So let me start out by saying this (and I’ll say more Friday), but I have been absolutely blown away by all of your kind words and support. I had a bit of nerves about the blog name change, and I was so relieved that you ladies were excited about the new blog name as well! And I’m just so thankful that you’re going to stick around for me to share more of what I love with you. And to show my thanks, make sure you come back on Friday for the first Sheaffer Told Me To Giveaway!
Now, enough of the mushy stuff, ON TO THE BACHELOR!
If you are a Bachelor fan, but new around these parts, you might have some catching up to do! Click HERE to see all of the recaps from the rest of the season!
So this week was the Fantasy Suites. Sigh. Before the show even started I felt awkward, uncomfortable, all sorts of giggly, and like I could start bawling at any minute. It was TOO MUCH. I had no idea how to process or regulate my emotions. And at the start I was THIS CLOSE to having a full blown panic attack, because if the previews were right (PLEASE say the ABC editors were messing with us!), BEN TELLS TWO WOMEN THAT HE LOVES THEM. And I just couldn’t even.
Ben lands in Jamaica and is looking oh so suave in a pink button down and crisp white bermuda shorts. Not many guys could pull that look off, but he somehow managed to. Ish. And he was feeling so manly in his get-up that he decided to scale a small mountain. If I had been in his shoes, I would have just sat down and ordered a pina colada, but to each his own. #andguacamole #andqueso #andataco No judgement. It’s vacation.
Ben took a verbal walk down memory lane with each of the girls.
He said that Caila was one of the most beautiful women that he’d ever been around, but his biggest concern was that she wasn’t able to express herself or share her true feelings. Personally, my biggest fear is that I’ll never find out her shampoo and conditioner brand.
Ben claimed that seeing Lauren for the first time was the closest he’d ever come to love at first sight. But he wondered if it was too good to be true.
When talking about JoJo, he said there was an instant connection with her and that she opened up a whole new side to him. HOWEVER. Her brothers were weighing heavily on his mind. Mine too Ben, Mine too.
FIRST FANTASY DATE: CAILA
Caila walked up to Ben looking just how I would like to took in a pair of denim shorts and swimsuit top if I were to ever wear a sports bra swimsuit top and denim shorts together, which I of course would not. Ever. I’d probably have worn a sensible mumu in a pretty floral pattern. Sadly, we still didn’t get a straddle. GET YOUR MIND RIGHT, CAILA! Just hike up those legs! COMMIT!
And seriously. Look at the hair.
They hopped on a a river raft and rafted down the river in silence. Like, you could hear the waving of the grass on the shore. If I hadn’t been so busy being totally weirded out, I would have just been bored. The river trip was FULL of awkward moments of silence accompanied by seriously disturbing music (thanks to the Bachelor editing team for that)! I’m telling you, Caila was eerily silent, and she stopped smiling here and there, WHICH WAS JUST DOWNRIGHT CREEPY. We know that Caila is typically bubbly 24/7, so anything less is disturbing to us.
That night they cozied up on a couch and Ben confronted her and asked her what was wrong earlier that day. And Caila was surprised that he knew something was wrong. REALLY? CAILA. YOU STOPPED SMILING. And I’m sorry, but there might as well have been an SOS signal alerting the entire world that you were feeling different. She admitted that she was having a hard time earlier in the day, because other girls blah blah blah and hard to be in this position blah blah blah. But then she tied it up all nice with a bow when she said “Part of me has wanted to tell you something for a long time…and that is…that I’m in love with you.”
So, after she told him, they made out. He didn’t say anything back to her, but don’t you worry because Caila doesn’t care about that. She can “see it in his eyes and feel it in his breath that he feels the same”. Um, were Caila and Olivia friends? Because this sounds a little bit like a secret love language interpretation to me.
And here’s a surprise…they got an invitation for a fantasy suite from Chris Harrison. #iknow #shocker The made out on a bed…in swimsuits….with fireworks exploding behind them. They woke up the next morning and Caila was GLOWING WITH LOVE.
