If you didn’t already see my Bachelor recap from last week, click HERE to check it out. This is how I imagine JoJo’s brothers felt while watching Corinne do her thing.
Before we start the show, I would like to start with a disclaimer. The mountain cedar in the air right now is trying to kill me dead. I want to itch my face right off of the bone, my nose is like a faucet, I have sneezing fits that are epic, and a pressure headache that is no joke. That being said, I powered through to bring you the recap this week. Sadly, I think all of the Sudafed D in my system might be affecting my funny meter. So this week, I’m going to be okay with “kinda funny”. Next week I promise to be back with “lol funny”. #thanksforunderstanding 😉
The show opened up with Vanessa giving Nick the WHAT FOR. Go, Vanessa! Go, Vanessa! GO GO GO, Vanessa! She was all, Do you want a girl or a woman? Do you want a romp in the sack or a wife? Do you want Corinne or me? And before you make that decision, take a look at my luscious lashes. Seriously, look at her lashes.
I was slow clapping for Vanessa and felt her performance warranted a YOU GO, GIRL from me. And I don’t throw around YOU GO, GIRLS easily. Vanessa scolded Nick, told him that romps in bouncy castles don’t come without consequences, and Nick pretty much responded with a “Yes, M’am.” The only thing that could have made this moment better for me would have been a piping hot bowl of cheese pasta. #iwantananny
Nick was like “Hey, listen. I get it.” He then asked her to be patient with him, especially with Corinne. What does that even mean? Is that some sort of code for I want her gone too, but the producers are making me keep her? Or more likely, code for: I’m not going to marry the girl, but I wouldn’t mind taking her all the way to the fantasy suite to take her for a spin. I’m guessing the latter.
Taylor and Sarah went to talk to Corinne. They woke her up from her afternoon nap (DON’T THEY KNOW TO NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY?!?) to let her know the rose ceremony was about to start. Well, they fell down some sort of rabbit hole, and one of the girls told Corinne she was acting “privileged” and “entitled”. Corinne responded by stomping her feet and holding her breath. She said “I’m not privileged in any way!” Just ask my beloved nanny or my daddy who handed over his multi million dollar company to me.
I would like to again point out here that MAYBE if Corinne’s Nanny had ever done vocabulary cards with her, she might know words like “choreography”, “privileged” and “entitled”. #justsayin
Then Corinne went on a rant. To sum it up, she eloquently said, “You do you. You do you. You do you. You go girl. Imma do me.” At one point, she also looked straight into the camera, juggled her boobs, and said “Is this what you call immature?” I would like to answer on behalf of America with a big ol’ YES.
But hey, YOU DO YOU Corinne.
Rose Ceremony Time
To sum things up here, every single girl really wanted a rose. However, what really united them, was the fact that they all wanted Corinne to not get a rose. #girlpower
Who already had a rose: Vanessa, Danielle L., and Rachel
Who got a rose: Raven, Taylor, Whitney, Christina, Jasmine, Alexis, Astrid, Danielle, Jaimi, Josephine, Sarah, Corinne
Yep, Corinne got the last rose. And every one was disappointed, except for the head of the ABC ratings department. He was pumped.
Who went home: Brittany and Christen
Harrison showed up at the house and let all the girls know to pack their bags, because it was time to go to….wait for it…..the perfect place to fall in love…..the tropical paradise of…..MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN.
Nick met up with his parents at a local coffee shop. The producers were smart to put Nick in family situations. It makes the viewing audience see him as a real person, and not just as a person who likes to roll around in bouncy houses. Here’s one thing I know from his time with his parents: His dad is DONEZO with The Bachelor franchise and hopes to Heaven this is his son’s last time. Us too, dad. Us too. #fistbump
1:1 date: Danielle L in Nick’s hometown
While strolling through his hometown, Nick and Danielle first stopped at the local bakery. The bakery had cookies called “Nickerdoodles” that had Nick’s likeness in icing. The two made cookies, licked icing off each other’s fingers (ew), and then had the cookies make out with each other.
They left the bakery, and when “casually” strolling through the town, they “casually” ran in to one of Nick’s exes. I mean, WHAT A COINKYDINK! And get this, the girl was already mic’d on this chance meeting. WHAT ARE THE ODDS.
What would have been REALLLLLY good would have been if Andi or Kaitlyn had been sitting in that coffee shop. Nick, Danielle, and the ex sat down and exchanged pleasantries. I wanted the ex to regale us with tales of a young Nick, but instead, they had a grown up conversation that really told us nothing.
Nick and Danielle then headed to a park. But not just any park, the park where Nick apparently became a man. Thanks for letting us know, Nick. Danielle then shared that she was a big prude in high school. #metooDanielle #mydadissohappyrightnow
The couple headed to dinner and then to a country concert where they again danced and kissed in front of a crowd. Danielle, our resident prude, decided to wear a dress where her boobs were approximately 49% exposed. And in what continues to be a running Janet Jackson theme this season, we were uncomfortably close to a wardrobe malfunction.
I can best sum up their date with the following words: boobs and awkward laughing. And as hard as this is to believe, I think there was more awkward laughing than boobs.
Group Date Card: Say Cheese
Who is going: Rachel, Alexis, Vanessa, Jasmine, Jaimi, Sarah, Chrstina, Astrid, Taylor, Josephine, Danielle, Corinne
They headed to a farm, because Nick grew up with family friends that owned a farm. Which is a stretch, but I guess it’s as good of a reason as any to put Corinne is a situation where she’s never felt more out of her element. BRING ON THE COW TEETS AND COW PATTIES. LET’S DO THIS.
