I’m telling you, you don’t want to miss it, especially if you need any pointers for how to pull off a successful striptease.
This week the whole crew heads to Mexico City, and it appears to be sponsored by Kendra Scott, because like me, these girls love their Kendra.
VIVA LA MEXICO!
So we all know The Bachelor franchise is known for super exotic locations, way fancier than Mexico….
but if I was on the show, I would be PUMPED about heading to Mexico.
Because two words.
The Date Card Arrived
What it said: Let’s put all our eggs in one basket.
To kick off the date, Ben showed up to the hotel at 4:30 a.m. to pick her up.
There are retainers and weaves all over the place, and I felt a kinship with Lauren and her retainer because I used to rock some headgear. Headgear that rubbed a bald spot on the top of my head when I had to wear it at night. But that’s a story for another time.
Olivia complained of morning breath (so we’ve heard), and JoJo used her arms to cover up her boobs (even though she was wearing a t-shirt). Which I would have totally done as well.
Anyway, the girls all looked rough.
Except for one.
And I know it’s hard to see below, but Amanda batted her eyelashes, tossed her hair, and woke up looking as FRESH AS A FREAKING DAISY.
And I swear her lips were perfectly dewy like she was wearing lip gloss.
I have two theories about this:
Amanda has watched the Bachelor before, therefore she was on her A Game by sleeping
in full make-up.
I applaud that type of planning.
She’s a mom, so she’s used to being woken up at all hours of the night and having to
be on her A Game.
FIRST 1:1 DATE
Ben and Amanda.
They hopped in an SUV, looked absolutely precious as a couple, and headed to a field of hot air balloons.
They took a balloon over an ancient city and then parked it on a blanket in the middle of a field. What?
No hot tub?
If I was Amanda, I’d feel slighted.
I’d also feel a little weirded out about how Ben held his champagne flute.
It’s stemware, not a microphone buddy.
They drank a little champagne and seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. Then they headed to a rooftop dinner.
And this is where it like gets like a little like annoying.
Amanda like talked about like how she didn’t have like such a great marriage and that she felt like a failure. And that she didn’t like want people to like think that she like didn’t like take it like seriously.
Because she like did.
And here’s the thing.
I’m like not exaggerating.
But between all all of the “likes”, Amanda had some very real moments with Ben.
How did Ben react?
He said, “I want to wrap you up, and wrap your daughter’s up, and just love on you in those moments.”
And all the single moms in America felt their ovaries quiver.
And I found myself wondering if ol’ Ben minored in psychology because his responses are TEXTBOOK perfection. Am I right?
Who: Jubilee, Becca, JoJo, Caila, Emily, Lauren B., Jennifer, Leah, Olivia
What it says: Como Se Dice The Way To a Man’s Heart.
Everybody assumed the date was going to center around cooking and food.
However, instead of a kitchen, they headed into a classroom with an E.S.L. professor to learn some Spanish phrases.
Fyi: I took two years of Spanish, and I only remember a poquito amount, but I can
trill my ‘r’s like a boss.
Let me just say this.
If I’m in Mexico, and I think we are about to cook on our date, my heart is for sure set on a taco.
Probably of the brisket variety.
Heading into a classroom would have made me hangry.
So anyway, they took turns going up and saying lovey dovey things to Ben in Spanish.
And although I didn’t learn much in Spanish class, I just thought of a couple of phrases I know that would be sure to come in handy on a trip to Mexico City.
Una mas cerveza por favor.
Yo Quiero Taco Bell.
Some of the girls are good, some of them struggle, but all of them have to be wondering what the heck is going on with Becca’s hair.
That man bun is no bueno.
And it’s right around this time that we can literally watch Jubilee start to self destruct.
She was becoming increasingly irritated as each girl had her turn up at the front of the room whispering sweet Spanish nothings into Ben’s ear.
When she goes up to have her moment with Ben, she’s not having it. She “playfully” said that he’s already said the same things to the other girls and she will not play along.
And I’m sitting at my house like “No Comprende, Jubilee? El Bachelor has es MUCHO WOMEN.”
After the Spanish lesson, Ben said they are going to “engross themselves in the culture“.
And I’m all like dude, don’t you like mean “immerse”.
So what did they do?
They hopped over to a local Spanish market to cook a meal while following Spanish recipes.
There are 10 of them total (including Ben), and they are supposed to break off into pairs.
Olivia did some quick math and realized that meant Ben needed a partner, and she was muy willing to be the quesa to his dilla.
Ben and Olivia ate and drank their way though the market.
And he managed to get her to eat a piece of mint, which I’m guessing was no accident.
Ben es muy inteligente.
They all cooked their dishes, and then the chefs judged them.
Which meant nothing really, because the people who cooked the winning dish didn’t get any special treatment.
GROUP DATE COCKTAIL PARTY
They head to yet another rooftop.
Olivia asked to talk to him first, and everybody was so surprised. Except the opposite.
After their time together, she told the camera man,
“He gives me sweet. He gives me passion. And he gives me honesty and communication.”
And we are all left wondering when Ben is going to start realizing that Olivia is more than pequena loca.
Lauren B. and Ben sneak out into the city and steal kisses on every single street corner.
When Ben got back he immediately asked Jubilee to come talk with him.
And when walking off with him she said “Let’s not hold hands.”
The conversation did not go well.
Jubilee’s insecurities were all over the place, and he ended it by telling her that he didn’t see a future with her and said he thought it was best to say good-bye.
Jubilee is a sweet girl, but I’m with Ben on this one. I just don’t think this was the place for her.
Ben joined the group and told the girls that he let Jubilee go, and JoJo immediately asked him if they could go talk.
He said “I’m done with breaking up with people after this.”
And she said “Well, you’ve got 10 more to go!” It was cute.
She then made him feel better with a little French kiss in Mexico.
And then for a little unexpected turn of events.
Olivia got the date rose.
How do you say “OH, HELL NO” in Spanish?
Sorry for the language.
Lauren H. (the kn teacher) gets the 1:1.
What the card says: Let’s design a life together.
She showed up in part of a Mexican shirt. I’m not sure where the other part was.
And it made me long for the Mexican dresses and jelly shoes of yore.
Something to note: little Miss Lauren has legs that are rivaled only by Carrie Underwood’s.
I’m not sure where she’s been hiding those.
She was a bit nervous (in a cute way), so our Ben gave her a pep talk before the show. And again, it was like it came straight out of a PEP TALK 101 manual. This guy is good.
They both OWNED IT on the runway and did a fantastic job.
BUT BEN? HE WORKED IT.
And when they passed each other on the runway, he gave her the cutest little wink that was both darling and incredibly sexy at the same time.
And I’m sorry, but BEN WAS BORN FOR THE CAT WALK.
The two ended up on a …..wait for it…..rooftop…..
and Lauren talked about her past relationship.
It was 4 years ago, they lived together, and he cheated on her. Lauren talked about how even though it was incredibly painful, she made a conscious decision to be happy.
I like this girl.
They ended the night kissing in the streets of Mexico.
Okay, I will say that I’m surprising myself with my random Spanish memories.
FIESTA DE COCKTAIL AND ROSE CEREMONY
The girls are all sitting around saying how they are a bit nervous after Jubilee went home, because it’s just obvious how serious he is about finding love.
But guess who’s not worried?
That’s right, our girl Olivia.
She actually says “Screw being like insecure. I’m not going anywhere. I got the group date rose. It smells fresh. Really fresh.”
Como se dice delusional?
While sitting around in a group of girls, Amanda was talking about the shuffling of her kids between their grandma and their dad while she’s gone.
And Olivia piped in and said “Kinda reminds me of an episode of Teen Mom.”
Yep, Olivia stuck her foot in her big ol’ boca.
Everybody’s eyes bugged out of their heads, and that’s when I wished that Lauren would have pulled an Emily.
Don’t we all miss Emily?!?!
Just the right mixture of sweet and sass.
In Olivia’s defense, I really don’t believe she was trying to be mean, but man oh man did it come out wrong.
Emily pulled Ben aside and started to go down a rode I don’t typically recommend:
Tattle Tale Drive.
However, in this instance, Ben seemed to actually appreciate her candor.
And as the night went on, several of the other girls also shared their feelings about Olivia.
None of them favorable.
Then, during an interview, Emily called her twin sister to vent and cry.
Don’t give her such a hard time, being a twin IS her job.
It’s time to hand out roses people!
But instead, Ben waltzed up to Harrison, said the night had been “illuminating” and then asked to talk to Olivia
The girls practically started chest bumping and high-fiving each other.
Um…Harrison….where’s the Bachelor rule book? Can he take back a rose?
And then, these 4 words flash up on the screen:
COMING UP NEXT WEEK...
And I was all, QUE?
We are going to have to wait until next week to see if he kicks Olivia to the bordillo .
That’s Spanish for curb.
I know that because I googled it.
THESE cardis are ON SALE, and I thought y’all needed to know.
I wore my MUST HAVE shirt. Again.
With my wood circle hoop earrings a la Joanna Gaines (that she wore on last night’s Fixer Upper episode)!
And check out these new jeans!
I know a lot of you have been on the look out for NON-distressed jeans. Well, these are awesome, and they are only $49!
I would definitely suggest sizing down. The ones pictured below are my normal size (27), but I already returned them and ordered the 26s. They were definitely too loose in my regular size.
And for all of you new mamas, I got this comment on facebook last night about the top:
I just had a baby three weeks ago and ordered this shirt to wear post baby until I can fit into some regular clothes. It’s perfect! I wore it today with the must have leggings and was complimented everywhere I went about how great I look. It hid my belly and huge boobs perfectly!! I am typically a size small and sized up to a medium so it would be nice and loose. Highly recommend!!! – Diane
See you back here on Friday!