The little guy had strep, he’s been running fever pretty constantly since Sunday night, and when he’s got a temperature you can rest assured that he wants to cuddle me.
So, I basically slept with an electric blanket last night. Which means I didn’t really sleep.
So. Let’s get to it.
(Just fyi, he’s now officially fever free, so we are on the road to recovery! WooHoo!)
Andi looks amazing in her white crocheted bikini.
Even when he’s picking her up and helping her do a back flip IN HER SWIMSUIT she looks good.
I mean really. Try to picture yourself being caught on camera in this position.
Andi makes suspended in mid-air upside down in a swimsuit look good, and that’s hard to do.
over my head AT ALL TIMES.
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Why?
Don’t believe me? Well, you will after this. GUESS WHO THAT IS?!?
Kris Jenner.
Yep. Take a minute to regain your composure. I’m telling you, there’s something to that position.
I’ve got to start figuring out how to work this position into my day-to-day activities.
Eric is sooooooooo dang likeable and they seem so comfortable together.
But this is where we start seeing Andi say her signature catch phrase. And you will hear it ALL NIGHT LONG. Go ahead and raise your hand if you just sang a little Lionel Richie just now.
Fiesta Forever.
Yeah right Eric. Nobody believes you. I bet if you sat him down at the piano right now he’d play a made Fur Elise.
******************************************************************
The next date card comes.
#clearlytheseguyshavewatchedtheshowbefore
And by dance, I mean writhe around on a chair.
IT’S FOR CHARITY.
Of course it is.
But to be fair, page 32 paragraph 7 of The Bachelor Handbook does state that asking people to get naked, as long as it is in the name of charity, is not only tolerated, it is encouraged.
It’s Bachelor Law Y’all.
😉
Party Till You Drop Craig hops off the bus and declares his love for Andi almost immediately during his little interview.
SLOW DOWN CRAIG.
And maybe reduce your sugar intake because OH MY AT THE TALKING.
The guy who runs the joint looks like a creepy, old, and extra tan Nick Lache, and he let’s them all lnow that they are going to be “exposed” (wink wink) to the world of male exotic dancing.
Look How Strong I Am Cody quietly high fives himself and is just pleased as punch that all of that time spent dancing in front of the mirror naked is going to pay off.
Speaking of, it’s time for the professional male dancers to show our bachelor’s how it’s done.
There’s lots of “5,6,7,8” counting, a couple of boom boxes, a little bit of bumping,
and a smattering of grinding.
Former Pro-Baseball Player Josh (please don’t stereotype him) does a little impromptu lap dance for Andi during practice, and Party Till You Drop Craig LOVES. IT.
Like he EATS. IT. UP.
He says “Josh is a stud.” and then he says “He’s kind of the full package.”
Me thinks somebody has a little crush.
Practice is over.
They get all spray tanned and oiled up, 1 guy promises him mom he’s going to go to church in the morning…and then Party Till Your Drop Craig stuffs his pants to make his package look as alluring as possible.
Yes, really.
#blesshisheart
They wore chaps, they tipped their hats, and then they RODE SOME CHAIRS.
#yeehaw
#saveahorserideafoldingchair
Party Till You Drop Craig manages to throw in the fact that he thinks Josh is incredible.
We got it Craig. You heart Josh.
The robot solo is up next.
And I don’t understand the “robot” thing at all. Is this a common fantasy that I’m unaware of?
If you’re a mom, I know what you’re thinking.
This costume looks like it belongs on Yo Gabba Gabba.
The fireman group strolls out and they grind up on anything and everything that stands still.
I MEAN, LOOK! BAD FIREMAN!
YOU DESERVE A SPANKING FROM HARRISON!
I might love this sequence a little too much.
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It’s here that I learn something about myself.
It seems as if the act of grinding makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I found it a little hard to watch because OH THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL.
But I will say this….the guy who went up and shook his hiney in Harrison’s face, I would like to personally hug his neck. Because HILARIOUS.
Andi is impressed with his easy ways on stage. 🙂
Nice socks Marcus. 😉
And they are looking fabulous. I tried to find a pic of Andi in her dress, but I couldn’t.
So you’re going to have to trust me on this. The girl has some really good boobs.
I mean, she’s no Selma. But they’re really good.
He’s cute. I like him.
I would like to directly quote him here.
“Josh is a stud, dude, like I love Josh’s face so much now.
We ripped our shirts off and I was just like ‘Josh, I want to kill your face.”
Just look at this screen shot from earlier in the evening.
And this actually makes me more uncomfortable than the aforementioned grinding.
Cue Andy’s catch phrase.
WHAT??????
