There’s been MUCH ADO, lots of hoopla, and some serious fanfare regarding
the fantasy suite dates.
WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
WHAT DID HUHWAHN PABLO DO?
WHY ARE PEOPLE CRYING?!?
Well, in true Bachelor form, I’m afraid it was much ado about NOTHING.
Nothing earth shattering happened.
Here’s the Cliff’s Notes version:
Andi realized she didn’t like Huhwahn basically because he didn’t try to get to know her,
and Huhwahn was “okay” with that.
There.
The end.
And Scene.
I seriously contemplated having the above summary stand alone as my entire recap, but I persevered.
However,
If there are large gaping holes of drama that I missed, that could be due to the fact that
I fell asleep around 13 different times during the episode. Allegedly.
Partly because I was bored, but mainly because I WAS JUST THAT TIRED.
Only a couple of more episodes to go and we can do this.
Just stay with me people.
I will say this, even though I have been less than enthused about this entire season, I am SERIOUSLY PUMPED about The Women Tell All.
I’m guessing it’s going to get CUH-RAZY up in there.
Fantasy Suite Date #1: Clare
Let the record show that I wanted to take a blunt object, any blunt object would have done just fine, and rupture my own eardrum.
Hearing both of them talk is too much for me to bare.
I think they feed off of each other.
I had a good friend (Hi Lynne!) that when she was pregnant, the sound of a girl’s voice that she worked with actually made her nauseous.
Like it actually made her physically nauseous.
Like she would actually want to puke when she heard her voice.
Hilarious, right?
If Lynne were with child right now, I’m guessing Clare would make her lose her mind.
And her lunch.
The worst part about the voices is that:
MUTING THE TELEVISION WON’T HELP.
Why?
Because in addition to the voice, there’s also the duck face that now seems to be plastered
on at all times.
Exhibit A Your Honor.
I can’t even.
They hop on a small boat, get shuttled to a yacht, make out on the yacht, and then jump into the ocean and make out some more.
They walk down a beach.
Kissing, duck faces, baby talk, and face caressing ensues.
They head to dinner.
More baby talk. More making out. More face caressing.
Lots AND LOTS more duck faces.
Clare shares with Huhwahn that she’s ready to be a step-mom.
And then there’s more face touching.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
STOP TOUCHING HER FACE!
Clare says “I want to have babies with this man. I want to marry this man.”
No Clare.
First comes love, then comes marriage, THEN comes Clare Pablo in the baby carriage.
When he presents her with the fantasy suite card, her PTSD from Nam kicks in, and she is going back and forth on if she should take him up on the fantasy suite or not.
Whatever.
Well, she does.
SHOCKER.
And I’m sure they do. It.
😉
What happens in the fantasy suite stays in the fantasy suite.
Except not.
Just ask Andi.
And just because I feel they need a proper introduction.
These are Clare’s boobs.
They’re real. And they’re spectacular.
Fantasy Suite Date #2: Andi
They walk down the beach, they meet some local kids, and then they play a game of soccer.
They hop in a dune buggy, drive to a forest, and then make out under a waterfall. Again.
And Andi is showing a 1 piece swimsuit WHO IS BOSS. Again.
Click HERE for 1 piece suits from Nordstrom.
And look at THIS one from Target. This one screams for Andi!
But let’s take a closer look.
Look! There’s the gold MK watch I’ve been drooling over!
I’m worried about it.
Here are some of my favorite Gold MK watches out right now.
My silver MK watch has bling on it, but I like the gold watches that are just plain and simple!
This one definitely has the biggest face, and that’s what I love about Andi’s.
Fantasy Suite Date #3: Nikki
Here’s the deal. I just don’t have it in me to talk about this date.
They ride a horse.
She wears a fringe bikini.
She tells him she loves him.
Here she is in her fringe bikini.
I wasn’t really sure about Nikki’s fringe bikini. She has a stellar body, but the bikini seemed a bit ill-fitting. I thought she might unintentionally pull a Janet Jackson.
I do like the fringe look, I just think something was a bit off.
Click HERE for fringe suit options from Nordstrom.
OKAY. ALL THE FANTASY SUITE DATES ARE COMPLETED.
WHEW.
Harrison sits down with Huhwhan and tries to get him to clarify himself.
He gets nowhere.
Thanks for trying though Chris. You really took one for the team.
(If we think it’s tough for us right now, just imagine how tough it is for Chris Harrison. Do you think his super obvious hatred for Huhwahn is why he’s been missing so much this season? Maybe he’s like, “Nope. Not filming with that dude again.”
(By the way, I thought of a lot more terms for Huhwahn than “dude”. But I like to try to maintain a certain amount of class on this blog :), so “dude” it is.)
Andi breaks it down for Huhwahn and tells him that after the fantasy suites she knows that she doesn’t love him currently and she knows she will never love him in the future.
Huhwahn says “okay”.
And this angers Andi.
She keeps trying to make him understand how she feels she’s been wronged.
And he’s all “okay”.
And she says all “STOP SAYING OKAY! THAT’S SO ANNOYING.”
And he says…yep, you guessed it….”okay”.
I am actually kind of on Huhwahn’s side on this one.
And that’s saying something because he makes my skin crawl.
Although I do agree with Andi when she says that “You don’t have to be an a%#hole to be honest.”
Do we agree thought that our friend Andi seemed a bit dramatic about the whole thing?
And that she kept going on and on and on.
I agree that Andi was wronged, but the main reasons she doesn’t like Huhwahn Pablo should have made her realize that THOSE EXACT REASONS are why he reacted like he did.
I was betting her to just say her peace and MOVE ON.
Here’s what she should have said:
Huhwahn. You suck.
You suck for so many reasons, so let me break it down for you:
you talk about yourself all the time
you never ask me about myself
you moan strangely
you touch my face way too much
you say “okay” all the time
And for all those reasons, and many more, I don’t like you.
I don’t expect you to understand, nor do I care if you understand, but I just wanted you to know that I think you suck. Good luck with the other girls.
Catch you later.
PEACE. OUT.
Wouldn’t that have been so much more effective?
Anyway, Andi left on her own accord.
GOOD FOR HER.
She has got to be seriously proud of herself after watching the rest of the season.
High five to you Andi!!!! 🙂
It’s like the ones that I featured from Nordstrom around Christmas.
I ended up not getting one for Christmas, and now I can’t get them out of my head again! They are mainly carried online, but if you are in the
area,they are exclusive to the the Northpark store.
sorts of exclusive. 😉
I like both the script and the
block version (I think what the initials are will
depend on what version is
better for you).
My favorite colors are the antique gold, blonde tortoise,
tiger’s eye, and hot pink.
I LOVE the necklaces and the bracelets (but
I’m not really a fan of the earrings).
Click HERE for the entire Moon and Lola collection.
You can also click HERE for silver and gold options from BaubleBar.
That’s it for The Fantasy Suite dates! WooHoo!!!!!!!!!
Mix and Match Mama says
Goodness, all I could think about was that gorgeous watch getting wet! Eeks! I don't even cook dinner in my watches for fear that they might get a little damp.
Marie Mendelsohn says
I was a little underwhelmed after all the build-up… They better have a fun girls tell-all for us, or I'm thinking I wasn't a lot of hours of my life on HUHWAHN PABLO. I wonder who the next Bachelorette will be??
Kelly says
Thanks for still doing the recaps even though Juan is by far the worst Bachelor ever. I was so doubtful when they picked someone who didn't even make it close to the final 4, and then more doubtful as soon as he started talking and we saw his intelligence. Or lack of… Anyways, Andi's conversation with him was my favorite Bachelor moment ever! She finally said what we have all been thinking the whole season! It was great to see a beautiful girl not just pretend to like him to stay on the show. I'm sure Andi will be the next Bachelorette and that's why they dragged out the scene so much…gotta get her as much screen time to promote her new season!
Marty says
All I can think of with this Bachelor season is "MAKE IT STOP!" Thank you for your hilarious re-caps, because I can't bear to watch it in real life. 🙂
Narci says
Oh gosh, what is she doing with that watch under the waterfall? It's all I can think about after reading this!! 😉
Tab & Erika says
Why was the bachelor on twice this week?? I'm so confused!!! Loved getting an extra recap tho! 🙂
Rebecca Jo says
I wish she would have done exactly like you said. Sitting there trying to talk to a blank wall does nothing but make you look sad for talking to a blank wall.
Kim says
I love all your recaps! You failed to mention one of the funniest moments when he was touching her eye and she told him not to do that,it would mess up her makeup!!! HAHA!! She was so over him by the time that comment was made..