The girls were asked to milk cows (Jaimi is strangely adept at milking) and shovel cow poop. Nick tried his hand at the milking, and I captured what might be the most awkward and cringe worthy moment I’ve ever seen on t.v. LOOK AT HIS FACE. #poorcow #poorus
The girls were all being good sports, except for Little Miss Corinne. Corinne removed herself from the group, complained about doing chores, wished for sushi and/or a chicken taco, and threw another tantrum because she “almost had frost bite on her hands”. She also managed to use the word “poopy” at least 10 times, further cementing her toddle status in my mind. I would like to point out that Vanessa was WEARING A TANK TOP while she was shoveling the poopy…yet Corinne claimed to have “frost bite”.
While talking to the cameras, Corinne waxed on about how she respects the people that actually shovel the poopy, but that she herself was not meant to shovel poopy. She then likened herself to an ear of corn. She explained that you have to peel back the corn husks to reveal all of the individual kernels of information. She also explained that it would be juicy, buttery, and that people should want to get to that corn. I don’t even know what to say. But I do know that I now have a hankerin’ for corn.
Kristina and Nick had alone time together. She told him that she had a lot of things she wanted to tell him, and Nick basically said, “maybe later”. It was during this time that I became 99% convinced she’s a Russian spy.
Vanessa presented Nick a book that “her students” made for him. It was cute if her students actually made it for him, but less cute when you realize that she most probably made it herself. Still, I like Vanessa. I like her a lot.
When we got back to the rest of the group, Sarah looked at Corinne and said, “I do have a question. Do you think you are genuinely ready to marry a 36 year old man?” Corinne answered “I know that I may not be everybody’s favorite person…..and I know there’s talking going on behind my back….but we’re all in this together.” She apologized several times for offending the girls by taking a nap. But then she compared herself to Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln, saying that they too enjoyed napping. Is this true? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love a good nap. But is there any historical evidence saying that Lincoln did too?
Nick gave the rose to the Russian spy.
1:1 Date with Raven: Let’s Kick It
Raven and Nick headed to Bella’s (Nick’s little sister’s) soccer game. Raven met Nick’s parents, and it seemed to go fine. I’m liking Raven, she’s cute.
The entire group then headed to Skateland, and I’m telling you, Nick was IN HIS ELEMENT. He shined! I barely even noticed the kid that was INSIDE the claw machine because I was too busy watching Nick skate around LIKE A BOSS.
Nick effortlessly glided over the rink and did some fancy moves. It was the stuff that 1988 dreams were made of. All I needed was a suicide and a big pickle from the snack bar. #coupleskate #timeforthelimbo #howlowcanyougo
They ended the date with dinner at a museum. And Raven opened to him about her last serious relationship. While dating her last boyfriend, Raven got a call from an unknown source letting her know that her boyfriend was cheating on her at that exact moment. So, Raven did what any sensible girl would do. She drove to his house to confront him. And this is where things got good. She used her key to let herself in his house. And when the bedroom door wouldn’t open (because it was locked), she kicked it down. Let that sink in for a minute. SHE FREAKING KICKED THE DOOR DOWN. She used very colorful language to describe to Nick exactly what she saw. `
But she didn’t stop at kicking the door down. NO M’AM. She then peeled her naked boyfriend off of his naked friend, threw him on the floor, and then beat him with the girl’s stiletto. Y’ALL. That’s the stuff that Lifetime movies are made of. Nick seemed to be a perfect combination of terrified and impressed. Nick gave Raven the rose. #smartman
Cocktail Party Before The Rose Ceremony
Boobie McGee (a.k.a. Danielle) took him away first, even though she already had a rose. And we know that’s frowned upon in Bachelor land.
Taylor had a bit of time with Nick, and then Taylor and Corinne had words. It went a little something like this: You’re stupid. No I’m not, you’re stupid. Well, your stupider. Well, you’re the most stupidist. I’m rubber, you’re glue, bounces off me and sticks to you. Yep, that about sums it up.
That’s it for the Week 4 recap. Sound off with your favorite moments in the comments!
Before you leave, I’ve received a couple of e-mails about this top and these jeans that I first showed y’all last week. Those of you that got them are very pleased! I got a “this is the cutest top I’ve owned in years” from Jeannine……and “how have I not known about these jeans all my life?” from Samantha! I love it when y’all take the time to e-mail me your thoughts. Thank you!
The top is DARLING (comes in black and red as well), and I’m wearing it here with my new jeans from Old Navy. I got a 4P in the jeans, and they are perfect on my 5’4″ frame. I’m wearing a small in the top, so it’s true to size. It’s blousy, but it’s meant to be that way. I would suggest however that if you don’t have a large chest, you should for sure size down. Also, I would suggest a cami with this cream color (but I doubt the other colors would need it). It also comes in black, navy, and red.
Get The Look For Yourself Here. Just click on what you are interested in.
OH! And I just got an e-mail saying that dresses and skirts just went 40% OF at Ann Taylor. If you remember, my sister flipped over this skirt during her WORK WEAR post on Monday! And now it’s 40% OFF. Click HERE to see what she had to say about it.
Get Conner’s Look For Yourself Here: