Episode 4 starts with Harrison immediately showing up and telling the girls that Ben has left the building and they are HEADING TO VEGAS BABY!
And you know what they say, “What happens in Vegas gets talked about by ABC, E News, all the morning talk shows, lots of bloggers, and millions of reality t.v. junkies at the watercoolers all around America the next day.”
They get to Vegas, and while the girls are on the strip (before they see Ben), this message pops up on the side of a hotel.
AND THE LADIES LOSE THEIR EVER LOVING MINDS.
They are jumping up and down, squealing, fanning their eyeballs (FOR REAL), and hugging each other because IT IS JUST SO ROMANTIC.
And I just can’t.
And then the producers grace us with a little something that I like to call foreshadowing.
For no other reason than to prove to us that the twins are serious about their twinning, it shows them “working out” together at the hotel ON THE SAME TREADMILL.
Yes, not treadmills that are next to each other. But THE SAME treadmill.
Let’s talk about twins for a minute.
It’s been my experience that there are two kinds of twins in the world.
One kind are totally normal and although they share the same birthday and might look alike, they still manage to function in society as separate human beings.
Haley and Emily are the opposite of that.
While walking on the treadmill together we hear the following:
“We are twins, and we live together, and we have very similar tastes in things, and we watch the same movies, and we watch the same t.v. series….
We live together, we share a car, we have the same job.
We do EVERYTHING together, and we need a 1:1.”
Above is a direct quote above the way.
And what is that job exactly girls?
Because if it is in fact just being a twin, then you’re going to get a stellar annual review.
The first date card comes.
What is Says: You set my heart on fire.
I know you are thinking that this is going to destroy Olivia because she didn’t get the 1:1, but don’t worry about her. She’s not threatened at all.
Cuz remember, he touched her knee last week, SO THERE’S THAT.
Ben arrives to pick up JoJo, and this is Olivia’s “I’m not threatened or the least bit worried” look.
Try again, Olivia.
Ben and Jo Jo head to a rooftop for a little champagne, and it’s all fun and games until their helicopter arrives and we get to see that the intern hadn’t secured everything properly.
It’s a little bit hysterical, right?
But look at him trying to protect her!
They decide to hide behind the table and make out.
Back at the hotel, the girls are seeing all of this from their 90th story window, and Olivia is having trouble rememberingtheir knee touch and maybe starting to freak out a little that her husband is kissing another girl.
JoJo and Ben head to a romantic dinner and that girl ROCKED a black jumpsuit.
And she was either wearing a $4,000 Cartier love cuff, or perhaps THIS one (great for stacking) from our girls at Accessory Concierge!
Okay, back the date.
Their conversation was good, but it centered around the fact that JoJo’s last serious relationship ended 5 months ago, after a year and a half.
Because of something that happened during the relationship, she has trust issues.
Blah Blah Blah.
I do have two questions:
Did anybody else think it strange that she was using all gender neutral pronouns?
Was her last relationship with a man?
Does Ben’s sport coat have sparkles in it?
They go up to the rooftop.
Fireworks start going off, and as each one erupts, a little part of each girl’s soul that’s back at the hotel dies a little.
While watching the fireworks, Ben kind of nuzzles JoJo’s neck and is just so dang sweet. And kinda sexy. And then, just like that, the dates over.
No rooftop dance? No private concert? I’m confused.
It’s time for the Group Date.
What the card says: “Show Me What You Got.”
Whose going: Amanda, Jubilee Caila, Amber, LaurenB, Haley, Emily, Leah, Lauren H, Jennifer, Rahel, and Olivia
The group walks into a theater and there was a ventriloquist there.
Apparently he’s a famous ventriloquist named Terry Fator.
And if I’m being honest, isn’t “famous ventriloquist” a bit of an oxymoron?
Caila’s sweet little bubbly self declares “I love Terry Fator, I loved him growing up.”
Yeah, Mm-hmmmm. Sure you did.
Terry announces that there is going to be a special talent show and that all the girls need to come up with an act to present to Ben.
All the other girls want to throw up, but not our Olivia!
Olivia declares that SHE WILL NOT FADE INTO THE BACK…
but in about 32 minutes she is going to wish the ground would swallow her up whole.
Mr. Fator ups the ante by then telling all the girls that they aren’t going to be just performing for Ben, they are actually going to be the opening act for his show with a packed auditorium of 1,200 people.
This doesn’t phase Olivia.
She’s full of confidence!
She threw on a head dress and a thong and was ready to rock it.
She declared she did shave that morning (whew!) and was actually pretty excited about this whole endeavor. She wrapped it up by saying “when I’m with him Bam-Shabam.”
