So let me start out by saying this (and I’ll say more Friday), but I have been absolutely blown away by all of your kind words and support. I had a bit of nerves about the blog name change, and I was so relieved that you ladies were excited about the new blog name as well! And I’m just so thankful that you’re going to stick around for me to share more of what I love with you. And to show my thanks, make sure you come back on Friday for the first Sheaffer Told Me To Giveaway!
Now, enough of the mushy stuff, ON TO THE BACHELOR!
If you are a Bachelor fan, but new around these parts, you might have some catching up to do! Click HERE to see all of the recaps from the rest of the season!
So this week was the Fantasy Suites. Sigh. Before the show even started I felt awkward, uncomfortable, all sorts of giggly, and like I could start bawling at any minute. It was TOO MUCH. I had no idea how to process or regulate my emotions. And at the start I was THIS CLOSE to having a full blown panic attack, because if the previews were right (PLEASE say the ABC editors were messing with us!), BEN TELLS TWO WOMEN THAT HE LOVES THEM. And I just couldn’t even.
Ben lands in Jamaica and is looking oh so suave in a pink button down and crisp white bermuda shorts. Not many guys could pull that look off, but he somehow managed to. Ish. And he was feeling so manly in his get-up that he decided to scale a small mountain. If I had been in his shoes, I would have just sat down and ordered a pina colada, but to each his own. #andguacamole #andqueso #andataco No judgement. It’s vacation.
Ben took a verbal walk down memory lane with each of the girls.
He said that Caila was one of the most beautiful women that he’d ever been around, but his biggest concern was that she wasn’t able to express herself or share her true feelings. Personally, my biggest fear is that I’ll never find out her shampoo and conditioner brand.
Ben claimed that seeing Lauren for the first time was the closest he’d ever come to love at first sight. But he wondered if it was too good to be true.
When talking about JoJo, he said there was an instant connection with her and that she opened up a whole new side to him. HOWEVER. Her brothers were weighing heavily on his mind. Mine too Ben, Mine too.
FIRST FANTASY DATE: CAILA
Caila walked up to Ben looking just how I would like to took in a pair of denim shorts and swimsuit top if I were to ever wear a sports bra swimsuit top and denim shorts together, which I of course would not. Ever. I’d probably have worn a sensible mumu in a pretty floral pattern. Sadly, we still didn’t get a straddle. GET YOUR MIND RIGHT, CAILA! Just hike up those legs! COMMIT!
And seriously. Look at the hair.
They hopped on a a river raft and rafted down the river in silence. Like, you could hear the waving of the grass on the shore. If I hadn’t been so busy being totally weirded out, I would have just been bored. The river trip was FULL of awkward moments of silence accompanied by seriously disturbing music (thanks to the Bachelor editing team for that)! I’m telling you, Caila was eerily silent, and she stopped smiling here and there, WHICH WAS JUST DOWNRIGHT CREEPY. We know that Caila is typically bubbly 24/7, so anything less is disturbing to us.
That night they cozied up on a couch and Ben confronted her and asked her what was wrong earlier that day. And Caila was surprised that he knew something was wrong. REALLY? CAILA. YOU STOPPED SMILING. And I’m sorry, but there might as well have been an SOS signal alerting the entire world that you were feeling different. She admitted that she was having a hard time earlier in the day, because other girls blah blah blah and hard to be in this position blah blah blah. But then she tied it up all nice with a bow when she said “Part of me has wanted to tell you something for a long time…and that is…that I’m in love with you.”
So, after she told him, they made out. He didn’t say anything back to her, but don’t you worry because Caila doesn’t care about that. She can “see it in his eyes and feel it in his breath that he feels the same”. Um, were Caila and Olivia friends? Because this sounds a little bit like a secret love language interpretation to me.
And here’s a surprise…they got an invitation for a fantasy suite from Chris Harrison. #iknow #shocker The made out on a bed…in swimsuits….with fireworks exploding behind them. They woke up the next morning and Caila was GLOWING WITH LOVE.
