Have you been reading this season’s Bachelorette recaps? If not, take a minute to catch up! You don’t want to miss a moment of the absolute lunacy of it all. I mean, last week we were treated to these gold lame hot pants.
Now, before we get started. I feel it’s my civic duty to alert you that TONS of Kendra Scott pieces were marked down yesterday to between 20-35% OFF! And it’s not the random stuff, some of my favorite pieces are included! Like my platinum/drusy bracelet (it also comes in the abalone that I love and several other colors!), my favorite size Elle earrings, and several colors of the iconic Rayne necklace. You know what else is on sale? A ton of great Sam Edelman sandals!
Here are just some of the favorites featured that are NOW ON SALE! Click on what you are interested in!
Okay, Let’s get started with The Bachelorette Season 14 Episode 5 recap!
The Bachelorette Episode 5
You know where they are this week? VEGAS, BABY! Which is the perfect place to drink way too much and lose your shirt while gambling…………..and fall in love. You know what else it’s the perfect place for? Leaving somebody in a desert after a 2:1. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
If you want to take a fun walk down memory lane, click HERE to see when #virgininabottle and Krazy Kelsey were both left in the Badlands. #neverforget
The guys showed up in their giant Vegas penthouse (#VEGASBABY) and everybody flew onto beds like good little bachelor contestants always do (I think it must be in the hotel’s promotional contracts). Becca was waiting for them on the 2nd story. They popped some champagne and checked out their digs. Was anybody else bothered by the gratuitous champagne spillage? I mean, somebody is going to have to clean that up. #momlife
Colton – Let’s ride off into the sunset together.
Colton was PUMPED about getting a 1:1 in Vegas. But his excitement was unnecessary. Because they didn’t get all fancy and head to a casino, a world renowned restaurant, or an amazing show. Nope. They headed to a desert and rode camels. Really.
And they used the camel’s humps for the ol’ “get over the humps of past relationships” metaphor. I thought of a better metaphor, but my parent’s read here, so I’m going to #keepitclassy.
After they rode the camels, the surprises kept on coming! What would be a perfect surprise after a hot camel ride in the desert? A nice pool and frozen margaritas just over the next sand dune?
Sorry. Not today, Colton. How about a hot dub with a nice white wine?
A hot tub.
In the middle of the desert.
In the middle of the day.
And it’s here that I began wondering….is this the same hot tub that appears in random locations in so many of the seasons? Like, do they haul this same hot tub around, or are they renting new hot tubs at each location. Something to think about. You know, if you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE to think about.
But look. They tried to make it nice. Check out the Home Depot plant and the hot tub cord. #theyfancy
That night they headed to dinner, and Colton shared with her how he’s only been in love once, but that girl broke his heart. I THINK he was talking about Aly Raisman (the US Olympic gymnast that he dated previously), and I appreciate that he didn’t say anything bad about her. It would not have been wise to talk smack about one of America’s balance beam sweethearts. Well played, Colton.
They made out, agreed that they were “on the same page”, and he got the date rose.
Back at the house, David was being a big ol’ dill weed. He constantly had a smirk on his face and was always acting like he was super clever and pleased with himself. He asked Jordan if he was nervous to be the last rose given out at the last rose ceremony. And Jordan was like “I probably felt just like you did…just like a few seconds after…since you got the 2nd to last rose.” I thought it was hysterical. I tell you, our pensive gentleman was seeming more mature than our resident chicken. Not that the chicken had set a high bar. But still.
I’m looking for my Mr. Las Vegas.
Wills, Garrett, Blake, John, Connor, Leo, Lincoln, Jason, and Chris
The group date guys rolled up to a palatial estate. And Becca was waiting for them looking oh so chic in all black. Find similar lace camisoles HERE and HERE(without lace HERE and UNDER $15), and find some similar pants HERE.
And when they emerged from their limo, Wills was sporting a sensible floral ensemble. With bermuda shorts. Because, Vegas. #duh
And then guess who appeared. That’s right, MR. LAS VEGAS HIMSELF! WAYNE NEWTON, everybody. On horseback no less.
And the man was tan. And his face was frozen. And his teeth were like Ross’s in that one Friend’s episode.
Wayne sang a little bit of his hit Danke Schoen to the guys (you know, what Ferris Bueller sang on the float). And you need to know that I googled Danke Schoen. It’s German. And it means “thank you very much” or “thank you kindly”. Just a little bit of trivia for you on this fine Wednesday.
After he sang a couple of lines, he then introduced his wife and sang a little bit to her, explaining that it sounded so much better when he was singing it to her. Thank you kindly, but I don’t think it did Mr. Newton.
