Okay, y’all.
This finale has received a lot of hype about being the most dramatic finale ever.
And I know lots of us were rolling our eyes. I mean, we’ve heard that a few thousand times, right? Fool me once Harrison, shame on you. Fool me seventeen times, shame on me.
But I’m here to tell you, THE HYPE WAS REAL. For about 5 minutes anyway (from like 9:05-9:10), but we’ll get to that in a bit.
I legitimately felt a little sick to my stomach when it started. Harrison talked to us in front of a live audience (a finale viewing party) and went ON AND ON about all of the drama that was about to ensue. Again, I felt kinda sick. I mean, some readers had spoiled for me what was supposed to be going down, and so because I knew what was going to be happening, I just felt terrible for everybody involved.
And if I may speak frankly, I felt like Harrison was a little too pleased with himself last night. He was like the cat who ate the canary, and he could barely contain himself. His giddiness was almost palpable, and I’ve gotta say, it turned me off. For the first time, I found myself not feeling warm fuzzies towards our dear host. And I normally have nothin’ but love for Harrison.
And then all of a sudden it showed Arie talking to Jason Mesnick in the previews. I mean, if they brought Mesnick out of retirement, I was thinking the rumors must be true. #hemusthavepulledamesnick
I felt like I was going to puke. I wanted to stress eat, BUT I’M MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES, DANGIT! AHHHHHHH! Stress eating quinoa just doesn’t have the same effect as a bag of Funyons.
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Arie kicked off the episode by letting us all know that he is FOR SURE IN LOVE with two women. Let’s take a moment here. I can almost understand the idea behind falling in love with 2 women, especially in a situation like this. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND him telling both that he loves them multiple times, doing the big wiggle with both of them (allegedly), and not knowing who he wanted to choose hours before he proposed.
So, America basically started last night’s episode knowing things were going to go seriously South at some point. And I think most had figured out that he was going to be choosing one girl, and then changing his mind. What we didn’t know was WHO he was going to choose first and WHEN he was going to change his mind. We also didn’t know if Plan B would take him back.
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Lauren was up first.
She sat down with his family, and they started out by asking her questions, and you know, expecting her to answer them. With words. They asked her which one of their dates stood out the most, and she was all, “I know this sounds cheesy. But they all stand out.” Lauren, it wasn’t cheesy. It was just a total cop out. HAVE A FEELING! FORMULATE AN ANSWER!
They all sat around a big table, and Lauren mustered up every ounce of courage and word knowledge she had when she said, “I’m happy to be in Peru, with the family of the guy that I’m in love with.” For those wondering, that was 17 words strung together. I was strangely proud.
Lauren sat down with Arie’s dad, shared that she had been engaged before, and that she had a fear of getting engaged again… and it not working out again. Could this be foreshadowing? Was it Lauren that he was going to get engaged to and then break it off with?
Then she sat down with his mom, AND LAUREN ACTUALLY SHOWED SOME EMOTION! She started crying quietly, saying again that she loved him and was so afraid to lose him. As she was delicately wiping her eyes, she said “Sorry, I’m trying to calm down.”
Lauren. If. you become any more calm we are going to need to get out the paddles. #CLEAR
Arie’s sister then asked him if he and Lauren ever had real conversations. And Arie was like “Ummmmmmmm.”
NO. The answer is NO, Arie.
I do want to say here again (I said it several posts ago), that I really think that Lauren got a bad edit. She’s obviously gorgeous and super sweet, and I think she absolutely had to talk more than they decided to show us. I’m sure she’s a great girl, the producers just didn’t let us see what a great girl she is.
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Then it was time for Becca to meet the family. Right out of the gate, Becca came to play. Instead of wearing an oversized sweater, she rocked a body conscious dress with a suede jacket and booties. She was SO FLIPPING CUTE.
(If interested you can recreate Becca’s look with this dress (under $60 with fantastic reviews), this suede moto jacket, and these booties!)
