Before we get started on this week, let’s remember last week…
We met some guys that we loved and some guys that we were confused by (like Blake here). Click HERE to read the recap from the premier. And if you aren’t a Bachelor fan, just scroll to the bottom of the post. I have an outfit made up of SUMMER ESSENTIALS, and several bags I found online that are cute as can be and super affordable!
This week’s episode did not disappoint for 3 main reasons. 1) It was full of some pretty amazing celebrity appearances (leaving me a little scared that ABC has blown their budget already) 2) There was a scrunchie sighting. 3) Rachel told one guy to “Get The F Out!” Spoiler Alert: It was not WhaaaBoooom.
Group Date Card: Dean, Jack, Johnathan, Blake, Iggy, Kenny, Fred, Lucas
I’m looking for husband material.
The group showed up to a cook out. They grilled and played a friendly game of football. Thank Heavens Rachel was wearing a dress. #WARDROBE!
But all I could really think about was Blake’s chest hair. Because what was that?
I was bored. BUT THEN. The date got kicked up like 20,000 notches when a couple of guests showed up: Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis!!!! WHOAH! Actual real celebrities that are apparently Bachelor SUPER FANS! They said they spend their Monday nights drinking their favorite cocktails and watching The Bachelor. Throw in some queso and I think we could be besties.
They made some jokes about the guys having jobs and health insurance (which is a real concern with jobs like “aspiring drummer”), but everybody claimed to be ready to financially handle a medical emergency. And since Ashton and Mila wanted to weed out the guys that weren’t husband material, they set up a Husband Material Obstacle Course. Because duh.
Obstacles included: change a dirty diaper, put on a Baby Bjorn, vacuum, clean out a sink drain, fish an engagement ring out of a sink, set a table, grab a bouquet of flowers, and then dash to the finish line. Wives, if we’re going to be honest, we need to add a couple of more obstacles to this course. Just off the top of my head, like understand quickly that “I’m fine.” does NOT in fact mean “I’m fine”. That’s a good practical skill that every husband needs to have.
The obstacle course was cheesy as all get out, but pretty funny to watch. I would however venture to say that upper management at Baby Bjorn probably wasn’t super pleased about the use of their product in the competition. Babies were sustaining head and neck injuries all over the place.
After WhaaaBoooom gave Kenny the stiff arm (in a total loser move in my opinion), he won. And in celebration, he shouted “I’m husband material!” and spiked his baby doll into the ground. I wasn’t thrilled that he won, and neither was Ashton…but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say Rachel was even less thrilled.
After WhaaaBoooom won, he wanted Ashton to give everybody a WhaaaBoooom. Ashton declined. But then WhaaaBoooom WhaaBoooomed for Ashton and Mila. He put everything he had into it.
Ashton was NOT impressed. And here’s the deal, when Ashton Kutcher thinks you’re over the top and weird, it might be time for some self examination.
That night Rachel got to spend some alone time with each of the guys from the group date. WhaaaBoooom pulled out a piece of notebook paper and “read” poem he wrote. “Read” is in italics because It. Was. A Struggle. It was kind of like when Carter would read to me when he was first learning how to read, and I wanted to pull my ears off my head. What I am sure about is that poetry is dumb.
Full disclosure: here’s where I stand on WhaaaBoooom. And this is hard for me to admit, but I feel like y’all need to know. Half of me wants him sent home yesterday. The other half is like the mayor of WhaaaBoooom town. What can I say, I love to hate him.
During their alone time, the tickle monster let Rachel know that people actually wipe too much. Which is weird when you think his occupation is “tickle monster”, but somebody commented last week that he is actually a pediatrician…which makes the statement WAY less weird. Still, I’m not sure if he can file this under “time well spent.”
Blake is still quite upset with the fact that WhaaaBoooom is on the show, so he let all the guys know that he’s the “chink in Lucas’s armor”. And then he let Rachel know. He told her that he actually used to live with WhaaaBoooom’s ex-girlfriend (HUH? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?) and that he knows that WhaaaBoooom is there for the wrong reasons.
