Happy Wednesday, everybody! MY GOSH. This was a big week in Bachelor world. THE BIGGEST I’ve ever experienced. For real.
But first, are you new around here? Click HERE if you need to get caught up on all the shenanigans this season (you can scroll through all of the recaps)! If you aren’t caught up, there’s no doubt that the parents stole the show last week.
Hannah’s mom is pretty much my hero.
Before we officially start, I want to address the fact this week marks a historic moment. After 274 seasons with promises of “THE MOST DRAMATIC ________ EVER“, this week they are going to actually deliver. So buckle up, y’all. Things are about to get dramatic.
This week’s show opened up with Harrison and Colton having a little heart to heart (preteen style) about the fantasy suites. He explained to Harrison that he didn’t want to plan anything….HOWEVER…if he is in fact in love by the time the suites roll around, then he will in fact be okay with not being a virgin anymore. #please #forthelove #quitsayingvirgin
Oh, wait.
He then said he wanted to “make love”. #please #forthelove #dontsaythateither
My shoulders immediately went up by my ears, I turned my head away from the screen, and I winced.
I would like to throw it out there that Bachelor Nation is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more excited about the fence jumping than the love making. YES?
I mean I couldn’t care less about the love making. But I AM HERE for the fence jumping. With popcorn. And Junior Mints.
I do wish Colton would ditch the “making love” terminology and take direction from my high school Young Life leader who referred to the act as “The Big Wiggle“. It’s just easier on the ears.
FANTASY SUITS IN PORTUGAL
TAYSHIA’S FANTASY SUITE……OR NOT
Tayshia was up first. And she was looking super cute in her skinny jeans, blush cami, and moto jacket! Although she couldn’t be bothered to put her arms actually inside of her jacket. which drives me crazy. #soblogger
Click HERE for a similar moto jacket that is on sale and now UNDER $55. Click HERE for a similar blush cami.
Coltn’s silky fringe scarf was a firm NO SIR from me.
They hopped in a helicopter (because it’s Tayshia, and they have to go air born) and Colton said “I think it’s safe to say that I am falling in love with Tayshia.”
The first virgin joke of the night happened in the helicopter. While engaging in a conversation about Portugal’s exports, Colton claimed that “extra virgin olive oil” was at the top of the list. Which wasn’t funny at all. But Tayshia saved the day with a snappy little response of “just how I like ’em.” #extravirgin Which actually was funny. Go, Tayshia.
They sipped champagne, made some toasts, and engaged in some general talk about fantasy suites. And he made a 2nd joke about his virgin status. Which wasn’t funny.
Colton toasted, “To sitting at the edge of the world, with a beautiful woman, who I’m falling in love with.”
And then he made yet another “joke” about his virginity. It wasn’t funny either. He said “I’m not flexible…probably because I’m a virgin.” HUH? It wasn’t funny, and it didn’t even make sense.
That night, Tayshia threw her jacket over her shoulders again, and Colton casually threw on yet another scarf. With fringe.
Tayshia admitted to the cameras that she was in fact in love with Colton.
They sat down to dinner, and Colton was “worried” that one of her boobs was just going to fall out. She assured him that they were taped in and the tape was going to keep them in. And he was like, “Well, it’s not.”
AND THEN SHE HAD A NIP SLIP.
And WITH GLEE he was like “Yeah, I saw that one.”
That’s what they call foreplay, y’all.
Tayshia shared with Colton that her ex-husband had cheated on her, and Colton promised that if they ended up together in the end, he would never do such a thing to her. I mean, not counting Cassie and Hannah, of course. She accepted the fantasy suite card, but I was LEGIT CONFUSED with the background music they were playing.
Really. WHAT WAS THAT MUSIC? What exactly was the mood they were trying to set? It sounded like a Disney film and they were underscoring going on some type of jungle adventure or something.
We got a quick little tour of the suite which included a drawn bath (ew), some chairs “to drink coffee in the morning”, and what looked like a full size bed.
They fed each other some dessert, and then while doing a voice over about how there’s all this pressure that men put on themselves to perform in the bedroom, this happened. Bachelor editors really should win an Emmy or something. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
The next morning, the two were cozied up in bed, but our girl Tayshia looked sheepish. And maybe a little annoyed?
She classified the fantasy suite as…and I quote… “interesting”.
INTERESTING?
Yikes.
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
I MEAN, I DON’T WANT DETAILS, BUT I’M GONNA NEED DETAILS.
And then she told the cameras that they did NOT have have the physical intimacy that she had hoped they would have, but she did feel like she got to know the real Colton.
Colton told the cameras that he is is falling in love with Tayshia, but he’s not in love quite yet. And then they said their good-byes. For now, anyway.
CASSIE’S FANTASY SUITE…OR NOT
It was time for Cassie! We went from a nip slip with Tayshia to a turtleneck layered under a grandpa cardigan with Cassie. I was confused. I had outfit whiplash.
I mean, if outfits could talk.
Tayshia’s outfit said “Go ahead and just give me your virginity“. And Cassie’s outfit said, “You can keep it. I don’t want it.” That’s what they call foreshadowing, y’all.