Here’s what happened with Becca during her time with the family. She actually talked to them (she’s so warm and genuine) and gave intelligent and emotional answers to his family.
The brother summed her up perfectly when he said that she was , “welcoming, outgoing, and easy to talk to.” He might as well have just said, “She’s the opposite of the blonde girl from yesterday.”
I was feeling good about Becca’s chances with the family, until their entire day was spent with her listening to Arie’s family talk about Lauren. It was seriously uncomfortable.
Arie Sr. even questioned Becca about Lauren and what she was like. Becca said Lauren was “very kind” (which was super classy), but she “got to know a lot of other girls in the house much better”. And then Arie Sr. told Becca that he was fine with whoever he chose.
OUCH.
POOR, BECCA!
Arie told his mom that he already felt like he and Becca were a team, and he felt like he’s always taking time to encourage Lauren. Arie, a needy and jealous wife is not a wife you want.
And then Becca said this.
I’d like to go ahead and get on the record and say that I’m #teamstarfish. Because Lauren is definitely the apple in this scenario. And she’s not a Honeycrisp. She’s like a Red Delicious.
While talking to the camera, Becca mentioned how hard it was that his entire family talked about Lauren the whole dang time. She said, “It makes me want to puke.” And I’d never felt closer to her than I did in that moment.
Yes, let’s puke.
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After Becca left, Arie sat down with the family to talk things out. He shared that he felt like it made more sense with Becca (let’s be honest here, except for the fact that she doesn’t have blonde hair), but he admitted there was undeniable love for Lauren. (And her blonde hair.)
Arie also told his family that Lauren was sometimes funny and would randomly dance around. I would like to request the footage of said funniness and dancing. ROLL THE TAPE, HARRISON.
Mom said, “I love Lauren, but I think Becca would be better for your future. Becca can stand on her own.”
Dad voted for Becca too.
As did the rest of the family.
Well, color me surprised.
WHY IN THE WORLD DID THEY TALK ABOUT LAUREN THE ENTIRE TIME THEY WERE WITH BECCA? Why weren’t they into her when she was actually there?
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Then it was time for Lauren’s last date with Arie, and they hopped on a train to Machu Picchu. I was excited, I mean Machu Picchu is one of the 7 Wonders of the World! HOW WOULD LAUREN REACT TO BEING AT SUCH AN INCREDIBLE LANDMARK?
WELL. They described Machu Picchu with words like “cool” and “interesting”. And of course “wow”.
I would like to make a note here that I describe an enchilada with more colorful language and passion. Especially if there’s a sour cream sauce involved.
From his 1:1 interview, it seemed that Arie was going in to this date with Lauren thinking he was going to be choosing Becca. But as the date unfolded, it seemed that he was starting to lean toward Lauren.
And then they ran around the ruins giggling and kissing, which I think is exactly what the Incans must have had in mind when they built this wonder of the world.
Arie said, “I feel like I’m falling in love with her more and more every time I hang out with her. When I’m with her, there’s this unexplainable feeling that I have.”
Arie, Arie, Arie.
Let me explain:
That night, Lauren laid it all out on the line. She said she was exited, not at all scared, and just ready to spend the rest of her life with him.
Arie said a lot of random stuff, but it did end with an “I love you”.
He asked her what she thought their life together would look like after the show.
She pretty much said eating food, drinking liquids, sleeping, and walking dogs. I’m sorry, but that answer kind of made me want to be #teamapple for a second. Because that sounds DREAMY. Sign me up!
During an interview, Lauren said, “I don’t think Arie would have let me tell him all those things about how much I care about him… if he knew he was picking Becca.”
It was at this time I could have sworn I felt myself start developing an ulcer.
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Then it was time for Becca’s date. They started out by hanging out with some alpacas. It’s worth noting that the alpacas gave me more warm and fuzzy feelings than Arie did all season. It’s also worth nothing that Lauren got to frolic around Machu Pichhu, and Becca got to meet an alpaca.
