get caught up quickly by clicking HERE!
Now let’s dive right in.
With Nick crashing the party and walking into the hotel room to meet the other boys.
He was just about as welcome as Krispy Kremes at a Weight Watcher’s convention.
For the record, I have no idea where I got that.
And Nick apparently decided his Member’s Only jacket would be the best way to make a first impression.
#itwasanoddchoice
This is the scene.
Nick on one side of the room, 13 guys on the other.
And in case you can’t tell by the look of things, not one of them is a fan.
They all start firing questions at Nick about his intentions, about what they’ve read in the tabloids, and about his recent time spent with Andi,
Gosling even gave him the ol’ Tierra eyebrow.
They all seem to be SUPER possessive of Andi.
But not really in a sweet way.
Rather, in a weird please don’t tee tee on her to mark your territory way.
And then Nick says something seemingly benign.
Joshua takes issue with that.
He’s all “Do you think she’s a cool chick, or do you think she’s an amazing woman?”
#ohplease
#comeon
I’m not a huge Nick fan (although he is growing on me), but we’re talking Potato Potahto dude.
Cool Chick. Amazing Woman. Same Diff.
And I’m sorry, but this coming from the guy with one blue sleeve?
Please.
They head to the cocktail party/rose ceremony that’s at Citi Field.
That’s the home of the Mets.
So I’m told.
JJ takes her on the field, picks her up, and runs the bases with her.
Good idea JJ.
Everybody knows that is the only way you are ever getting to 2nd base with Kaitlyn.
#ZING
Gosling is an emotional guy, and he’s having a hard time processing this whole Nick thing.
Come on Ryan. Lotion up your abs and deal with it.
America wants you to stay.
And participate in lots more pool scenes, hot tub scenes, and obligatory getting dressed scenes in the next several weeks. Let’s keep in mind what’s important here.
She brings all the boys out to the field to hand out the roses.
Who is going home?
Ryan (not Gosling)
Jonathon
Corey with an “e”
And that’s fine by me, because I don’t know who any of those guys are.
Bye boys.
And yes. Nick got a rose. Duh.
Kaitlyn announces with great excitement (pshhhh) that their next stop is San Antonio, TX.
#bringonthesombreros
#andtheguac
#ole
The guys arrive in San Antonio and head straight to their hotel.
And this is neither here nor there, but when they pan the room, I see Nick, and it
seems he is wearing a FitBit!
Nick is probably thinking “No telling how many steps I will get walking down the Riverwalk.”
Because I’m telling you, that’s how FitBit people think.
How do I know?
Because Chris is now one of those people.
#helpme
The Date Card arrives.
Who: Peter Brady
What it Says: Let’s take our love one step at a time.
Peter throws on his flannel, because #wheninTexas , and they hop in a vintage truck and head to Gruene Hall! I’ve been to Gruene Hall, and it’s tons of fun. And purely FYI, I also almost died while floating the river that goes right by the Hall. But that’s a story for another time.
Actually, here’s the short version:
Since you aren’t aloud to have glass bottles on the river, I had put Zima in water bottles.
I know. Classy.
Well, after being jostled on the river and building up lots AND LOTS of carbonated pressure inside the water bottle, I went to open one of the bottles for a nice refreshing drink….
but much to my dismay…..
the water bottle cap flew off the bottle with super sonic speed.
I kid you not.
It sounded like a gun shot, and the cap flew off and hit me in the face.
I started bawling.
It hurt.
And let’s be honest, the tears were due to both pain and terror. And maybe a little humiliation.
It’s scary when you get shot, even if it is just with a plastic bottle cap. 😉
The right side of my face didn’t have feeling in it for weeks.
FOR WEEKS.
Not one of my proudest moments.
#sorrydad
But I digress.
Back to the show.
Gruene Hall is the oldest dance hall in all of Texas, and they are going to be entering a two stepping competition.
#slowslowquickquickslow
They introduce the judges, and that’s the moment that America falls in love with Betty Joe.
Betty Joe is on the National Two-Stepping Council.
Yes, apparently that’s a real thing.
Betty Joe talked to us about how love is a lot like dancing.
We saw that coming a mile away Betty Joe.
Prior seasons have taught us that love is also like bungee jumping.
And canoeing through a cave.
And repelling off of a building.
And unlocking a secret code before you get asphyxiated by gas.