They took off in a convertible (EYES ON THE ROAD, PAL) and then toured Portugal for a bit.
They made out. And he grabbed her hiney. #becausehealwaysgrabsCassieshiney
And then they made out in an alley. I was like PUSH HER UP AGAINST THE WALL, DUDE! There’s a huge wall right behind you! Take advantage of the scenery!
And he came thru for all of us with a nod to Arie.
They did the polka with some locals. #becausewheninromepolandportugal
They sat on a rooftop and talked, and Colton shared with her that even though he asked for her dad’s blessing, he did NOT receive it.
And this was Cassie.
Cassie was SHOOK. I mean, you could tell right then and there that she was probably OUT. She scolded him for not telling her during the hometown date,and you could tell she was realllllllllllllly upset. She was obviously very (some might say OVERLY) concerned about her dad’s feelings on the topic.
They cut to commercial, BUT Y’ALL ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE WHO SHOWED UP IN PORTUGAL after the commercial break.
WAIT FOR IT….Cassie’s dad.
And is it just me, or does he give off Footloose dad vibes? But instead of telling his community and church to NOT DANCE…He’s just going to tell his daughter to NOT MARRY.
Cassie didn’t know at first why he was there, but she was PUMPED to see him.
They sat down on the couch together, and Dad started to share his fears about the fact that he wasn’t sure if Cassie was ready. He said, “Do you love him?”
She said…………pause pause pause……….. “I think I do.” ……….pause pause pause……………… “Yeah.”
Her response was lukewarm at best.
She was 0% convincing.
Cassie shared that she needed more time, and how she has always loved hearing that her mom and her dad never had doubts about each other. She explained that she didn’t want to have doubts either, but she didn’t know if that would ever happen for her and she just didn’t know yet with Colton.
Dad said, “If you knew, you would know”.
Which I agree with TO A POINT. I mean, if you’ve been with a guy for 2 years and you still don’t know, I think THAT YOU ACTUALLY DO KNOW. You know?
HOWEVER.
These two have barely known each other for just a couple of months, so it’s totally okay for her not to be sure yet! Don’t y’all agree? I appreciate that her dad was trying to protect his baby girl from making a decision she would regret…but it seemed like she let him make the decision for her. #notcool
That night, as she was getting ready for the evening portion of their date, she said she had more clarity after talking to her dad, and she knew what she had to do. She said, and I quote, “I have to send myself home tonight“.
At the same moment, Colton was back in his fantasy suite, lighting candles and fantasizing about wiggling. And then he put the scarf on y’all.
OMG.
I would recognize that jaunty red scarf anywhere. I mean, we’d seen it approximately 83 times over the last 8 weeks.
It was then that we all knew beyond a shadow of doubt that he was about jump over the fence. Because he was wearing his fence jump uniform.
When Cassie showed up that night, she showed up with a big smile (which confused me), but it didn’t last for long. Neither did Colton’s big toothy grin.
She shared that her dad had flown to Portugal, and then she started going on and on about how her parents never had questions about each other. And then she dropped the bomb and said to Colton “You know, after today, I feel like I’m not in love.” Colton was stunned.
She got up and walked off. She was crying to producers, saying that she was confused and didn’t know what to say.
AND Y’ALL. THEY CUT TO COMMERCIAL.
And that’s when I realized it was 8:33. How in the world were they going to fit in a fence jump, a missing person, AND Hannah’s date in the next 27 minutes?
Colton walked over to her and very sweetly said “Come here.” He held her and kissed her head as she told him that she didn’t want to be confused, but she was.
And then Colton said ALL THE RIGHT THINGS.
He said “I’m telling you, I’m okay with being patient.”
She kept on saying “I don’t know.”
He said “I don’t want to lose you…. It’s not easy going on dates with other women, when all I do is think about you…..The last thing I’m going to do is walk away from this relationship.”
He repeatedly let her know that he felt “It’s okay not to know“.
Cassie said, “I don’t know if it IS okay not to know“.
I really liked how Colton was handling this mess. He kept saying “It’s okay to take your time.” It was a very mature perspective, and he was treating Cassie with love and respect.
And I happened to agree with him! It was okay for her to not know!
He went on to say “There is NO PRESSURE. I care for you, I love you, and I want it to be you at the end of this. Engagement or not.”
Cassie said, “How do you say this with two other girls here”?
We’d all like to know that.
He responded with, “I feel that strongly about you. I LOVE YOU“.
WOW.
I felt like Colton’s mama’s heart and my mama heart were both breaking for him.
And it was obvious that he loved her enough to break all sorts of Bachelor “rules”. I mean, he was not only telling her he loved her, he was also admitting that he didn’t love the other 2.
Another commercial.
It was 8:44. #ticktock #ticktock
Back from break, Colton said, “I don’t care if you’re about to leave. I’m not going to stop fighting for you.”
Y’all! I can’t!
But Cassie responded with “Staying here would be the wrong decision for me“.
