It seems like it was a lifetime ago that the finale actually aired. I also feel like the finale shaved years off of my life. YEARS THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK. #thanksalotharrison
The night opened with Harrison, Rachel, and a live studio audience. And guess what y’all?!? Rachel was going to be there for the whole show. #iwassoexcited #exceptnot
I don’t like change.
Before we really dive in, I have several thoughts that I’m going to throw out there in bullet point format:
- I do not care for the new format. Just wanted to make that clear.
- Rachel’s boobs are perfectly nice, although I’m not sure it was the time for her to parade them about. Judy Daddy is always watching.
- Chris Harrison is dapper.
- Three hours is WAY TOO FREAKING LONG for pretty much anything, EVER.
- This whole deal went 100% sideways at some point, and we were just along for the ride.
- Peter is EVERYTHING.
All right, let’s get to the show.
If you remember, Eric had his fantasy suite date last week (which did not bode well for him). So this week Rachel would be having overnight dates with Peter and Bryan.
We started with Peter. Who is by all accounts DREAMY. You know what else he is? SENSIBLE. This date highlighted the fact that the man is sensible. And YOU WOULD THINK that Rachel would like sensible….that she’d appreciate sensible…..but you’d be wrong. You know what she appreciates? Diamonds.
Peter stressed to Rachel on several occasions throughout their time together that he wants to get married only once. Rachel kept on implying that just because they got engaged, didn’t mean they would have to get married. But Peter stuck to his guns, and I respect the heck out of him for it. Rachel didn’t really understand what Peter was trying to say to her. And Rachel made it crystal clear to him that MAMA WANTED A RING.
That night they headed to the fantasy suites where they were going to talk things out more. As a sidenote, if I were Peter, I’d be writing a firmly worded letter to the production company, because their “fantasy suite” was more like a 1 bedroom efficiency apartment.
I’m not sure what happened between them in the middle of the night (Rachel reported to Harrison that she inquired about life insurance and credit scores! hysterical!), but in the morning he cooked her eggs while shirtless. Who doesn’t love a sids of abs with their eggs? #nobody
Then it was time for Bryan. And I can’t put my finger on it, but I just don’t have warm fuzzies for the guy.
The entire date was spent with Bryan trying to charm her socks off, but all the while, her head was with Peter. Bryan was hella confused. I mean, his charisma and charm had ALWAYS worked in the past, where was he going wrong? Even his own mom was in love with him, for goodness sake!
It was on this date that Bryan’s kissing style started to bother me. Here’s what I didn’t like about it: 1) There were too many sounds. 2) There was too much tongue. Wayyyyyyyy to much tongue. 3) His hands were always on her face. And not gently on her face…but like enveloping her face…and now allowing for any extraneous movement.
I’d like to present Exhibit A, Your Honor.
Exhibit B, Your Honor.
After what seemed like a sweet forever, it was finally time for the Rose Ceremony. AS IF we even needed one. We all knew she was going to be sending Eric’s sweet and tender little heart and new scruff home. Here’s what we weren’t prepared for: she was going to be doing it in an awful red dress. With embellishments on the sleeve. And a leotard underneath.
Rachel gave a little speech about how it was really hard for her because she was sent home on this day, so she knows exactly how it feels. She also used laser vision and bore a hole into Peter’s soul as she said “Peter, if I choose you right now and you don’t give me a freaking ring, I WILL CUT YOU.” Just kidding, she didn’t say that. BUT THAT WAS TOTALLY THE SUBTEXT. What she actually said (while staring straight at Peter) was, ” I want a proposal. I didn’t come here to date. I didn’t come here to get a boyfriend. I came here to cultivate a relationship that’s moving toward the common goal of marriage”. We get it Rachel. You think if he likes it then he shoulda put a ring on it. #ohohohohohohohohohohohoh
Bryan got the first rose. And after a long dramatic pause………Peter got the second rose.
ERIC!!!! POOR SWEET LITTLE IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS WHOLE LIFE ERIC. I could have bawled on his behalf.
Know this, Eric left with all sorts of class. They sat on a bench, and she told him that she does love him, that she’s just not in love. I roll my eyes so hard when people say that. He thanked her for the experience and said “Truth be told, I’ll always love you.” Whahhhhhh!!!!!! She put him in the limo and he just kept on saying “I’m just going to miss her, man.” It was so so sad.