Crystal @EatDrinkClev says
Omg Kim – you are so right! I almost spit out my tea when she did that!
Stacy P. says
Again, for those of us who have never ever watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette, THANK YOU for taking one for the team! I can enjoy the recap during my AM coffee and not worry about losing any brain cells. AND I'm loving the monogram necklaces…..
Raquel says
Seriously……I stopped watching the show after the first few episodes (so I could get the ladies down) and now I just come here because it is so much entertaining and only eats up a few minutes of my day BUT I do want to thank you for taking one for the team and enduring the pain…only. a. few. more. left…………You get better get hooked on another show because I totally want to follow your recaps! LOL!
Raquel
Tammy says
Love your recaps! Make me laugh every time.
Bethany Halpern says
I know one thing… If he doesn't choose Clare and she's the next bachelorette. I. Will. NOT. BE. WATCHING. That duck face as been way to much this season as it is. Thats all. 🙂
Laura Fuller says
This is the first episode I've watched all season and I fell asleep several times! In the middle of the afternoon. I said at the beginning of the season that I think JP is dirty. I was right! I felt like I needed to take a very hot shower after watching. I can't imagine how those poor, delusional girls feel…
Christy says
Clare's duck lips are on overdrive. She must have something wrong with her (obvious) dental veneers and just cant stand to feel her lips touching them. The lip is constantly out and making me crazy. I, too, can barely stand to listen to her, and the lip thing makes me unable to watch her, either.
Andi, Andi, Andi… I love her, but the arguing went on way too long. No doubt due to some intern earning his pay, but probably did little to entice men to be on the next installment of the bachelorette. I wanted her to end it with a little more class….sigh.
rmbmajor says
thank you, Clare's facial expressions are ridonkulous. And her hometown visit…can we say kookoocachoo family???
Melanie Lien says
Ok so this is the first season I have ever watched of the bachelor and I was reminded why I had never watched this show to begin with. It has been painful, but I am somehow hooked to see who he picks in the end. But after reading everyone's comments and thinking this really must not be how awful it is normally I may give it one more season. Juan is so awful! Oh and I guess my thought on Andi dragging it out is that he had met her family and were potentially getting engaged and her dumping him was just like him being "okay" I would have been ticked too! Anyways, I was proud of Andi! I was glad to see someone felt what we had all been feeling this season!
Slightly Askew Designs says
OMG – that pic with the watch… I died! Of COURSE you would notice the watch in the scene where 3/4 naked people are making out in a waterfall. Duh! 🙂
Ashley Elmore says
This is so funny! The only reason I am still watching this season is so I can get on your blog and read your re-cap and know what your talking about. The whole time I am watching I am just imagining what you will say lol. I totally agree about Nikki's bikini… it seems like it would have been cute if it would have fit correctly. Also I must say if I had been on the show I would have left on my own just based of the face touching…. it drives me insane! I'm not sure if he is trying too hard to seem sincere or if he has some kind of weird OCD with hair and faces and touching them… either way it seems as though he isn't listening to anything they say when he is doing that. Love your blog 🙂
Rachel @ front row seat says
Please tell me why we're still watching this!? I just can't make myself stop even though I 100% agree with your opinion of the "dude" this season.
And on an unrelated topic – I finally took the plunge and bought the blardigan. Can it please be mandated from most high that all clothing should be made from this material? I'm officially on the obsessed bandwagon!
klmoore23 says
Wow…what boredom until the drama with Andi and all I could think was "Praise the Lord!, someone finally verbalized what we've all known for weeks now!". I also think she did an excellent job of promoting herself to be the next bachelorette. Can't wait for the Woman Tell All-looks like Don Juan is finally going to get a piece of reality that the world doesn't revolve around him. And I'm sorry, can we talk about Nikki's outfit choice for her date? Those pants? Did I miss the memo that Plazo pants are back in style? Thanks for the great update.
Liz/happymommy says
I give you so much credit for coming back this week and blogging about yet another episode and I don't blame you one bit for falling asleep 13 times….it was painful and boring to watch! Huhwahn makes my skin crawl too but I do agree that Andi was just looking for a fight and she wasn't getting what she wanted from him and it was just pissing her right off. I mean did she expect him to say anything but ok and was she looking for him to beg her to stay….I was kind of lost on that whole thing. AND let me tell you if I was Andi and after all that he started picking at my eyebrow towards the end of the convo I would have smacked him…..what is his deal with the hair brushing and picking at their faces…..so creepy and annoying. Every time he pushed Nikki's hair behind her ears on this episode she would pull it back out, so funny! Can't wait for the WTA next week…it's gonna get all bat sh** crazy up in there!!!
Funny in My Mind says
I just feel like all that face touching causes bad skin and zits. Hands are germy and you DO NOT KNOW where JP's hands have been.
And the thought of that makes me twitchy.
Meg says
Sheaffer! I totally love you for your recaps! I have not watched ONE SECOND of this season because, he bugs the living daylights out of me; and has since he was on Des's season. I only know about everything that's happened, or lack there of from you!!!
April Parrish says
You've read my mind on all 3 fantasy suite dates!!!! I was seriously concerned about her watch!!! I would never do that!!!
Don't feel bad I also had a very hard time staying awake on round 2 this week.
Have a great day! 🙂
Tiffany Martha says
OH MY WORD….. I needed a good laugh today. Thank you SOOOOO much. Seriously…. laughing out loud again.
Kelly says
Sheaffer, I absolutely LOVE your Seinfeld reference to Clare's boobs being real and spectacular. Thank you for the much needed laughs. I am stoked for WTA next week, and can't wait to see what Kelly the dog lover has in store for us. Only two more weeks…we can do this!! Have a terrific day 🙂
Anonymous says
Okay..so am I the only one noticing the tent in Huhwan's blue swim shorts in the pic where they are taking off their clothes?????????????
{Hi Sugarplum!} says
How do we know for sure Claire's boobs are real?!? Just sayin?
Suzie says
I have a friend who has been watching this season and she sent me a text last night that said she had lost about 50% of her brain cells watching. I told her I didn't have those brain cells to spare.
BTW-I got my sister one of the Moon & Lola necklaces and she really liked it. They're weird at first because they are so light in weight, but they will be perfect for summer tees and dresses.
I also bought myself a blardigan that I wear whenever I am at home. I break out into a cold sweat when I have to take it off to wash it. I may have to get another one just to save myself from myself.
Hayley Chandler says
Your recaps are seriously the best!!! I look forward to them every week. I along with everyone else CAN"T WAIT for this season to be over!!!
Carly Lee (C. Style Blog) says
"Duck face" part, had me rolling. Thank you for a really great laugh today.
Jackie T. says
Yep, Nikki was one gallop away from a nip slip on that horseback ride! Does anyone even think there is a final rose this season?? It doesn't look like it! Great re-cap as always Scheaffer!
Heidi Gordon says
Literally laughed out loud at the Clare Pablo baby comment. Hilarious!
Heidi Gordon says
Literally just giggled out loud to myself as I read the Clare Pablo comment if they were to have a baby. Too funny!
char says
During Andie's tirade, all I could eventually see was the same smug face her dad had during the visit. She just wanted to go all lawyer on him, and break him down.. I really think both Andie and Sharleen would have stayed if Juan had fallen apart and begged them to stay. Instead ..he just said OK!
kristinwithani says
I think there were former women from this show all over the country cheering when Andi confronted JP. I've watched every season and I'm not proud to say that but that was one of the first real conversations I've ever seen on the show. I know it's edited to death but that was legit.
JP seems incredibly self-centered but so does Clare (editing?).
I really hope he doesn't end up with anyone. Not because I wish him bad things, but he just doesn't seem in a place to want or fit a wife in to his life.
I want Andi to be the next Bachelorette. I hope Renee finds some nice guy at home.
Oh, Niki's outfit. My word!?!??! The pants were cute but the top was a bra. Oy.
As for Andi's necklace, I think hers is actually real gold. When I got mine in the 80's those were about $50. Now, closer to $400. Whew.
I got a silver acrylic one from an eBay shop last summer and I love it. Fraction of the cost of what I've seen anywhere else (and I heard about his shop from a girl in a fancy schmancy monogram shop here in town who wouldn't let me buy the one they carry because they break)
Mary Louis Quinn says
As soon as Nikki came onscreen, my first thought was "Oh my gosh, that's awful! I can't wait to see what Sheaffer says." You were nicer than I would have been. 🙂 And poor Andi, like you said, I totally agreed with her, but she WOULD NOT LET IT GO! Kinda painful to watch.