So that was it. At this point, I realized that Cassie probably wasn’t confused. If she was truly confused, I think she would have taken the opportunity to stick it out and see. I think she KNEW she didn’t love him, and she was just acting confused because that was easier to tell Colton.
They hugged and Colton said, “I want so much what’s best for you“.
Cassie responded with “I want what’s best for you too. I want you to be so happy. I want you to be with someone that’s insanely in love with you“.
And she explained that she just couldn’t stay there without knowing, that she couldn’t do that to him.
And he explained to her once again that he wasn’t expecting her to know then.
They had one last kiss.
And then she said “I’m gonna go.”
Which she followed with a super whiny, “Are you mad at me?”
UGH. CASSIE! QUIT BEING TWELVE!
At that point, I was over Cassie.
Colton headed back to his room, and behind closed doors we heard him say “I’m effing done with this“.
He walked angrily down the stairs. He shoved a camera. He threw off his mic pack. You heard producers buzzing around in the background. And then Harrison showed up, visibly worried.
AND THEN THIS HAPPENED.
THE FENCE JUMP SEEN ROUND THE WORLD.
Colton turned into some sort of fence jumping ninja, jumped what had to be at least 8 feet in the air, and EFFORTLESSLY scaled the fence. In a single bound, y’all. It was what we had all been all been waiting for. And dare I say, it was worth the wait.
(Sidenote: During the Olympics one year, my friend Erika and I talked about how funny it would be if regular people tried to compete in the Olympic events. Like if a regular ol’ person off the streets tried to compete in the downhill slalom. Or the luge. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? Hahaha! Similarly, Erika and I would like to see regular people try to scale this wall. We decided we would catch like 6 inches of air before slamming into said wall.)
In utter disbelief AND AWE, Harrison said “He just jumped the f***ing fence“. My heart was breaking for Colton, but watching Harrison in that moment made me smile. He was astounded. And impressed. And it was funny.
Harrison knew he had to go find Colton, and he calmly asked “Is there a button that opens the gate“? I laughed out loud that it was a fully operational gate, but the impact wouldn’t have been nearly so jaw dropping if Colton would have just pressed a button to open the gate and then stood back as it took a solid 20 seconds to slowly swing open.
They found the button, and the gate finally had enough of a crack for ABC and the rest of America to slip right on through it. After getting to the other side, Harrison and the producers were calling Colton LIKE A DOG. Colton was not responding.
And then Harrison took off running.
Like in his cardi and his wing tips. Running. I’ve never found him more alluring.
They kept calling, running, and looking. But Colton was nowhere to be found.
I started wondering at what point they were going to issue an Amber Alert.
AND THEN WE GOT THIS…
BREATHE, Y’ALL.
We have to remember to breathe.
So my question is this:
HOW IN THE WORLD DO WE RECOVER FROM THIS?
I mean, we still have 6 more hours of t.v. time to fill!!!!!!!!!
Does Colton just head to an overnight date with Hannah as if nothing has happened? AS IF HE DIDN’T JUST SCALE A WALL?
Do the remaining girls still meet Colton’s family?
I was reeling.
I’ve even entertained the possibility that Cassie will return.
I just don’t understand how we are going to proceed, but I’ll tell you this..I CANNOT WAIT TO PRESS ON AND SEE WHAT THE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
WELL DONE, ABC. WELL DONE. You spent the last 274 seasons building up moments that didn’t deliver. You have conditioned me (and dare I say, America) to think that although you are claiming it’s going to be THE MOST DRAMATIC WHATEVER, it is in fact NOT going to be dramatic at all (I’m looking at you bloody guy who fell out of the bunk bed).
But here. Today. March 3rd. MARK IT DOWN, Y’ALL.
You gave us DRAMA.
REAL. LIVE. CRAZY. DRAMA.
And I would like to put it out there that it was in fact MORE dramatic because we really didn’t believe that it was going to be dramatic.
SERIOUSLY WELL PLAYED.
Sound off in the comments! Leave your thoughts! How in the world do y’all think the remaining 6 HOURS OF T.V. are going to play out!?!
************************************************************
Before you go, two things!
1) If you only read here on Bachelor days, I want to make sure that you didn’t miss my post on neutral sandals! Click HERE if you want to read the post and see why I think neutral sandals are a necessity.
- cork slide sandal / 2. bow flip flop / 3. almond patent slide sandal / 4. rose gold havianas / 5. wedge sneakers / 6. ankle strap blush wedges / 7. blingy slide sandals / 8. crystal slides / 9. studded gold slides/ 10. espadrille wedges / 11. braided slide sandal / 12. raffia slide sandal / 13. peep toe wedges / 14. metallic sporty sandal / 15. snakeskin espadrille wedge / 16. perforated wedge sandal
2) One of my favorite dresses ever has been restocked (in a different color) AND IT’S ON SALE!
I. LOVE. THIS. DRESS.
It’s a beautiful color, it doesn’t wrinkle at all, and it’s crazy comfy.
It can easily be dressed up or down, and it will work for for so many different types of occasions.
AND GET THIS. IT’S ONLY $79!!!