Time for the Talent Show!
The twins start off the show with a bang with a synchronized River Dance (because TWINS).
And I kind of wondered if these were their own costumes from the River Dance tours they do at the local county fairs and if their mom ran the costumes up to them when she
heard about the talent show.
Jubilee played the cello (because complicated people play the cello), Lauren B. juggled, Caila did a belly dance (and should probably always wear a belly dancing costume), the Kn teacher got in a chicken suit and sang (I’m guessing the chicken enthusiast was sitting at home cursing the fact that she didn’t get a chance in the suit). There was also some balloon animal making and jumping on a pogo stick. Riveting stuff.
They rolled a cake out for Olivia’s portion of the evening.
She busted out of the cake and there was a small moment where I thought she
might actually have this.
But it immediately turns awkward when she starts climbing out of the cake.
YOU try to climb out of a cake looking sexy in a thong. I’m guessing it probably wouldn’t go to well for you either.
She then kinda kicks and shimmies a bit.
And here’s the thing, she just kinda kicks and kinda shimmies, which doesn’t read well on stage.
LISTEN TO ME GIRLS.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO JUMP OUT OF A CAKE IN A THONG,
YOU NEED TO FULLY COMMIT TO IT.
Strut your stuff.
Kick those legs.
Shimmy those shoulders.
SHAKE. THOSE. BOOBIES.
Even if you’re not good, you have to DO IT ALL WITH CONVICTION.
YOU HAVE TO OWN IT.
Otherwise, it’s just sad.
I do think the addition of heels would have helped her case tremendously.
A flat footed strip tease is just doomed from the get go.
And this is how America felt about it all.
We were torn between enjoying the absolute whack-a-doodleness of it all and wanting to wrap her up in her cape and carry her off stage.
I have to say, I felt realllllly sorry for Olivia.
I mean, maybe it was her own bravado (and/or stupidity) that made her think she could pull this off….or maybe there were producers whispering in her ear that it would be awesome, and amazing, and sexy if she were to do this for Ben.
Whatever made her do it, it was clear she wanted to un-do it.
So after the stripping event, Olivia started to panic about WHAT SHE JUST DID.
Somebody needed to get ME a paper bag, so I can’t even imagine what she was feeling like.
And you know who else I can’t imagine right now? Her parents.
I tell you who I can identify with more. Oprah. Because she likes bread.
Weirdest commercial ever. But I get it. I get her.
Okay, after the commercial break we got to see Olivia actually having a real moment.
It was fleeting.
But I actually liked her for like 20 seconds.
I mean, we’ve all done something where afterwards we wanted to die, and this was it for her.
They all head to the after party.
Caila takes him away first (she was wearing earrings I loved similar to THESE), and Ben said she was “like a sex panther”.
And he’s right!
But I want to expand on that a bit.
She’s like a well-spoken girl next door take her home to mama sex panther.
Which is hard to pull off, but she totally does.
We then got to see Ben with the Kn teacher and one of Terry Fator’s puppets.
She called him Little Ben.
And then she kissed Little Ben.
And a little bit later our friendly teacher dropped the F bomb.
Do you talk to your kindergartners with that mouth?
Olivia pulled him aside and tried her darndest to convince him that the girl in the red feather costume on the stage wasn’t her. He told her to stop apologizing, but she just. couldn’t. stop.
One of the twins came up to steal him away, and this left Olivia confused.
She handled this by literally just sticking some of her fingers in her mouth and staring blankly at the camera for a good long while.
Ben was with the other twin (no, I don’t know who), when Olivia decided to punish this twin for the fact that the other twin interrupted them earlier.
So Olivia goes back over to him and does this weird snapping and rocking thing, and I really start to wonder if this girl has some deep rooted psychological issues that the ABC sponsored personality test didn’t catch.
But never fear….in Olivia’s mind the conversation was stellar and they’re back to having an amazing connection.
Lauren B. got the rose.
The next 1:1 date is Becca!
A box arrived for her with a wedding dress.
The card said “Get dressed, it’s a big day.”
Becca slipped into the wedding dress and then headed to a wedding chapel. When she saw Ben, he got down on one knee and said, “Becca, will you marry…..other people with me today?“
It seemed that Ben hopped online and got ordained, and then the two of them married several couples who are sure to have a long and happy life after being married on t.v. by a franchise with a long history of long and successful relationships.
That night they headed to the Neon Sign graveyard. Ben wanted to know if she could love and feel (she’s not a sociopath Ben, of course she “can feel”) and wanted her to know that “it’s good to feel. I want you to feel.“
They talked about how she’s a virgin and actually had a nice grown up conversation about her decision to stick to this because of her faith.