They sat down at a table on a beautiful hillside and had a conversation about honesty. Arie talked about how he had always been honest with her, and she said how important that honesty was to her. Oh, boy.
Arie admitted to the camera that he went in to the date today pretty much only thinking about Lauren, but that changed…and he definitely knows he’s in love with Becca too.
That night when preparing for Arie, Becca was lighting candles and reflecting on their relationship. She said, “I love Arie, and I know that he loves me.” But she followed that statement up with a question wondering if he loved Lauren too.
Becca clearly thinks that she’s the better match for Arie, and she said that she cannot imagine a future without him. At that point I was wanting to grab her by the shoulders, look deep into her soul, and beg her to try harder. I LIKE THIS GIRL SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH, and I’m feeling like Arie isn’t the best choice for her. SHE DESERVES BETTER. She deserves somebody that loves ONLY HER.
They sat down together, and she explained to him how much she loved him and how she had no questions. She broke out a journal and read a beautiful letter that she had written him.
She read, “I truly felt like my heart recognized yours the first moment it was near you….and I’m homesick if I’m not with you. I love you, and I’m ready to do the dang thing with you.” This girl is PRECIOUS. And I want her as the next bachelorette at this point, because I’m feeling she’s too good for Arie and his “I love two people” thing. I also want to be her friend.
I feel like we could punish some tacos and margaritas together.
The date ended with him telling her he loved her. Several times.
This is feeling very deja-vu ish.
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So, did Arie have clarity after both dates?
UM.
HELL TO THE NO.
I was compelled to tweet.
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And then we were with Harrison on the couch again. With Peter (Ben) and Mesnick. Here’s what I took away from our time with them: I still love and adore Peter. Mesnick is still a bit of a dweeb.
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It was the morning of the proposal, and it seemed like Arie was still conflicted. He said, I’ve never had to say goodbye to someone that I’ve been in love with. And I was all, REMEMBER EMILY?
It showed Becca and Lauren both getting ready, and there was a common theme. Both LOVE Arie, both are pretty dang sure that they are going to get a proposal, but they both still have a tiny little tinge of nervousness.
What seemed like about 15 minutes before the proposal, Arie let us know that he had finally made his decision on who was the perfect girl for him. And he then took approximately 2.3 seconds with Uncle Neil to choose an engagement ring.
While waiting on his little proposal pedestal, he said “It kills me inside to know that I have to say goodbye to somebody that I love.”
Let’s take a moment. EVEN IF I WAS THE GIRL THAT HE PROPOSED TO, WHILE WATCHING THIS BACK, I WOULD TAKE ISSUE WITH THE FACT THAT WHEN HE PROPOSED TO ME, HE WAS IN FACT IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE AS WELL.
Lauren got out first, and we all know that means things are NO BUENO for Lauren, even though she said “I cannot imagine him not proposing to me today. He makes me feel very safe.” And then she went on and on about their trust and honesty. And then Harrison pointed her towards her imminent doom.
When she got to Arie, he hugged her and managed to get in one last moan. She launched in to how she loved him. And he stood there with a blank stare. She went on and on about the walls that she had built up around her heart had finally begun to break down. I wanted to say STOP. RIGHT. THERE. Girl, put away your sledge hammer. You’re going to need those walls.
Arie shook his head no, and then he said, “Um. I have loved that you broke down those walls. Last night I was awake all night thinking about this moment, and I wanted it so bad for us. But there was something that was holding me back, and I just can’t go through with it.”
Hearts breaking.
Crumbled Walls wishing they had never fallen.
Somebody hand Lauren some bricks and mortar, please?
Lauren said she didn’t know what to say and that she was extremely confused. I mean, OF COURSE SHE WAS.
When they got to the car, she tearfully asked “Why did you do that?” And then she said, “I still love you.” And then he hugged her and said, “I LOVE YOU TOO.”
Stop it.
Stop it right now.
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Then it was time for Becca.
The girl is articulate and poised, and she thinks a proposal is 100% right. And she’s ready to start a whole new journey with Arie. He told her she looked beautiful, exactly like he had said it to Lauren.
