So this week might kill me dead. Two nights of Bachelorette is enough to do a girl in. Today you are getting the recap of Monday’s episode. And on Friday you will get a mini recap of Tuesday’s episode. If you missed the recap of episode 1 and 2, click HERE so you can get all caught up! I’m going to be honest and tell you that I kind of feel like Wells did last week. I was just going to try my best to not die while watching 4 hours of this crazy. #goals
Before we get to the recap, I have a Father’s Day gift guide for you. Nordstrom reached out and asked if I would highlight some watches for Father’s Day. I think watches make a really great gift, so I was excited to sort through the ones that they have that are currently available! A watch is often a great price point for a really nice gift (Nordstrom has some VERY NICE WATCHES), but today I’ve focused on those between $100-$200. Still, a very nice gift, but not one that totally breaks the bank. And I love that a watch is something that dad will potentially wear each and every day, and think of his kiddos and you each time he puts it on! Yep, I think it’s time to let dad how much you love him! 😉
1) fossil navy face dark / 2) skagen leather band / 3) black fossil / 4) fossil navy face lighter leather / 5) skagen metal / 6) skagen black
If you prefer picture links, just click on what you are interested in!
On Friday’s post I have some other Father’s Day gifts ideas for you as well! I still think THIS is the best you can give the hubby/dad in your life (and it’s 10% OFF right now). On Friday, I’ll talk more about why Chris loves it so much, but I wanted to mention it today since it’s 10% OFF and I’m not sure how long the sale lasts. It has 9/9 5 Star Reviews, and people that have it absolutely love it.
OKAY! TIME FOR THE RECAP!!!
There are 3 dates this week made up of two 1:1 dates and one group date.
1:1 – Let’s Get Physical with Chase
JoJo and Chase met up at a Yoga studio. But not just for regular old yoga, because this is The Bachelorette after all. It was for nasty hot yoga. The room was cranked up to 110 degrees, and I don’t know if there is anything in the world that would be less appealing to me. My hubby always says I have a 3 degree range of comfort, and I can tell you that 110 degrees is about 35 degrees out of that comfort level. I would literally start STRAIGHT UP PANICKING, and my eyes would be scanning the room for the thermostat and my exit route. (I would also like to point out that this is either the 2nd or 3rd nasty yoga date. I feel like this should be our quota.)
It was time to start the yoga. And I’ll admit, I’ve only done yoga once, but I don’t remember it being like this?!? The instructor told them to lay there, pulse their pelvisis (what is the plural of pelvissis? pelvi?) up and down, move their heads from side to side, and shake their hands. Oh yeah, they were also supposed to scream. Then they had to strike different poses together. Hot. Sweaty. Poses. #nothankyou
After that, JoJo was basically instructed to mount Chase. Y’all. I would be DYING. D.Y.I.N.G. And then they started kissing. IS THIS ALLOWED? TEACHER? IS THIS EVEN ALLOWED?
That night they “ate” dinner, she gave him a rose, and they heard something in the distance. What was it? Could it be a private concert? YEP! Once again, I didn’t know who was singing… although I thought it really looked like the guy from Lady Antebellum. And I LOVED the song! And then I realized it was the guy from Lady Antebellum! I love this guy! I didn’t know where the rest of his group was, but I was a fan.
Back at the house, this was happening. And I literally had NO WORDS.
Group Date Card: Love Has No Secrets with Jordan, Grant, Wells, James F., Christian, Ali, Daniel, Nick, Evan, Alex, Chad
About .3 seconds after the date card was read, Chad immediately declared that he would just rather not go on the date. And as you can imagine, this did not go over well with the other gentleman suitors. While all sitting calmly on the couch together, a WAR OF WORDS ensued. It’s Chad vs. Everybody. Ding Ding Ding!
Jordan made some dig towards Chad saying that if he did end up going on the group date he should hope the competition was a “bench press competition and not a spelling competition”. And several of the guys giggled at the zany dig. But Chad immediately replied by calling him a “27 year old failed football player” and things immediately got awkward. I’m not sure what all was being said, because so much of it was bleeped out….but I did hear phrases like “try me bro!” (what does that even mean?) and “you wanna go?” being thrown around. Then at one point, Alex couldn’t think of a comeback, and he literally said “What wha what wha wha wha what?“. Good one, Alex. To wrap it all up, somebody said “Well, that escalated quickly” and I lol’d. I kind of felt like I was watching an after school special.
A majority of the guys were acting completely ridiculous during the entire couch exchange, but Chad definitely stood out as THE MOST RIDICULOUS of the bunch. When thinking about Chad, I have a theory: He just needs to EAT A FREAKING CARB. I get it Chad, not having bread products makes me ragey too. On a different note, the veins scare me.