SECOND FANTASY DATE: LAUREN
Lauren showed up in a crop top and cut-off “shorts” (I’m using that term loosely here), and due to her gait, I think she might have been experiencing some chaffing. So I’m going to go ahead and blame the fact that there was no run and jump on that. Nobody wants to run, jump, and/or straddle when they’re chaffed. Am I right girls? Sadly, it was here I started to realize that a good old fashioned straddle just might not be in the cards this year. I’m not angry Lauren, I’m just really disappointed.
They hopped in a boat, and 2.3 seconds in I could already tell you that they were having a better time than when he was with Caila.
AND THEN THEY GOT TO RELEASE BABY TURTLES INTO THE OCEAN. And no, that’s not a euphemism for something. They really did get to release baby turtles into the ocean. So basically the date shot up to about 38,000 times better than Caila’s date. Ben and Lauren were so sweet together with their little baby turtles. The two released those precious turtle babies, and in that moment I could see them taking their first kiddo to KN. Yep, these two are good together.
Ben and Lauren sat down on the beach and he told her how he started crying when he was talking to her sister during their hometown date. If you didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, it went a little bit like this: I think you’re a great person. No I think you’re a great person. No, you are. No, you are. I think you’re too good for me. No, I think you’re too good for me. No, you are. No you are.
That night they headed to hear a Reggae band and then to a private romantic dinner. After arriving in the fantasy suite she looked right at Ben and said “I am completely in love with you. And you really are the man of my dreams. And you make me feel a way I didn’t even know I could feel.” He looked at her, held her hand, said something about how he knew she must be serious if she’s there, and then he said this. I’m going to bold his statement for impact. He said, “For me, I’ve known I’m in love with you for awhile as well.” And I’m telling you, right then and there he should have just dropped the mic and walked off into the Jamaican sunset.
We all sat in stunned silence for a bit. Can somebody get Harrison? Is this allowed?????????????? HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE? Soooooooooooooooooooooooo manyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy questions.
They cuddled up together, and Lauren was absolutely effervescent. But I think she spoke for America when she quietly whispered “I mean, WHAT?” That’s a good question Lauren! WHAT? (that’s me saying WHAT? that time). And then she said “I love you” again. AND THEN HE SAID IT AGAIN!
Well, I never. #somebodyfetchmethebachelorrulebook
The next morning, Ben walked into their room with a tray saying “Honey, I made breakfast.” And the camera man panned in on the clothes thrown around the room in reckless abandon. And I was like “okay, all right…we get it…” And then while on the patio after breakfast, he said I Love You again. OK. This is getting a little out of control.
FINAL FANTASY DATE: JOJO
Okay, so I’ve gotta say, I did not know how to mentally prepare for Ben’s date with JoJO. I mean, HE TOLD LAUREN HE LOVED HER LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO. And even though I love JoJo (I’m still thinking about her in that red dress), that last date made me fall in love with Lauren and Ben as a couple, as man and wife, and as a mom and dad to little turtle babies!
But I will admit, when I finally got a PROPER run, jump, and straddle from JoJo, a little piece of my heart opened up to the possibility of letting JoJo in. I have no idea why the pic is sidways, just go with it. #wellplayedJoJo #goodgirl
Okay. So let’s talk frankly here. We have no idea the order they actually filmed the dates in. But if the order holds true and he just left Lauren, just wiggled with Lauren, AND JUST TOLD LAUREN HE LOVED HER, I have to admit that I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Because Lauren thinks he’s her person! And right this very second he’s JoJo’s person, and I’m not really sure how to process it all. #somebodyholdme
They hopped in a helicopter and headed to a magnificent waterfall because BACHELOR. They stripped down to their suits, and suddenly I forgot all about JoJo’s red dress. Because her bikini? DANG. It was a little too much like lingerie for my liking (I prefer a little less Frederick’s of Hollywood and a little more Tommy Bahama) but I’m thinking that Ben is probably a big ol’ fan.
They jumped into the waterfall, they made out, and then JoJo told him she loves him. AND THEN, Y’ALL. He said “JoJo, I love you too.”
And I was all
And then JoJo’s brother’s were all
And then Ben’s mom was all
And if I had to guess, I’m betting JoJo’s mom was all
JoJo looked at him with the sweetest and most confused look on her face and said “What?” And then he said “I do.”
