into our home!