The Bachelorette Episode 4: That Time I Wanted To Punch a Guy I’ve Never Met in the Trachea

So it’s been two weeks since we last talked Bachelorette.  #thanksalotNBAfinals

When we last saw each other, we spent some time talking about these 2 yahoos.  Because they were acting like toddlers.  But now they’re gone.  Good for you, Rachel!  BUH BYE BOYS.  I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Rachel is looking for a man.  Click HERE to read previous recaps from this season if you need to get all caught up.

So because of that pesky little “To Be Continued” at the end of last week’s episode, we started this week at the cocktail party before the rose ceremony.  THANK HEAVENS the two yahoos above were gone when we started this week.  BUT Y’ALL.  We opened up the show with two other yahoos.  ERIC and LEE.  Eric was upset that his name was in Lee’s mouth.  And to be honest, I was kind of upset that Lee even has a mouth. He needs to shut it.

All the boys were trying to get their alone time with Rachel, and Lee went in to interrupt Pretty Boy Pitt Bull Kenny King when he was talking with Rachel.  Which didn’t sit well with Kenny.  Or me for that matter.  Lee is just such a snarky little snake and his general demeanor (without even talking) is just SLIMY.  He sat there while Kenny tried to talk to him, but he was just as smug as can be, which made Kenny crazy.  Listen, Lee was making me crazy too.  And I’m annoyed at the producers for making Rachel keep him.  And yes, I know I’m getting ahead of the show here a bit, but you better start getting your mind right.  Because she keeps him.

Just as my blood was boiling, Dean declared that “Lee is kind of a b#$&.”  And just like that, Dean became my favorite.

Now it was Lee’s turn to talk to Rachel.  He told some story about his grandfather having cancer.  And he wanted to make sure that Rachel understood it was sad.  GOT IT, LEE.  CANCER IS SAD.  He then pulled out his grandfather’s knife and crudely carved “enchanting” into a block of wood.  And he acted like it was a grand and romantic gesture.  I didn’t get it.  And I would like to take this time to mention that I find it odd that producers didn’t confiscate the knife.

And then Dean went ahead and laid it out on the line.  During a personal interview, he said  “The only people that I’ve seen Lee pick fights with have been not the people that he’s used to seeing on a daily basis from a cultural perspective.”  A producer asked him what he meant by that, and he replied with “You know exactly what I mean by that.” So Dean was basically insinuating that he felt that Lee might be a racist.  That’s a really strong word, and I obviously have no idea if he is or not.  However, I have been hearing stories about some of his old tweets that were found, and it certainly sounds like he has some behaviors that aren’t all inclusive.  Which if that is true, I feel like it’s incredibly unfair to Rachel that they let this slimeball be on the show.

Back in the house, Brady was trying to give Lee the benefit of the doubt and said something like “everybody is raised differently and has their little quirks.”  I don’t really think that possible racist behaviors can be described as “quirks”, but we got the idea.  This is where the vocabulary discussion started.  Specifically over the words quirk, quark, and cork.  Now, I know a quirk is an oddity about your personality, and I know that a cork is what goes in a wine bottle.  But a quark?  I was sure it wasn’t a word, so I googled it.  It is in fact a word.  A quark is  is an elementary particle and a fundamental constituent of matter.  Well, that explains why I didn’t know what it was.  #schooled

Bryan had some time alone with Rachel.  He was intense.  And I’m not sure if she liked his intensity or was scared by his intensity.

Kenny The Pretty Boy took Lee aside to talk to him.  When Kenny was trying to find his words, Lee said “GET. IT. OUT.”  And y’all.  I wanted to legit punch him in the trachea.  And then in his personal interview Lee said,  “The #1 way you can piss somebody off is just to laugh at him.”  I wanted to knock that smirky look right off his smirky face.  He makes me ragey.

Look at his face.  At his “$#*% eating grin” as my Mammaw would say.  In summary, here’s what we know about Lee:  he’s possibly a racist, his hair is too tall, and he uses WAY too much product.  Time to go, Lee.

Then it was TIME FOR PETER!!!!  FINALLY!  He took her aside, set her down, and let her know that all the drama was nothing she should be concerned about.  He told her he was avoiding groups and conversations.  Then he said , “Pay no mind to the childishness in the house, just concentrate on me and my hot face.”  Okay, maybe he didn’t say that.  But he should have.  You know that’s what he was thinking.

After talking to some of the boys and over hearing some of the fighting, Rachel had a moment alone with the camera.  She mentioned the pressure that she feels on this show since she is a black woman.  Tears were flowing, and I was really sad that she was sad.  And I was really sad that the Bachelor producers had put her in this position.   But OMG was her make-up ON POINT.  Look at that eyeshadow!

Harrison came in to talk to Rachel, and you could tell she was all TALK TO THE HAND, HARRISON.  Seriously.  Look how annoyed she is.  He told her that everyone was there to help her….but she didn’t buy it.   He then said “I can facilitate anything”.  I would have been all, can you facilitate Lee getting punched in the trachea?  #maybethatsjustme

Rachel refrained from requesting physical violence (she’s clearly a bigger person than I am).  Instead, she requested that they skip the cocktail party and head straight to the rose ceremony.  Easy Peasy.