Blake then went back and told WhaaaBoooom that he tattle taled on him. And y’all…I’m about to make a bold statement…..but I think Blake is more annoying than Lucas. #WHAAAFREAKINGBOOOOM
And this was just about the time that Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King said “these white dudes are kinda buggin’ right now.” I laughed out loud. Because YES. I might have pointed at the t.v. and nodded. PREACH IT, KENNY.
Dean sauntered in, and they had a nice time together. They laughed and totally just seemed to hit it off.
She gave the group date rose to Dean! He went in for the kiss when he walked her to the car, and she dug it.
Next Date Card: Peter
What it said: “I’m lookin for my best friend….”
Rachel took Peter to a private jet and told him they were heading to Palm Springs. Then she dropped the bomb that somebody else would be going on their date with them. Who? Who in the world could this mystery person be? Well, it was Copper, Rachel’s dog. Copper jumped out of the limo and on to the plane. And NOTHING in the world is more AWWWWW worthy than a dog….. EXCEPT a dog in a cast. Seriously, cue the AWWWWWWWWWWWs.
After arriving in Palm Springs, they arrived at Bark Fest with Who Let The Dogs Out playing in the background?. WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO?
While laying in this pool together, they went ahead and talked about the possibility of moving and if they were willing to do so. They both said “Yes”. Sidenote: This is their first date, and they are already having important conversations. Seems soon, but it’s better than waiting until after they are engaged. Cough Cough. I’m looking at you Nick and Vanessa.
Look how cute the happy family is.
That night they headed to dinner and had a conversation about the gaps in their teeth. It was precious. Peter said lots of people on his dad’s side of the family have the gap, and with every word he spoke he just seemed incredibly sincere. He then told Rachel about being broken hearted after a past relationship and how he ended up seeking therapy to get through it. Rachel then shared that she had gone to therapy after a bad relationship too. But y’all. I WANTED A NAME. WHO WOULD HURT PETER? WHO?
So……they both have a gap in their teeth…..and they both went to therapists after they each had a long relationship end. #meanttobe
She gave him the rose. And then they kissed.
Next Date Card: Will, Jamie, Diggy, Alex, Adam, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah, DeMario
What it says: Swish.
So, guess who showed up? I’m telling you right now, you’ll never guess. Well,
Jordan Rogers Adam Jr. showed up (and it looks like he fell in a mud puddle). But that’s not even who I’m talking about.
Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Let’s just take a minute and compare.
None of the guys really had any basketball skills.
Except DeMario. DeMario could dunk a ball. And he wasn’t afraid to dunk it like 17 times. We get it, DeMario. You can dunk.
Lee enjoys camo leggings.
Kareem couldn’t help but laugh at Lee.
The game wrapped up, and then SOMEBODY’S EX GIRLFRIEND SHOWED UP . She sat down with Rachel and told her that she had been dating one of the guys when the show started. We were all wondering WHOSE GIRLFRIEND IS SHE? I’ll give you one hint: he can dunk.
Yep, DeMario’s ex showed up. I’m gonna be honest when I say that she seemed a little Single White Female-ish. Like, I was kinda scared. AND SHE WAS WEARING A SCRUNCHIE AROUND HER WRIST. I mean, where do you even buy scrunchies now? Do you think she got it out of her Caboodle that morning? And I’m sorry, but I can’t trust a girl who can put her belt on THE LAST LOOP. She had a solid 6 inches of it just flapping in the wind. A girl who can put her belt on the last loop doesn’t eat tacos. And that’s just wrong. Last thing, I’m pretty sure her nude shirt was actually a bodysuit from 5-7-9.
Anyway, Lexi (the ex) told Rachel that she and DeMario had been a “thing” for like 7 months. She didn’t see or hear from him for several days…until she turned on the t.v. and saw him meeting Rachel on “After The Final Rose”. #oopsie #demariosbad
Two things were clear to me: 1) DeMario is a dirty dog. 2) Lexi is cray cray.
