Like FOR REAL nervous.
Sweaty palms nervous.
Like somebody pass me the Imodium nervous.
I do NOT enjoy conflict.
And I get extremely uncomfortable seeing people go after each other.
And I REALLY hate seeing people upset.
Luckily Harrison knew just what I needed, and before we jumped into the crazy and the conflict, we got to watch him and Prince Farming crash some Bachelor watching parties.
It was all cute and fun (ladies in the great state of Iowa really love to watch The Bachelor…and eat corn themed foods…..and drink….), and my butterflies started to disappear.
But then they got to one particular party. And OH MY.
These girls were like 136 sheets to the wind.
And it was HILARIOUS.
Look at this one girl who wanted to try her hand at the run and jump maneuver.
I gave it a solid 9.5
Good leg height, and an extra 1/2 point for being barefoot.
Plus, sister was D.R.U.N.K., so I tacked on an extra full point for the fact that she could actually still run and jump, because just standing upright was actually quite impressive.
But soon my carefree happiness at watching these girls lose their minds over Prince Farming turned to a mama like concern. I started worrying about things like somebody cutting themselves on one of the many shot glasses that shattered.
And I actually had a fleeting thought that this one girl might come away with alcohol poisoning.
PUT THE JACK DOWN GIRL.
Apparently I’m still a bundle of nerves.
Okay, so before we start the official recap, let me say two things.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, this is where Harrison SHINES.
He has awesome timing, and his dramatic pauses should earn him a big fat bonus.
If blog and instagram comments are the barometer for how passionate people are about being on Team Carly or Team Britt, then WHOAH at the passion.
People have VERY strong opinions.
So, LET THE RECORD SHOW, that I am sure that both Carly and Britt are wonderful people.
They are good girls that both seem to have a good head on their shoulders, and I don’t doubt that they are great people….great friends….great daughters…and will make somebody a great wife someday.
That being said, I am choosing to remain on #teamcarly.
Like I’m the VP of #teamcarly.
If you’re on #teambrit that’s totally fine. Britt is a lovely girl. And her lipstick application is enviable. I’m just not on her team.
But we can still be friends.
Let’s get this party train to Crazy Town started and do our best to keep it on the rails.
Best dressed automatically goes to #crazyeyes. Who woulda thunk it?
And I need to applaud Kaitlyn for having the guts to wear a
white TWO PIECE outfit on National T.V.
WHILE SITTING DOWN.
That takes courage. Kaitlyn will go far in life with that type of gumption.
Sidebar: Did anybody else have a flashback to the two piece leather outfit in Can’t Buy Me Love?
Man, I wanted to be this girl soooo badly!
I don’t remember the girl’s name in the movie, but I wanted to jump on the back of McDreamy’s lawnmower and drive into the sunset with him.
Chris introduces the women, and I immediately don’t recognize two of them.
Nikki WHO? Trina WHO?
And let’s all take note:
Kelsey got like 2 claps, Britt was already pearl clutching and making her bottom lip tremble even just when her name was being announced, and Carly got the second loudest cheers (next to Kaitlyn).
After the introductions, Harrison rolls a little summary of the season.
The montage ends with the clip of Carly saying that Britt “now knows what it’s like to be a normal person.” and asking “How’s it feel?”
And Britt is already “crying”.
Slow down Britt.
We’ve got almost 2 more hours to go.
Harrison asks Britt what she thinks and she opens up to Carly with “Why did you pretend to be my friend the whole time?”
Carly answers with a simple “I didn’t.”
Carly then goes on to say, “You don’t want to create drama in the house where there doesn’t need to be drama in the house.” And “it wasn’t about you and me…it was about Chris.”
Britt gets called up to the stage by Harrison, and she’s continuing to “cry”.
I’m using the word loosely hear because I’ve actually yet to see any tears.
Her eyeballs are moist.
But no matter where your loyalties lie, I think we can all agree that the girl’s lipstick is FLAWLESS.
All the girls start trying to pipe in, and then Jillian starts going BANANAS defending Britt.
Um, I think that’s what some would call ROID RAGE.
Harrison calls her out, he actually whistles to get her attention, and is like “Uh- Jillian, you are a little jacked up right now.” That’s a direct quote by the way.