So the guys met JoJo at a local theatre. And there was a show going on called “Sex Talk” where different people got up on stage and told their stories. And you guessed it, the guys each had to get up and tell a story about an escapade from their past. And I pretty much refuse to say anything else about what the majority of the guys said. But I will say this, the parents of Grant’s 16 year old girlfriend just called her to ask her about that time she said she had to “take a couple of sleeping bags to the park for a school project”. #coverblown
Sidenote: is it weird that I was actually disappointed in the Bachelor franchise for this group date? Because I was. #shameonyoubachelor
So each guy got up on stage and awkwardly said a few lines. And then Evan got up. And he thought it was a good idea to make his stand up set about Chad and steroids. Raise your hand if you think that was a good idea. Beuller? Bueller? He talked about irritability, big veins, withdrawal, and rage issues.
As Evan was going back to his seat, Chad was called to the stage, and as they were passing each other in the aisle, Chad grabbed the back of Evan’s shirt and tried to rip it off his body. Probably not the best way to prove you’re not on steroids, but what do I know.
It was Chad’s turn up at the mic, and OH MY it did not go well. But I have to say, for the first time the entire season I respected Chad for the stance he took on this activity by saying he didn’t want to share any private experiences. THANK YOU, CHAD. So instead, he pulled JoJo up on stage, said something (I don’t remember what) and tried to kiss her. But she turned her head. OUCH. He was embarrassed and annoyed, and when leaving the stage he ended up throwing the mic. Awesome. That’s mature, Chad.
When they all headed back stage afterwards, Chad sucker punched the METAL door (causing his knuckles to bleed) and then pointed his finger very aggressively in Evan’s face. Again dude, not making a great case for the I’M NOT ON STEROIDS argument.
Daniel actually went against his work out buddy and took up a bit for Evan. Chad muttered something about how “if he didn’t get to lift weights he was going to murder somebody”. You know what they call that Chad? PRE-MEDITATION. #exhibitAyourhonor
JoJo had time that night with each of the group date guys, and it seems that they were in an antique store. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong. While sitting with all the guys, the barber (with the buzzed chili bowl…go figure) started poking the bear. I have two words for Chili Bowl and all of the other guys that aren’t Chad: RISE ABOVE. Guys, have you learned nothing from this show? Don’t be a tattle-tale and just do your own thing!
Sidenote: I’d like to declare this season of The Bachelorette THE SEASON OF THE TINY LEATHER JACKET. One year it was man scarves, one year it was colorful hoodies, this year it’s x-small fitted leather jackets.
When Evan had his time with JoJo, he issued an ultimatum: if Chad stays, he would go. DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!! Well, JoJo ended up giving Evan a rose. While sitting with the group, Chad responded with “You’re actually vibing this dude?” JoJo responded with “Yeah, and I don’t appreciate what you’re doing. Don’t be disrespectful. I don’t like this side of you.” You go, girl.
Back at the house, the guys were expressing how they were fearful of Chad, and they literally called in security to hang around and make sure that Chad didn’t go bonkers on anybody.
Chad and Daniel sat down together and had a little chat. But more disturbing than Daniel’s political chatter (Hitler, Mussolini, Trump, and Bush were all thrown out there within about 25 seconds) was Chad’s choice of finger foods. Do you know what he’s eating right here? A sweet potato. HE’S EATING A SWEET POTATO LIKE A BURRITO. JoJo, if you can’t eliminate a guy for being a total jackwagon and having violent tendencies, you should draw the line at eating a sweet potato like a burrito. You MUST have limits.
Second 1:1 Date: Let’s Kick It Old School with James Taylor
They hopped in a vintage car, donned some vintage duds, and headed to some swing dancing lessons. James confessed that he is the worst dancer of anybody he knows. But I’m telling ya, what he lacks in dance skills, he makes up for in his willingness to try it and just have fun! JoJo nailed it when she said “his energy and his positivity is just so attractive“. Isn’t that true ladies? We don’t so much care about how good a guy is at something, but just that he’s pleasant to be around while doing it! James’s mama raised him right!
After their lessons they headed out to the street where there was a street full of swing dancers doing their thang. AND OH MY GOODNESS HE WAS DARLING. I literally found myself smiling from ear to ear during the date. His enthusiasm for life is absolutely contagious.
That night they hung out in a car overlooking the city and talking about their date. Jojo commented on James’s “zest for life.” And sweet James said, “I have a lot of bad things, but I DO have a zest for life.” He shared with her how he was made fun of as a kid and he’s always considered himself a bit of an underdog. She was so sweet to him, told him he was the whole package, and gave him the rose.
When James pulled the guitar out of the trunk, I have to say that my heart sank. I was like “noooooooooo! don’t sing the jojojojojojojo song.” BUT HE DIDN’T! He sang a sweet song (an original) about falling in love and it was actually awesome. He was so natural and easy with her and I just like him a whole lot.
The next day, Harrison showed up to the mansion with an announcement. There would not be a cocktail party that night. There would however be an all day pool party! As he was leaving, Evan followed him out and told him that he and the other guys were actually scared of Chad. I think Evan’s plan was that Harrison would have to ask Chad to leave. Instead, Harrison called Chad out to talk to him and told him he needed to figure out how to resolve the issues. Oh goodie, I’m guessing this is going to go over well. On the way into the house to “resolve the issues”, Chad mutters something about cutting off the guy’s arms and legs and throwing their torsos around. Call me crazy, but I’m not feeling optimistic.
See y’all back here on Friday with some current favorites as well as a part II of the recap!
Erika Slaughter says
Your idea of a fun date isn’t sweating to death in a hot room while doing yoga AND having to be touching this guy you just met while doing all that? Ha!! If choosing, I would have chose the hot yoga over the sex talk date any day. The dates this week were awful!
Shay Shull says
Oh Sheaffer. I have no comment that can be left in print today. You heard my comments yesterday…you know what I think ;).
Narci says
Just laughing so hard at the sweet potato. What on earth? Great recap, girl!! Xo
Michele says
I made the same comment to my husband about the abundance of leather jackets this season!! Love your recaps!!
Sanna says
I think it’s also the season of the skinny jeans, for sure. First Jordan, now Evan, and someone else I can’t remember. Skinny jeans and guys is just such a bad combo.
shar y says
The producers have taken this show DOWN to a new level with the Monday night dates. I am surprised that JoJo would allow that. I don’t even know…..
heidi says
Yes yes to it all.
I was super disgusted with the sex talk show I thought the batchelor director went way too far.
As for Chad glad he stood up and didn’t do it but hello #nutjob
I think America fell in love with James .. swoon!!
Regina says
I was also very disappointed in the sex talk date. And my favorite part of your recap was when you said they “ate” dinner. Hahahaha!!
Jackie T. says
Really disappointed with the group date too, a new low for this show. So vulgar and unnecessary.
What is up with the man necklaces? Did they have a beading class in the house or what??
Sheaffer says
Hi Jackie! I asked about the necklaces years ago as well. It’s where they attach their microphones when they are shirtless!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Jackie T. says
Ah, makes perfect sense.
I do wish they’d put a shirt on when they come into the house though!
the Southern Stylista says
I love your re-caps because I watched the first episode, but I always forget to get caught up! You save me the time and I think your re-caps are honestly more entertaining anyways!
xoxo, SS
The Southern Stylista
Katy A says
I just cannot figure Chad out! I know editing can go a long way in making a person look the way the producers want them to, but he seems to have actual anger issues. Does anyone know the guy? He must have friends who can set the record straight? I want to believe he’s acting????
And thanks for clearing up the necklace thing! I thought the same thing as Jackie T, that they must have done arts and crafts that day (and I could NOT figure out how Chad agreed to that 🙂
Claire says
I was thinking the SAME THING about the yoga date! I could not imagine straddling a guy I just met. The thought gives me the heeby jeebies! Also, I did yoga/hot yoga religiously for 2 years and we never did anything like that. Not even close. I’m tired of Evan and Alex. I can’t stand when guys (or girls, Carly) complain about someone else the entire time. It’s so petty.
Lynn {A Taste of Country} says
I’m confused by the “act like it’s a word” statement. Positivity IS a word. Did I read that part wrong?
Sheaffer says
Hi Lynn! You are absolutely right, it is! I wrote that part late last night, and when spell check flagged it, I just went with it! I corrected it above, so thank you! xoxo, Sheaffer:)
KayVonne says
Great recap, as always! Thank you!
Yoga date – terrible
Sex talk – terrible (a new low)
Chad – his future girlfriends and wife need to have the domestic abuse hotline number handy.
James T was on “Kidd Kraddick in the Morning” today. You ought to listen if you haven’t already. He’s so lovable and provided some insight on Chad.
Britt Hensley says
Sweet potatoes are NOT burritos..say it with me, Chad!!
Jennifer says
I don’t watch these shows, but I look forward to your recaps! ? They are hilarious!
Renee says
I hope to one day have the urge to eat sweet potatoes raw and lettuce plain.
