I don’t have it in me.
Like I literally CANNOT write a full recap.
It’s just not possible.
I wish I could, but I can’t.
That’s not true.
I don’t even care that I can’t. I blame Mike Fleiss and the 5 hours of programming.
I will instead share with you some random thoughts. Some musings, if you will.
But before I do…if you haven’t read yesterday’s recap, you must do that now. Because this was me at the end of Monday’s show. Seriously, go read it. You definitely need the back story before you start on today’s post.
MUSING #1: Poor Lauren. That’s right. Poor Lauren. Not poor Becca.
MUSING #2: My girlfriend Cassie texted me and was like “THEY SENT BECCA HOME IN COACH? IN A MIDDLE SEAT?” Seriously, ABC. Let’s try and show just a tiny bit of respect here. Bump the girl up to first class and give her a little room to breathe. And cry. And drink tiny vodkas.
MUSING #3: Becca’s color is eat your heart old gold lame.
MUSING #4: I LOVE BECCA for so many reasons. She’s classy, she’s quick witted, and she just seems like a girl’s girl! Harrison shared with her that viewers had donated over $6,000 through Venmo to treat her to a drink or 74,000, and she pledged to donate the money to Stand Up To Cancer. I really want to be this girl’s friend.
MUSING #5: Just because Arie kept saying the words “guilt” and “shame” doesn’t mean he actually felt those emotions. He continued to seem rather apathetic about breaking Becca’s heart.
MUSING#6: It thrilled me to pieces that Rizzo finally decided to wear a bra. But I have to say, this wasn’t quite what I had in mind.
MUSING #7: I was never #teamapple, but last night I started to genuinely dislike her. She had NO REGARD for Becca, and she talked about how proud she was of Arie and how he handled things in the most respectful way possible. Let’s all lol together.
MUSING #8: Arie said he and Lauren talk on the phone for 3 hours a day. That’s impressive considering LAUREN DOESN’T TALK. I imagine it to be 3 minutes of “I love you’s” and 2 hour and 57 minutes of “You say good-bye….No, you say good-bye……No really, you say good-bye.”
MUSING #9: Arie and Lauren deserve each other. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t amused that the studio audience was totally underwhelmed and COULDN’T CARE LESS about the proposal.
MUSTING #10: This was Bekkah watching the proposal. I felt as if she represented America. Bekkah was all of us watching the proposal.
MUSING #11: #girlpower
MUSING #12: I am PUMPED that Becca is the new Bachelorette. So far, I am definitely partial to the banjo player. He was adorable.
That’s all I’ve got.
I’m going to go reward myself for getting through this season by stuffing a party burrito in my face. #withqueso #andguac #becausedecisionsarehard
And truth be told, I also rewarded myself by doing a little retail therapy at 40% OFF. Just click on what you are interested in seeing. All these pieces are on their way to me, and I’ve got high hopes!
If you can’t tell, I’M READY FOR SPRING.