Harrison made it happen.  And it was when all the guys were standing up to head to the rose ceremony that I noticed this.  WHAT. THE. HECK.

Here’s a close up.  I know it’s a terrible picture, but I’m going to need a moment.  Alex.  tsk tsk.

I actually googled “purple tiger suit” because I was thinking it was something I’d seen in a movie before.  But I came up just with the image you see below.  Just fyi:  you can buy this little gem on a Halloween Costume site.  And it’s called the “Men’s Suitemeister Basic Pimp Tiger Suit.”  Alex, you can do better.

Who Got Roses:   Will, Dean (YES!), Jonathon (the tickle monster who really has a Ph.D.), Peter (DUH), Adam (Who?), Bryan, Matt, Josiah, Jack, Iggy, Kenny, Lee “WAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?”

YEP.  SHE KEPT LEE.  And I feel confident that it had to be because the producers made her.  But still.

I was going to pull a reaction shot from the past, but I believe that Kenny did it best.

Who Got Sent Home:  Brady, Bryce, and Diggy

I was really sad about Diggy getting let go.  Perhaps too sad.

Dean:  Our Love Is About To Take Off.

When Dean got the 1:1, he was genuinely excited, and it was so endearing.  They hopped in a Jeep and started driving around the island.  While having a picnic, a blimp started approaching them.  Dean is admittedly afraid of heights, so he was less than thrilled with the blimp surprise.

How many times do I have to tell you people? If you ever find yourself filling out a Bachelor application, when it asks you to list your fears you should say things like “pristine beaches, delicious food, and money.”

When walking up to the blimp, we all got a really good picture of the scale of it.  And all of a sudden, I did not feel good about Rachel and Dean essentially boarding a giant balloon.

We also got a good look at Dean’s shorts.  Which were so tight they looked like bike shorts.  I love Dean, but I had to side eye his shorts.

Right before boarding the balloon blimp, Dean shared that on a Level of Freak Out scale of 1-10,the he was probably at a 10. POOR DEAN!  But he conquered his fears, hopped in the co-pilot’s seat at Rachel’s urging, and was all “I’m a blimp pilot!” Then they made out in the back of the blimp.  You know what they say...If the blimp’s a rockin‘….

That night they headed to dinner at a table set under some huge trees with tons of lights and actual chandeliers hanging from their limbs.  It was gorgeous.  Well done, interns.  WELL DONE.

Rachel opened up the conversation by saying she grew up in a very strict and religious household.  Dean countered by saying that he too grew up in a religious household and they went dirt biking every weekend. HUH?  Dean, I think you must be confused on the definition of religious.

He then opened up further about his childhood and shared the heartbreaking story of his mom being diagnosed with cancer when he was 9.  She went through treatments and beat it, and then it recurred when he was 11.  It seemed she never got well after that and passed away when he was 15.  He had older brothers and sisters that were already out of the house, and from the way he tells it, it seems like his dad wasn’t around much after that.  He explained that he pretty much had the house to himself from 15-18.  Dean seemed thoughtful, sweet as can be, and wise beyond his years.  Any fear that Rachel had about his young age (he’s only 25) seemed to melt away.  I thought it was clear that Dean was definitely mature enough and ready for a serious relationship.  #teamdean

They ended the date with a concert performed by an aspiring country artist.  Because BACHELOR.

Group Date Card says:  I Want  To See Who Is Ready For Commitment.

Who is Going:  Alex, Anthony, Peter, Bryan, Jonathan, Adam, Matt, Kenny, Lee, Iggy, Eric, Will, and Josiah 

First they jumped on golf carts and drove around a bit.

Then they all boarded a boat.  There was drinking, dancing, a push up exhibition, and then a couple of raps.  While this guy was dancing, the guys actually started chanting “Go, Tickle.  Go, Tickle.  Go, Tickle.”  It was wrong on so many levels.  If I was his mama I would be seriously peeved that my kid WHO WAS A DOCTOR was being called “Tickle.”

Kenny rapped, and I think it was good because all of the guys started cheering, but I have NO IDEA what he said. And then it was Peter’s turn.  The boy cannot rap, but he was cute and he OWNED IT.  He rhymed “commitment” to “different”, which was slightly impressive…but he ended by saying she was from the hood.  I’m guessing Rachel probably should have given an ol “OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR” to that statement.  I mean, her daddy is a judge and we’ve seen her house.  The hood it was not.

And then she took the boys to The Bachelor Nation Spelling Bee.  Which was a stroke of genius.  And hysterical.

Rachel said that she thinks intelligence is extremely sexy, and while most of the guys were worried, Josiah exclaimed that he wasn’t worried at all because his vocabulary is so “intricate”.  Um, incorrect.

Words given to the guys included:  squirt (ew!), passion, caress, schmuck, euphoric, champagne, boudoir (that’s a hard one), façade, etc.  I will admit, some of them stumped me. I’m not sure I could have spelled boudoir correctly and I KNOW I would have had to phone a friend for boutonniere.

