Pat yourselves on the back.
YOU MADE IT.
WE MADE IT.
I feel like it was a team effort, but we did it!
We stuck to it, we persevered, and we have no regrets.
Well, that’s not exactly true.
I might have a regret or two.
We made it through this entire not so ordinary season, and we’ve come out better people on the other side. I mean, after all of that, we are now in the presence of what seems to be TRUE LOVE. Love that was worth fighting for. Love that inspired an ordinary man to jump over an 8 foot fence. IN A SINGLE BOUND.
Let me say, there was A WHOLE LOT OF FLUFF and quite a bit of REMEMBER WHEN for Part 2 of the finale. And I no longer have the time or the patience for the fluff. I’m looking at you Bachelor alumni.
We started out the night in the studio audience with Harrison. And the man was giddy. He recapped the previous night with the following…“Last night, Colton jumped an 8 foot high fence and ran off after Cassie broke his heart. He broke up with Tayshia and Hannah G. And then in an unexpected twist, Colton made a surprise visit to Cassie.”
And then he posed the question to America“Will Cassie hear him out and maybe take him back? Or will Colton end his journey in the way he began…ALONE AND STILL A VIRGIN?”
Not cool, Harrison. NOT COOL.
Time to hit the high points of Night 2!
COLTON’S PLEA TO CASSIE
On Monday night, we saw Colton knocking on a door, but we were unsure at the time who was on the other side. Well, as we all suspected, it was in fact Cassie.
And was it just me, or did she look like she 100% knew that Colton was going to be dropping by? There was not even a hint of a surprise or a “gosh, I never expected this” on her face.
She looked fresh faced, gorgeous, and NOT AT ALL surprised.
Colton told Cassie, “Watching you walk away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to watch. That’s why I sacrificed and gave up everything. I ended things with Tayshia and Hannah.”
And THEN Cassie looked genuinely surprised. And possibly happy. And maybe a little terrified. Okay, she looked a lot terrified.
He continued, “I’m not sitting here asking for a marriage at the end of this. I’m asking for a second chance. And day by day, we’ll figure it out.”
He assured her that he felt 100% sure about it.
“I did that so I wouldn’t be telling you I love you, I would be showing you that I loved you. And you could see how much I was willing to give up and give to us. We’re going to take this day by day and figure this out. My family is waiting for us in Spain. And I want them to meet you if you are willing to continue.”
And she immediately agreed. It made me think that she had in fact ended it with him, just based upon the fact that she couldn’t deal with the idea that he was still dating 2 other girls.
She agreed to go meet the family only because she knew he wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer.
I went back and forth. I oscillated, if you will.
Cassie was up front with him when she said, “I don’t know what I’m ready for, but I feel good right now though.”
It seemed like an omen.
MEETING COLTON’S FAMILY IN SPAIN
All of a sudden, they were in Spain.
And Colton celebrated by wearing a cranberry shirt with a mauve denim jacket, which I thought was an interesting choice. But it was consistent with the boy band vibe he started giving us with his new hairdo on Monday’s night show. So I understood it. I respected it. Nick Lachey would have totally worn it pre Jessica Simpson days. #fistbump
FAMILY MEETING, Y’ALL! Colton sat everybody down and immediately told them he had some news to share. And he let them know that he was no longer a virgin.
And his mom was like…
And I was like…
Then he was all JK, guys.
It was a weird joke.
And his dad was like “You can keep that private next time.” I like dad.
He gave his family a quick little debrief to let them know Cassie had broken up with him (and shattered his heart into a billion little pieces), that he in turn broke up with Cassie and Tayshia to prove his love, and that he was definitely in love with Cassie.
When his dad asked “Is she in love with you?” he responded with a painfully honest “At this point, no.” I respected his honesty with his family AND HIMSELF.
Cassie walked up the cobblestone drive and was crazy nervous. Which might explain her choice of footwear. Like she was so nervous that she wasn’t thinking straight, so she just grabbed these clunky boot type things to go with her precious little blue dress and forgot to look at herself on the way out the door. It’s the only possible explanation.