As they go to their first commercial break, it’s possible that my eyes are rolling back into my head as I’m watching Britt.
Shaky voice. CHECK.
Quivering lip. CHECK.
Hands thrown on head in wreckless abandon. CHECK.
Actual tears. Not a one in sight.
But again. Lipstick is flawless.
We come back from commercial, and Carly starts pleading her case.
And I feel like she’s doing a fine job explaining her side of the story, and Britt is about to lose her mind. People are interrupting each other, talking over each other, and I’m having a hard time following what is actually going on.
Here’s what I think about the Britt and Carly thing.
Britt was clearly falling for Chris.
From my perspective (who knows if it’s the right perspective due to all of the crafty editing), she did present herself one way to Chris as she was saying other things to the girls.
BUT, I think it’s FINE if she didn’t want to have kids right away (smart actually), and it was of course also MORE THAN FINE that she was questioning if she could live in Arlington.
I also think it was FINE that Carly called out the different perspectives on Britt that she and the other girls were noticing to Chris.
And I tended to enjoy Carly’s take on things.
Clearly, we are all going to disagree on this topic….but both girls have valid points.
Okay, back from the commercial, and now we are seeing actual tears from Britt.
She is confiding in Harrison during a break (lucky for us it’s caught on camera!) and telling him that she really thinks she could have ended up with Chris if it hadn’t been for Carly.
Blah, Blah, Blah.
What’s important here is that I have an epiphany at this exact moment. There’s an audience shot, and that’s when I decide that it’s going to be a goal of mine to be at a future Women Tell All taping.
I BELONG THERE, no?
It’s Kelsey time. And it’s AMAZING.
Production throws together some of Kelsey’s “best” moments of the season, and the girls and Kelsey just watch. And it showed her bone chilling “I know what you did” again.
And I’m telling you, it’s the stuff nightmares are made of.
The montage ends with all of the girls jumping on the couch and popping the champagne when she left. Nobody says anything.
Harrison just sits their stoic. In complete silence.
Kelsey pipes up and just says “I’m feeling betrayed.” and that she’s “grieving all over again”.
She asks for a tissue.
Harrison gives her his handkerchief, and she wipes her snot on it.
To be fair, IF THEY JUST HAD A TISSUE SHE WOULD HAVE USED THAT!
What is it with The Bachelor people? What do they have against Kleenex?
Kelsey brings up the fact that maybe girls didn’t like her because she “used big words”.
GAG ME WITH A SPOON Kelsey.
Harrison asks Kelsey if she would like to say anything to the girls.
She asks for forgiveness, and this is #virgininabottle’s reaction.
I kind of want it on a t-shirt. Andrea, can you make that happen?
Somebody needs to caption this shot for me. Please, sound off in the comments with your thoughts!
Keep it clean please!
Harrison totally calls Kelsey out about her saying it was an “amazing story”.
wasn’t just about WHAT she said, but HOW she said it.
In summary, #krazyinakardikelsey is in fact a strange bird.
However, I do believe she had a husband, and I do believe he died unexpectedly. And I do think her story is incredibly sad.
I also believe that she lacks social skills and awareness.
Now it’s #crazyeyes time.
And you think you’ve seen her crazy before.
But you’re wrong.
Because the girl is CUH-RUH-A-ZY.
Her make-up however is ON POINT. Her dress is slammin’. And I love her earrings.
During the montage of ol’ #crazyeyes, it shows a clip of Kaitlyn acting like Ashley.
Kaitlyn says “Hey, my name is Ashley S. I’m blonde, and I like dogs and ponies and I’m effing CRAZY.” (And imagine “effing crazy” being said in a pyschotic demon voice. It was hilarious).
LOL at the screen-in-screen shot of Kaitlyn seeing herself saying that.
This might be my favorite moment of the whole season.
When Harrison asks Ashley who the real Ashley S. is, she says, “I like to ride bikes. This is me.”
And then Harrison goes off the cuff , says he’s probably over-stepping his bounds and that he shouldn’t do this…and I’m waiting with baited breath…..He says “I have a question for you”.
And I honest to heavens think he’s about to ask her for her
dealer’s pharmacist’s number in a “I”ll have what she’s having” moment.
But instead, he says “Please, I’m begging you, join us in Bachelor in Paradise?!?”
The crowd erupts into cheers and a “do it! do it! do it!” chant.
She completely ignores his question, looks around with wide eyes, and simply says “It’s so weird that we’re on t.v.”
“Weird” doesn’t even begin to describe in Ashley.
I do hope she brings the crazy to Bachelor in Paradise.
And I want to know what teeth whitening products she uses because the girl has a killer smile.
Next up, Harrison talks to Jade.
Jade felt like Chris wasn’t honest with her about his feelings about her nude pictorial, and she is nervously awaiting her time to ask him about it.
Then Harrison talks to Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn says she’s never been more nervous in her life, but she too wants to confront Chris and has some questions of her own.
Now it’s time to welcome our favorite farmer to the stage.
Britt asks to come up to talk to him, and on her way to the couch she engages him in a hug that I swear lasts at least 7 minutes.
Shall I go on?
IT. WAS. AWKWARD.
Britt then tells Chris that she’s not mad at him, and that she totally understands why he believed Carly because she too had in fact been “duped” by her.
Prince Farming set her straight and told her that Carly wasn’t the reason he let her go.
It is here that he tries politely reminding her that she went off her rocker on that group date where Kaitlyn got the rose and that he wasn’t a fan of her needy behavior.
She says that makes her feel better, but she was lying.
Jade gets her chance to talk to Chris and he stands by the fact that YES, looking at the nudie pics of her was in fact awkward.
Young girls who are reading this today. Let this be a lesson to you.
Keep your clothes on.
Kaitlyn gets her chance to talk to our Prince, but he can’t really give a good answer to her “Why didn’t you give me a heads up?” question.
I’m thinking she is being groomed to be the next Bachelorette.
If I can’t have Carly, Kaitlyn will do. 🙂
They show some bloopers (I always love a blooper reel), and then they show some clips of next weeks show. I would talk about what’s to come, but I simply don’t have the energy.
Remember, If you’ve missed any of the prior recaps, click HERE to catch up!
There have been some DOOZIES!
And as always, a little shopping before you go!
I just got an e-mail that Anthro has FREE SHIPPING for $100 orders for TODAY ONLY! They RARELY do this, so take advantage!
Click HERE for this Anthro top that screams SPRING!!!
For size reference, I’m wearing a small.
This next item is huge y’all! I ordered THESE Anthro “invisible” socks a couple of weeks ago just to give them a try. I was looking for a sock that would be perfect “no show” socks for my converse. And I think I found them. And I think I’m in love. With a sock.
Click HERE for all of the pattern choices. SO CUTE!
And now some fun jewelry that I tried on last time I was at Nordstrom at Northpark!
Click HERE for all Panacea bracelets.
my gold bracelets in picture: “love” bracelet c/o A.C. HERE / nail bracelet c/o A.C. HERE /
(REMEMBER YOU CAN GET 20% OFF your entire purchase at Accessory Concierge with the code PTMT20OFF)
Fyi: from the same maker, I ordered THESE earrings last night and am so excited to get them!
And I can’t believe that it’s taken me so long to mention this, but Kendra Scott has come out with a smaller version of her super popular Elle and Danielle earrings.
You can find the Kendra Scott “Dani” earrings HERE.
They are the perfect size for those of you that prefer a smaller earring but still loves the pop of color that these earrings provide.
I found some new Nordstrom items on sale too (if you follow me on facebook, you saw them yesterday)!
Like THESE pants.
They are 40% OFF, and I think they’re so cool!
And you can get a similar pair in a capri version HERE.
Lots of Zella Deja jackets on sale HERE.
And my neighbor Heather ordered THIS shirt! It’s also 40% OFF!
I put it on facebook last night asking for feedback on it (since it’s on sale and I was interested), and lots of readers gave lots of great feedback!
It also comes in black, coral, and a lavendar…and lots of you said it’s a SUMMER STAPLE!
There’s also a SHOPBOP Megasale! Click HERE to shop!
I’m not a shopbop shopper, but I know that some of you are!
See you back here on Friday!
I’ll be talking about my favorite shoes for SPRING!