Let’s keep this brief since we think we know what happens.
She launched in to her love for him, and he responded with a proposal.
And say what you want, but I thought these two crazy kids looked legitimately happy!
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The last 1/3 of the show was quite possibly the most painful hour of t.v. I’ve ever watched. And I’ve watched Vanderpump Rules on occasion, so that’s sayin’ somethin.’
We were first treated to cell phone shot video of the “happy couple” spending time together on “happy couple” weekends.
They made pizza, played chess, and brushed their teeth together. You know, just regular couple stuff. And I thought they looked TRULY happy!
But then we saw Arie telling the camera “I go to bed and I think about Lauren, and I wake up and I think about Lauren.”
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
And here’s where I got ticked. Bachelor producers (and Arie, obviously) thought it would be a good idea to do this all WITH CAMERAS ROLLING. WHEN BECCA THOUGHT THEY WERE ABOUT TO START ANOTHER “HAPPY COUPLE” WEEKEND. And they decided on dual cameras with close ups on each of their faces and UN-EDITED footage.
Arie sat down on the couch and told Becca that he was still in love with Lauren. He went on to say that he felt like the longer it went on with Becca, the less chance he would have with Lauren.
UH, YA THINK? THAT’S WHAT BEING ENGAGED MEANS, FOOL…. LESS CHANCE OF BEING WITH OTHER LADIES.
I’m dead, people. I need oxygen
Becca simply said, “Are you effing kidding me?”
And I’m telling you, she was speaking on behalf of all of America. It was a completely appropriate response.
During their conversation it also came up that at some point Arie spoke to Lauren on the phone. I NEED PHONE RECORDS, PLEASE! When was the call made? What exactly was said? Did Becca know he was going to make the call? so. many. questions.
Becca took off her ring at some point, and she got up off the couch and walked to the back of the house. Arie sat in silence for a minute, and then he followed her. As she was packing up her things, Arie said “You stay, I’ll leave”. But then HE NEVER LEFT. He lingered like you wouldn’t believe. I think two things about this: 1) he was hoping she would tell him it was okay, 2) I think the producers were probably like “you get back in there.”
He stood there for a sweet forever. She said, ““I’m not, like, gonna hug you goodbye.” and then she asked him to leave again. Like 43 times.
At one point he even came back AGAIN and knocked on the bathroom door where she was crying. And GET THIS…he said, “Are you okay?”
Dude, she didn’t have a stomach bug…YOU JUST DUMPED HER. ON NATIONAL T.V.
Dude. She is in fact NOT okay.
Basically, the last 40 minutes of the show could have been summed up by simply showing you a live feed from my house with me screaming LEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVE at the t.v. from my couch.
In summary, let me be very clear. I’m not mad at Arie that he proposed (although it was clearly too early for him to do so). I’m not mad at him for breaking it off with Becca. (Better now than later.) I’m not even mad at him for going after Lauren.
HOWEVER. I am sooooooo disappointed that he chose to do it all in front of cameras. I can’t believe that he told Harrison first, and I’m just plain ticked off that they all put Becca in this terrible position.
The night ended with Becca on the couch with Harrison for like 2 minutes…looking stunning with dark hair, tan skin, in a white dress. Harrison promised we would hear more from her the next day.
And if you think I’m going to waste two more hours of my life watching this garbage, well then you are absolutely right. See y’all back here tomorrow for the After The Final Rose recap.
If you have an extra minute, please leave a comment with your thoughts! I’m dying to know!
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One thing before you go…. So many of you were totally bummed when my camo dress from Monday sold out. Well, great news! A reader found another source!
Click HERE for the camo version and click HERE for the striped version that are currently fully stocked!
Sizing Tips: The dress is true to size (I’m wearing a small),I sized up to a medium in the jacket for a little bit of wiggle room, and you need to size up a 1/2 size in the shoes!
camo dress / must have jacket /sandals / earrings / turquoise necklace/ similar cross body bag
All right, ladies! See you tomorrow!