But seriously, please listen to me when I say that she was CRAZY. NERVOUS.
I half expected her to make like Forrest Gump and get the heck out of there, but she didn’t. It might have been her clunky boots keeping her there.
Through tears and a very shaky voice, she said, “I don’t want to walk in confused, but I am. In any other circumstance, I would be excited. But this is a heavy thing.”
She shared with Colton that she didn’t want his family to know that she had been crying or was freaking out. And he very lovingly said “Tell them you were crying. Tell them you were freaking out.” I have to say, he was an extremely calming force. And his love for her was just pouring out of him.
Let’s get another look at the footwear.
They headed to meet the parents, and Cassie continued to freak the freak out. She went on and on and on and on TO HIS ENTIRE FAMILY about how she was still confused.
And her confusion was met with silence. A lot of silence. A lot of DEAFENING SILENCE. I mean, maybe it was just edited that way? But I’ve never been in the presence of so much silence.
Mom and Dad were stone faced.
But the aunt shouldn’t play poker.
Mom met with Colton. Dad met with Cassie. Mom met with Cassie. Dad met with Colton.
The brief summary of all the meetings follows:
Cassie is unsure.
Colton’s family is unsure.
Colton IS sure.
LAST 1:1 DATE
No pressure, but you’ve got 1 date Cassie! I mean, I know you’ve been hella confused up to this point, but we’re hoping the next 8 hours will bring clarity.
I know this, Cassie was looking DARLING. I’ve had a lot of requests for a source for Cassie’s necklace. I was unable to find the exact one, but this one is similar in shape (but with turquoise)!
They stood on the edge of a cliff together (both physically and metaphorically of course), and Colton pointed to their picnic that was waiting for them, which they had to repel down to.
And was it just me, or did the repelling segment seem INCREDIBLY dangerous?
They arrived at what must be the saddest picnic there ever was. I saw a towel placed precariously on jagged rocks. And I saw a basket. That’s it.
During this “picnic”, she shared that the guy that she had been in a serious relationship with in collage had planned on proposing to her. And she felt he became a bit controlling. That was where a lot of her fear was coming from.
Colton said all the right things to ease her fears about how being in a relationship wouldn’t mean that he was in control, and that their relationship would be all about compromise. He assured her that they would both do their own thing, have their own friends, spend time apart (without any weird jealousy), but also spend time together. He was basically assuring her he wouldn’t be controlling and was like “YOU DO YOU, BOO!” It was something that apparently Cassie needed to hear.
For those of you that are keeping tabs, please know that although Colton is doing his best here, Cassie seems to remain very unsure. How do I know? Well, there was lots of giggling. Oh, and she kept telling us as much.
At dinner that night, Cassie seemed to start getting there. Isn’t it crazy what 6 hours and repelling can do to change a person’s heart? She said, “Whatever happens after this, I’m gonna be all in.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but okay.
Colton said, “I couldn’t be more grateful, that I’ve had a 2nd chance.”
He offered her the fantasy suite card, and she accepted.
It’s worth noting that Cassie looked STUNNING and her dress was GORGEOUS. Click HERE for a similar black lace halter UNDER $100!
They headed to the fantasy suit, hopped on the bed to give it a test run for comfort, and then Colton showed the crew the door.
It was actually pretty cute. He was like, “I love you, I love you, I love all of you…but there’s a door right here, get outta here goodbye.”
They remembered that they were mic’d, and they called a crew guy back to take those babies off. WHAT A RELIEF THEY REMEMBERED! Because had they remained mic’d, I don’t trust that ABC wouldn’t have subjected us to kissing sounds and moans. They’ve done it before.
And this guy won the night when he said “Good luck, guys“.
A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, but everything that we were seeing and hearing the next morning was leading us to believe that Cassie and Colton did in fact participate in The Big Wiggle last night.
I mean, we knew all was right in Bachelor world when it once again showed Colton in the shower. We didn’t get any shower scenes when he was broken hearted. But now he’s showering again, and he’s talking in code saying things like “I was happy waking up this morning. I feel like a new man. We did what was best for our relationship. We grew as a couple.”
Oh, yeah. THEY WIGGLED.
VAMPING FOR TIME
Harrison brought out this group. AND AGAIN, NOBODY CARED.
But Demi was hysterical.
When asked about what she thought what went down in the fantasy suit, she said “Honestly, I hope Cassie jumped Colton like a Portugese fence.”
Y’all. That is FUNNY.
Harrison thought it was almost as funny as I did.
CASSIE AND COLTON’S FIRST PUBLIC APPEARANCE
First and foremost, Cassie was ROCKING a white jumpsuit and looking GORGEOUS. I tried to picture myself in that same get up, but much like Casssie, I just couldn’t get there in my head.
I have to say, the couple looked downright blissful.
Harrison wanted a state of the union for their relationship. Colton happily reported that they are in love. AND Y’ALL. CASSIE AGREED!!!!!! And I have to say, she even sounded convincing. They aren’t engaged yet (thank heavens), but Colton did move to be closer to Cassie, and they seem to have plans to get engaged after some more time as a regular couple without cameras.
Colton continued to not admit to The Big Wiggle, but he totally wiggled.
I have to say, I wasn’t the biggest Colton fan at the beginning of this whole journey, but the guy 100% won me over. I think he’s incredibly sweet and will make a wonderful husband to somebody. For his sake, I hope it’s Cassie. Because yeah, I’m still just a teeny bit unsure. But I’ll tell you this, I’ll be cheering these two crazy kids on.
Two more things before we move on to the big announcement, if Cassie told Colton to do whatever he could to make sure she was able to show off the back of her jumpsuit, then he did a fine job. #missionaccomplished #jobwelldone #itISfabulous
Also, I lol’d when all of a sudden Air Supply was playing in the studio audience. Were these people even born when they were around the first time?
THE NEXT BACHELORETTE ANNOUNCEMENT
Alabamah Hannah is the next Bachelorette. #wompwomp #lonnnnnnnnnnnnnngsigh
I mean, the girl is GORGEOUS. And she definitely looks the part. HOWEVER.
I have never been more disappointed in ABC. And that’s saying something. I mean, we all remember Juan Pablo, right?
You have let us down.
THE GIRL CANNOT FORM COHESIVE SENTENCES. OR PHRASES.
Seriously. What are they thinking?
Harrison shared the video of him telling Hannah via facetime that she was going to be The Bachelorette, and it was terrible. TERRIBLE.
And then he brought her out on stage.
And it was PAINFUL.
And then he announced that she was going to meet her first five guys on stage that night.
AND I WANTED TO DIE.
Her awkward meter was totally off the charts. But I wasn’t just uncomfortable, I was actually angry. I was yelling “SPEAK, WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!” at the t.v. #doesthatmakemecrazy?
It was actually rage inducing. I legitimately found myself extremely frustrated when she couldn’t find words. I know, I needed to calm down.
I cannot fathom why they picked her. And I cannot figure out why she can’t speak. Somewhere in Alabama her pageant coach was shaking his dang head.
And then she met her first 5 guys. A couple seemed to have potential, a couple were just “eh”, and 1 should have been sent home on the spot after his completely inappropriate “down South” joke. NO SIR.
I want to reiterate that although she looks like a Bachelorette, right about now she was saying “um”, “like”, giggling uncontrollably, or just staring into the great unknown. No. Just no.
I did like the Cam guy that she gave her first impression rose too. I mean, he was a little dorky and he rapped, but I typically prefer dorky to lots of other personality traits. Most of the time, dorks are really sweet.
I mean, can’t Colgate just give Hannah a deal and let Harrison pick somebody else?
AllRIGHTY, y’all! That’s it!
I’d say other stuff, but I’m done.
Leave a comment with your thoughts. Do you think Cassie is actually in love? Do you think they’ll make it? And how do you feel about our new Bachelorette? If you are excited about Hannah, we can’t be friends anymore. #justkidding #kindof
And make sure you come back tomorrow for a Spring Style Challenge that I accepted AND ROCKED (if I do say so myself). Have a great Thursday, ladies!