And then, BAM. He was all of a sudden in the studio in front of an audience with Rachel. And his beard had grown in more AND THE BOY CAN WEAR A SUIT. It was all a good look for him. And I’ll tell you what, he’s just so dang likeable! He talked about how he was “locked in” and ready to propose. They both talked about how the progression of their relationship was beautiful, and Eric thanked her again for allowing him to see love. Now THAT’S how to handle yourself future 2nd runner ups. Take notes.
And do you see what I mean? I could have done with a little less boobage.
It was then time for the final dates with Peter and Bryan.
First up, Bryan. They rode in a hot air balloon, but only one thing really stuck out to me. That’s right. The kissing. Watching these two kiss MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE. His tongue and his hands are both overly ambitious. Exhibit C, Your Honor.
Exhibit D, Your Honor.
They sat down that night, and Rachel told him she was scared because he’d been so constant in his love for her, and she’s not used to that. Bryan responded by saying he thinks it would be a mistake if she didn’t choose him, and he was ready to love her forever.
He gave her a Spanish dictionary with an extra page he added to it with important words like “husband”, “wife”, “love”, and “forever”. I thought it was a cute gift. I did feel like he left out a very important phrase that Rachel is most certainly going to have to learn how to say in Spanish if they do end up together: Retrocedo a mama. Which loosely translated, means “BACK OFF, Bryan’s mommy.” I’m thinking that one will probably come in handy.
And then they kissed some more. AGAIN with the tongue and the hands. Exhibit E, Your Honor. The Prosecution rests.
Bryan, I would like to tell you that girls typically like hands on their face when they are being kissed. But here’s what you need to know. We like it IN MODERATION. If you do it every dang time, the move loses it’s power.
Peter’s final date with Rachel was in a monastery. Seemed like an odd choice, but whatevs.
Peter again told us (and Rachel) how he didn’t feel like he was going to be ready to propose. But he also said again that he wasn’t ready to lose her. He believed that he was falling in love with her, but he just didn’t know yet if it was life long love. WHICH IS OKAY! In fact, it’s admirable! He takes the institution of marriage VERY seriously, WHICH IS WHAT RACHEL ULTIMATELY WANTS AS WELL! #comeonrachel #shakingmyhead
Rachel told Peter that he “runs too easily”, and Peter told her that wasn’t a fair assessment BECAUSE HE WASN’T RUNNING…HE WAS RIGHT THERE NEXT TO HER.
Valid point, Peter.
She asked him what his fears were of marriage, and he was quick to answer that he wasn’t afraid of marriage, and that it’s something that he really looks forward to in his life. GOOD ANSWER, PETER!
They headed off to the evening portion of their date. And this is where it all started falling apart. He told her again that he wasn’t going to be ready to propose in 24 hours, but he also told her….and this is important….that he is also not ready to stop being with her. And that’s when the tears started. Rachel just didn’t understand. They went back and forth and back and forth AND BACK AND FORTH. #andbackandforth
Peter said he didn’t want to break up and wanted to give “tomorrow a chance.” Rachel thought that was ridiculous, because what was going to change in 24 hours? He told her that he didn’t think that tomorrow was the right time to propose, but he did feel like she was the right person….so if he had to, he would. Rachel wouldn’t accept that.
So this was the first time during the episode that I agreed with Rachel. I thought Peter was 100% within his rights to not feel comfortable with proposing after 8 weeks. But I also understood Rachel in this instance. I respect that she didn’t jump at the chance to have him propose, even though he clearly had reservations.
And ladies and gentleman, this is where the wheels came off. They were both so upset, and it became crystal clear that they were at a complete impasse. They were hopelessly deadlocked. You know what else was obvious? They were both very much in love.
Peter said, “I think we’re both going to regret this decision. If you change your mind, you know where you can find me.”
Peter was so upset. Rachel was so upset. These two clearly love each other! And if they were in the real world, and not a Bachelor bubble where a proposal is expected in a super short time frame, they WOULD NOT be breaking up.
They hugged, they kissed (and it wasn’t gross – I’m looking at you Bryan), and they told each other they loved each other. Let that sink in.
Y’all, it was incredibly real to watch. It was also incredibly painful.
