It’s so fun seeing what everybody is up to, so make sure you check it out!
But on Pinterest Told Me To, today is all about The Bachelorette.
Click HERE if you missed my recap of the Season Premier.
(Don’t worry if you didn’t see the first episode, I promise you that the
recap will get you all caught up!)
Before we get to this week’s recap, I’ve got something to share.
I threw on my new leopard wedges last Thursday and headed out to meet somebody.
I was wearing THESE jeans, THIS utility blouse, THIS super fun necklace, THESE earrings, THIS watch, THIS bracelet,
and again, most importantly…..
THESE fabulous (and comfy!) leopard wedges that are NOW ON SALE!
Here’s a close up of the wedges.
Click HERE (33% OFF!) for the wedges.
They run big, so make sure you order a 1/2 size down.
And I’m telling you…I PROMISE YOU…they really are comfy!
So WHO was I meeting?
Drum Roll Please
THE ONE AND ONLY MASTER OF CEREMONIES!
MR. CHRIS HARRISON!
My friend Jenn and I couldn’t wait to meet him (you girls would all LOVE Jenn), and our guy Chris did not disappoint.
He was funny and charming and smart.
And yes, I could tell all of that about him from our short meeting.
He even stopped talking and ran over to kiss his sweet little Mimi when she arrived.
Our goal for this meeting was to try to get seats on The Men Tell All.
I opened with the fact that we both went to Lake Highlands High School, and then
I totally name dropped Sean and Shay. I told him how badly I wanted to go to the taping, and he said “Well, Sean is The Golden Boy. Sean can get you tickets.”
So, no pressure Golden Boy, but make it happen. 🙂
(By the way, Jenn posted the above pic on her ig, and Harrison commented on her ig! NO. WAY.
So Jenn and Harrison are pretty much besties now. Not sure why he has no love for Pinterest Told Me To. Whatevs. I’m still a huge fan.) 🙂
If you liked my outfit, you can Get The Look For Yourself here:
OKAY! TIME FOR THE RECAP!
The show starts out with Harrison having a quick little sit down with Kaitlyn.
The major takeaway?
She feels very lucky.
Then it cuts to Britt in a hotel room calling her mom.
And here’s the deal, Britt doesn’t feel lucky.
And I felt just awful for her.
The second she heard her mom’s voice, she lost it. Haven’t we all been there? You know, you feel like you are doing a pretty good job of holding it all together…but then you hear you hear your mom’s voice and it all goes to hell in a hand basket.
Right after she got off the phone, Brady shows up!
And he said that he thought she might need a hug.
We’re going to have to stay tuned to see what happens with these two crazy kids.
Cut back to Harrison talking to the guys at the house.
He’s wearing a purple shirt. With Zippers.
That speech bubble on the left is the collective voice of America.
1st Group Date:
Who: Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H. and Ben Z.
Date Card Says: “I see this ending with a ring.”
Date Card Translation: BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER
The guys get transported in a limo to a gym where they meet Laila Ali.
And I think Kupah said it best:
“She’s kinda a big deal, if you know anything about anything.”
Laila works them out.
And Ben Z. is looking FINE. And like he could accidentally kill somebody, most notably the scrawniest of the bunch…the patchy hair guy.
And for the record, the patchiness extends to his chest as well.
He reminds me of somebody, and then I realize who.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! KELLY CLARKSON!”
So the time has come, lots of practice punches have been thrown, and now it’s time to fight for Kaitlyn’s heart.
DING DING DING!
Kaitlyn begs them not to hurt each other.
Daniel and Ben Z. are first up. AND OH MY OUCH, These guys are really going at each other.
Ben H. and Jared are next, and again, OUCH!
Tanner and Kupah go at it.
The Ben Z. and Corey.
Then Jared and Kupah.
And then the main event with Ben Z. and Jared.
And this here is the exact moment when Jared is on the receiving end of a concussion.
And y’all. Kaitlyn feels just awful that somebody got hurt.
Uh, yeah. It’s SO SURPRISING. None of us ever saw that coming.
Jared’s pupils aren’t reacting to light like they should, so off to PrimaCare he goes.
Kaitlyn has some 1:1 time with lots of the guys, and she seems to be connecting with several of them.
She’s talking with one of the guys when she gets a note hand delivered to her by an intern.
The note says “Come downstairs right now. I need to see you.”
She acts like an 8th grade girl (giggling and averting eye contact), and the she takes off downstairs, and it’s Jared.
He’s wearing a pink shirt, gold shorts, and converse. And I’ve never seen anybody more confident after getting a full on BEAT DOWN.
I do feel it should be noted that Kaitlyn is rocking a jumpsuit.
But all of us that have rocked a jumpsuit are shaking are heads.
Because we know.
We know that no matter how cute you look in the jumpsuit, you’ve gotta weigh the fact that you are going to have to get naked in the bathroom.
Like NAKED NAKED.
Like jumpsuit around your ankles naked.
It’s the double edge sword of the jumpsuit.
Still, to me, they are worth it.
I’m willing to be naked in a bathroom for a really good jumpsuit.
Specifically, I was recently naked in a bathroom for THIS jumpsuit.
I wore it to an evening event with heels and some edgy brass jewelry!
(For size reference, I’m wearing a small in the jumpsuit.)
Just for fun….here are some great black jumpsuit options out there right now.
Nordstrom has tons of great choices!
And for the record, I’m kind of dying over THIS short romper with elephants.
And it’s only $32! I think I’m going to need it for the pool!
And click HERE to see a really large selection of long jumpsuits and short rompers, all under $100.
Some are dressy, some are casual, and most of them are seriously cute!
Back to the group date.
Ben Z. gets the rose.
First 1:1 Date
The Date Card Says: “You Take My Breath Away”
Date Card Translation: Taking Under Water Pictures with a totally zen chick with a made up job.
I couldn’t find a good full length picture, but Kaitlyn arrives wearing a red tank, white jeans, cognac wedges, and turquoise Jewelry.
And since I liked her outfit so much, here’s how we can all get the look for ourselves if we so choose!
They drive up to a mansion, head to the backyard, and then meet Gisele.
This is Giselle.
Is this really a thing?
I’m sorry, but if I was told I was going to be photographed under water, I would immediately ask for goggles and a nose plug.
I would look like a drowning rat. A drowning rat with goggles and a nose plug.
Under water is not a good look for me.
But our girl Gisele’s degree in Conceptual Underwater Photography paid off, she’s going to photograph the couple, and she actually got a couple of cool shots.
After the photo shoot, Clint pulls an Ari and throws Kaitlyn up against the edge of the pool.
It was cool, except for WHAT IN THE TARNATION IS ON HIS NECK????
Nice try Clint.
But this is how it’s done.
THIS is how you throw a woman against a hard surface and kiss her face off.
Then they cut to this pic of Clint.
And I suddenly forget all about the pulsating boil on his neck.
They head to a rooftop, toast each other, and Clint gets a rose.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, this is happening.
Who: J.J., Jonathon, Joshua, Chris, Ian, Joe, and Tony
Date Card: “I’m looking for a man who will stand up for me.”
Date Card Translation: Every guys worst nightmare.
Amy Schumer is waiting at a comedy club for Kaitlyn.
And let me just say…this was a SMART move by the producers.
High Fives ALL AROUND Bachelor Peeps!
They sit down for a quick drink, and talk about the guys.
She admits she’s obsessed with The Bachelor, mainly because she likes to sit home and judge everybody and feel good about herself.
The guys arrive at the comedy club.
And Amy tells them all that THEY are going to do the stand up comedy.
And I’m thinking that for a guy, having to do stand up might just be the male equivalent of this date.
All of their faces fall, except for JJ.
Because he’s PUMPED and SUPER confident.
And I can’t really put my finger on why he’s stirring up violent tendencies from deep within me, but I kind of want to punch him in the face.
But then something amazing happens, and I no longer want to punch JJ.
Instead, I just want to kiss Amy square on the lips.
Here’s a peek into their conversation:
JJ: Sometimes I feel like I’m too smart for like 90% of the audience.
Amy: (not missing a beat by the way) You’re not.
During a 1:1 interview, Amy says, “JJ is a sweetheart. He’s just missing charisma and humility. And a sense of humor.”
Amy then tells JJ that she hopes it brings him comfort to know that he’s not smarter than everybody.
He mumbles something under his breath, and this is the face she gives the camera.
And I’m not sure if I’ve ever loved anybody more than I loved Amy at that exact moment.
That look is the perfect combination of disdain and confusion.
She then sits down and asks the dentist, “Is wine good for your teeth?”
She gently places her finger on his mouth while purring “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” as he was trying to answer “no”.
WELCOME TO THE BACHELORETTE AMATEUR NIGHT.
Amy kicks off the night by saying, ‘I feel like I’m at Thanksgiving, eyeing the leftovers.”
I’m going to summarize the acts:
*Ian talked about how he looks like the Old Spice Guy. And then he made fun of Huhwahn Pablo.
Making fun of Huhwahn Pablo is universally funny and he gets some laughs.
*Joshua whistled while he talked. Yes, on purpose.
*Cupcake was pretty good. He was a bundle of nerves, but he pulled it off!
*Joe made fun of his country twang.
*And JJ was a complete tool.
*But do you want to know who the worst was?
Tony got up and DIED A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH.
And he didn’t even know that he’s dying.
He talked about the opportunity, how humbling it is, how he’s serious, how he’s deep, how he’s sensitive, how he’s learning lots.
Harrison needs to hop up on stage with a cane and pull him off by the neck.
Back at the cocktail party, JJ tells Tony that he’s like an enigma wrapped in a riddle.
And that sounds pretty good to me, because I just thought Tony was weird wrapped in boring.
And then JJ gets some alone time with Kaitlyn . When he kissed her, I seriously got the chills. And not in a good way.
After the kiss he said he was speechless and that he would put 50 grand on him getting a rose tonight.
I’m thinking, Uh, good luck with that dude.
BUT GUESS WHAT.
JJ GETS THE ROSE.
And I begin to question everything I thought I knew.
Is the grass really green?
Is the sky really blue?
Nothing makes sense to me anymore.
My world has been turned upside down.
JJ pulls a total jackwagon move and steals Kaitlyn immediately even though he already has a rose.
He walks back in and says, “So I know I’m the most hated man in the house. And I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry. She says she thinks her husband is here, and I just had to remind her about what husband material is.”
To the camera JJ then describes himself as “smugness, wrapped in side of cockiness, wrapped inside of confidence, wrapped inside of I just talked to the girl and you didn’t.”
And here I was thinking he was an idiot wrapped in puke.
Tony goes a little off his rocker and mumbles some more thoughts about love.
And then Kupah has a sit down with Kaitlyn.
In a nutshell, he basically tries to throw it out there that he wonders if he is filling some sort of minority quota. Kaitlyn is understandably caught off guard and tells him how she thought that he wasn’t that into her because he basically ignored her during the boxing training.
Kupah then acts genuinely surprised as well.
Kaitlyn wants some time to think things over, and then she over-hears Kupah telling the guys about it all. Apparently, this displeases Kaitlyn greatly, although I’m not really sure why, because I don’t recall him say anything that was bad.
She marches over, calls him outside, and then tells him it’s time for him to go.
He says he doesn’t want to go. Because she’s sexy.
She is immune to his sweet talkin’ and sends him on his way.
He walks out the front door AND THEN LOSES HIS EVER-LOVIN’ MIND.
He starts yelling at the camera man and throwing his hands around like a crazy person.
That’s the end of the episode.
I will tell you this, I’m NOT a fan of the rose ceremonies not happening until the next episode.
Who do they think they are?
Dancing With The Stars?
Two more observations before you go.:
Let’s start a grass roots campaign to set up JJ with #krazyinakardikelsey and just watch what happens.
The necklace game is STRONG this season.
Is the man necklace the 2015 version of the 2014 Colorful Deep V-Neck?
And girlies, please don’t forget about the Accessory Concierge party tomorrow night!
I’m really excited about it, and I hope to see lots of you there!
Girlfriends, wine, munchies, and shopping with a discount?
See you back here on Friday for Friday Favorites!
And if you are new here or if you only come around on Bachelor days, I would like to politely suggest you go check out Friday’s post.
Unless you don’t like to shop for amazing items that are mostly 40% OFF.
Click HERE if you are interested. 😉
Erika Slaughter says
Bless Clint's heart. You know that had to be some kind of stress thing. They probably turned him down on the goggles and nose plug request. 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
Your captions are my favorite part! I seriously laughed out loud! So, so, so, so funny!
Love your recaps! This was another awesome one. FYI- I heard the necklaces are mics that they have to wear if they are shirtless. You would think they could make them a little more fashionable!
Well Jennifer, that makes perfect sense! Of course!
…goggles and a nose plug ?
Jessica Sweeney says
HaHaHa!!! Your hilarious … I totally notice the disgusting thing growing on Clint's neck too!! Eww
Ryann Samsel says
JJ and #krazyinakardikelsey together!! Hahaha! I think Bachelor in Paradise would be an amazing place for them!!
The collective speech bubble!! Haha! I die! So funny, girl!!! 🙂
Glad I wasn't the only one ready to punch JJ in the face! He is so into himself that I'm not sure there is room for anyone else! BTW, his occupation is FORMER investment banker–ummm, what is he now? Unemployed??
Jenny Morgan says
Your recaps are what I look most forward to on Wednesday!!! Love the hashtags and the captions–they are the best!
Lindsay Truax says
Love this recap! You are the best! And your black jumpsuit looks amazing!!
Kristin McGeeney says
Isn't the necklace the mic they are wearing, you know so we can hear the wonderful pool talk and they can walk around shirtless for viewing pleasure!?!?
Love your recap. I think what pushed Kaitlyn over the edge was when Kupah started complaining about wasting his time, flying 2 (or 3) thousand miles to come to the show. That was enough to spur Kaitlyn to leave her cozy spot by the fire and send him on his unhappy way.
I just want to say that I do not even watch the bachelor/bachelorette and yet I still love reading your recaps. You are hilarious!
AllieDanae Walker says
I mainly only watch the show to read your recaps!
But I'm pretty sure those necklaces hold their mics when they aren't wearing any shirts 🙂
Baby Kate's Mom says
Love the recap as usual Sheaffer! I also dislike when there is no rose ceremony on an episode especially when the episode is 2 hrs long! UGH!
I cannot stomach the Bachelor or Bachelorette, but I so look forward to your recaps! I think they should do a Pinterest Told Me To edition of the Bachelorette and let you break in with your observations. Now that would be worth watching!
Melanie Smith says
I cant tell you enough how much I love these Bachelorette recaps. I mean you are basically the reason I started watching this season. You're so dang funny!
And how awesome was Amy Schumer? She's my spirit animal. I feel it.
The man necklace needs to just go away. It's terrible.
jenn~the stylish housewife says
HA! I didn't notice all of the necklaces! But the comment above makes total sense!!! MICS! And girl…you ROCKED that jumpsuit! #totallyworthbeingnaked
The Stylish Housewife
Blake Callahan says
Love your recap!! Your comments crack me up!
Gail Wilson says
I was waiting for you to base on Ponytail Guy on the far left of the boxing photo. He looks like 1994 wrapped in loser, wrapped in ick.
I want to be Amy Schumer when I grow up.
"weird wrapped in boring." Too funny!
haha idiot wrapped in puke!! I think the necklaces have a speaker in them for when their shirts are off!!
Popped over from Jones Design rec. Too funny! Love your recaps on Bachelor.
Julie Clark says
Idiot wrapped in puke!! I love it!!
Mary Ellen Jilek says
Crazy Enough the necklace look is for their mic's during shirtless scenes! Thanks to Jason & Molly's Podcast I learned that after Bachelor in Paradise!
I was going to say the same thing! I love the podcast for all the behind the scenes stuff.
Chris T says
love your combo of fashion commentary and recap-that's just how I think…what is she wearing?????? etc.etc.
I don't watch the show. I just look forward to your recaps every week!
Thank you again, for calling out all romper a and jumpsuits. Y'all. The whole being completely naked in a public bathroom thing is why I can't wear a one piece swimsuit. I already feel self-conscious in swimwear, shimmying a wet one piece suit on is not going to happen. But as for your black jumper you wore to an evening event, if PTMT does it, I'll do it too!
Thank you for recapping it!! I totally fell asleep on Monday night due to exhaustion so even though it is still on the DVR and I am going to watch it again, I am glad I know what happened. I am totally okay with Kupah going home!
Rebecca Carl says
Oh my gosh! I commented on Facebook that Tony and Crazy Eyes from last year should hook up. Move over Chris Harrison and let us pair these nuts up! LOL….love your recaps!
I just love your recaps! I want to say that the necklace stuff is something to do with their mics?
Sheaffer!!! I'm pretty short Kaitlyns shirt is the Barcelona Cami from express. It's reversible!!! Hers looks like the one I have, which is Coral and Hot Pink 🙂 love your recaps!
best part of my week!!!
Stephanie Amaris says
Love your recaps! I'm literally trying to keep my laughter under control at work. I have to know, does anyone else think that Ben H. looks like Peter Brady? Every time I see him, I think Peter.
Haha love it! So cool that you got to meet Chris Harrison! I hope he comes to Michigan on his tour! I am totally in favor of putting together the healer with crazy pomegranate Ashley and I hear that they might do that on Bachelor in Paradise. Your blog posts will write themselves lol!
Ok, so the collage of the guys at the end of the recap? Top left is a total Peter Brady look alike. I don't even watch the show, but OMG I laugh so hard at your recaps. I don't even NEED to watch – this is pure gold right here. 🙂