Erika Slaughter says
I watched on pins and needles last night with one hand over my eyes!!! Ahhhhhh!!! And your tweet made me laugh out loud!!
Angie says
Agreed! I am so angry with Arie, Chris H. and ABC for doing this to her on live TV. Shame on them. This was an all time low. What would have happened if this really put her over the edge? (Yes, we know she was much too stable for that), but what if she wasn’t? What if she hurt herself or attempted to do so? Oh, what a law suit that would have been. So sad.
Maggie says
I thought it was a new low for reality tv! Although I couldn’t believe the double camera footage of both their faces, I have to admit I appreciated it????
L says
It wasn’t live. It was months ago. It would not have been aired.
Chantal says
I think now is a good time for this show to end. Its tacky, scripted, disappointing… the list goes on and on.
Susan Jeffries says
Oh gosh no words. We have to record the show and watch over over a period of several days because our teen daughter is so busy. But last night we watched this mess and my sweet 17 year old daughter bawled. But, as someone who has a bit more life experience… I am happy that fabulous Becca got away from him. She is wayyyyyyy too good for him. Move on happily Becca – and take those fabulous shoes you got during your first date!!
Danielle says
I don’t watch The Bachelor, but I NEVER miss your recaps! Love it.
AnnTN says
Same for me. 🙂
LoriM says
And me!
Mother Henn says
And me!
Cynthia says
Ditto… you deserve the ratings! 🙂
Karol says
Same here.
Debbie says
Yes! I only care about “The Bachelor” through my “Sheaffer Filter.” (Yes, that’s a thing!)
Becky says
Me too. I actually watched it once to compare it to the recap and loved the recap so much more! Shaffer, you are the best!
Mandy says
Same here! Hate the show, love the recaps????
Amanda says
Love your recaps!! They are HILARIOUS. Arie is pretty much THE WORST…so it’s pretty much a blessing in disguise for Becca. Arie and Nick are tied for worse bachelors in my book.
Shay Shull says
Okay, I legit LOL when you made the comment about pulling Jason out of retirement! That whole episode stressed me out!
Sarah N says
The entire time I’m watching this debacle on camera – I’m thinking “poor Sheaffer has to recap this” ???? Nice job writing what everyone is thinking! Agree whole-heartedly that he should NOT have done that on camera.
And Becca might be the classiest person on TV ❤️
Holly says
The whole thing made me sick. He didn’t say he was so sorry nearly enough. He came off like such a jerk when he was breaking up with her. When you are engaged you do not call your ex to basically ask if they would take you back! That took away any chance that things would work with Becca. So awful. And girl! Last night was even worse! He and Lauren came out all giddy and kissy kissy. They needed to read that situation better. You don’t gush all over each other in a situation like that. And then he proposed?! Eww! They looked so callous. I couldn’t help but thing this breakup was the best thing that ever happened in to sweet Becca. Ugh. I really don’t like Arie!????
Katie says
Love, love, love your recaps!! The breakup was truly the most painful thing to watch. I was going crazy with Arie just lingering around!
Tami from SD (which isn't far from Prior Lake) says
I actually like Arie and have enjoyed this season. But I agree that Becca dodged a bullet, as he’s not good enough for her. She’s class all the way!! He must need to feel like the big man and have a woman that needs him to hold her hand and support her, as that is what Lauren, as sweet as she is, will need. Becca is independent and strong, and they would have been equals, which I don’t think he could handle. About the break up, it is the Bachelor, and I would have expected some filming. But holy cow, they didn’t have to show every single minute. Poor Becca.
Stacy says
I don’t watch the show but read your recaps and knew the spoilers from Reality Steve. I had to watch After The Final Rose and wondered why they kept following her and why I kept watching! It was brutal but I couldn’t turn away! I may have to watch her season.