OH MY GOODNESS I WAS LAUGHING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD!
WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?
CRAIG! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!
BUT ANDI.
HELLO.
YOU’VE SEEN THE BACHELORETTE, RIGHT?
She even began question if she was doing the right thing being there.
Cue the violins.
It’s time to move on.
***************************************************************
because ou know when you’re eyes just won’t stay open no matter how hard you WILL them to?
Welcome to my world right now.
p.s.
Well, my friends, the time has come
To raise the roof and have some fun
Throw away the work to be done
Let the music play on
(play on, play on)
Everbody sing, everybody dance
Lose yourself in wild romance
We’re going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever
Come on and sing along!
We’re going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever
Come onand sing along!
We’re going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever
Come on and sing along!
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
This picture is from Monday’s post…….but I wanted to report that I found my new gold wedges found at Nordstrom HERE!
I know that most of you to prefer to order from Nordstrom, so I thought you would want to know!
In fact, LOTS of French Connection items can be found HERE at Nordstrom.
I’m especially loving THIS little crossbody. It’s so reasonable!
I talked about THIS top on facebook last week, I bought it, and I couldn’t love it more if I tried!
Only x-small and small is left in the black (for size reference I’m in a
medium), but it’s fully stocked in the cream version which I love just
as much! If you really are wanting the black lace, there is THIS sleeveless version, but it’s not on sale.
Click HERE for the shirt / Click HERE for necklace c/o Kendra Scott / Click HERE for earrings c/o Goriana and Griffin
Click HERE for sequin bracelets (On SALE!) / Click HERE for wedges c/o French Connection
Click HERE for the wedges at Nordstrom
Click HERE for the shirt / Click HERE for necklace c/o/ Click HERE for earrings c/o/ Click HERE for sequin bracelets (On SALE!) / Click HERE for wedges c/o French Connection
The shoes ARE pretty fabulous.
p.p.p.s.
The stock for this next jacket must have been crazy, because even though it’s ONLY $27 right now, there are still sizes and colors left!
Lots of you ladies ordered it last week when I talked about it, and I got tons of e-mails about how much you are loving it!
(I did get one e-mail from a reader that it didn’t fit right, but I’m not entirely convinced the “small” wasn’t sized wrong!)
The Rubbish Military Jacket is now $26.98.
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.
I know.
It comes in 5 colors.
AND IT’S SO FLIPPING CUTE.
And I don’t know if you heard, BUT IT’S $26.98.
This one is a bit longer than my other military jackets and has a REALLY COOL collar!!!!!
Check out this comment I got from a reader this morning. I think she’s kind of genius.
Identify yourself anonymous commenter!
I bought the navy jacket last week. I loved it so much that I bought 5
more! 1 more for me, 1 for my sister, 1 for my daughter in college, and
1 for each of my daughter-in-laws for Christmas! Pinterest Told Me To.
That’s what I’m going to tell my husband. Love your blog, thanks for
all the suggestions.
Here’s the genius behind what she did. She bought 4 Christmas present for $120.
Well done.
p
Susan Jeffries says
You make me want to watch this crazy show! And I am laying out by our pool today in the Kris Jenner pose!! 😉 Susan
Tab & Erika says
WHAT?!! KRIS JENNER?! I'm still in shock. I scrolled back up (approximately 11 times) and I completely agree that it's her, but WHAT?? This summer you and me by the pool laid out as flat as possible. Shay can watch the kids, right?
Anonymous says
I bought the navy jacket last week. I loved it so much that I bought 5 more! 1 more for me, 1 for my sister, 1 for my daughter in college, and 1 for each of my daughter-in-laws for Christmas! Pinterest Told Me To. That's what I'm going to tell my husband. Love your blog, thanks for all the suggestions!
Anonymous says
FYI…pro baseball player Josh never made it to the majors…in fact he didn't even make it out of single A. I think he doesn't want to be known as an athlete, but he is acting like he did way more than he did. His brother though….now HE is a famous athlete
Nicki says
I ordered the military jacket last week when you said it was on sale and it came yesterday. Luckily today dipped down to the 60's here in Maryland, so I get to wear it and have already received a compliment on it before 8 am! 🙂 Love it!
Peggy Bowes says
Such a hilarious post, especially about the weird robot dancer. I got my Rubbish military jacket, but the fit was a little boxy on me. I thought the drawstring would be better at the waist instead of the bottom, but the jacket was way too cute and inexpensive to return. Instead I just got out my sewing machine and nipped in the waist a little. Now it's perfect and I'm ordering two more. If you can't sew, I'm sure a tailor would do the alteration and it wouldn't cost much.
Jackie T. says
"Staaaap it!" That's Kris Jenner?? WTH?!
Excellent recap as always. This show has become one cheese filled train wreck but I'm still watching…
Who is Josh's famous athlete brother??
Kim says
Aaron Murray.. Georgia Bulldog Quarterback…
April Parrish says
They should really feature you on GMA with these hilarious comments about the Bachelorette!!! I of course watch the show so I thoroughly enjoy your weekly posts that are ridiculously funny!
I was also confused with the robot. Definitely not a fantasy of mine!
The black lace top is so pretty! Looks great on you!
Have a great day!
Elvira G says
Ridiculously funny! I died at the party till you drop Craig… Genious!
Anonymous says
Oh.Em.Gee Sheaffer, I have got to find that white chocheted swimsuit! You haven't happened to have seen it during any of your shopping adventures have you? I know if it can be found you will be the one that does it!
Coleen Yazurlo says
Possessionista found it!
http://www.possessionista.com/2014/05/andi-dorfmans-bachelorette-fashion-episode-2-recap.html
Anonymous says
I could not decide what Craig asked Andi! At first, I thought he said, "What's the worst thing about your parents?" And then.. I figured there's no way that's what he asked so I thought maybe he drunkenly mumbled, "What's the worst thing about your appearance?" I might have needed closed captioning for him.
Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says
I wasn't going to watch this season after the disappointment of the last Bachelor, but so far it's not terrible. And I CANNOT believe that is Kris Jenner. That will be my go to position by the pool this summer. I won't be getting up until the sun goes down. I'm still in shock.
Elizabeth Stiles says
Dying. Laughing. In my cubicle. Going to get in trouble. Great recap!
priscilla says
The lace top is really pretty, and they keep adding more colors. I ordered the jacket in a small, my usual size, and had to return it (actually them!!) for mediums because the sleeve length was too short. The medium sleeve length was fine, and I have PLENTY of room in the medium. For the price, we all need one of each color, right?
Your recap is spot on! So funny!!
Kayla Roman says
So funny!! Thanks so much for doing these recaps – they are the highlight of my week! Andi actually went to LSU at the same time as me. We weren't friends, but we had a couple mutual friends. Fingers crossed this season will be better than the last one! Also, I didn't know that Josh was Aaron Murray's brother!! Very cool!
I ordered the military jacket today too – can't wait for it to come in! 🙂
Esther Ra says
Thank you yet again Sheaffer! I got the rubbish jacket in military green and I absolutely love it!!! You always give us the best deals for the most stylish things!!
Esther Ra says
Thank you again Sheaffer! I ordered the Rubbish jacket in the green and I love it so much! You alert of the best deals on the most stylish things. Thanks for writing even when you are so tired! Much love for you and your blog!!
Because Shanna Said So says
Gimme that black lace top now!!! So perfect for so many things!! people better run and not walk for that jacket!! 🙂
{Hi Sugarplum!} says
save a horse, ride a folding chair
well done. I'm standing and applauding you right now!
Kylie McGraw says
Favorite sentence in the entire post! Hahaha
Katie @ Mishaps and Mayhem of a Solitary Life says
#saveahorserideafoldingchair….LOVE IT Laughing so hard!!! It was difficult to watch Monday knowing Eric has passed! I feel like they are a good match!
Anonymous says
Hilarious as always! I look forward to your recaps more than for the episodes 😀
A Bigger Closet says
This exactly. Me too. Thanks for the laughs, Shaeffer!
Narci says
All NIGHT LONG! hahaha! hilarious, friend!! XOXOXO!
Shaunacey Bonneville says
what the what?! I didn't even know it started yet!!!! UGH Now I need to find it online somewhere!
kristinwithani says
That dance part was just plain painful. The world felt uncomfortable and comments on Chris Harrison's IG post prove that. Ew, just ew. Of course, I am watching this show. Oy, I get sucked in every year.
Carly Lee (C. Style Blog) says
I love it all. #charitycard
Sarah Kuykendall says
I was dreading my day at work but when I saw this post it turned my mood around. Thank you!!
Anonymous says
What about the cranberry military jacket!!? I'm a brunette and it looks fab on me! At 5'2", it's a tad long but it looks great cinched and has a nice subtle pop of color!
Unknown says
There is no reality to that Kris Jenner photo — She's had lipo, tummy tuck, implants, face lift; plus it's probably re-touched as well. How are we supposed to make the men stand 8 feet above us behind our heads to make us look like that? 😉
Sarah says
Did you notice the old lady standing behind Sharlene and Kelly in line outside the club? Then she was sitting near them inside. I'd be MORTIFIED if my grandmother went to a strip club.