Sheaffer says
Hi Renee! I don’t think the sweet potato was raw, but maybe it was?!? I was thinking it was baked!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Renee says
No way! That baby was raw. There is no way he could crunch into a baked sweet potato! It would be all mushy! Either way… barf.
Erin says
Yes to the jackets!!!
Also, Charles Kelly has a solo album. It’s decent, but I’m always confused when a lead singer of a group goes solo because I’m thinking, “isn’t this pretty much the same thing?”
Kristin Tate says
All I know is that I hooted when JoJo said “this zest for life!” That’s my ol’ blog name!!!
Great recap!
http://thiszestforlife.blogspot.com/
Lori J says
Your recaps are a highlight of my week. I send them on to my friends so they can enjoy your recaps too. You are hilarious! Thank you!
Sara says
I don’t even watch the Bachelorette but I always read your re-caps because–Hilarious!
I almost DIED when I read about Chad eating a potato like a burrito… I re-read and re-LOLed 3 times! So so funny!
Thanks for the laugh 🙂
Laura Reynolds says
Tears…rolling down my eyes……can’t.stop.laughing. This recap is the highlight of my day. The “NO WORDS” photo is what I’m going to come back to look at whenever I have a bad day.
…still laughing….
Elaine says
So, I am loving James. I mean, not sure that he will go far but he reminds me of Bob Guinney when he was one. Just a guy that everyone would love and get along with! And Chad, geez. Since he’s from Tulsa I tried to do a little digging around to see if he really is that big of a douchebag in real life and it looks like he is.
Sanna says
That’s exactly what I thought also, after watching this episode….Bob Guinney!!
Sara says
I was dying over the Mon. night dates too. My kids were in & out of the room during the hot yoga date & I was so embarrassed when she mounted him. If it’s that awkward to watch, I can’t even imagine being asked to do it! I did like her conversation with Chase at fake dinner though. He won a few points I think. But the Sex Talk date!?! Seriously!?! I get JoJo’s idea that sex is important in a relationship but do we really need to hear about all these guys’ first experiences? Ugh! And Eww! Such a low point for this show. They need some new date ideas pronto! I liked her date with James T. & agree that she seems to be digging his sincerity & how genuine he is. More points for him too! And what can I say about Chad? He is a hot mess and getting more & more scary. He’s an assault & battery charge waiting to happen.
Sarah G says
Not going to lie… This made me laugh and almost pee my pants.
“Chad and Daniel sat down together and had a little chat. But more disturbing than Daniel’s political chatter (Hitler, Mussolini, Trump, and Bush were all thrown out there within about 25 seconds) was Chad’s choice of finger foods. Do you know what he’s eating right here? A sweet potato. HE’S EATING A SWEET POTATO LIKE A BURRITO. JoJo, if you can’t eliminate a guy for being a total jackwagon and having violent tendencies, you should draw the line at eating a sweet potato like a burrito. You MUST have limits.”
SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!
Angela Ellingson says
Literally laughed till I cried! You’re the best. Please keep writing these recaps!
Cailin says
So funny!!! Also, I am seriously hoping you are going to include where we can find a similar outfit to the one JoJo wore on her date with Luke (night 2). I need that jacket and scarf combo. Can it be fall already? 😉
amanda says
Have you seen the show UnReal? It gives a fictions behind the scene glimpse into the chaos surrounding the production of a dating competition show- very much like the Bachelor. It makes me feel like everything is completely scripted now after watching this show. You must check it out because it’s so bizarre what these producers will do to get that “wow” moment for the show.
Sanna says
The worst part about the yoga date was when my boyfriend actually said “that’s the date you wanna be on, when you go on this show”. Uhm, I’m sorry, come again??? I think I almost had a whiplash when he said that and I whipped my head to the side to look at him with disgust!! No, no, this is so NOT the date you want to be on!! Gross!!
Rebecca says
Don’t forget the year of the colorful deep v-necks!
Jane says
After watching this show descend down, down, and down again over the last several years, your recap – which i found for the first time (Sorry, new reader…) – gives my husband and I our first GOOD reason to continue watching. Funniest recap ever!! Thanks for the laughs, and I can’t wait to read your recap tomorrow. #Wewillbeback
Lisa says
Where can I find the recap of Pt2?
Sheaffer says
Hi, Lisa! I’m so sorry, but I didn’t do one. I caught my son’s stomach bug, and I just didn’t have it in me. I’ll resume the recaps this coming week as normal! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Tia says
Where is part 2? Did you post it? 🙂
Sheaffer says
Hi Tia! I did not post part 2. I ended up getting my son’s stomach bug, and I just couldn’t make it happen. So sorry! I’ll be back next week as normal! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