I would say this dress definitely runs large. I often size up to a medium in dresses, so that’s what I ordered, but the medium swallowed me. The small was a much better fit, so I would suggest sizing down from your normal dress size.
dress / earrings / necklace / taupe block heel option
See y’all back here tomorrow…..maybe. I can’t decide if I’m going to recap The Women Tell All or not. I watched like 30 minutes of it last night, but there was just a mind-numbing amount of screaming, and I just don’t know if I have it in me. My recap thus far would be 3 words: PEOPLE. ARE. CRAZY.
The End.
Shay Shull says
I have too many thoughts to make an articulate comment. I’ve discussed this with Erika…you and I must chat about this today. Too many thoughts.
Deanna says
My heart LITERALLY broke for Colton. That guy is in love. He broke every rule basically admitting that he was 100% in love with her and going through the motions with the other two at this point. I mean….I’m guessing there’s a chance that’s been said in the past (not to this degree though) with one or two of the couples and they just didn’t air it bc the bachelor or bachelorette agreed to play the game and finish out with the final rose ceremony etc, but I don’t think they had an option but to air that here since I’m pretty sure he’s not going to resume regularly scheduled programming after that. I agree – they actually delivered on the “most dramatic night ever” for sure! By the way….Jojo admitted on a video series she’s doing with Jordan on their Instagram channel that SHE was pretty much only thinking about Jordan at the end while on dates with other guys! So I KNOW there are bachelor/bachelorettes who have their mind and hearts made up well before the end!
Narci says
I mean. Just the most dramatic episode ever! I seriously can’t wait until next week to see the rest play out! Your recap was perfection!!
Holly says
Girl! You nailed every single thought I had! I was a little annoyed at the dad because he was basically saying if it’s not love at first sight, it’s never going to be love. She puts so much weight in what her family thing is that she let it away her and shut down anything she had with Colton. The “are you mad st me?” comment was just embarrassing. Ugh.
Gina says
Did you notice Cassie’s dad had the same shirt on as in hometown? I believe Cassie will return. If Colton does go thru with fantasy suite date with Hannah and then proposes at the end, can you imagine what Tayshia and Hannah will feel when they watch this? I don’t believe the engagement will last very long.
Erika Slaughter says
Best. Episode. Ever!!!!! I don’t k ow where we go from here but you better believe I’ll be watching!
Aislin Reddin says
It was crazy! My heart was breaking for Colton, I was stressed just watching it. The fence scene lived up to the hype though! I watched the Women Tell All last night while reading a book. I have 3 kids. I don’t need to be subjected to more yelling in my life than I already have to deal with. Love your recaps on my Wednesday mornings with a big coffee!
Leah Garry says
I know its reality TV so when signing up you agree to whatever including some parts being mildly scripted but I think that was wrong of production to fly Cassie’s dad in and blindside Colton. They did all of that intentionally knowing what the outcome would be. Cassie clearly shared her heavy doubts prior and the show knew flying her dad there would be good for cameras. They knew it would hurt Colton and create the raw footage we saw. Made me so sad watching him shake uncontrollably. He loves her.
Sheaffer says
Agreed! ABC betrayed Colton. 🙁
Kerry says
Agree ? My heart just broke for him.
Paul says
Colton ignored the warnings that Cassie wasn’t serious.
He overlooked the fact that she lied about making comments two women attributed to her, two eyewitnesses that Colton had said he believed.
Colton gave up his previously stated position that he would need a father’s blessing when he told Cassie the lack of her dad’s blessing made no difference..
Finally, he agreed not to be engaged at the end of the show, despite his repeatedly stated goal to end up engaged.
In sum, Colton put himself in that bad place by repeatedly compromising his values to keep Cassue around. Serves him right.
Lia says
Love is blind!!
Allison says
I completely agree with this comment! I feel like the shove of the camera and the infamous fence jump were mostly due to him feeling betrayed by the producers. That they knew just how much he loved Cassie and they knew all along she wasn’t feeling it and planned to leave. He just had to get out of there. You could even see the daggers he was throwing the producers way as she was talking to him. Poor thing! Love your recaps!!
Calypso in the Country says
This was one of your best recaps….I am literally laughing out loud as I sip my tea this morning. My favorite line might be – “(I’m looking at you bloody guy who fell out of the bunk bed).”…LOL. Anyway, yes, ABC did deliver! I have no idea how they will fill the rest of the episodes but this should be interesting. I was truly heartbroken for Colton and I hope he ends up happy in the end. Also, I think fence jumping should be the new YouTube trend. Forget those stupid Tide Pod challenges…Let’s start the fence jumping challenge!
Cheers to the most dramatic episode ever!
Shelley
Carol says
He either ends up with Cassie or ends up alone. Hannah and (my favorite) Tayshia are ******wait for it******second hand roses right now!
Poor Colton.
Kathryn Taylor says
Completely agree with Carol!
Paul says
Either Hannah or Tayisha would be a distant second choice. Would either be happy knowing that?
Jo Biddick says
Thank you so much for your Bachelor recaps each week!