SECOND FANTASY DATE: LAUREN
Lauren showed up in a crop top and cut-off “shorts” (I’m using that term loosely here), and due to her gait, I think she might have been experiencing some chaffing. So I’m going to go ahead and blame the fact that there was no run and jump on that. Nobody wants to run, jump, and/or straddle when they’re chaffed. Am I right girls? Sadly, it was here I started to realize that a good old fashioned straddle just might not be in the cards this year. I’m not angry Lauren, I’m just really disappointed.
They hopped in a boat, and 2.3 seconds in I could already tell you that they were having a better time than when he was with Caila.
AND THEN THEY GOT TO RELEASE BABY TURTLES INTO THE OCEAN. And no, that’s not a euphemism for something. They really did get to release baby turtles into the ocean. So basically the date shot up to about 38,000 times better than Caila’s date. Ben and Lauren were so sweet together with their little baby turtles. The two released those precious turtle babies, and in that moment I could see them taking their first kiddo to KN. Yep, these two are good together.
Ben and Lauren sat down on the beach and he told her how he started crying when he was talking to her sister during their hometown date. If you didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, it went a little bit like this: I think you’re a great person. No I think you’re a great person. No, you are. No, you are. I think you’re too good for me. No, I think you’re too good for me. No, you are. No you are.
That night they headed to hear a Reggae band and then to a private romantic dinner. After arriving in the fantasy suite she looked right at Ben and said “I am completely in love with you. And you really are the man of my dreams. And you make me feel a way I didn’t even know I could feel.” He looked at her, held her hand, said something about how he knew she must be serious if she’s there, and then he said this. I’m going to bold his statement for impact. He said, “For me, I’ve known I’m in love with you for awhile as well.” And I’m telling you, right then and there he should have just dropped the mic and walked off into the Jamaican sunset.
We all sat in stunned silence for a bit. Can somebody get Harrison? Is this allowed?????????????? HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE? Soooooooooooooooooooooooo manyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy questions.
They cuddled up together, and Lauren was absolutely effervescent. But I think she spoke for America when she quietly whispered “I mean, WHAT?” That’s a good question Lauren! WHAT? (that’s me saying WHAT? that time). And then she said “I love you” again. AND THEN HE SAID IT AGAIN!
Well, I never. #somebodyfetchmethebachelorrulebook
The next morning, Ben walked into their room with a tray saying “Honey, I made breakfast.” And the camera man panned in on the clothes thrown around the room in reckless abandon. And I was like “okay, all right…we get it…” And then while on the patio after breakfast, he said I Love You again. OK. This is getting a little out of control.
FINAL FANTASY DATE: JOJO
Okay, so I’ve gotta say, I did not know how to mentally prepare for Ben’s date with JoJO. I mean, HE TOLD LAUREN HE LOVED HER LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO. And even though I love JoJo (I’m still thinking about her in that red dress), that last date made me fall in love with Lauren and Ben as a couple, as man and wife, and as a mom and dad to little turtle babies!
But I will admit, when I finally got a PROPER run, jump, and straddle from JoJo, a little piece of my heart opened up to the possibility of letting JoJo in. I have no idea why the pic is sidways, just go with it. #wellplayedJoJo #goodgirl
Okay. So let’s talk frankly here. We have no idea the order they actually filmed the dates in. But if the order holds true and he just left Lauren, just wiggled with Lauren, AND JUST TOLD LAUREN HE LOVED HER, I have to admit that I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Because Lauren thinks he’s her person! And right this very second he’s JoJo’s person, and I’m not really sure how to process it all. #somebodyholdme
They hopped in a helicopter and headed to a magnificent waterfall because BACHELOR. They stripped down to their suits, and suddenly I forgot all about JoJo’s red dress. Because her bikini? DANG. It was a little too much like lingerie for my liking (I prefer a little less Frederick’s of Hollywood and a little more Tommy Bahama) but I’m thinking that Ben is probably a big ol’ fan.
They jumped into the waterfall, they made out, and then JoJo told him she loves him. AND THEN, Y’ALL. He said “JoJo, I love you too.”
And I was all
And then JoJo’s brother’s were all
And then Ben’s mom was all
And if I had to guess, I’m betting JoJo’s mom was all
JoJo looked at him with the sweetest and most confused look on her face and said “What?” And then he said “I do.”
And I literally screamed Nooooooooooooo! BEN!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then this happened. #bomchickawowwow
Ben was soooo happy! And JoJo was soooo happy! And I was soooo nauseous.
They headed to dinner, and in his 1:1 interview Ben said “It’s incredible that tonight I get to spend the evening with the woman that I love.” Okay. So I had to be totally knit-picky (who am I kidding? no I don’t) here Ben…but I’m going to be a stickler for the grammar here. You see, you get to spend the evening with ONE OF THE women you love or A woman you love….but not THE woman that you love. #articlesareimportantBen
At dinner, Ben and JoJo both professed their love for each other. Again. They started talking about JoJo’s hometown date and her brothers. JoJo said how much she loves and looks up to her brothers and that the only reason that they were so tough on Ben is because they are so worried that she’s going to come home with her heart broken again. And I could be totally wrong about this, but somewhere in Dallas at a local hardware store, I imagined two dark haired men out purchasing some basic household items like oh, I don’t know….rope, duct tape, and concrete. #watchyourbackben
They woke up the next morning, fed each other watermelon balls, and just basked in each other’s love.
And I continued to feel nauseous. Although I also had a hankering for some fresh fruit.
The next day, Ben was walking around the island lamenting about how he loved Lauren and JoJo. And he finally looked like he was going to puke too. It was about dang time! Little did he know that Caila (who looked like the cutest little wide eyed puppy dog you ever did see) was bouncing around the island looking for him because she just couldn’t stand being away from the man she loved any longer. I imagine she’d been sitting on the other side of the island playing MASH and writing Mrs. Caila Higgins in cursive over and over again, but she’d had enough of that.
After looking around for a bit, she spotted him and surprised him by covering his eyes and giving him a kiss. And I can guarantee you, he was surprised.
He hugged her with LOTS of nervous laughter, and we all knew that he wanted the earth to swallow him up whole. They sat down, and this isn’t a direct quote, but he told her that he was in love with 2 girls, but that neither of those girls was her. This was Caila’s face as he was breaking the news. Have you ever seen some one as pretty as this one in the middle of a break up?
He walked her back to the car, hugged her, she told him that she really did love him, and then she got in the car. She was in the car for about 3.7 seconds, and then she hopped right on out. Caila wanted answers. She mainly wanted to know if he knew during their fantasy suite date. He assured her that he didn’t. He was very stoic during the entire break up, and she kept saying “I Love You” and hugging him. It was painful to watch. But I’ve got to hand it to her, through it all, her hair held up beautifully.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
Both Lauren and JoJo arrived at the rose ceremony. JoJo first walked in and talked to Harrison. She old him that she had told Ben she loved him, and that Ben had said it back. Chris “acted” surprised. (Please, like there hadn’t been an emergency meeting called to discuss ALL THE SAYINGS OF ALL THE I LOVE YOU’s.) And then Lauren walked in, told Harrison that she had told Ben she loved him, and that Ben had said it back. #dejavu
Ben showed up, let them know that Caila wasn’t there, and then gave both of them roses. He then decided to shake things up and just straight up asked the girls how they felt about being sister wives.
Just kidding. He didn’t actually say that. But he did go in for a group hug.
I have no idea how this is all going to shake out, but I’m quite certain of this, I AM READY FOR THE WOMEN TELL ALL.
See you girls back here on Friday for a HUGE GIVEAWAY!