The Bachelorette Recap Episode 3: I’m Rubber, You’re Glue

Before we get started on this week’s post, let’s take a brief stroll down memory lane to episode 2.

Last week this girl scared us for several reasons:  1)  her scrunchie  2)  her bodysuit  3) her general demeanor.

Plus, I don’t think you should ever trust somebody who can wear their belt on the first  loop.  I mean, WHO CAN DO THAT?

Click HERE for last week’s post.

When this week started, all the guys had just found out that DeMario was BACK AT THE MANSION and trying to woo Rachel back.  And y’all. As he was begging for forgiveness from Rachel (but saying NOTHING of actual substance), all of the guys were just standing their watching.  Like they were watching a show.  Like they needed some popcorn and Junior Mints.  Or maybe that was just me.

DeMario babbled a lot….said something about having to experience pain to be able to truly experience joy…but he NEVER actually apologized.  And this was Rachel’s face.

Rachel told him “I need someone that owns their mistakes…and I gave you time after time after time in that gym while you were looking like a damn fool……..but that’s not what you did.  What I saw in the gym was like a boy, but I’m looking for a man.”  And then she ended the BEAT DOWN with a “THANK YOU”.  It was awesome. #hittheroadjack #anddontyoucomebacknomorenomorenomorenomore

I LIKED SEEING HER INNER LAWYER COME OUT.

I loved it actually. Because although I think we can all agree that scrunchie girl was in fact cray…I think we can also all agree that DeMario is in fact a dirty dirty dog.

She sent DeMario on his way, and then walked back over to the group of guys.  One of them asked “So is he coming back?”  She gave a very matter of “Freak no.”  Except she didn’t say freak.  And at that point I had to suppress the urge to stand up, jump, point, and say “YOU GO GIRL!”

RACHEL. DON’T. PLAY.

Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party

The Tickle Monster brought some huge hands.  It was creepy.  He needs to go. Can somebody confirm for me that he is in fact a doctor?  I feel like I need to know.  (I don’t like to do searches because I’m always afraid I’m going to see a spoiler.)

Alex almost solved a Rubik’s cube, while still managing to hold a conversation.

Kenny showed pictures of himself with his daughter at a Daddy/Daughter dance.

Everything was going so well.

And then WhaaaBoooom waltzed in. He told Rachel a crazy story about Blake standing over his bed and eating a banana while watching him sleep. I’m sorry. WHAT?

Rachel then confronted Blake asking him if he in fact had ever stood over Lucas’s bed whilst eating a banana.  And Blake was OFFENDED and taken way off guard.  Not because he’s a straight man, doesn’t have a crush on Lucas, and would never do something so strange as watch another man sleep.  NOPE.  He was offended at the mention of the banana.

He said, “Um, I don’t eat carbs.  So I wouldn’t eat a banana.”

THE DEFENSE RESTS YOUR HONOR.

Rachel earned a lot of my respect when she sent DeMario packing, but I would really respect her stance if she would have kicked Blake to the curb for swearing off carbs.  #thatsnotnormal #carbsareyummy

Who got roses:  Brian, Bryce, Eric, Anthony (WHO????), Will, Tickle Monster, Jack, Matt, Alex, Adam (again, WHO?), Pretty Boy Pit Bull Kenny King, Brady, Lee, Iggy, Fred (camp bad boy), Diggy

THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE – read those names again.

That means WHAAABOOOOM was going to have to go WHAAABYE.  AND SO WAS BLAKE!  The Scales of Justice tipped in Rachel’s favor with this rose ceremony.  Good move, Rach.

And then it was time for exit interviews.  Lucas and Blake were both giving their interviews on separate sides of the driveway when Blake just couldn’t take it anymore. He sauntered over, put his arm around Lucas, and this is where the most embarrassing, the most hysterical, and possibly my favorite 90 seconds of television EVER began.  Blake kicked it off with quite a few swear words.

And then Blake WhaaaBoooomed.  Please see Exhibit A below.

He did the hand motions and everything.  And he looked like a complete and total tool. In my personal opinion, it seems somehow that impersonating the WhaaaBoooom guy makes you appear even crazier than being the actual WhaaaBoooom guy.

{Sidenote:  When Blake Whaaaboooomed, it immediately reminded me of that scene in Jerry Maguire where Jerry was all Don’t worry… don’t worry. I’m not gonna do what you all think I’m gonna do, which is just FLIP OUT!! (as his briefcase and papers went flying).  It’s one of my favorite movie scenes ever.   Sigh. That was back in simpler times when Tom Cruise was normal.  You know, before he started jumping on couches and such.}

Here’s a summary of what went down between these two Bozos.  You’re a clown.  No, you’re a clown.  Well, you’re not funny.  I don’t think you’re funny either.  You’re a failed comedian. Well, you’re a personal trainer and drink protein shakes.  You’re not funny.   Well, you don’t even know what funny looks like.  Shut your mouth.  Shut YOUR mouth. 

I’m serious.  That’s how it went down.

“I’m rubber, you’re glue.  It bounces off me and sticks to you.”  Okay, maybe I made up that last part.

To wrap it all up, Blake did this little clown horn/tooting routine.  Looked like something straight off of The Three Stooges.

Harrison dropped off the first date card.

Who:  Ryan, Tickle Monster, Peter, Alex, Will, Fred

What it said:  Lights, Camera, Action – Come Join Me On The Set of Ellen

STAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHP!!!!!  ELLEN? I LOVE ELLEN!

Ellen brought the guys out, but before we really get started, let’s talk about the differences in seasonal dressing here.  Tickle Monster had on a palm tree short sleeve button up and chinos, while several of the other guys had on sweaters.  And I’m going to need some clarification on the pants the Russian was wearing.  

Ellen instructed them all to take off their shirts and go dance in the audience.  And it took them about 2.7 seconds to go all Magic Mike on the audience.   They started grinding up on people like it was their job.

This guy cracked me up.  He was drinking out of a water bottle all sorts of nonchalantly like nothing was happening, like his girlfriend wasn’t shoving bills down some other guys pants. #nothingtoseehere

And y’all.  The Russian?  UM.  He knew what he was doing.  I’m certain he had done this before.  He was poppin that booty with authority.  But my favorite part of the picture has to be the face of the lady who was on the receiving end of the booty pop.  Is that fear?  Is it joy?  Hard to tell.

He pretty much gave everybody a lap dance.  He didn’t discriminate and was all about equal opportunity booty.  However, he did apologize after it was over for giving Granny here a lap dance.  But, I don’t think she needed an apology.  #grannylikey

I’ve gotta say.  My favorite was Peter.  He managed to rip his shirt off and get a couple of dollar bills stuffed down his pants…but somehow come off as an adorable grandma respecting teddy bear.

After the strip tease, they all sat down with Ellen to play a game of Never Have I Ever, which was a lot of fun.  We found out who had peed in the pool at the mansion…

And who had already kissed Rachel (seen below).  We also found out that the camper had been intimate with somebody twice his age (once a bad boy, always a bad boy) and that 2 of the guys claimed they had never fantasized about sleeping with Rachel.  #liars

At the cocktail party that night, Rachel seemed to be having a really great time with each of the guys.

But then, Fred (the kid from camp) asked if he could kiss her.  She told him she didn’t like him asking and that she felt awkward, but then he kissed her anyway.  And it was weird. But he DEFINITELY dug it.  During an interview he was whoopin’ and hollerin’ and said how after that kiss he saw himself in a tuxedo and her in a wedding dress.  Whoah. Tap the breaks, buddy.

When it was time to give out the rose at the end of the group date, she picked it up and asked Fred if she could talk to him for a minute. It seemed to me (AND TO FRED) that he was going to be getting the rose.  I mean, why else would she grab it before asking to talk to him?  WELL.  I guess she did it just to serve as a reminder that SHE. DON’T PLAY.   While holding the rose, she broke his heart by telling him she couldn’t get over the little boy stuff.

She came back and gave the group date rose to the Russian. It appears Rachel is a firm believer in the idea that there ain’t nothin’ wrong, with a little bump and grind.

I’m going to go ahead and guess that approximately 92% of y’all just sang that.  And that’s a conservative estimate.

I somehow missed the date card delivery, but Anthony got the date card with the message “Meet me at the rodeo.”

But GUESS WHAT.  They weren’t going to a rodeo, they were going to ride horses down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.  IS THIS A THING?  This was strange to me, because they acted like it was a thing.  They trotted into a western store on Rodeo Drive and each got a pair of boots.  I’m guessing those boots were around $17,000 a pair.

They stopped for some Sprinkles cupcakes and then headed into another store (still on horseback) where they did a little shopping (still on horseback) and bought a couple of items including a letter jacket (still on horseback).  It was about this time that the horse pooped.  In the store.  This right here is why it’s not a thing.

They headed to dinner with a gorgeous view of the LA skyline.  He claimed he had the perfect childhood, not because he was privileged, but because he was “rich in love”.  It sounds incredibly corny as I’m typing it, but he seemed genuine. He talked sweetly about his father and about his upbringing.  She gave him the rose, and then they danced and made out.

THE NEXT DATE CARD ARRIVED.

And Peter picked it up and read it.  And it was riveting.  I’m guessing Peter could read the phone book and most of the women in America would be on the edge of their seats.

Who:  Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, Eric

Sometimes in relationships, the women have to take charge.

The next morning at the mansion, all the guys were sitting around trying to figure out what “sometimes in relationships, the women have to take charge” meant.  And the Russian had an adorable case of bed head.

Rachel waltzed in with her girls (shark girl, Raven, Corinne, and Jazmine). They rode on a party bus to their destination, and a couple of guys worked the pole while en route.  I’m sensing a theme here.

They arrived at their destination, and the girls had set up a mud wrestling arena for the boys.  It seemed obvious to me that mud wrestling was simply a creative ploy to get their shirts off.  #wellplayed

I do wonder how this lady on the right felt walking in to her office building on Tuesday morning after her superiors had heard her yell “Show us your junk.”  I’m thinking she might be getting an e-mail from HR.

These guys got down and dirty during their wrestling matches.  How dirty you ask?  This dirty.  I mean, he looks like a sea creature.

The final two were Bryce and Pretty Boy Pit Bull Kenny.  And Bryce won, even though Kenny blew her a kiss mid half-nelson.

That night, Kenny sat down with Rachel and told her that he used to be a dancer in Vegas, and he then proceeded to show her some of his best moves.  She looked like she was having fun, but there is NO WAY she’s bringing a Vegas dancer home to Judge Daddy.

Eric sat down with her, shared his concerns about her feelings for him (or lack there of), and she laid those fears to rest.  But then Rachel told Eric that Bryce and Lee thought he wasn’t ready to find love.   Eric went and confronted the boys.  Bryce came out looking better than Lee, but they all looked ridiculous.

She gave Eric the rose.

Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party

The most notable moment at the cocktail party didn’t involve Rachel at all.  Instead, it was Eric losing his mind on all of the guys.  The yelling was pretty epic.  He did not appreciate the fact that the other guys were talking to Rachel about him.  And he had a real problem with the fact that his “name had been in their mouths”.  How did he let people know he was upset.  YELLING.  Lots and lots of yelling.

Whatever.  The night ended with another dreaded “To Be Continued…”

BUT BEFORE YOU GO….

SALE ITEMS! SALE ITEMS!  SALE ITEMS!  SALE ITEMS!  SALE ITEMS!  SALE ITEMS!

These are the 5 1/2 inches (although they don’t feel that long on) I showed y’all just last week.  And they are NOW ON SALE! They are longer like many of you have been looking for (but not too long).  They are cotton twill “with a hint of stretch” and have great reviews.  Many reviewers have referred to them as “the perfect length”.  They come in several colors, and although the olive is my favorite…. I also love the dark grey and the white.  Click HERE for the shorts.  I’m wearing a regular 4, so I think they are true to size.

similar top/ shorts / similar denim jacket from same maker on sale / tassel necklace / sandals

This jacket is on sale, and seems to be going in and out of stock…but right now it appears to be STOCKED IN ALL SIZES (and still on sale). If you don’t have a great denim jacket in your closet, then you’ve clearly been ignoring me for years. Kut from the Kloth jackets are my favorite, and this one (in the perfect wash for summer) just went 40% OFF! Kut from the Kloth jackets pretty much NEVER go on sale. They are stretchy, comfy, and just generally awesome.  Click HERE for the jacket!

My fun swizzle sandals went on sale pretty much right after I got them last month.  HOWEVER, yesterday they were 25% OFF…and now they are 40% OFF!   They look great with ankle jeans, shorts, and sundresses.  And in addition to the multi-color options (below) and the black, there is now a neutral option as well! They are really flat so they don’t have a lot of arch support, but I still find them quite comfortable!

Now before everybody freaks out, there is very limited sizing remaining in some of these tees…but the bell sleeve ruffle tee is NOW ON SALE! My regular small fit me well, but some of the reviews (it has fantastic reviews) recommend to size down. You might want to read them yourself and see what you think about sizing.  Also, I saw the solid colors at the mall last week. They are really cute as well, but it looks like the sleeves are a bit shorter on those, so keep that in mind.

Please ignore my cheerleader pose.  I was wanting to show off the sleeves, and so I got all cheerleadery to do that. #ready #okay

tee / earrings/ necklace / similar leopard belt / white jeans / wedges / t-shirt bra

Get The Look For Yourself Here:

 

See you back here on Friday for some awesome Friday Favorites!  I’m going to have quite a few Father’s Day gift ideas as well!

Filed Under: The Bachelor 22 Comments