Lee was out early in the game, but I’m thinking if he would have been given the words bigot or chauvinist he might have gone further.  #ZING

Eric started facade with a P-H, and I laughed out loud.  Nice try, Eric.  That was P-H-U-N-N-Y.

Peter was eliminated when he couldn’t spell coitous.

But you don’t have to be able to spell it correctly to do it correctly.  #amirightladies

I shook my head when he started with Q-U…..  Oh, Peter, Peter, Peter.

After some really hard words, Josiah got the word STUNNING? Come on!  That’s like a 2nd grade level! Can somebody spell RIGGED? I have to admit, it was cute when Josiah asked if HE could use stunning in a sentence.  That was smooth.

Josiah ended up winning on POLYAMOROUS. He kissed his trophy, declared his love for it, and then drank out of it later in the evening.  I actually found it all quite entertaining.  And listen, if you like Josiah’s pants, you can probably find them on sale.  Old Navy is always running specials on their pixie pants.  😉

Before we leave The Spelling Bee……If I was the Bachelorette and was hosting a spelling bee as a group date, I would personally choose the words that I wanted the guys to spell.  I would choose words that ANNOY THE FIRE out of me when they are misspelled or used incorrectly.  At the top of my list:  you’re vs. your, quite vs. quiet, accept vs. except, loose vs. lose.  That would be a good start.  It’s also incredibly important to me that a lifelong partner be aware of the “i before e – except after c” rule.  LIVE BY IT.

That night, Peter got some alone time first.  Rachel told him how much she loved that he just let loose earlier that day.  She likes his quiet confidence.  They both talked about their willingness to move too.  And randomly, Rachel is licensed to practice in Wisconsin.  THAT’S IT.  GIVE HIM THAT FINAL ROSE, WOMAN.  He deserves it for the socks alone.

Eric and Rachel were next.  Eric wanted to know what a regular day looked like for her. Rachel told him that after work she likes to pick up food on the way home, watch t.v. and clean.  RACHEL! GIVE ME THE ROSE!  We would have such a beautiful life together.  Tacos, Bravo shows, and fresh vacuum lines.  THE STUFF DREAMS ARE MADE OF.

 

Then it was time for Iggy.  I do not enjoy Iggy.  He talks about how he is protective of her, but it just comes across as disingenuous.  SPELL THAT, GUYS.   And he needs a good matte powder.  However, Rachel didn’t seem to be annoyed by him, in fact…she seemed appreciative…. which was surprising to me.

And then Josiah and Iggy got into it.  Iggy admitted to Josiah that he had just talked to Rachel about the fact that he wasn’t a fan of him. Josiah kept on asking Iggy to provide some examples of why he didn’t like him.  Iggy couldn’t provide one example.  Josiah and his law training wanted to submit that into evidence somewhere.

AND Y’ALL.  GET THIS.  In a 1:1 interview, when Josiah was venting to the camera…he told the whole world that, AND I QUOTE, “Iggy does drugs.  He shoots steroids into his nuts, he confessed to all of us.”

Dang.  Josiah don’t play.

Then it was time for Lee’s one on one time.  He told Rachel that Kenny was yelling at him.  He explained that Kenny was aggressive towards him and I feel like he had Rachel believing him. To the camera, Lee said “I’m going to find joy in smiling and crumbling his miserable world.”  I literally like Lee less and less with every passing second.

As a credit to Rachel, she wanted to talk to Kenny on her own to get his side of the story.  They sat on a bench and he did a little rap.  I shouted TOO SOON, but he rapped anyway. Then he talked about his encounter with Lee.  Kenny admitted that he was yelling at Lee, but it was because he felt like Lee was dismissing him at every turn.  He admitted that he was ashamed of himself and wished he had handled himself differently.  However, I felt like Rachel wasn’t buying Kenny’s explanation.

RACHEL!!!!!!  WAKE UP!!!!!  DON’T BE FOOLED BY LEE!!!!!  Come to the dark side!  Let’s punch him in the trachea together!  It’ll be PHUN!

And in an ending we’ve become accustomed too, we got a big fat TO BE CONTINUED.  BOO.

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Before you go…

Yesterday I received my 4th e-mail about this dress. And all 4 e-mails have raved about it. Here’s the e-mail I received this morning:

“Sheaffer, I bought the 1 State off the shoulder striped dress you talked about last week. It came in Friday and I’m so pleased. I’m 3 months post-partum, and although I’ve lost all my baby weight, things just aren’t the same quite yet. The dress makes me feel great because it’s so flattering! Thank you so much for the recommendation. I’ll be wearing it to two weddings this summer. Thanks again! Samantha”

earrings / dress at Nordstrom – dress on sale HERE/ monogrammed cork clutch c/o Grateful Bags/ similar wedges / best strapless bra ever

And last but not least…Click HERE for details and the products that are involved in a promotion that MAC is running right now.  The code you enter at checkout will depend on the free color that you choose.

See y’all back here on Friday for some Friday Favorites!

Filed Under: The Bachelor 29 Comments