And I literally screamed Nooooooooooooo! BEN!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then this happened. #bomchickawowwow
Ben was soooo happy! And JoJo was soooo happy! And I was soooo nauseous.
They headed to dinner, and in his 1:1 interview Ben said “It’s incredible that tonight I get to spend the evening with the woman that I love.” Okay. So I had to be totally knit-picky (who am I kidding? no I don’t) here Ben…but I’m going to be a stickler for the grammar here. You see, you get to spend the evening with ONE OF THE women you love or A woman you love….but not THE woman that you love. #articlesareimportantBen
At dinner, Ben and JoJo both professed their love for each other. Again. They started talking about JoJo’s hometown date and her brothers. JoJo said how much she loves and looks up to her brothers and that the only reason that they were so tough on Ben is because they are so worried that she’s going to come home with her heart broken again. And I could be totally wrong about this, but somewhere in Dallas at a local hardware store, I imagined two dark haired men out purchasing some basic household items like oh, I don’t know….rope, duct tape, and concrete. #watchyourbackben
They woke up the next morning, fed each other watermelon balls, and just basked in each other’s love.
And I continued to feel nauseous. Although I also had a hankering for some fresh fruit.
SURPRISE VISIT
The next day, Ben was walking around the island lamenting about how he loved Lauren and JoJo. And he finally looked like he was going to puke too. It was about dang time! Little did he know that Caila (who looked like the cutest little wide eyed puppy dog you ever did see) was bouncing around the island looking for him because she just couldn’t stand being away from the man she loved any longer. I imagine she’d been sitting on the other side of the island playing MASH and writing Mrs. Caila Higgins in cursive over and over again, but she’d had enough of that.
After looking around for a bit, she spotted him and surprised him by covering his eyes and giving him a kiss. And I can guarantee you, he was surprised.
He hugged her with LOTS of nervous laughter, and we all knew that he wanted the earth to swallow him up whole. They sat down, and this isn’t a direct quote, but he told her that he was in love with 2 girls, but that neither of those girls was her. This was Caila’s face as he was breaking the news. Have you ever seen some one as pretty as this one in the middle of a break up?
He walked her back to the car, hugged her, she told him that she really did love him, and then she got in the car. She was in the car for about 3.7 seconds, and then she hopped right on out. Caila wanted answers. She mainly wanted to know if he knew during their fantasy suite date. He assured her that he didn’t. He was very stoic during the entire break up, and she kept saying “I Love You” and hugging him. It was painful to watch. But I’ve got to hand it to her, through it all, her hair held up beautifully.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
Both Lauren and JoJo arrived at the rose ceremony. JoJo first walked in and talked to Harrison. She old him that she had told Ben she loved him, and that Ben had said it back. Chris “acted” surprised. (Please, like there hadn’t been an emergency meeting called to discuss ALL THE SAYINGS OF ALL THE I LOVE YOU’s.) And then Lauren walked in, told Harrison that she had told Ben she loved him, and that Ben had said it back. #dejavu
Ben showed up, let them know that Caila wasn’t there, and then gave both of them roses. He then decided to shake things up and just straight up asked the girls how they felt about being sister wives.
Just kidding. He didn’t actually say that. But he did go in for a group hug.
I have no idea how this is all going to shake out, but I’m quite certain of this, I AM READY FOR THE WOMEN TELL ALL.
See you girls back here on Friday for a HUGE GIVEAWAY!
Before you go, THIS top is 40% OFF making it only $20.40. Click HERE to check out my facebook post where lots of readers that already have the top talked about their love for it!
Erika Slaughter says
If “Bachelor recaps” we’re a spiritual gift, this would hands down be yours!!! This week did not disappoint! The Sister Wives comment had me LOLing!!
Shay Shull says
Oh my goodness, I had to cover my eyes during most of this week’s episode. So. Much. Awkwardness.
Erika says
Ditto!!! I live reading her recaps!!