Let’s take a brief moment and think about the fact that Peter and Rachel aren’t the only ones upset now. Can you imagine how Bryan AND HIS MAMA felt while watching this? I mean, Bryan had to be watching and knowing he was 2nd place….a consolation prize at best.
At this point, I will say part of me was still thinking that Peter might still be the one. That maybe we were about to witness a complete turnaround, and that Peter was going to come running back with a ring….or even better that Rachel would come around to say “I love you enough to trust you, Peter.”
But that was not the case.
Harrison said “Peter’s backstage and we are about to bring him out.”
Peter came out, and the first several minutes it seemed clear to me that these two were still very much in love with each other.
HOWEVER. A switch flipped. And all of a sudden Rachel started acting differently. Almost rude. Definitely judgey. Peter looked confused. Heck, I was confused. And then I realized what was happening. Rachel was going to now do her best to convince us that Peter wasn’t the one for her, and that it was Bryan all along. UM, OKAY Rachel.
Harrison brought up that Peter had basically implied back on their date that Rachel was choosing a ring over happiness with him. Little Miss Rachel did not like that. She got all sorts of attitude, she shifted her body away from Peter and towards Harrison, she flipped her hair, and she said “I’m living my best life.” Yep, she was in full blown CYA mode. And it was not a good look on her.
And then Rachel got her lawyer on. Peter said that he felt attacked, and she demanded evidence, witnesses, and DNA proof. Of which he had none.
And y’all, I think Harrison was trying his best (with his line of questioning) to say things and prompt feelings to provide an environment for these two crazy kids to get back together right on the stage in front of everybody…..to pull a Mesnick if you will….Bryan and his mom be damned! But it didn’t work. Harrison flat out asked them if there had actually been a break up. Peter said it perfectly when he said, “Sometimes things don’t have to be said for things to be felt.” And that was that. Peter is hot AND WISE.
Peter stood up because he was over it. As was I.
And then all of sudden we were watching Bryan pick out a ring with Uncle Neil. But I swear they only gave him 3 seconds of air time doing so. And then we we were watching him climb up a hill to propose. And then we were watching him declare his love for her (in the middle of gale force winds, mind you). And then she declared her love to him. And y’all. None of it was believable. Was it just me?
He declared his love, she declared her love, he proposed, and then she said yes.
BUT Y’ALL. Her reaction was sooooooooooo telling. She said, AND I QUOTE (while jumping up and down and doing the “come here” motion), “It’s so pretty! Give it to me. Give it to me.”
Rachel. I’m shaking my dang head.
After the commercial break, they cut back to the studio with Harrison, Rachel, and Bryan.
Bryan came out and immediately proposed to Rachel again. #gag #puke
Then the three of them had a talk. Harrison asked Rachel when she knew it was Bryan. She said she really new back in Dallas.
I’m going to go ahead and call a HUGE BS on that.
I think we all know that she didn’t know it was Bryan until Peter let her get on the elevator the night before.
And if we are being honest, SHE STILL DOESN’T KNOW. Yes, she’s sitting on the stage with a big ol’ diamond on her finger that she thinks is very pretty, BUT SHE STILL DOESN’T KNOW.
Furthermore, when asked about their future plans, she kind of waffled around and basically said that they don’t have any solid plans right now, they are just going to continue to get to know each other.
Do you hear that?
That’s the sound of Peter’s soul screaming.
Because Rachel is doing with Bryan EXACTLY WHAT PETER WANTED TO DO WITH RACHEL.
Oh, the irony.
In conclusion, I have to say that I feel badly for all parties involved. I reallllllllllly liked Rachel this season…until the last couple of shows. Her insistence on a proposal and a ring seemed very out of character for her, and I just plain lost respect. I feel bad for Rachel because I don’t think it’s going to last with Bryan. I feel bad for Peter because it’s clear that he loved her. And I feel bad for Bryan because now the whole world knows he has an overly enthusiastic tongue.
It was here I let out a sigh of relief, because at least the madness was over.
But before they let us go (PLEASE HEAVEN, LET US GO!), they decided to show us a clip of Bachelor in Paradise. I will tell you two things after watching the teaser package: 1) I will not be recapping it. 2) I needed a shower after watching it.
Okay, that’s it guys. I’m dying to know what other people thought. Am I way off base here? Do you think she and Bryan are going to make it? Sound off in the comments!