Then he told the guys that they were going to write lyrics of their own to Becca. HOLD UP. Didn’t Chris JUST DO THIS with the incomparable Richard Marx?
But seriously. Look at those chompers.
Wayne listened to all of the guys and then threw them all some MAJOR SHADE saying that he wasn’t really all that impressed with anybody’s lyrics. And then he rolled out some seriously sharp suits from The Black Tux and let them know that they would be singing their lyrics in front of a live studio audience that night.
It was just as painful as you might imagine. I did however appreciate the fact that the guys were committed! Especially Chris. He really went for it. In Spanish. I will say, I questioned his choice…but I applauded his creativity. And Becca thought it it was “sexy”. I’m guessing a lot of the sexy had to do with the tux. Because MEOW.
That night at the group date cocktail party, Chris felt like he had it in the bag. He didn’t even care that he wasn’t getting 1:1 time with Becca. He wasn’t nervous AT ALL. Until he was. Yep, he turned on a dime, and all of a sudden he was waxing on about having to pack his bags because she must not like him.
David and Jordan
Meet me in the Valley of Fire.
Pre 2:1, both Jordan and David were driving me bonkers. But I’m going to go ahead and put this out there…David was even more annoying than Jordan. There, I said it.
And full disclosure, I started off watching this date with a low key desire that Jordan would stay around. Just because the man is good t.v. And these recaps don’t write themselves.
The date hadn’t even officially started, and yet I officially wanted David gone. First of all, if he said “golden underpants” one more time, I might have lost my mind. They hopped in a jeep and rode down a bumpy trail until they all arrived at their destination. Which was a random bed sitting in the middle of absolutely nowhere. #neverforget
While all sitting on the end of the bed together, Becca encouraged everybody to soak up the silence. I would like to allege here that David isn’t clear on the definition of silence, because the dude wouldn’t stop talking.
During their 1:1 time, David told Becca that Jordan was talking about other girls he wanted to date and that he thought he would be settling if he ended up with Becca. I thought David came off as an annoying little twit, but the word “settling” seemed to throw Becca into some sort of post traumatic event stemming from her Arie break up. Our bachelorette was displeased.
It was then time for Becca to talk with Jordan. She said, “Let’s get right down to it”, and then she shared with him all that David said about him. And y’all, when he was defending himself, my heart softened for our pensive gentleman. He told her that he knew how to love someone because he’d watched his dad love his mom for his entire life, through all of her mental illnesses. He explained how he came from nothing, how he sometimes didn’t even have electricity, and how he was self made. He said that he was always unapologetically himself, and I’m telling you he seemed less like a mannequin and way more human! He even seemed….wait for it…likable.
I did wonder if he was trying to bring tight rolled pants back. Because I WAS THE BEST at tight rolling. I flipping owned the 6th grade with my tight rolling skills.
Becca sat and listened. While looking gorgeous in camo (find a similar shirt HERE and similar denim shorts HERE) with a subtle red lip (my favorite is “ruby woo”) and perfectly volumized hair I might add. The desert climate AGREES with Becca’s hair.
Jordan walked back to David to confront him. And I was 100% on Jordan’s side.
UNTIL HE OPENED HIS MOUTH. And then he became a whole lot less likeable again. He said, “Being me is my greatest power! “Being you isn’t your greatest power — that’s why you’ve gotta talk about me!” Huh? What? His professionality was not shining through here.
Becca sat down with both of them and told them they were both acting childish. You could tell that she was even more annoyed than I was (see photo below). Which is saying a lot.
AND Y’ALL. Then she left David go. AND I WAS THERE FOR IT. I’m not saying I was Team Jordan, but I was definitely Team Not David. She explained that one of the them had really tried to open up to her and then told David this was where they were going to part ways. She got up and walked away from David, without even so much as a proper goodbye.
And then the helicopter panned out for this epic shot.
That night Jordan and Becca headed to dinner. And I was immediately struck by how Jordan was wearing an angle collared shirt WITHOUT A TIE. Bold choice, my man.
He started by asking her how she would spend a weekend. And I liked how he wanted to get to know what she was about. I laughed out loud when she casually said “it depends honestly” and he vigorously nodded his head and was all “yeah, me too”! As if they had just connected on some deep level. #ASIF
But then it became obvious that he only asked her that question so he could share what his weekends were like. And y’all. I’m not sure I could have shook my head any faster or rolled my eyes any harder. He launched into how being fit is a big deal to him, how he’s very into his skin and hair, and how he’s not your average model. He then showed her several of his model faces and proclaimed excitedly, “Man, I wish we could get my portfolio out!”
YES! INTERN! GRAB THE PORTFOLIO! You know it’s in his carry on. Or under his pillow.
You could tell she was not attracted to him at all, but she sure was getting a kick out of him. And she was being a good sport about it. He then moved into kiss her, and if you didn’t already know it, her pulling away and giggling just proved that she’s just not that into him.
She didn’t give him the rose. Jordan handled himself well, but he was floored.
And the limo interview was EVERYTHING. When pondering what she could possibly not like about him, he went over all of his positive attributes while contemplating how in the world he wasn’t still in the running. And this is a quote… “I’m smart. I do have a look. I can speak. I can walk. I’m fit.”
I MEAN! He can speak AND walk, ladies. YOU SEE! THE MAN IS A CATCH.
Don’t worry. This is just bye for now. I’ll bet my favorite face cream he’ll be in Paradise.
The entire group headed to the hotel rooftop, and Becca immediately grabbed Chris. She’d been hearing that he was saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be there anymore, and she wanted to get to the bottom of it.
They sat down and he started by saying “I think you owe me like 50,000 kisses right now.” Um, no. No she doesn’t.
While trying to defend himself, he said that he did question if he should go home since he felt like she maybe wasn’t interested in him. He went on to say that was scary because he was “100% entrusted in her”. INVESTED. The word is INVESTED. Sigh.
Becca then shared that she was looking for a 50/50 partner and that him not making an effort to talk to her on the group date didn’t show her that he wanted to be a partner. He kept emphasizing the if he wanted to leave, he would have done so already. Becca was frustrated, and so she ended their conversation.
He went back and joined the guys, but then he started spiraling. He decided that he wanted to fight for her, so he went and asked her for more time when she had just sat down with Wills.
Wills decided to give him 2 minutes, and I’m pretty sure he was all “1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi…” when he went around the corner. He got to 120 Mississippi, and then he immediately went back to Becca. He told Chris his time was up, but Chris begged for more time. Wills was like NOPE.
Becca did her best to diffuse the situation and told Chris “I will come and find you later”.
Wills went back to the group and gave Chris a “What’s up, baby.” Chris explained to the guys that “tensions are getting tight.” No they’re not. They’re HIGH. The tension is HIGH. Sigh, again.
And then he said something that put the final nail in his coffin as far as I was concerned. He said “it was FUSTRATING.” Yep. He left out the first “r”. It’s FRUSTRATING, Chris. That’s right up there for me when people say “supposably”. NOT OKAY.
Now, in his effort to get a rose, he did finally admit that he messed up, and he genuinely apologized for not making more of an effort. He explained that he really did think they could be something special. It all seemed genuine. I will allow it.
Blake and Colton already had roses.
Who elses got roses? Garrett, Jason, Wills, Lincoln, Leo (Cut your hair man. Please. I beg of you.), Connor, and Chris
Who didn’t get roses? Well, since both Jordan and David had already been sent home, VENMO John was the only one left without a rose. That’s it. Just Venmo John. Have we ever even talked about the fact that he was one of the creators of Venmo? NOOOOOOO! Not Venmo John!
He was PRECIOUS in his exit interview. LOOK AT THOSE DIMPLES! He was totally real and a little teary, but not cheesy at all! I tell you what, Venmo John and Grocery Joe need to find each other and heal together.
BEFORE YOU GO…
JULY 4th OUTFITS
Do you have your outfit for July 4th yet? I know y’all want to be festive for your backyard barbecues and fireworks celebrations, and I have you covered! Make sure you click over to Friday’s post where I share 10 outfits that are all sorts of patriotic and DARLING. 🙂 Below you will find just 3 of the 7, but click through to the post if you want to know my thoughts and sizing information on each piece. That’s also where you will see the other 7 outfits.
I love everything in the post, but it’s the rose gold slides that I’m flat out obsessed with. Size up a 1/2 and get ready for tons of compliments.
I did see yesterday that this swimsuit from the post went 40% OFF! Actually, a great selection of women’s Tommy Bahama swimsuits all went 40% OFF.
LOFT is now 40% OFF EVERYTHING! If you didn’t see my shorts post with LOFT, you need to go check out the post! All of the clothes, jewelry, and sunglasses in the below picture are all 40% OFF!
WHAT’S UP WEDNESDAY
And I didn’t participate in What’s Up Wednesday today since it’s Bachelorette Day over here, but Mel is still hosting over on her blog!
And you can still link up here! See y’all back here on Friday!