Paige says
I totally agree- we want Caila’s hair secrets! And the pictures when he told Jojo he loved her—of Ashley and Jojo’s mom and the others….so funny!! And I was questioning the mountain climbing at the beginning too–weird! I’m not a fan of his styling and find myself questioning many of the tight shorts he’s been wearing!
Meg says
Ahh!! I totally agree! I REALLY liked him on Kaitlyn’s season; but something about him just kind of weirds me out. I really wanted to love him as this season’s bachelor-but I just can’t. He’s really nice, but he’s kind of a wimp. His shorts are always too short, and his pants are always too tight. I can see him in Jesus sandals in 10 years. Too crunchy for my taste!
Diana says
Haha! I laughed out loud at this recap! It’s getting crazy on the Bachelor!
Narci says
Oh gosh!! so funny, girl! BEN!! What are you doing?? SO awkward!!
Emily says
I totally thought of you during jojos run jump and straddle! This week was so awkward and I’m a rule follower…he broke all the rules
Kathy S says
This might be your funniest recap! Hilarious!
cheryl says
I keep saying that either the brothers are in the mob or will put a hit out on Ben.
Andrea says
I had the exact same Sister Wives thought when he was hugging them. SO awkward! Greatest recap ever…But I’m totally saying this like the bachelor does. I could say this again next week.
Allison says
Did you catch the prayer Ben was saying with Lauren right before they let the sea turtles go?? I had to rewind it twice bc I couldn’t believe it. It was so quick but SO sweet. I love your recaps. Wednesday mornings are my favorite!!
Sara says
I caught that and I thought it was so sweet! I think that definitely shows that he and Lauren are probably connecting on a whole other level that production just isn’t showing because they need to a good show and keep people on edge. I wouldn’t be surprised if they told him he had to say ILY to Jojo since he said it to Lauren and they want people to think there’s still a chance he could go either way here.
Lauren says
I caught the prayer too!! It was so sweet and I definitely agree about he and Lauren opening up to each other on another level. You can’t break up with someone you prayed with, right?!?
Kelly says
I completely agree about the producers making him say it to JoJo. I bet he blurted it out to Lauren & it was damage control. I do think JoJo will be the next bachelorette.
Lia says
I agree!
Gipson Erwin says
You make me laugh so hard!!!! I can’t wait to read these each week! Will you please move to Lafayette, LA and be my best friend?! ????
Angela says
I LOVE the fact that you worked JoJo’s mom chugging straight from the bottle in again this week. I’m right there with you on JoJo’s bikini, someone please get her a coverup! Also, weren’t you proud of Caila for putting her seatbelt on in the car?!? I was! You can see the rest of my thoughts from this week’s episode here.
Karla says
I noticed the seatbelt too. I wouldn’t expect anything less of her.
Liz says
Your recaps are the best–I love the midweek laughs they provide! The episode was so awkward I could hardly watch at times. I suspect he cares about JoJo but the ‘I love you’ to her was to cover his Lauren-loving tracks as otherwise the show would be in effect over. But in my mind it was over when he CRIED when talking about Lauren to her sister. Liz familyoffoley.wordpress.com
Kim in RI says
I don’t watch the bachelor – i just read your re-caps and totally laugh the entire time! Thank you for starting my Wednesdays off right! And btw, love the new blog name! It is all you!
Alys says
When JoJo did the run jump straddle, all I could think was ” shaeffer is probably so flipping excited about this! ” hahah
Hannah {Lugimom Blog} says
Dying. This is hysterical and so on point with my feeling during this week’s episode. Please never stop writing these!!
Judy says
I love your recaps. I read your recaps and then go back and fast forward through the show to the good parts. Your recaps are so awesome.
Iman says
I mean, they just keep getting better….your recaps that is! I love coming to work on Wednesday mornings and laughing out loud at my desk. You are hilarious, love your posts…and your outfits too 😉 xx
Brooke says
Hi! As always..LOVE your Bachelor and Bachelorette post!!
However, that is not why I am here today! I was wondering if you could do a tropical post or if you already have one. I am going to Hawaii in June and feel like I am lost on what to pack! It is for a wedding to and that is really what I have no idea what to wear to. So maybe even like a destination wedding attire post? Maybe?