We haven’t had this season of The Bachelor air here in Australia which is a total bummer as I was sooo looking forward to seeing Colton fall in love. Due to your wonderfully descriptive and often hilarious recaps I can honestly say that I don’t feel like I’ve missed out at all!!
Paige E says
There is NO way I would like watching this show as much as I love these recaps! GREAT recap, Sheaffer!
Becky Keyser says
Hilarious!!! “If outfits could talk” I thought the same thing about the turtleneck and cardigan. And his scarves. I read somewhere that if Colton keeps wearing those scarves he will never lose his virginity. 🙂 Thanks for the laughs. You are awesome!!!
Jane Daniel says
I’m kind of sad for the remaining girls, but I knew from the first one on one date with Cassie that she was going to be the one for Colton. I don’t think there will be anymore dates – he wants Cassie. Flying Cassie’s dad to Portugal was just wrong. My guess is that he is going to try to pursue a relationship with her when the show ends. At this point it would be “weird” for him to have any more dates or have the other girls meet his parents:/
Kendra says
Your description of Harrison in his wingtips ? spot.on. the entire recap. I guffawed in the most unattractive way, as if a guffaw is attractive?! Your recaps make my day, today’s made my week/month/year. I’ve been over Cassie officially since her hometown. And the “are you mad at me?” Yuck!
Lanna says
Please someone explain to me how Cassie Dad magically appeared Almost like Portugal is only and hour plane ride. ???
I have to say Tayshia Ana Hannah would see this and not be with him. I think he breaks it off with the other two.
Does Cassie come back- I hope not. She needs to grow up !
Wow. Best and craziest night Harrison was also fun to watch !
Therese says
I’ll just say when I saw Colton walk out in that first fringy scarf I said to myself “I can’t wait to see what Sheaffer says about that!” I went to bed before the real drama started but that scarf was a big fat NO!
GinaZ says
I cannot even tell you how many times we paused the show to analyze what was happening!! Here are my thoughts:
Cassie comes back and/or she never left and he goes and finds her and she changes her mind or realizes she actually does love him or SOMETHING. There is no way he picks either of the other girls after that- let alone goes on a date with Hannah G. The show is over. Like, it’s not over- but it’s over, ya know?
I listen to a few podcasts and on one of them, they were talking about the fact that as soon as Cassie said her dad had flown in, you can see Colton glance at the producers… like in a “are you joking!? why would you do that to me?” kind of way. That was very not cool. Sometimes ABC is great and something they’re the worst.
I think Cassie likes him a lot but just convinced herself that wasn’t enough and that’s where the confusion came in. I think she felt pressure to be MADLY in love with him and wasn’t THERE yet so she freaked out- and her dad did not help. Yes, when “you know you know” but that’s not saying you have to know immediately. Maybe she could know in 2 more months. Maybe they’re together right now and she knows now. The premise of the show is for sure for 2 people to get engaged at the end, but it shouldn’t be the ONLY way to end things…. let’s not forget Brad Womack- who legit chose NO ONE his first season, breaking all kiiinds of Bachelor rules- or Juan Pablo (who was terrible in most regards) who did not propose at the end.
I mean, there are ways to end the show that aren’t with a Neil Lane ring…. which is for sure what Colton was trying to tell her! My heart broke for him too.
In other news- Sheaffer- I’d love you hear your thoughts on who should be Bachelorette? There is a LOT of speculation that its’ going to be Hannah B. After WTA last night I like her a little more, but I’m still not sure how I feel about her as the lead.
Thanks again for the great recaps! My favorite part about my Wednesday mornings for sure!
Heidi says
So confused. I can’t see any way that Colton ends up engaged at this point. I wasn’t a huge Colton fan but I really do feel bad for him right now. To keep up the most dramatic season ever I’m hoping that he calls out the people who let Cassies Dad come ruin everything. And I hope he finds Cassie at home to follow through on his promise that her leaving won’t stop him from trying.
Melissa says
I completely agree! I wasn’t at all excited when they chose Colton. After everything with Becca and Tia and then going on Paradise, it just always seemed to me like he was looking for fame, not love. I really felt bad for him on Monday and believe he really fell for Cassie. It definitely made him more likable and believable.
Kara says
1) I watched the fence jump scene 3 times-awesome! Thank you Bachelor for finally living up to the hype. Chris Harrison’s statement (and expression) when he was following Colton-classic. Thanks for pointing out they were calling him like a dog. I even heard them whistle at point.
2) I think Cassie will come back. The preview show him with a ring and he is going to be in the doghouse with America if he picks one of the other girls.
Tracy says
Once again you nailed it! Your recaps are a highlight of my week!! Thank you so much for taking the time to write them. I feel like he still ends up with Cassie…somehow. No way he proceeds with an overnight with Hannah.
Leah R says
Girl! You nailed it! I am just confused by how Cassie was upset when Kirpa asked her if she was ready for marriage to only say a few weeks later “I am not ready for marriage.” She told Colton that she was only there because it was him….HMMMM. Someone was auditioning to be the next bachelorette!
I watched Women Tell All last night and it was dare i say “telling…”
All I have to say is, Cassie and Caelynn may be snakes in the grass and we all should have listened to Kirpa and Tayshia a weeks ago!!
My heart is breaking for Colton though!
Christen says
Oh my gosh, agree with you and all the comments above. My heart just broke for Colton. And my three year old son is named Colton so it was just too real and so sad to me!! I also think it was unfair of the Dad to be flown in, at some point you just have to trust your children and know that you’ve raised them to make the right decisions. Funny thing – I haven’t watched until last night because your recaps are the best!
Jamie says
As soon as I watched, I couldn’t wait to read your commentary, and you sure delivered! It truly was THE most dramatic episode. My jaw was on the floor. I couldn’t believe how childish Cassie was, and felt so terrible for Colton. He was so brave and really put his heart out there. I really thought he handled the situation well. And that jump! Very impressive.
Addison says
Your recaps are always spot on and hilarious, Sheaffer! I truly look forward to them every week. That confused look on Ashley I’s face will always make me crack up! So excited for next week’s episodes 🙂
Molly says
So many thoughts!
1. Poor Colton . . .you shouldn’t have to convince someone to stay and fall in love with you!
2. He probably dodged a bullet, if I’m being honest. Cassie seems a little TOO much like a Daddy’s girl to me!
3. It seems he’s screwed no matter what now. If Cassie comes back, he’s signing up for a life time of playing second fiddle to daddy. If she doesn’t come back, Tayshia and Hannah G aren’t going to be too happy when they see this episode!
Also, I wish they’d drag it out and just do one show per week! Two days in a row, two weeks in a row is too much of a commitment!
Beth Cook says
Love your recaps and look forward to reading them each week! Colton isn’t my favorite, but I felt so bad for him. He was such a gentleman during Cassie’s ramblings and I was really done in when he started to shake. I hope at the end of all this he is happy!
Valerie says
Oh my word!!!! This episode and your re-cap ROCKED!
I have to agree with GinaZ on all points, especially the part about her Dad basically causing this crap storm by putting the notion (or reaffirming the notion they instilled in their girls?) that you have to be in love from the moment you meet someone to know if you should marry them. So wrong. That isn’t real life or at least it’s truly very rare.
Also, I agree with you Sheaffer that Colton said and meant everything right about being patient. The guy is in love.
One more thing; Colton’s wardrobe overall was so sad so far in Portugal. Not just the scarves, but his shirts he wore for the casual dates. There was so much going on with the weird patterns. I wonder if he dresses himself or if he has a wardrobe assistant?. It’s sad either way.
Kalynn says
I’m assuming next week he says goodbye to the other girls and flies to see Cassie to convince her to try dating. I heard him say on a podcast that he didn’t know if he would get the “happy couple” weekends and maybe that’s because he didn’t follow protocol. I feel bad for him because she clearly doesn’t really seem into it and he’s head over heals and blinded by it. I was so annoyed with Cassie telling him she “loved him so, so much” but that she also didn’t know if she could get there with him. Make up your mind! My friend told me Cassie has a YouTube show that’s kind of like The Hills. I think she came on for the instagram deals and got in too deep!
Caroline Klobas says
I don’t even watch “The Bachelor” but I LIVE for your Bachelor episode recap posts. I legit squealed this morning when I realized today’s post would be about the fence jump. I honestly may watch the rest of the season now.
Kim says
Ok, I have to add something to your thoughts on Cassie’s dad’s advice. I totally agree that you do NOT have to “know” after a few dates. However, because of this situation she was potentially days away from an engagement, and I’d say at that point you should know! So the real issue is the unrealistic timeline of this show. Of course she is normal to not be sure at this point–but she was also about to get engaged! So I see it as her dad saying those things in relation to the idea of her getting engaged so soon.
Phyllis says
I love your recaps! I am cracking up and I don’t watch the bachelor but you making it so funny!!!
Amy says
Great recap again….poor Colton!!! I too found it hysterical when Harrison asked if they could open the gate and he stood and waited until he could fit through. I have no idea how the show can possibly continue when he professed his love for Cassie….Ben Higgins I’m looking at you smh. It can’t be good but yet I can’t wait to watch.
Beth K says
I was cringing as I was watching-thinking if Cassie doesn’t come back I can’t even imagine how whomever he’s with now would respond to seeing this episode!! Cassie’s family frustrates me because at one point they tell her to slow down and not rush things and the next moment they say she should know if she’s in love or not! Which is it?! Slow down or know instantly?! This was the best season ever!!
Shell says
This same thing happened with Des!! She was in love with Brooks and he left and she told him she was in love and then she picked the other guy and now they are married with a kid! I feel like it comes off different with a male bachelor for some reason, though.
Tonya says
Are we the only two that remember Des and Brooks? Very similar situation. Des came back the next episode, picked Chris and got got engaged. They just had their second baby and seem very happy.
Nicole says
First of all, I just love your recaps!! Especially when you use that Ashley I. picture! Lol!! Please never stop using that! I think Cassie was never ever there for the “right reasons”. I think she did this for fun and games and then made a best friend in Caelynn, and then was even less interested in the actual finding love part of the show when Caelynn was sent home. I think it was so insensitive of her to carry through the way she did and then to go into the night with Colton so light hearted and then be surprised when he started getting deep and real. Like she was just going to chit chat first and then drop this bomb on him? I think it shows a lack of maturity for sure but I just think it was sooo insensitive! Even if she didn’t have strong feelings for him, to get to this point in the show she had to care for him a little at least and the way she carried herself and the way she handled the conversation was horrible. I do think Caelynn was more invested than Cassie for sure but I think the girls were all right about both of them. I just don’t know where we go from here with the show?! I’m dying for next weeks episode!!!
Jennifer says
This episode was hard to watch and I felt awful for poor Colton, but it was also surprisingly refreshing to me!
I found everyone’s feelings to be somewhat normal for once! Let me explain
– Dad’s advice was that if she was about to get engaged, she should know without a doubt that she wanted to spend forever with him- i found his advice very reasonable
-Cassie was freaking out b/c she knew that in terms of the bachelor- everyone else by now is all “i love him so much. I can’t live without him! I want to get engaged!” and she just wasn’t there yet… also NORMAL.
-Colton knew he liked/loved Cassie and not the other two. He just wanted to be with her- show or no show, ring or no ring. SWEET AND NORMAL.
I really have a feeling they will make amends and be together- they were just too normal and honest with themselves for the foolishness of “the bachelor.”
GinaZ says
Yes- I completely agree! Every season it drives me nuts when people are beating themselves up for not being head over heels after 6 minutes of knowing someone.
Kelly says
Why did Cassie show up in full makeup and shimmery dress if she was only there to announce she was leaving? That baffled me. Skip the makeup and wear sweats, doll. Let him know what he’s in for from the get-go.
April says
You just said everything I was thinking and wanted you to say. Your best recap yet! Love it!
TerriE says
I’ve never watched an episode before, and I only watched this one because a house guest here for the week is a faithful viewer. But I gotta say–Cassie’s silver dress was the real star of the show, right up there with the fence scaling. How did it not slip off of her shoulders??? Tape? How would that have worked in the fantasy suite? Ummm, hold on while I untape myself. . ..
And amen to “eyes on the road.” I was saying the same thing to the TV. Drives me nuts when people do that on TV.
Deb Nichols says
Great recap! I was never a Colton fan, but he’s a nice guy and my heart was breaking for him. The fence jump was awesome! I did laugh really hard when they were whistling for Colton after his leap of dispair.
My prediction is he and Cassie get back together without an engagement. Colton and Dad will have a heart to heart and he will give his “blessing”. Lots of drama when he tells the other 2 women.
Nicola says
Can we please discuss Colton’s weird pink sweatshirt after his night with Tayshia?
Christine says
I think he’s better off without Cassie. He should leave with no one and realize the premis is ridiculous. Although, I’m sure that won’t happen. Sheaffer, even if you don’t recap WTA, please at least tell us your thoughts on the girls!
Paul says
I agree he is better off. Cassie wasn’t serious, as several other girls warned him. He wasn’t thinking .
Jenn says
So… I am thinking that behind the door he is knocking on in the previews for next week is… Cassie’s dad!!! And he’s going to try to convince Cassie’s dad of his love for his daughter.
And i do think he will continue… Hannah is all ready in her red dress for fantasy suites and the previews showing her wandering aimlessly in the evening. So he must try to forge ahead like a good soldier for ABC.
Either way, it will make for an interesting ending!
Lauren Boswell says
I heard that Chris Harrison attempted his own fence jump, praying those get picked up for a blooper real. Can you make this happen?
Lynn Duncan says
It is reasonable to have concerns, given the format and timeframe of the show.
The format and timeframe make it unreasonable for most of them, unless they are there to audition for BIP or Bachelorette or another show.
Paul says
Do you think Cassie will be the next Bachelorette?
Lynn Duncan says
Hmm, I don’t know anything, but wonder if Hannah G might be the next..
Nicole says
I LOVED Tayshia’s blush cami, and was going to start looking for a similar one but thought I’d come back to your blog on Wednesday to see if you had a link, and of course, you came through ? Thanks, Schaeffer!
Tippy says
I don’t watch The Bachelor, have never gotten the point of it. But I LOVE reading your Bachelor recaps. Sorry, but I don’t get how or why any woman would want to be in a relationship with a guy who’s dating 2 other women and potentially sleeping with them. That’s just gross to me.
Kathleen Cervenka says
I don’t watch The Bachelor anymore, but I still read your recaps! Now, I want to watch!!! I need to get in on this drama! Thanks for the hilarity!
Val says
I just kept thinking about Hannah G sitting quietly in her hotel room waiting for HER date while all of this was happening…..
Amy says
Is it just me, or is anyone else thinking about the fact that Colton has been saying ALL season that “My greatest fear is getting to the end of this and having someone not be ready”. (Way to foreshadow, ABC!) And all the girls EXCEPT Cassie have been saying… “I love Colton and am totally ready to be a wife and mother”. But, Cassie has been wishy washy the whole time. And he is still choosing Cassie!
