It’s The Women Tell All, Y’all! Otherwise known as the night where at least 2 girls that we would all swear we have never laid eyes on get VERY vocal and VERY passionate about various topics. I swear that they plant strange women off the streets, just to see if we’ll notice. WELL, I NOTICED. I’m looking at you girl in the red negligee.
It’s also the night where Chris Harrison SHINES. Always has, always will. He throws a question out or suggests a topic, and then just leaves it hanging there in midair. And then he sits back…..watches people squirm….and pats himself on the back for being THE HOST WITH THE MOST.
My favorite Tell All show ever was of course from Kaitlyn’s season….because Shay and I were there (courtesy of Sean)! Click HERE to see my recap of that show.
This Tell All opened up with Harrison telling us that this journey was going to have an ending like we’ve never seen before. CALM DOWN, HARRISON. We’ve heard that from you before…every season for like the last 12 years……but I’ve gotta say…the upcoming previews along with the cryptic and admonishing message from some girl named Caroline (WHO ARE YOU?) has me thinking it just might be true.
Before we get started, let’s have a quick conversation about a couple of the outfits.
Um, WHAT IS THIS? (A red negligee from Frederick’s of Hollywood.) And while we’re at it, WHO IS THIS?
Same two questions. WHAT? (A sensible white pantsuit with a black bralette.) and WHO? And one more question: WHY is she so angry exactly? We’ll get to that in a bit…
Bibiana was showing some boobiana.
And these girls in the audience had me rolling.
For the rest of the recap, I’m going to bullet point the main topics of conversation. So much of this episode contained looks back and random movie stars “dropping by”, so this recap is going to just hit the high points.
The first conversation of the night centered around GLAM SHAMING. IS it a thing. Is it NOT a thing? The votes seemed to be split. I’ll tell you what IS a thing. Me being annoyed at this stupid topic and wondering how I got to this place. This place where I’m watching a woman say that she was basically shamed because she was too pretty.
NOBODY FEELS SORRY FOR YOU AND YOUR GORGEOUS AND SHINY HAIR, YOUR SMOOTH AND FLAWLESS SKIN, AND YOUR PERFECTLY MANICURED EYEBROWS.
Time to put your big girl panties on and just admit that you were primping in the woods. BECAUSE YOU WERE PRIMPING IN THE WOODS. Ain’t no shame in that. But going on and on about it? Time to stop.
And this girl right here? She’s my hero. IT’S NOT A THING!
Oh, and add perfect shoulder to the list of pretty things on Marikh. I mean, for real. Have you ever seen a more beautiful shoulder?
DOES EVERYBODY HATE KRYSTAL?
The quick answer is YES. Krystal got called up to the hot seat, and for the first couple of minutes she was all smiles.
And then they played her “highlight” reel.
AND Y’ALL. There was some hidden camera footage that was DAMNING. On the bowling night when she got so upset because Arie decided to let the pink team stay (even though they didn’t win. HOW DARE HE.), they had shown us part of her breakdown…but they revealed more. AND WHOAH. I don’t even want to talk about it because my dad reads here. But let me say again. WHOAH. And let me just say, “fancy pants” is a term of love and endearment compared to what other names she called him. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this. BUT WHOAH. Bibiana’s reaction was perfectly appropriate. And fyi: she wins The Best Facial Expressions Of The Night Award. Congratulations, Bibs.
This girl, whose name is apparently Caroline, got a bee in her bonnet. Girls were screaming, expletives were flying, and Harrison looked legit scared. Krystal was like, “Caroline, you mocked me!” And Caroline was like “Yeah, I did. Because you suck.” I’m paraphrasing here. But that was the gist.
And although she started out all smiles, by the end of her time on the couch, Krystal looked like this. Tell me you’re not scared of her.
IS KRYSTAL’S VOICE FOR REAL?
This girl called Krystal out asking her why she no longer sounded like a baby stripper (my words, not hers). Let’s ignore the fact that we have no idea who she was, but we were all there for it.
Krystal answered by saying that she lost her voice before the show and that’s why it sounded differently during her time on the show.
FOR 6 WEEKS? pshhhhhhhh #asif
Harrison asked her to do the voice, and she was all “I don’t even know how to do it.” And then the very next second she was like “Hieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
And that’s when I stabbed my eardrums with a pair of dull scissors.
SIENNE’S TOO GOOD FOR ARIE….HECK, SHE’S TOO GOOD FOR ANY OF US
Sienne is obviously very beautiful, but she’s also very well spoken. She quite eloquently told everybody that although she did have feelings for Arie, she felt it was obvious that they weren’t meant to be and wouldn’t have ultimately ended up together.