Jo says
I’m in Australia (Arie was in my home town this past weekend), we had heard rumblings of a dramatic ending and then later that Arie proposed to Becca then later dumped her for Lauren. This is the first time I haven’t been able to watch The Finale or After The Final Rose, I had a heads up from social media before it aired here that it was a train wreck.
I cannot believe how blatantly callus and cruel the producers were to not only film but to put to air such a humiliating situation. I’ve loved The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise for years and the ONLY reason I’ll watch it again is because Becca is The Bachelorette. They had better treat her well or I can see a huge backlash that they will live to regret.
Rant over. Peace and love to all ????????
Denise says
I read all your recaps to my hubby because I sort of force him to watch the show with me- we definitely enjoy the recaps even more than the show. We both literally laughed out loud when we saw him standing there in his royal BLUE suit!!!!!! I prefer Becca and my husband said he would choose her a thousand times over Lauren. BUT, I called Lauren from the beginning. The blonde thing may mean mommy issues- but it is definitely a thing!! I was glad they filmed it all. When you sign up for a reality TV show like the Bachelor, boundaries are not your thing! SO GLAD Becca is the next bachelorette! Love your blog.
marciny says
i love these recaps, i laugh out loud and you say everything i’m thinking! the tv breakup was miserable but the tv proposal the next night was even worse!
J says
The reason we were able to see any of that footage is because Becca consented to have it shown. They will not film and air any footage without her signing a contract for that to be on TV. She wanted to be the bachelorette and knew she would gain a lot of sympathy and support if all of that was Sean. Becca is no better than Chris Harrison, the TV network, or Ari.
Michelle says
This is so true! I love watching Bachelor but it’s so staged.
Becca will be a great Bachelorette but I don’t think for one second she was “surprised” by anything that went down.
Also, Arie is as boring as Lauren. They are perfectly matched. Considering Jason and Molly are like one of the only Bachelor success stories, maybe Arie and Lauren actually have a shot.
Jo says
There are a few Bachelor/Bachelorette success stories. The ones I can think of are, Trista & Ryan, Des & Chris, Ashley & JP, Sean & Catherine as well as Jason & Molly. These guys have all had bubba’s too and they seem happy.
Alysha says
OMG – this recap is everything!!! ????your tweet is so me…give me all the queso and guac!
I’m still shocked that I somehow liked Arie on Emily’s season. I remember him being so much smarter and more articulate. Now, he apparently can not formulate thoughts that don’t include the word amazing over and over. Such a snooze fest!
Laura says
Dear ABC,
You have hit a new LOW. At least when Mesnick pulled this trick it was on a closed set with no audience. To blindside this sweet girl with cameras in her face as she tries her best to be classy in such a terrible situation?? It’s as if you have no heart, class or respect for anyone anymore. I sure hope Becca was compensated for the emotional trauma she endured because of you.
Sincerely,
Every woman watching this train wreck
Christi Cook says
I happened to run into Emily M. yesterday and got to share a laugh about the bullet she was lucky enough to dodge with that creep????
Amanda says
You should totally do a few Instagram videos on commercial breaks! I can’t tell you how many people I said “I can’t wait to see what Sheaffer has to say about this!” It was painful! I’ll be honest, I sent in an audition tape and was so bummed to not be picked but feel like this is a Garth Brooks “thank God for unanswered prayers”… Also, there had to be a producer that knew Becca needed a hug and they just aren’t showing us that, right?!
Abby says
Arie was so awkward! I swear he was expecting Becca to tell him it was ok and give him a hug. And Becca has way more class than I do as I was really hoping she would deck him or at least tell him to get the F out! I agree with one of the other comments that he must need a needy girl to feel good about himself. Becca is much to strong of a woman for him. Lauren can have him
Cheryl says
Yes! He was totally looking for her to ease his guilt!
Amanda J Taylor says
Did you catch right after the engagement when they were walking off and her rose BROKE?! Talk about an omen! I jumped out of my seat when that happened.
Becca is nothing but class!
Emily says
YES! I watched that happen & thought, “surely that will make the Sheaffer recap!” ???? Foreshadowing at its finest.