I’m a little bit like… Colton.. if you want someone who is ready you need to actually LISTEN to her words and believe her. Part of me wonders if he likes Cassie the most because she is the most hard to get?
They both just seem super young and immature to me now.
Amanda says
This season just seems so set up to me. All seasons are scripted but this one seems over the top. So are we supposed to tune into the next season of Cassie’s reality show “Young Once” to find out what happens after the finale??!! Maybe I’m getting old but the kids they pick get worse every year and seems like they just want to be Instagram stars and sell sugarbear hair gummies, tummytime tea and fabfitfun boxes!
Cathy Doescher says
Hahahaha!!! I can’t stop laughing! I watch the show, but I’m serious, the best part is reading your blog!
Kristine says
Your recaps are the highlight of my week! I love all the side comments and observations. This episode was just so messed up. When he was saying the right things I was rooting for them but after seeing her response I feel
so bad cause I don’t like her anymore but it will take time for him to get over her.
Marie says
But why was Cassie sporting such a sassy dress to break his heart! It screamed, “Grab my hiney” not “I’m dumping you!”
Scarlett S says
I’ve never actually felt real human emotion for anyone on this show before… until this! My heart hurt so bad for Colton! I didn’t even like him until I saw his heart get stomped on! I don’t think Cassie was ever confused or wanting to stay… she just tried to ease into the breakup by saying she was confused, so his perfect response didn’t even matter to her. 🙁 At this point I’m one of those a-holes who thinks she was just on the show for insta-fame and was hoping to stay long enough to be the next bachelorette.
Dee says
No has mentioned the location. That region of Portugal is so beautiful. I walked those cliffs shortly before the filming. The dance is called “fado”. The light house is at Cabo sao Vincent aka “the end of the world”. It’s the most south western point of mainland Europe. Common folk aren’t allowed in the lighthouse. They must have paid well for the privilege. I’d like to know the jeans she wore on the date. She was able to climb all over Colton without splitting a seam. I also agree with a previous post about the two consecutive days. Too much time. Love your recaps.
Ricki says
I love how Chris kept referring to the ‘‘Portuguese Countryside’! If you want more good laughs you have to check out this hilarious Bachelor Coloring Book! I won it at a viewing party. Classic! http://etsy.me/2CSvHU
Tracy says
I don’t even watch The Bachelor. I just come for your recaps!! You are hilarious!
Chastity says
So I have never watched a single
episode of The Bachelor. Ever. I love your fashion blog and I saw something mentioned about a recap and started reading this by chance. You are SO entertaining that I think I would rather read this than watch the show itself. ?
Brittany says
I agree that the show just can’t go on with Colton proposing to either Hannah or Tayshia. Even though I really like Tayshia and think she’s the best one for him and best fits what he SAYS he wants, the heart wants what it wants. It was painfully obvious from the deserted island date with Cassie that he was ENAMORED with her – he is way more affectionate with her than any of the other girls. I think he calls the whole show off and chases Cassie. And my money’s on Caelynn for the next Bachelorette.
Mary says
♥️Your recaps!
1. I wondered if Dad showed up to give his approval…. If, Cassie had shown her definite desire to be with C?
2. The more C told Cassie he loved her, the more I felt her shirk away.
3. Their non conversations…. C – “today was great” Cassie – “today was really great” drove me ? but I do think their chemistry was ?
Just adding a few thoughts! No clue on ending
Lisa Richardson says
I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Cassie…otherwise, I think she’d have been there last night. I was like you and my mama heart was breaking for him.
JESSIE Tolton says
You never disappoint with these recaps!!! Love. them. And YES I also lost it when Cassie said ” Are you mad at me?” Seriously! Showed her immaturity. I was kinda happy for Colton that he dodged that.
Cheryl says
I agree with everything you said. I literally told my husband as he walked through the room pretending not to watch, “Please don’t ever start wearing scarves.” But mostly I agree with the being done with Cassie sentiment. She was just too chicken to really say, she wasn’t feeling it, and kept on and on with the “I don’t know” business. Hurtful. And maybe she didn’t need to wear her super sexy fantasy suite dress to send herself home. And, I found it gross and dumb that her father showed up in Portugal. How about you pick up a a phone. Staged. On a positive note…most dramatic EVER!
Paul says
Then Cassie was a notable no-show on the women-tell-all episode. That’s a mystery.
Lynn Duncan says
No mystery. We didn’t see Cassie being driven away, with or without daddy, so she is still technically there for final three. I am sure they will rehash her situation next week and the final three will be at the finale.
Lori says
Your recaps are better than the show. I always LOL!! #andjuniormints ???
Shari says
Your summary was spot on! I love it, and laughed, and also found myself watching the clock wondering when they were going to fit the other fantasy date in!
Mandy says
Oh Lordy, I kept picturing Hannah G’s momma when Colton told Cassie he’s thinking of her while on dates with the other women. Nope.
Anyone know if Colton did college track too? Hurdles maybe??