Here’s the deal, after Lexi talked to Rachel, I was kind of on DeMario’s side. Because again, it was obvious that the girl was cray. HOWEVER, Rachel went to grab DeMario so they could confront him and she could get to the bottom of it.
Here’s a picture of Lexi waiting and Rachel and DeMario rounding the corner.
And here’s the picture of DeMario’s face when he saw Lexi. But here’s the best part. He quite obviously recognized her immediately, and you could tell that he wanted to puke and run. But instead, he said “Who is this?” Like he actually said “WHO IS THIS?” Lexi then rattled off a long list of DeMario’s transgressions, said she swore she was telling the truth “on her 2 kittens”. And then she said DUDE – I have the text messages. And then she handed her phone over to Rachel. DANG!
Rachel said “I’m not here to be played. I’m not here to be made a joke of, which is what I feel like you are doing right now with me. So I’m gonna need you to get the f— out”.
Go, Rachel. Go, Rachel. Go, Rachel.
The whole exchange was very reminiscent of my girl Emily’s exchange with Kalon many moons ago. Let’s reminisce, shall we. I might have stood up and applauded Emily. #allegedly
When Rachel walked back in the gym, she walked right by our man Harrison. What? Why was she disrespecting Harrison? Well, I have a sneaking suspicion that it was him that she was mad at even more than DeMario. I’m guessing she thought the production crew and Harrison should have given her a heads up instead of blindsiding her on National t.v. BUT COME ON. That wouldn’t have been nearly as fun for us.
She went and told the guys that DeMario had a girlfriend, and the guys acted upset. But you know they were STOKED. One guy did ask how somebody could be so duplicitous. And I kind of feel like that guy and Rachel need to end up together.
At the cocktail party that night, the camp boy shared how upset he was for her. And then they kissed. VERY LOUDLY. #turndownthemic
The other guys followed suit and all endeared themselves to her. It was all very sweet. Until this one guy started singing her a Russian folk song. Um, no. Stop singing. But then he admitted that he knew his singing voice was terrible and it was kind of sweet.
Eric sat down with Rachel and asked her what her love languages were were. She said “quality time and physical touch”. And he was PUMPED about the physical touch. He thought that was his cue, so he went in for a kiss. AGAIN. TURN DOWN THE FREAKING MICS.
COCKTAIL PARTY TIME
Bryan, the chiropractor (who didn’t have a date this week), brought in a massage table and gave her a rub down.
She played thumb war with Iggy. 1-2-3-4….Not gonna be a boyfriend no more. I’m sorry, but I think a thumb war ushers you straight in to the friend zone.
AND THEN DEMARIUS APPEARED ON THE MANSION’S DRIVEAWAY. DeMarius sweet talked a security guard and then got to talk to Harrison. He said that he needed a chance to talk to Rachel after his ex “assassinated his character”. UM, she had the text messages dude.
Harrison went in and told Rachel that DeMarius wanted to talk to her. Rachel said, “I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that my curiosity is at an all time high right now.” She then said, “I am very curious as to what he could possibly say to me.” ME TOO, RACHEL! ME TOO!
Sadly….it was TO BE CONTINUED…..
So……SOUND OFF IN THE COMMENTS……did your favorites change this week? What did you think of Lexi? Do you want to marry Peter yourself?
And for those of you that couldn’t care less about The Bachelor, I’ve got some fashion stuff for you too. First of all, I have an outfit for you made up of lots of SUMMER ESSENTIALS! The tee, the shorts, and the Shoreline Converse are all in constant rotation over here.
I wear a small in the tee and a 27 in the shorts, so they are both true to size for me.
I also have a clutch and a couple of bags (all from the same maker) that I found when browsing online yesterday. They are DARLING and SUPER AFFORDABLE.
And I’m DYING over this tassel trim tote! $35!
I think this one is my favorite, and it’s ONLY $39!
I might have ordered all 3 in the name of research. I won’t keep all of them, but I’m thinking I’ll definitely be keeping one of them! They are so inexpensive I don’t think I’ll be able to resist!