WELL, LADIES…THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME. IT’S BACHELOR SEASON AGAIN!
#cuethepartyhorns #andthecrazygirls #andthe
For those of you that are new here, I’ve been doing Bachelor Recaps since Emily Maynard’s season because that’s when Sean was on, and Sean is one of my besties‘ brothers! Click HERE if you want to scroll through some of my Bachelor recaps of yesteryear. Click HERE to scroll through old Bachelorette recaps.
So this year we get to follow Nick on his journey to true love. Let’s take a moment to walk down memory lane and refresh ourselves on who Nick is. In a nutshell….#controversial #badboy #punk. Yep, that about does it.
His first appearance on the bachelor franchise was when Andi was The Bachelorette, and he received The First Impression Rose. Throughout the season, HE FELL HARD for Andi. But then Andi broke it off with him, which broke his heart, and he swore he would never do anything like that again. #neversayneverNick
After Andi’s season, he ticked lots of guys off when he showed up on Kaitlin’s season several episodes after it started. He fell hard. Again. In fact, he made it till the final two and started going down on one knee to propose in the finale….but Kaitlyn was all, “I like somebody else more.” #poornick #badboysneedlovetoo
Then he decided to mix it up, and he went on Bachelor in Paradise. I don’t remember the details, but even though he and some girl did like each other for a bit, they did not end up together in the end. I do remember liking him more on BIP and thinking that maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy!
And then…in THE MOST DRAMATIC BACHELOR ANNOUNCEMENT EVER (lol)….the producers pulled the rug out from under Bachelor Nation. Although everybody thought that the new bachelor was going to be Luke Pell (huhmuhnuh huhmuhnuh)……….they did an ol’ switcheroo and announced Nick Viall as their next leading man. #gasp
And Bachelor Nation was all….
You know my girl Ashley had to make an appearance. I’m sorry, but that face will NEVER get old.
The show opened to Nick admitting that he was as surprised as we are that he is The Bachelor. And then he listed some silly areas that he needs to improve on that he’s noticed from other seasons…like mumbling when he’s talking (which he totally does), covering his mouth when talking (which again, he totally does), and wearing skinny jeans too much (I might have added that one myself). But he’s self deprecating and charming….and I realize we’re only 10 minutes in, but I’m liking him a lot! I’m gonna consider that a win. #gonick
Before meeting the ladies, he met up with some former contestants for some advice. That’s Prince Farming (Chris Soules), Nick (haven’t thought of a good nickname yet), The Golden Boy (Sean Lowe), and Peter Brady (Ben Higgins). They were all giving him a really hard time, and I found myself feeling protective of Nick. WHAT IS HAPPENING. I also found myself scratching my head, questioning why Chris Souls was chosen to give advice. I also found myself questioning his hairstyle, but that’s neither here nor there. (You can’t tell in this picture, but the top portion was really long and did a weird swoopy thingy. #nosir)
After the meet up with the guys, the viewing audience got the chance to meet some ladies in a handful of hometown pieces. I don’t have something to say about everybody we met…but there are some key points I felt the need to highlight.
Josephine is a 24 year old nurse. But while in her nursing uniform, I felt like she looked more like she was dressing up to be a naughty nurse/librarian on Halloween than an actual real live nurse. Yes? #thedoctorwillseeyounow
Meet Corinne. She’s 24, lives in Miami, and describes herself as a very serious business woman. Part of me believed Corinne when she said that, but then she told America that SHE HAS A NANNY. And just in case there is any confusion, the nanny is not for her child. The Nanny is FOR HERSELF. Like she lives with her mom and dad, runs a “multi-million dollar company”, and SAYS SHE HAS A NANNY. She said, “Like even if I moved out, I would like have Raquel, like come to my house”. And that’s like a direct quote. I’m giving a total side eye to Corinne’s mom and dad right now. I mean, let’s call the poor woman that slices Corinne’s cucumbers a personal assistant or something. And let’s be honest, you know the nanny has thought about sprinkling a little arsenic on Corinne’s cucumbers a time or two. (FYI: I couldn’t think of the word “arsenic”, and I literally just googled “What’s the poison you sprinkle on food that you can’t taste.” And now I’m legit scared that I just sent up a whole bunch of red flags to some sort of internet monitoring agency.)
And I’m thinking Corinne just might be this season’s Olivia. I mean, we have to watch somebody that we love to hate. #comeatmebro
Next we met Alexis. And we found out that she’s cray. How do we know she’s cray? Because she showed us her cray right off the bat. No use beating around the bush, ya know? Alexis loves dolphins (like realllllllly loves dolphins), and long walks
on the beach to CVS in a sumo wrestler costume. You can’t make this stuff up.
This is Danielle. She’s 31, a NICU nurse, and DARLING…..
But don’t worry Nick, even though she saves babies for a living….
She can also rock a pair of booty shorts like nobody’s business. So she’s totally well rounded, which is so important.
This next lady is a wild card. She was the maid of honor at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. She met Nick at the wedding, said they had “fun together”, and she implied that they did The Big Wiggle. WILL NICK REMEMBER HER? Only time will tell, but I’m excited to be along for the ride. Where do you think this girl and Jade met? Summer Camp? Maybe. I mean, if Hugh Hefner was a counselor.
It’s Limo Time!!!! HOSE DOWN THE DRIVEWAY, grab your wine bottles, make like JoJo’s mom (I miss her) and don’t even bother getting a glass because IT’S GO TIME, PEOPLE. It’s time for the PARADE O’ LADIES. And here’s what I know…if you aren’t a nurse or wearing a red dress, then you’re not going to fit in.
Danielle (27) was the first girl out of the limo, and she came out with both “guns” blazing. #wellplayed
There were several girls in a row that were kind of just ho hum. One girl talked about “making lemons into lemonade” and one girl said “4th times the charm.” And both of them acted like they had created the phrases. Girls. This is The Bachelor. You have to do better.
I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
Lauren (30), told Nick that they both had some pretty terrible last names. Nick’s last name is Viall and Lauren’s last name is Hussy….“so basically together, you and I, are a disgusting slut.” And that my friend, is what they call foreshadowing.
Sidenote….isn’t a “restaurant server” the same thing as a “waitress”? The intern in charge of writing the “occupations” for these girls gets an A++ for creativity on that one.
Sarah (26) jogged up in a pair of Nike’s and had a great line about being a “runner-up”. I liked it.
Hailey (33) asked Nick, “Do you know what a girl wearing underwear says?” He said “No, I don’t.” And then she said “Neither do I.” OMG. It was here that I scrunched my shoulders up by my ears and turned my head to the side. (Raise your hand if you just did that too to see what it felt like.) I wanted to grab Hailey by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. Hailey. You’re a cute girl. And you’re 33. YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS.”
The next girl didn’t say her name when she got out of the car (it’s Liz), but this is the girl that met Nick and did the Mattress Mambo about a year ago with him at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. By the way, she’s just not implying a big wiggle anymore, she’s straight up confirmed it. I appreciate the admission. There’s no time to be coy.
And although she didn’t tell him that she knew him, Nick definitely remembered something. This is the look of a man mentally scrolling through his little black book in his head.
Raven got out of the limo and started calling the hogs (as Razorback fans do). Raven is a pretty girl and seems super sweet…but I’m thinking Chris Soules is more her speed.
Josephine, the Naughty Nurse we met earlier, brought in a prop (see pic below) that confirmed her Naughty Nurse status. And she said “You’re a wiener in my book.” Josephine, here’s a word of advice for you. Don’t say wiener. Ever. And then, at her request, they went all “Lady and the Tramp” on the wiener. #barf
Another girl in red came up…but she differentiated herself from the sea of red by riding a camel. She boldly said, “I know you like a good hump, and so do I.” Even the camel looked embarrassed. Seriously, look at his face.
Alexis (23) exited the limo wearing a shark costume. LET’S REVIEW. Alexis is the girl who realllllly loves dolphins. And I can respect that. I can also respect a bold limo exit. HOWEVER, it’s not a dolphin costume. #blessherheart #katieperrycalled
COCKTAIL PARTY TIME!
Nick walked into the mansion, gave a very sweet toast, and gave me some warm fuzzy feelings. I mean, I feel like I really like him! #dontletmedownnick He said, “When I think about finding the one….throughout this process, I know I’m the Bachelor and handing out roses and that’s kind of crazy…but I want you to feel as empowered as possible. Try to make this experience as normal as possible in an abnormal world.” And y’all. He was genuine and CHARMING AS HECK.
Highlights of the cocktail party follow:
This girl is a class act. She’s an attorney from Dallas, and Nick seems to be quite smitten with her.
Corinne sat down with Nick and gave him a bag of tokens, which confused me to no end. Is her multi million dollar business a video arcade? #ilovemesomeskiball #thatwasforyoudad
After Corinne, Nick was talking to the special ed. teacher and seemed to be having a nice time, when Corinne swooped in and then started kissing him! It was a bold move (the jury is still out on if Nick was digging it or not), but it definitely put a target on her back with the other girls.
The next good bit of the night was centered around Shark Girl. And I have to say, SHE WAS COMMITTED. Like, she walked around the pool in her dolphin costume making dolphin sounds (which I have to say, sounded a lot like Chris Soule’s giggle). Girl after girl tried to tell her that she was a shark, and she would sweetly turn around to show off her costume and politely correct them by saying that she was in fact a dolphin. Nick tried to tell her as well, and she shut him down too. Shark Girl. Listen to Me. Your costume had gills. That makes you a shark. It’s just basic biology. Or is it anatomy. #whatever
The whole shark/dolphin debate made me think back to one of my favorite episodes of Friends when Rachel got a “cat”.
Nick sat down with Liz and let her know that he absolutely remembered who she was. He reminded her that he had asked for her number and that she didn’t give it to him. He told her he questioned her motives in coming on the show, because if she was really interested in him, she could have just asked Jade for his number. Good point, Nick!
He then gave the first impression rose to Rachel, the Dallas Attorney.
Who Got Roses: Vanessa (special ed. teacher), Danielle L. (boob girl first out of the limo), Christen (yellow dress with the fan), Astrid (talked in german about her boobs), Corinne (HAS A NANNY), Elizabeth (pretty girl in white lace dress), Jasmine G. (girl who got denied when she tried to steal him away from another girl) Raven (better suited for Prince Farming), Kristina (bawled like a baby saying she wasn’t going to get picked, but did), Danielle M. (the darling NICU nurse that rocks the booty shorts), Sarah (“runner up” girl), Josephine (the naughty nurse), Lacey (embarrassed the camel), Taylor (the therapist who told Nick her friends think he is a “P.O.S.”, Alexis (shark girl), Hailey (the panty dropper), Whitney (one of the 15 girls in a red dress), Dominique (another one of the 15 girls in a red dress), Jaimi (the girl with the serious nose ring), Brittany (another girl in a red dress), and Liz (the one he’s already had relations with).
Who Goes: Olivia, Angela, Lauren, Briana, Ida Marie, Jasmine B., Michelle and Susannah all went home as the sun came up.
And y’all, if the previews for the rest of the season hold true, it seems as if there are some girls that are very confident in their womanly charms. I want to make several jokes here about some things that the ladies said, but my dad reads here, and I’m shy.
Hope you enjoyed the 1st Bachelor recap of the season. PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW WITH EITHER YOUR TOP 3 picks, YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, or YOUR MOST CRINGE WORTHY MOMENT!
Oh, and for those of you that are new around these parts, you can check back here every Wednesday for my weekly Bachelor recap. The rest of the week I’ll be talking clothes. Click HERE to read a little bit ABOUT ME….and click HERE (I named a new MUST HAVE and shared some pics from Christmas) and HERE (I highlighted a darling layered sweater) for some examples of my posts. The picture below is from my post on Monday where I was talking about great basics.
Get The Look For Yourself Here:
Also….It’s that time of year again where I start eating less tacos and start eating more apples. I also kick up my workouts (my neighbor tried to kill me dead yesterday morning with the new program we are doing called Max Out). Good news though, I’m going to look cute when I stop breathing and pass out.
Just click on what you are interested in:
See y’all back here tomorrow for Friday Favorites!