He said he likes the fact that she’s really good at making commitments, and you can tell that he seems to honestly respect her decision.
It was actually very sweet.
They then made “vows” to each other.
Ben said: “Becca – my vow to you from this day forward is to always you look you in the eyes when we talk, to smile when it’s appropriate, to laugh when things get awkward, to be honest and open and try to take you on the coolest dates possible.”
Becca – I’ve got a tip for you.
If you two crazy kids actually do end up tying the know, you might want to
opt for the traditional vows.
Harrison walked into the girl’s hotel the next day wearing a half zip pullover and looking oh so fine.
He announced a surprise date, because Ben had requested that he have a date with the twins, which is basically going to be a 2:1 hometown date, because the girls are from Vegas.
They show up in outfits straight from 5-7-9 and headed to their mom’s house.
Which, to be fair, is also their house.
And they have 4 weenie dogs.
Which isn’t weird at all.
Haley got alone time first.
They entered her room, which looked like it was straight out of an ABC After School special.
There were teddy bear’s on her bed, bras hung over her closet door, and pics of her old boyfriends displayed in frames.
And y’all, I was halfway expecting to see a Caboodles in the corner.
I also began to question my bra ownership. I basically have 3 bras that I rotate through. She had like 17 hung on her closet door…and I’m guessing that she had several with her at the mansion as well…so how many bras does this girl have?
And the bigger question: How many bras should we own?
Next up, Emily.
Emily took him into her bedroom and basically threw her sister under the bus.
She said, “You need to pick me because I’m the prettier one.”
Just kidding. She didn’t say that.
But she did say she thought it was time for him to say good-bye to Haley.
Ben sat down with Haley, Emily, and the mama.
The girls were holding hands, and I was straight up dying for Ben.
He said goodbye to Haley, and both girls cried.
And then in a fit of sadness, Haley rushed down the street to the Kendra Scott store at one of the big hotels and bought herself a pair of earrings. Because Kendra Scott earrings are her love language.
Mine too, Haley.
COCKTAIL PARTY TIME!
The girls rounded the corner on the way to the cocktail party, and I didn’t know if I was at a Miss Nevada pageant or an Ice Capades event (that’s for you Amy!). 🙂
And this cocktail party was kinda like a game of Whack-A-Mole.
Ben thwarted the fears of each and every girl in a really genuine way.
It was quite the feat, and more than a little impressive.
Jen stole him immediately (right out from under Olivia), but it only lasted like 23 seconds before Olivia popped up. She felt like they needed to “progress again and move forward with each other tonight.””
And she apologized.
And he told her to quit apologizing.
And then she apologized.
And then he told her to shut up and quit stealing him away FOR THE LOVE.
Just kidding. He didn’t say that, but he should of.
He finally calmed her down and smiled.
And girls, she heard his message “LOUD AND CLEAR”.
Because, and I’m not totally sure about this, but in their love language, this is what
I think things mean:
Ben touching Olivia’s knee: married.
Ben smiling: he wants to make babies with her.
JoJo talked to Olivia when she returned after talking to Ben.
Olivia told her that she told Ben that she’s falling in love with him.
JoJo says how she would find it so hard to say that 1) this early and 2) without him being able reciprocate it.
And Olivia was all “He did though.”
Again, I’m not sure that’s what I just saw.
Because let’s be honest, nothing even close to “reciprocating” happened.
Time for the rose ceremony!
Who already has roses: JoJo, Lauren B., and Becca
He then he calleed the following names:
Amanda, Lauren H., Jubilee, Emily, Caila, Jennifer, and Leah.
They are down to 1 rose, AND OLIVIA HAS STILL NOT BEEN CALLED?
Is this it?
Is it the end of the rode for our quirky little stripper?
Ben took a deep breath…….and then called…………………..
Which now she of course interprets as he’s saving the best for last.
Amber and Rachel go home.
Keep your head up Amber, there’s always next year.
That’s it for this weeks recap, but you know I can’t let you go without 3 shopping tips!
Many of you loved the Happy Camper Tee I tried on last year. And many of you were sad when it sold out before you could get it. Join the club, because I waited too long as well!
NOT THIS YEAR! As soon as I saw it had returned, I scooped it right up!
And if you want some other choices for graphic tees, here are a couple of fun choices:
If you’re like me, now that it’s almost February it’s time to start getting serious about getting in shape for summer. Well, when I get serious, I find it always helps to have some new gear! I’ve got some great choices for you!
some super cute capris HERE
all Zella on sale HERE
And if you want to link up for What’s Up Wednesday, you can do so here!!!!