Peter dances okay, looks like he’s having a lot of fun, dips her, and wins our hearts in the process.
Our happy couple got tapped out of the competition after a couple of rounds, but if you ask me, there is no denying they are good together!
I heart Peter.
They head to a rooftop dinner somewhere, because BACHELORETTE, and they continue to hit it off. Peter must be totally stoked to take her home to meet Mike and Carol.
And Alice.
#gregisgoingtobesojealous
Peter gets a rose.
The next date card arrives.
Who: Justin, Jared, Ian, Chris, Tanner, Joe, JJ, Ben Z., Joshua, and Nick
What it says: I love a man in uniform.
I’ll tell you what you don’t expect when you are thinking of a man in uniform…..
a man in a Mariachi band.
But that’s exactly what we all got.
And I’m telling you, this 12 year old lead Mariachi band singer KILLED IT.
He’s a total pimp.
Let’s start campaigning for this little dude to be the Bachelor in 2031.
This pint size heartbreaker sings Cieleto Lindo.
Which purely fyi, is one of the only things I remember from 2 full years of Spanish.
That, and Pasamelos papelas por vavor.
#pleasepassyourpapersforward
#ithinkthat’swhatitmeansanyway
#ihavenoideahowtoactuallyspellit
The guys got suited up, and I totally lol’d.
I mean, come on. This is funny.
You get a sombrero! YOU get a sombrero! YOU get a sombrero!
Most of the guys are no good and there’s nothing really to talk about, but we need to take note of 3 guys in particular.
1)
Kentucky Joe asks her to “Mariachi him”.
Very clever.
2)
Ian talked a BIG GAME and was FIRED UP about winning over Kaitlyn’s heart during this Mariachi challenge.
He talked about having smarts..and muscle..and a heart…and a voice….
It sounds like the only thing he’s missing is a little bit of a humility.
Well, he got up and CHOKED.
It was painful.
But I for one loved every second of it.
#putuporshutupian
And it was here that he started campaigning for JJ’s crown for Biggest Jackwagon Of The Show.
Mark my words, Ian will usurp the crown before the show’s end.
Nick then decides to one up all the other guys and asks to take her up to the balcony to serenade her.
AND OH MY.
He COMMITTED to the role of Mariachi singer.
Was he good?
HECK NO.
Was he awesome?
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
He could have left a word or two out for my taste (no need to try to rhyme the word “connection” ifyouknowwhatimean), but he owned it.
Time for the cocktail portion of the group date.
Joshua takes Kaitlyn aside first because he has this “great” idea to let Kaitlyn cut his hair.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
The clippers failed her.
And him.
And he ended up with a half mohawk.
Which isn’t a good look for Joshua.
So, here’s what we know about Josh up to this point.
He has a bad mohawk.
And he has male intuition.
How do we know he has it?
Because he keeps telling us about it.
Bless his heart.
Nick takes Kaitlyn off next and decides making out with her is a better way to get close to her than letting her cut his hair.
If Kaitlyn and her tongue could come up for air, I am sure she would agree.
And then Joshua takes Kaitlyn aside. Again.
And this time he breaks Bachelor protocol.
Have you NEVER watched a previous season Joshua?!?
He tattle tales on Nick saying that he’s not there for the right reasons.
He also says that all the guys agree that Nick’s there for the wrong reasons and that nobody likes him.
Well, Kaitlyn is aghast.
Why has nobody else told her this? (Probably because they HAVE watched other seasons.)
Was everybody lying to her?
She simply WILL NOT STAND for the dishonesty.
#calmdownKaitlyn
She marches back in to all of the other guys and totally throws Joshua under the bus.
She announces that Joshua has told her that none of them like Nick.
And you know what they all said.
NOTHING.
Not a word.
Joshua looked like an idiot, and I actually felt sorry for him.
And that’s when Kaitlyn gave everybody the proverbial middle finger by giving Nick the rose.
The next 1:1 Date Card.
Who: Ryan Gosling (Shawn)
What it says: I must have missed this. I have no idea what it said.
Probably something like “Let’s paddle our way into each other’s hearts.”
They kayak down the Riverwalk.
And make no mistake about it, when brainstorming dates, the producers sat around the table and said things like “I don’t care what kind of date she goes on with Shawn, but he must be in a swimsuit.”
And then they make out on the Riverwalk.