The good news is, Harrison seemed totally smitten with her. I mean, I’m smitten with her, so I get it.
WAS BEKAH READY OR NOT?
Let’s first have a quick little convo about Becca’s shoe choice. If her shoe choice was any indication of her readiness for marriage, I’m going to go with a firm “no”. It seemed like the only thing she was ready for was a trip to the local skateboard park or some type of rave. It’s hard to tell in this picture, but they looked like they were about 5″ Doc Martin platforms. #interesting
Harrison called Bekah up to the hot seat.
She shared how annoying it was that her age was such a constant topic of discussion. She’s looking at you, Tia. #andme #sheslookingatmetoo
Tia explained that she was so upset because she felt it was her job (since she was definitely in love with Arie), to warn him that Bekah seemed less than serious. She told the story of how Bekah talked in generalities one night about dating other people once the show was over, and Tia actually couldn’t fathom the words coming out of her mouth. Bekah said she finally understood where she was coming from, but she still thought it was annoying. And I have to say, barring previously mentioned shoe choice, the girl is actually extremely well spoken and quite mature for her age.
Harrison poked fun of the whole “MISSING PERSON” thing, and they flashed the Missing Persons Notice up on the screen. When I saw it, my heart sank and my brain almost couldn’t compute what I was seeing. Bekah was born when I was in high school. HUH? I swear, I still think of myself as 23, so how is this possible?
Harrison always asks the hard hitting questions, and he was like “Does your mom know where you are right now?” And then they got mama on the phone and went ahead and announced that she was going to be in Paradise. No need to file any Missing Persons report this summer, mom. But you might want to start taking Xanax so you can handle the crazy town that’s going to be watching your daughter on BIP.
TIA IS NOT YET OVER ARIE
It was then Tia’s turn in the hot seat with Harrison. Tia told Harrison that she was most definitely in love with Arie, and then she looked like she’d been sucker punched when Harrison revealed that Arie told him that he didn’t know if he’s made the right decision right after he let Tia go.
You know what would make Tia feel better? Little Smokies. Or, maybe that’s just me.
AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR ARIE.
He walked out onto the stage, and I’m pretty sure I could see him shaking and willing himself to not barf.
First he had a conversation with Tia. Tia was looking for some type of closure, some answer as to why he didn’t give her a rose, yet gave Kendall a rose when she couldn’t even say she was ready for marriage. His simple and honest answer was that he just had more feelings for Kendall at the time. The old standard, it wasn’t you…it was me speech. But he said it all very kindly and with respect.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
Caroline (the one in the white pantsuit who pretty much isn’t going to be satisfied until she burns the joint down) then had all of us at home gasping and screaming WHAT? WHAT DID HE DO? when she said, “I know what you did. And I don’t know how you could do that….I don’t understand. But I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m actually intrigued.
This was Arie’s face in reaction to her calling him out. He looked genuinely sad about whatever it is that he did. I think I even saw a tear shimmering in one of his yes.
And this was my reaction. I channeled the Fletcher brothers. I’m very wary of whatever he did that made Caroline have such a strong reaction.
KRYSTAL WAS ONCE AGAIN A BABY STRIPPER
Krystal asked if she could come on stage to talk with Arie, and Harrison said yes. Krystal’s breathy voice was back in FULL FORCE, and she whined to Arie about hos she felt that their good-bye was so cold. Arie goes, “Looking back, I think that the feeling was pretty appropriate.” IT WAS AWESOME. The only thing that would have made it better is if he would have thrown some metaphorical glitter
in her face in the air.
I enjoyed Becca’s reaction. FYI: She got 2nd runner up for Best Facial Expressions Of The Night.
Tune back in tomorrow for THE FANTASY SUITE RECAP!!!! WoooooHooooooo!!!!
One thing before you go. For all of you Barefoot Dreams lovers out there, their robe just went 50% OFF! I don’t have this personally, but I still wanted to let y’all know! It comes in 5 colors, and it seems that most reviewers agree it runs big…so size down 1 size!
Other notable markdowns include:
* my favorite long sleeve tee (it washes so well!) for only $15
* a black cross body with a leopard flap for 40% OFF
* a gorjana adjustable necklace for 40% OFF (comes in lots of colors, including turquoise!)
* the infamous ag jeans are back and 20% OFF (check out the AMAZING reviews!)
* 40% OFF tops and sweaters at LOFT (lots of really cute new arrivals!)
* And these aren’t on sale, but you need these wedges…so go ahead and throw them in your cart before they start selling out. 😉
AND REMEMBER! It’s WHAT’S UP WEDNESDAY! You can link up below, or you can hop over to one of the other blogs to link up! And you for sure need to hop over to see what’s going on with Shay and Mel this fine Wednesday!