Thanks, Brooke
Sheaffer says
Hi Brooke! I’ll see if I can figure some things out to post!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Kami says
I’am way to invested in the Bachelor, am I the only one who noticed Ben calling Jojo Mrs Higgins when they were at the Cubs field?! I’m holding on to this hope. I cannot for the life of me see him ending up with Lauren. #teamjojo
Your recap is perfection 😉
Megan says
Sister wives!!! Ha!!! Love it. So many awkward moments. Yikes! I have to see what the phone call is about at the final rose ceremony!! Eeeeekkkkk!!!!
Tori Caldwell says
By far my favorite recap!!! I laughed out loud quite a few times!
Leah McPherson says
So many broken rules!! I read an interview Caila had with Glamour about her hair – sadly, she didn’t reveal what we wanted to hear!
Kelli says
Your recaps are THE BEST! I just knew you were going to love JoJo’s run and jump.
http://modgehodgepodge.blogspot.com/2016/03/bachelor-ben-fantasy-suite.html
Amanda says
Absolutely dying over your pictures after Ben says I love you to JoJo. I imagine the mothers giving those exact looks. Your recap was right on the money but I’m team JoJo and I cross my fingers it doesn’t turn out awful for her in two weeks!
sascha says
So many laughs….I spit out my coffee at “….and due to her gait, I think she might have been experiencing some chaffing.” My friend & I were like “is she walking funny? ” “why is she walking like that? ” “the shorts” – they must be bunchy in the hee haw-‘-
Karla says
My friend and I called Lauren’s “shorts” denim underwear!
carol says
RELEASE BABY TURTLES IN THE OCEAN…….I cannot stop laughing
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha
Brooke says
“and due to her gait, I think she might have been experiencing some chaffing”….Thank you! I commented to my husband that she was walking very funny!! LOL
Love your recaps! You make my Wednesdays!
Rebecca Jo says
When I saw how short Lauren’s shorts were, I knew you’d disapprove… & was equally as excited for the jump straddle for you when it happened.
I basically watch The Bachelor through your eyes 🙂 haha
Crystal McDonald says
Hahahahahaha! Dead. Pure genius hilariousness.
Julie Clark says
OMGEE!!! Best.recap.EVER!!! Totally cracking up at pictures and captions to Ben telling JoJo he loves her!!!! Sooooo funny!!!
Rikki says
Honestly Sheaffer, If ABC doesn’t come knocking down your door to offer you a job as a commentator/blogger of ALL their Bachelor/Bachelorette offerings they are truly missing out on some of the best journalism out there! You are so gifted with the written word and I hope they will recognize this VERY SOON!
I enjoy reading the recaps each week……absolutely hilarious!!
People Magazine are you paying attention here? Better snap her up before someone beats you to it!!
Sheaffer says
WOW! Thank you Rikki!!!!!!! What nice things to say!!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Tina says
Love your recaps! Glad you mentioned Laurens gate, I thought she was walking strangely too – like she just got off a horse. Haven’t noticed that before so hoping it was just some temporary condition.
Lisa B. says
I don’t watch The Bachelor, and why should I when your recaps are pure gold?! I laughed so hard I scared the children. ” Although I also had a hankering for some fresh fruit.” Just. dying. Keep up the great work. LOVE your blog name change ~ you made it “yours” and rightly so! Also, I bought the top; two in fact. Seriously dangerous you are.
Debs says
This has got be one of the most fun recaps I’ve ever read on here and I don’t even watch the bachelor.at.all. But your takes on it reel me in. Thanks for the laughs! Aaaaand luvin the relaxed look of that tee.
Lindsay says
Sheaffer – I am pretty sure you didn’t mention this in the recap last week, but I just learned and I thought you might find it interesting to know, that JoJo’s brother Ben was on a finding love reality show himself! If you just Google Ben Patton or JoJo’s brother Ben, there are a lot of stories sharing the reality show he was on in 2013. The one that Eva Longoria hosted, Ready for Love.
Great recap like usual!
Meredith says
Yes! I recognized him and then looked him up…I watched a little of the show ready for Love.
Kelly McNellis says
Another awesomely hilarious recap! Well done!! When I saw JoJo’s jump and straddle, I knew you were at home hooting and hollering 🙂 Excited to see what the WTA next week is gonna be like. I wish you were going to the taping again to give us some inside info. And for the record…I love the new blog title!! Thanks for all you do to bring fashion and savings to our fingertips. Your readers ADORE you 🙂
cassie {hi sugarplum} says
LOL, totally cackling on this recap. For some reason, watermelon balls made me laugh hardest?? Blog is looking so so good!!!
Rachel says
Sister Wives!!! It’s exactly what I said to my husband, he’s going to ask them to be Sister Wives!! haha!!!! OMG, What if!!?!?!!?
RoseMary N says
I don’t believe the picture was crooked/slanted. Because the tree in the left corner grew at a slant, the total picture appeared off center.
Tanya says
Hands down best recaps ever! I haven’t even watched this season and don’t feel that I have missed a thing. Thanks for being the funniest part of my day!
Helen says
The chaffing! I knew I couldn’t be the only one who noticed that. Sister looked downright uncomfortable!
Rachel says
I know I’m more conservative than most but I just can’t believe how nonchalant everyone is about Ben sleeping with all 3 women. In real life, if a girl’s boyfriend slept with another girl 2 days after being with her, we would call that cheating. It’s one thing to “date” a bunch of girls at the same time and even kiss them all but I just don’t see how all the girls are totally ok with sleeping with him when they know he is likely sleeping with the other girls pretty much at the same time. I would think some girls would need a lot of convincing or prodding by producers before they would agree to that.
Ellen A says
Read #8 http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/this-journey-we-are-on#.ewv3QygAEa
Erin says
Best one of the season. I had to hold back laughter at my desk multiple times! The chaffing was cracking me up!!!
Thanks for taking the time to write these, I am sure it is a time consuming task!
Becky says
Burst out laughing and had to read this to my husband who occasionally will catch parts while I am watching on Monday nights. Love the pictures!
Deena says
I love and appreciate the MASH comment!! I laughed and then spent several minutes reminiscing about old crushes and figuring out if we’d live in a shack or mansion?!? Great recap!
Ruth poat says
Oh my gosh you are so funny…sister wives!!!bahahahah!!…..I read this to my co worker …we were both in hysterics…..you have fans in Australia sheaffer!!!
Mary Jorgensen says
I don’t know how you do it, but every week your recaps get better!! And MASH…?
Courtney says
Love your blog! I’m hoping you will do a blog on “DJ Tanner-Fuller’s” style! Please, oh please!
chris says
I get the idea of the producers telling Ben to say ILY to jojo because he said it to Lauren and they need to keep viewers guessing. BUT, everything is edited after the fact and if he said ILY to Lauren (or anyone) they could have simply edited it out. I think he really said it to both girls.
Wendy says
Funniest part has to be the caption/picture you put up of Kelsey and the commentary about what Jojo’s brothers were doing in Dallas at that exact moment. You have a gift! Love the new name of your blog too. You deserve all the credit!!
Nikki says
Ahh I love your recaps so much every week?! Do you have predictions on who the next bachelorette is going to be?!
Liz says
OMG…I am still laughing at your recap. Best one this season!!
I think they should hire you to give the girls fashion advice. Totally agree with you on Jojo’s “bikini”
Brigid says
I’m new to your blog (in other words, I just binge-read every single one of your bachelor recaps because they are so darn hilarious) and I LOVE it. Bachelor recaps & outfit ideas? This is my dream blog.
Kristin S says
I have no memory of them ever filming in the fantasy suite the next morning. That was just plain weird. Weird weird weird and gross and uncomfortable.
Michelle says
Totally loved that you put the boomchickawowwow photo in the recap. Hilarious and completely embarrassing at the same time. What DO their mothers think? ! 😉
Meredith says
Hilarious post! I lol to JOjo’s mom drinking from the bottle. Also, did anyone else notice the picture of Ben and Jojo kissing in the waterfall?! If you zoom in … Anyone? ::blushing::