And then, that night, Ryan straight up says “I’m falling in love with you.”
#whoah
#mrgosling
And then very quietly, Kaitlyn whispers “I feel the same way.”
WHAT?
Now THIS is unprecedented.
Why in the world did the editing team let this make the cut?
I feel like they are just playing us.
Now it’s time for the start of the final cocktail party this week.
I say “start” because we’ve now all grown accustomed to the fact that there is always going to be a “To Be Continued…” at the end of every episode.
DANG YOU ABC.
It kicks off with Joshua crying and lamenting about his choice to talk to her about Nick.
And I really did feel awful for the guy.
I wanted to hug him and take him to Super Cuts.
Here’s all you need to know about the end of the show.
Ian surpasses JJ by leaps and bounds and is now
THE BIGGEST JACKWAGON IN ALL THE LAND.
He is saying things like:
Against all of my logic, Kaitlyn doesn’t want me.
I’m a Princeton graduate.
And a former model.
And I defied death.
And Kaitlyn’s not 1/2 as hot as my last girlfriend.
I came here expecting to meet the girl who had her heart broken by Chris Soules, not the girl who wanted to have her field plowed.
I’m an enigma.
In my real life I meet lots of chicks and have lots of sex.
Well, Okay then Ian.
And my favorite…….
I can be the next Bachelor.
No.
No you can’t.
You CAN however be THE BIGGEST JACKWAGON IN ALL THE LAND.
Congratulations.
And this was Kaitlyn’s initial reaction to Ian’s monologue.
And that’s when
TO BE CONTINUED…….
popped up on the screen..
Let’s all say it together now
DANG YOU ABC!!!!!!!
Fingers crossed she pulls an Emily.
Does everybody remember this moment?
#epic
So that’s it for the official recap.
Now let’s talk clothes for a minute.
Twice in this episode Kaitlyn was wearing fringe (a black fringe dress and a tan fringe skirt), and now I have fringe on the brain.
First of all, somebody needs to tell me where Kaitlyn’s fringe dress is from, because DARLING.
She managed to pull off a fringe without looking like a flapper, and now I have to figure out where I can go and wear a fringe dress.
Check out THIS one. Sadly, only Medium and Large are left. 🙁
Since I had fringe on the brain, I looked for some more fringe-y items.
And I know I don’t have to tell y’all this, but FRINGE IS IN.
#somebodyputthatonat-shirt
#orapillow
#oradoffeemug
And in other news, on Monday’s post you got to see what I wore to a wedding a couple of weeks ago. When I first posted Monday morning, I thought the dress was sold out and I couldn’t find it anywhere! But then some readers found it!
If you read the blog early on Monday, I wanted to make sure you knew about it!
Click HERE for the exact dress that is NOW ON SALE for $79.99!
nude patent heels HERE / clutch HERE / earrings HERE
And one of my favorite readers (Hi Kathryn!) found THIS awesome sleeveless option (by the same maker!) at Nordstrom Rack!
And it’s only $59.97!
(While online at Rack, I also found THESE pair of Jagger Vigoss jeans 40% OFF and THIS pair of Zella capri leggings for right at $25!!!)
Several of you commented that you loved my turquoise lace dress, but that it would be too short for you. Well, THIS dress arrived on my doorstep yesterday! (I ordered 6 dresses to try on in hopes of finding 1 for the Men Tell All taping!)
This is the only one that’s arrived so far, but I thought it might be fun to show all of them to you, and then possibly even take a vote at the end on what I should wear!
Click HERE for Men Tell All Choice #1,
this print jersey halter dress.
I love the colors, the pattern, the halter neckline, and the overall fit. I also loved the $138 price tag.
The only thing I don’t love about it is the length.
Right or wrong, I like my dresses short. 🙂
BUT.
For you taller girls, this could be a fantastic dress for an upcoming event!
For size reference, I’m wearing a small, and I’m almost 5’4″.
dress HERE / nude patent heels HERE
A HUGE thank you to Shannon (a super smart reader!) who found the earrings ON SUPER SALE HERE for only $35!!!! Thank you Shannon!
Thanks for stopping by today girls!
Please leave your thoughts on Episode 5, or your
favorite part of the recap!!!
See you back here on Friday for a special post on my favorite summer jewelry!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂
p.s.
So, in case you don’t follow me on facebook or you just missed it, look at the goodness here:
