Okay, girls! It’s week 2 of the Bachelor, which I’ve dubbed THE CORRINE SHOW. Grab your alcohol of choice and some sort of pillow, because you’re going to need both of them. I promise you, you will be driven to drink and hide by the end of this episode.
Click HERE for the episode 1 recap if you missed it! You really can’t miss the introduction to all the crazy.
Week 2 opened with Harrison showing up and letting the girls know that all of them are not going to get alone time with Nick this week, and he dropped the date card on the table amidst high pitched giggles and screams.
Date Card Days: Always a Bridesmaid
Who is Going: Corinne, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Haley, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Danielle, L., Elizabeth W.
Corinne says “I’ve never been a bridesmaid.” And we’re all like “You don’t say.” Being a bridesmaid implies that you have girlfriends, and we’re on to you girl. You’re one of those I’ve never really had any good girlfriends because they’re always so jealous of me types. #puke #gag
All the girls hopped in 3 different Buick Convertibles (#productplacement) and off they went! DOWN A HIGHWAY. AND NOT A ONE OF THEM HAD A RUBBER BAND. #whenwilltheylearn
They got out a different mansion and were told that they were all going to be taking wedding pictures with Nick. Good times.
Now, before we start in on the date, let’s talk about the photographer. Because he’s wearing a floral romper LIKE A BOSS. And if we can all be honest with ourselves for a second, we’re just mad that he looks so good in it. #goodluckinthebathroombuddy #theromperwillbearoundyourankles #beenthere
So, Romper Boy let them know that they were going to be playing various brides in their photo shoots..an 80s bride, a biker bride, etc….. But some girls weren’t going to get to play the coveted role of bride. Some of them were going to have to play the dreaded bridesmaid role. The bridesmaids were seriously bummed out. But I’m all, “HELLO? Have y’all met Liz? History has shown that Nick likes a bridesmaid.” #allegedly
Corinne got “Beach Bride” and was feeling pretty proud of herself in her white bikini and claimed that she was the hottest bride there.
And then this gal walked in.
And Corinne was actually upset that there was somebody more naked than her. This is something that I don’t understand. Personally, I’d be hoping for Winter Wonderland bride.
First up, the Vegas Bride.
Romper Boy sprang into action and started inspiring the “talent” by shouting things like “Whose being naughty in Las Vegas?” and “Somebody needs a little spanking.” For real.
And I imagine this to be happening somewhere…
We then got to see pictures taken of a Biker Wedding with Hailey, an 80s wedding with Vanessa, a Traditional Wedding with somebody (forgot her name), and a Princess Wedding with Taylor.
There was also a Shotgun Wedding with Shark Girl. Just fyi, until they handed her the fake belly bump, she admitted she thought a shotgun wedding meant she was going to get to be a hot and sexy bride with guns. Is that a thing?
NEXT UP, the Adam and Eve themed wedding with Brittany. Again, not a thing. I don’t have much to say. Except this: It’s not that I’m mad at you Bachelor producers, I’m just disappointed. #iwantyoutobebetterthanthis
And then it was finally time for the Beach Wedding with Corinne. In lieu of a beach, they hopped in a pool, and Corinne claimed she was going to go “out of her comfort zone.” OH, GOODY. She peeled Nick’s shirt off…
…and then she took her own top off (she might have considered it “courageous”, but my extra years made the term “pathetic” come to mind). Corinne then told Nick to Janet Jackson her boobs. #thatescalatedquickly (For all of you that were like 3 in 1993…Janet Jackson appeared on the cover of a Rolling Stone magazine issue where she was topless, but some unknown man’s hands were covering the goods.)
Best AND WORST quote of the whole episode was when Corinne said”Nick held my boobs today.” Corinne, think of your parents. THINK OF YOUR NANNY! And p.s. Corinne, NOBODY believed you when you said “nobody has ever held my boobs like that.” #yeahrightcorinne #misscorinneifyourenasty
I would like to mention that the girl below was nothing short of horrified that Corinne took her top off and shamed her family in this way. If you need a reminder on who this girl is, she’s the one that introduced herself to Nick and promptly made a reference to the fact that she wasn’t wearing any panties. I mean, that’s like the pot calling the kettle skanky.
That night, the group date ended on a rooftop with copious amounts of alcohol being provided. And if it wasn’t already, this was where it definitely turned in to The Corinne Show. Corinne had a little bit of time with Nick, as did a couple of other girls. Then, when Shark Girl was talking with him, Corinne hopped in again declaring “I already miss him.” Then when Taylor was with him, Corinne showed up again. And then Corinne was mad because Taylor RE-INTERRUPTED HER.
That’s when Corinne said that “Corinne goes about things in a classy way”. It seems as if the 7th vodka tonic makes Corinne start talking in the third person. Sheaffer doesn’t like it when people talk in the 3rd person.
And then Corinne addressed the group. Y’all. My eyes just about rolled right on out of my head with her condescending and self righteous speech. But this next picture made my month. Did anybody else catch the glimpse of Cousin It in the background? She literally couldn’t even. I want to give that girl a high five.
Nick returned to the group, and I waited with baited breath, so scared that he was going to give the rose to Corinne. AND THEN HE GAVE THE ROSE TO CORINNE. I mean, isn’t that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic. #namethatshow
Now, ladies. I feel like I need to take a moment and address all the young and impressionable girls in America….taking off your top in front of a boy AND A NATIONAL VIEWING AUDIENCE does not a wife make.
Corinne then addressed the group and said “I felt really good about getting the rose.” Wow. She continued on by saying “I just put myself out there and was myself. That’s it. That’s all I did guys. Literally. I was just Corinne.”
Sheaffer wants to punch Corinne in the trachea.
1:1 Date Card Arrived: Our relationship is about to take off.
Who is going? Danielle M (the NICU nurse who rocks a pair of bootie shorts)
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
They boarded a helicopter (shocker), spent the day on a yacht (gasp)…had dinner….BLAH BLAH BLAH.
I was in the middle of writing “Even though I think Miss Danielle is CUTE AS A BUTTON, the date was just blah.” And literally, as I was writing those words, Danielle opened up and said that she had been engaged in the past, but her fiance overdosed on drugs (she didn’t even know he was taking drugs) and she found him. Nick said all the right things and was super sweet to her.
She got a rose, and Nick told the cameras that he realized that she was a woman with incredible strength. He also used words like “cute”, “endearing”, and “lovable”. I love her, but I’m afraid Nick is already in the friend zone with her.
BACK AT THE HOUSE
Back at the house, Liz told the camera that she’s been carrying a secret. And then she decided to confide in Christen, who “don’t worry, won’t tell anybody.” Don’t worry Christen, you won’t have to. There are mics everywhere and Liz just told the whole world.
Anyhoo, Liz told her (in three different outfit changes) that 9 months ago she met Nick at a wedding, they hit it off with each other, and then they did things that frightened the fish. #namethatmovie
I did enjoy Christen’s reaction.
Liz regaled Christen with details of her night with Nick….but Christen didn’t feel right about telling the camera, saying “she didn’t want to put it on the family friend channel.” UM,that shipped sailed YEARS ago, Christen.
The last date card arrived and said We need to talk…
Who is going: Kristen, Josephine, Asterid, Jamie, Christina, Liz
The girls hopped in a limo, met Nick on a busy street, and ended up at The Museum of Broken Relationships….which apparently really is a thing. As they were walking around, I found myself wondering, are there still 5-7-9 stores in existence? Because check out the outfits.
They walked through the museum, checking out relics from broken relationships. And then they watched a “live break up”, which was part of a Live Break Up Symposium. Again, that’s an actual thing. The girls were told that they were all going to get to a chance to do a live break up with Nick in front of all of the museum patrons.
It was all really silly, but *#%$ got real when it was Liz’s turn. She stepped up on the stage (which was really just like a 2×2 block of plywood), read from prepared notes….And y’all, SHE CALLED HIM OUT. She outlined exactly what happened to them, and Nick just stood there. Stunned. Absolutely gobsmacked. She turned the tables and basically shamed him for not fighting for her. As a reminder, he asked for her number (you know, after they wiggled), and she said “no”. And now she’s complaining that he didn’t continue to go after her.
That night at the group date cocktail party, Nick said “I’m living my nightmare.” And I’m like, Welcome to the club, buddy. But as the night went on, he started feeling better about things, thinking that Liz hadn’t shared their past “relationship” with the other girls.
But when Nick sat down with Christen, she brought him up to speed and let him know that Liz had in fact told her about their history.
And then Nick and Liz had a talk.
After the talk, Nick said, “The more I talk to Liz, the less she makes sense.”
Similarly, “The more I watch this show, the less faith I have in humanity.”
Nick then told Liz that he didn’t see their relationship going anywhere, because he already had stronger connections with other women. #shegone
He returned to his gaggle of women and told them all that he had wiggled with Liz 9 months before. The camera panned around the couch, and mouths were agape.
ANNNNNNNNNND SCENE.
So there we were, at the end of our weekly episode, with no rose ceremony in sight. We were just left wondering if Corinne is going to set fire to the mansion next week when she finds out about Liz.
But don’t you worry, because we did get to celebrate a little known holiday with Nick and Sharkgirl. Yep, it’s Sharkgirl’s 1 year Boobiversary, people! She got her boobs 1 year ago today, and by golly that’s reason to celebrate!
Ladies, in the comments, please leave your favorite moment of the show…your most cringe worthy moment of the show….or your favorite part of the recap!
BEFORE YOU GO…
If you didn’t see Monday’s post, make sure you click over HERE to check it out, because not only do I show the look below (and give a full review and size references for each piece), but I also show the gorgeous necklace with a neutral look too. And good news….the ladies at Accessory Concierge extended the code, so you can still use the code STMTHORN to get 20% OFF this necklace!
MUST HAVE tunic blouse / skinny stretch cords (mine are the “khaki”) / necklace / glitter studs / MUST HAVE boots / tote bag / spike bracelet / bangle bracelet
Get The Look For Yourself Here:
And I felt it my civic duty to let you know that these moto leggings are now ON SALE! I LOVE THEM! And we’re talking $23.40! For size reference, I’m wearing a small in both the tunic (on sale too!) and leggings. I think they are both true to size. (If you are only planning on wearing the tunic with jeans, then you can size down.)
moto leggings / MUST HAVE shirt / earrings / long cami / necklace (type in Genevieve Tassel Necklace) / similar booties ON SALE
See y’all back here on Friday for Friday Favorites, I have some great stuff to share with you!
Lauren says
Even when I miss an episode, I still read your recap. It’s so good that I don’t even feel like I need to watch it, okay really the entire episode.
I do find myself thinking, I’m going to need to see this scene for myself!
Your recaps are truly my favorite thing about the bachelor coming back.. and I’m not a nick fan.
Shay Shull says
Okay, so I’m not watching this season…but your recap has my eyes all opened realllllly wide. I am missing some crazy TV!
hannah says
Clearly not missing at all.
Krystal says
After episode 2 I will not be watching any more either! How can I? With a teenage daughter. And as a daughter of the King. Conviction!
Alison says
I agree with you Krystal! I have not watched the bachelor since its early days( aka before I had kids),so when my 12 year old daughter comes from home from dance class and says her teacher said they should watch it( teacher is 24), I had to explain to her that it is an inappropriate show for her age and that even at my ripe old age of 53, do not want to watch women demeaning themselves. I love Sheaffer and I think she has some hilarious recaps, but the show is not for our house.
JULIE K THRAPP says
Well said!
Amanda says
Man is Corinne a ridiculous, infuriating hot mess! I feel like they brought out the crazy even earlier this season.
Not sad to see Liz go, I must say, but the reactions of the other girls is priceless! I’m not sure why they’re so upset though. It not like we haven’t known that Nick wiggled (!) with Andi (and called her out on it on TV) and Kaitlyn (and perhaps Jen on BIP) and who knows how many others!?
And I remember the 5-7-9 store in the mall! Classic.
Lisa says
Sheaffer you always “nail it” with your recaps! I was just starting to like Nick again but yuck. Such a shame to have some decent girls with sincere values then you have those will such low self=esteem.
Megan says
My girlfriends and I spent the entire episode dying a slow embarrassing death for these girls. #soawkward
It always takes me several episodes into the season get into it. We need to send at least half of these girls home stat. Then get to the good stuff.
Love the recap!
http://www.lettinginthelightblog.com
Heather says
Does anyone else think Josephine looks like Kim Zolciak from back when she was a real housewife?
kimberly says
yessssssssss!!!! i’ve been trying to figure out who the heck it is that she reminds me of!! nailed it!!
Sanna says
Yes, she totally looks like Kim Zolciak! I also think Vanessa looks like Penelope Cruz.
lauren says
“That’s like the pot calling the kettle skanky.” Favorite line of the recap today for sure. Maybe my favorite line of yours of all time. I lol’d and snorted, so you know it was good.
Tracy Boyle says
I agree! EPIC line! Love reading your recaps. I watch the show just to be able to read these. And I will say that this season seems to be particularly skanky. Is NIce and/or his future love REALLY looking for love because those dates aren’t the way to showcase your best you….
Katie Mayeaux says
This was my favorite too…..the pot calling the kettle skanky…haha I literally laughed out loud at my desk at work. #oops
Elly says
Okay- one thing I kept thinking about the Liz thing was what a hypocrite Nick is! He kept saying “you could have found my number, you could have called me, but you waited until you were on national tv, etc” but how is what he did on Kaitlin’s season any different! Like- he could have called her- they could have started something way less dramatic off camera ???? also, as crazy as Corinne is- I also thing she is hilarious to watch and it’s one of the first times I am not rooting for the “villain” to just get off the tv already haha!
Katie says
I felt like Liz was sending the wrong message to guys everywhere. If you ask for my number and I say “no” it’s not a game. I don’t want you to fight for me. It means I don’t want you to call me! Bye!
Actually Nick and Kaitlin and had been engaging in flirtatious texting (sexting?) up until she went on the bachelorette so it was a little different.
Heather says
The pot calling the kettle skanky…hah! Best line ever! I’m not watching this season but I never miss your recaps. They make my Wednesday!
Danielle says
If I had a drink, I would of spit it out laughing right now! I agree with you on his one on one date, the date seemed boring. Danielle was one of my favorites but I just didn’t see the spark.
Candace says
The Friends and Steel Magnolia lines – classics!!
The entire Corinne show made me cringe!!
Your posts are the best part of Wednesday!!
sara says
#namethatshow #FRIENDS
I don’t even watch The Bachelor, but I absolutely love your recaps. Thank you for bringing a bit of laughter into my morning!
Katie says
I don’t even watch the show but you had me at the “5-7-9” reference and corresponding photo 😉
Cathy says
#friends (when Ross brings Julie home from China)
#steelmagnoilas #mycolorsareblushandbashful
Erika Slaughter says
Ugh!!! Why is he passing out roses to Corinne but he thinks Liz is nuts? I’m confused?!
Lana says
PREACH!
Lana says
“I mean, that’s like the pot calling the kettle skanky.” – I’m dying! Couple that with Friends references and third-person reactions, and this recap is absolute gold!
KatyO says
Call me a cynic but I think the producers must have a hand in determining who gets the rose sometimes….giving Corrine the rose made for AWESOME television (and by awesome I mean cringe-inducing and controversial).
Shay – can you shed any light on this? Did the producers influence decisions like that?
Becky says
Thanks for an awesome recap! I haven’t been watching this season but love the recaps! What is the no-underwear girl’s tattoo…a bobby pin????
Kay says
Thank you! I was asking the same thing…who tattoos a bobby pin???? OMG – excellent recap, Sheaffer. You nail it every time!
KJM says
I noticed the bobby pin tattoo as well! I hope they have some deeper meaning for her, it wouldn’t be my choice to permanently put on my body, there are enough of them littered around my house.
Brooke Lane says
“Scheaffer wants to punch Corinne in the trachea.” Hilarious. I quit watching a couple years ago but I look forward to your weekly recaps. Also, I used to manage a 5-7-9, (it closed in 2010). Thanks for the laughs this morning!
Sanna says
Is 5-7-9 kind of like Wet Seal, because that’s what the pic reminded me of?
Sheaffer says
Hi, Sanna! YES! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Bri Bliss says
I am so happy that in the previews for next week girls start calling Nick out on whether he wants some booty or a wife. He’s not off to a good start. Make a statement Nick. Send Corrine home!!
Cat says
Corinne setting the house on fire when she finds out, BAHAHAHA!!!
Rebecca Brittain says
Oh my goodness, your post made me laugh so much and I don’t even watch The Bachelor (or TV really for that matter). I haven’t followed The Bachelor literally since the first three seasons ever aired. I look forward to your posts as an insight to the show because YOU could be MY spirit animal after reading this! Thank you for the morning laughs. =}
Sonya says
I always look forward to your recaps. I’m sick of Corinne. And in the pool Nick looked completely uncomfortable yet gave her a rose. I just wanted him to tell her no every time she interrupted. She seems really entitled to me and he couldn’t possibly have anything in common with her. You might be right about the outfits from 5-7-9. Shopped there for years as a teen because I was tiny…then. It cracks me up that the girls where practically nothing but the guys always have on pants and shirts with long sleeves. How are they not burning up? Or are all the girls freezing. #passmeamaxidresswithacardigan
Maddie says
Sheaffer – was it just me or were the cupcakes during the boobiversary actually decorated like boobs… nips and all?! That was by far the lowest/highest point of the episode for me. Love your recaps! 🙂
Kelly says
Punching corrie in the trachea is the BEST and FUNNIEST thing I’ve heard all year! Haha. I’m so laughing. You’re so awesomely funny. I wish I knew you in real life! Great recap! I don’t even watch that trash but always look forward to your hilarious recaps!
Karen At Home says
OMG, where to begin? LOL! The Boobanniversary was certainly a first even for Bachelor Nation so I think I will go with that. Hilarious!
Brinkley Brown says
Haven’t watched yet…but love your recaps!!! And the answer to your questions….Steel Magnolias….Love it!
Lori says
Your recaps are hilarious! #iveneverbeenabridesmaid…you don’t say! LOL
#potcallingthekettleskanky..LOL
Can’t wait for next week’s recap! They are better than watching the show!
Valerie says
I’m going to just throw it out there that Corrine and Chad should meet up. I’m sure her nanny could make a protein shake and fetch cold cuts along with her cucumber slices. #matchmadeinBachelorheaven
Jen says
LOL
Lisa says
You are good!!!!
Danielle Vincent says
I can’t stand Corinne. Can’t stand her!
Most cringe worthy was for sure when she took her top off, told nick to hold her boobs, and then even he was confused.
Worst part? At the end when she said she went outta her comfort zone and her DAD would be proud. Umm, no. Hear that? It’s your dad HIDING from embarrassment..
Judy says
I think I enjoy your recaps more than watching the show itself! The Bachelor is hitting some all times lows with some of the stuff going on. It’s like a train wreck…you can’t look away.
Erin says
That’s what I said TRAIN WRECK – oh and I need a shower after watching #cringe!
Tiffany says
“Wearing a floral romper like a BOSS” OMG! Your recaps make my day. Seriously! And the trachea punch… The 5-7-9 reference…Sooo awesome! Yes, thank you for the morning laughs!!!
Erin Hill says
After watching that first date I felt like I needed to go to church or confession or have an exorcism or at minimum bleach my eyes. Ugh. I’m hoping giving Corinne the date rose was producer encouraged. I’ve been so pleased with New Nick, but saw way too many glimpses of Old Nick on that date!
Cindy Beck says
I gave up watching this show quite some time ago. However, I look forward to your recaps. You are SO funny. Some of the lines you come up with are hysterical. I DO remember 5-7-9 stores….that made me laugh out loud. Thanks for always starting my day off right!
Courtney says
I have to say- I can’t believe you didn’t post about the girl that was ASLEEP UNDER THE KITCHEN TABLE during what I think was one of the 3 different outfit conversations between Liz and christen. I just knew you would call that out!
hhpph says
Right!? Even my husband (who usually hides his eyes if he happens to pass through the room while The Bachelor is on) stopped in his tracks and said, WTH? Was she lying on a bench, on pillows? Who WAS that? Don’t they give those poor girls beds?
Audra says
I found myself not able to look at the TV during the photo shoots. The fact that he didn’t say much while the girls were all over him and that he had no problem with their behavior was disturbing.
Love the pot calling the kettle skanky, and talking in third person.
Witty and on point as always.
Lisa Gonzalez says
5-7-9 is priceless, totally shopped there back in high school. Thank goodness I graduated to Nordstrom’s though!! Recaps are the best part of Wednesday. I don’t even mind getting up early because I know the post will be up. Thanks for doing them.
Melanie Mitchum says
I love your recaps. They are more entertaining than the show itself. I found out something interesting about Liz. On the show, her job is listed as a Doula, but I looked her up on-line and she is an Actress and a Director. Makes me wonder just how “real” all of that is. That whole “relationship” did not make sense.
Kim Kauffman says
I was cringing the entire episode!!
Corinne says
When I was younger I could NEVER find my name on a bracelet, cup, souvenir, nothing NOT EVER. I never wanted to change my name though… until now! I’m not watching the show but your recaps have me laughing so hard tears may or may not be coming down my leg!
Amanda says
Favorite moment of the show was watching Corinne pout about the “Eve” bride. I’ll be honest, as soon as the Liz speech started, I got uncomfortable for her and just fast forwarded through her speech (thank you DVR!). I just couldn’t handle the awkwardness and Nick’s “Okkkkk” response. UGH
Kristin S says
Favorite moment? When Christen said, “playa say what?” It was hilarious.
Cheryl says
I laughed out loud at that too for some reason. She was funny.
Amy says
” I mean, isn’t that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic”
Friends! Rachel!
Amanda says
Nicks name needs to be #thecomebackkid ….love you recaps!
Michele says
Shark girl is turning out to be the bright spot on the show!! Her boob party made me laugh when the majority of the show made me cringe!! Nick needs to weed these girls out faster if I’m gonna stay til the end of the season…Give shark girl and Christen their own reality show!
Lori A Johnson says
I look forward to your recaps EVERY season, they are the highlight of my day and I have to share with my girlfriends. You are hilarious, accurate, and I love your blog.
Maribeth says
I love watching “The Bachelor” because I feel so much better about myself when I do 😉 I’m a new reader of your blog and am LOVING your recaps from The Bachelor! Thanks for brightening up my Wednesdays 🙂 Also – small world: I went to high school with your sister 🙂
Katie Allred says
Tiara + Olivia = Corinne
I also said the EXACT same thing when she said “I’ve never been a bridesmaid”. Sorry girl!
Cheryl says
Me too! Yelled it at the TV! (I may need to calm down)
Michelle says
Me too! I was like, “Of course not, you CAN NOT have actual friends.”
Shana says
You’re the best!! I don’t even watch the show, but I LOVE your recaps! Thanks for making a girl who rarely laughs out loud laugh like a boss while reading your recaps!
Rhonda says
Loved the Janet Jackson references because #bornwaybefore1993~! You have a gift with word my dear. LOVE your blog. I don’t even think I need to watch this season (even though I am #trainwreck) to be thoroughly entertained. Keep up the good work!
Christina Erickson says
Thank you for saving me 2 hours every week!
Kristina Cawley says
I love your recaps, they always make me laugh out loud. Fun fact, I was reading an article on local radio station website and found out that our beloved Danielle starred in country singer Cole Swindell’s music video “Middle of a memory”.
Music video-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS9Wo0iQUsg
Article from radio station website http://929thebull.com/cole-swindell-middle-of-a-memory-video-star-is-now-on-the-bachelor/
Cheryl says
WHO IS JASMINE! I know I have seen her before!
Kris says
She was a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader! I remembered her from the CMT show about the DCC!
Kris says
She was a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, on CMT’s “Making the Team”! It was driving me nuts until I figured it out!
Courtney says
She cheered for the Dallas Cowboys so if you watched the Making of a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader you would recognize her from there.
Cheryl says
That’s it!! Thank you!!!
Karis Phillips says
My most “Corinne”INGE WORTH MOMENT was when she said something about her dad being proud even though she was naked! ????
Sara Glomski says
Hilarious! “Think of your nanny!!!” Love your recaps!
Marla says
HILARIOUS!!!
So many lines had me laughing out loud but the picture of Cousin It was the best! Thanks for continuing to do the recaps. They are my favorite.
Julie says
Love the romper comments. Yes, he owned it! I think Corinne’s nanny is giggling over her popcorn watching this train wreck. I also lol when she said she has never been a bridesmaid! No shock there. Lost any hope I may have had when he gave her a rose. Says volumes.
Julee Patterson says
I don’t watch the show, but I read your recaps for the humor. My favorite line of the recap was “are there still 5-7-9 shops around!” I’m definitely old enough to get that one!
And are you doing Insanity Max 30? You posted that your workout was MAX 30, so I made the leap from a few other “want to die” comments. Anyway, if so, get used to Shaun T talking in 3rd person!
April Parrish says
Nick is a player and the last 2 Bachelorettes realized it thankfully before it was too late!
Kat says
I’ve pretty much stopped watching Bachelor/Bachelorette now because I enjoy your recaps more! #bachelorcliffnotes
Danika says
I was 3 years old in 1993 so thank you Sheaffer for filling me in on the Janet Jackson reference! Even if Danielle is in the friend zone, it’s so clear that she is just wayyyyyyyy too good for Nick. Thanks for the laugh 🙂
Kate says
I mean, isn’t that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic. #namethatshow
#Friends
Corinne says
This season…on positive note, a lot more people will see my name and be able to pronounce it correctly. Most cringe worthy…every someone says “Corinne.”
Jess says
I don’t watch the show (and haven’t other than Sean’s season because…hello, it was the Golden Boy) ever. Your recaps make me feel like I really don’t need to. You are hilarious with these!!
I have to ask, after the Janet Jackson situation, do you still like Nick?! He is so not appealing to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he chose Corinne in the end. #happilyevertrashy #wherearethegoldenboysat?
Michelle Z says
The pot calling the kettle skanky and the 5-7-9 reference…priceless. Corrine has to be a producers pick, right? No one can be that horrible. A nanny?…. talking in the third person…..nakedness…. her lecture on how to be on The Bachelor. She was hella drunk for a lot of the show too. Agree that I really like Danielle but didn’t see any chemistry there.
Brittany Hensley says
Your Rachel Green quote!! I mean, BRAVO..bra-freaking-o! One of the best quotes ever!!!! The rest of your recap was pretty fabukous, but that was great!
Sheri says
Love your recap more than the show! I kills me how some beautiful couples have come out of this show and then you get Corrine. Loving the quotes too!! #yourhashtagsalwaysmakemegiggle
Amber says
Christen looks like a dead-ringer for Alyssa Milano circa “Who’s the Boss?” in that reaction shot.
Sheaffer says
AMBER!!!!! She totally does!!!! Good call! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Cindi says
OH MY GOSH! This is hysterical! You hit it right on the head! Can’t wait for your recap each week! 🙂