Courtney says
So much silence in that “unedited live footage”!!!!! Just edit it next time, we’ll all be happier haha. Becca is way too good for Arie!
Sheila Charbonneau says
That girl definitely deserves better, oy. Do you follow David Spade on IG? He’s also an avid Bachelor fan and he was also yelling, “She said, ‘Leave!'” at the tv! Oh, that poor girl. I’m so glad that I don’t watch that show but have your recaps to give me all the drama! 😀
Bethany says
I thought the Grey’s Anatomy musical episode was the most uncomfortable thing I ever watched on TV until that last hour of the Bachelor on Monday night. Cringe-worthy and honestly upsetting to watch. I really don’t think that needed to be filmed and I KNOW it should have been edited. Although it allowed us all to see exactly how frustrating Arie was being when he wouldn’t JUST LEAVE. He was totally waiting for her to tell him it was okay so he wouldn’t feel like the bad guy.
What. a. mess.
Side note: I was dying with laughter when I saw he was wearing a blue suit. Of course he was. #signaturecolor
Kristy says
Best recap ever!!!! I do love Lauren and Arie together tho. I think the franchise put them up to doing it that way! Can’t wait to read your next recap, you’re the best!
Kirsten says
I agree that Lauren must have gotten a bad edit, and the producers also didn’t do Arie any favors. I think because the producers knew the outcome early into the first airing of the Bachelor, they decided to purposely make him look a little dull. But the unedited breakup was unnecessary and uncomfortable. Chris Harrison deserves some of the shade he’s getting (and I usually like him too). But Arie seemed so cold during the breakup – Becca deserved better. I’m looking forward to her season – here’s hoping the producers are more conscientious! Enjoy your recaps as always!
Leah Reinemund says
I really liked and enjoyed arie all season! However, the finale and after the final rose changed my mind completely! His apology still wasn’t good enough to Becca–even last night! He said to Lauren he is 1000% over Becca days after he broke off their engagement…that doesn’t just happen! I don’t think he really could have loved Becca–which is ok! We are all human and we are allowed to make mistakes but he needs to own up to the fact that he made a huge mistake–he robbed the poor girl of a proposal!
I know none of this is Lauren’s fault but she came out so smug last night. She rolled her eyes when Chris said her and Becca were friends! I couldn’t believe that because based on what all the other girls say about Becca, she is the sweetest girl. I thought their proposal was done only so they could gain spotlight. . They both needed to realize there is a time and a place to get engaged and last night wasn’t the time or place. Hardly anyone clapped in the studio which says something. I definitely thought both of them could have been more gentle with Becca and talked about how it must have been hard for her. Lauren even said he handled it respectfully! UGH to many thoughts I could go one forever!!
Linda says
I totally agree that Lauren came off smug and I’m so glad that someone finally mentioned this. It bothered me that she showed little concern of how this effected Becca. All the other girls showed so much concern for one another and even Becca was so careful not to say one bad thing about Lauren.
Although Lauren seemed sweet, she gave me the impression that she was a girl who is always used to getting what she wants in the end. It was probably heard for her to like Becca because she was her one deterrent.
Thanks Sheaffer! You do have the best recaps and I too look forward to your thoughts. You don’t miss a trick!
Milissa Marona says
Ughhhh!!!! Watching this was pure torture. I, too, was yelling LEAVE. Why wouldn’t he just leave???? But I am sure this ending was a ratings bonanza for ABC for the most boring Bachelor in history.
On a positive note your posts are the”starfish” of recaps: so well spoken, able to formulate a sentence, warm, funny, and classy! I would not be able to hold my tongue as well as you and still make jokes. Thanks for the laughs this season with your Bachelor posts
Sheaffer says
Thank you for this, Milissa! I never want to come off as mean spirited, so I’m glad you took the time to leave this comment! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Carrie D says
I don’t even watch Bachelor, BUT I love reading your recaps. They’re freaking hilarious. Oh the drama!
Mary says
I admit I have never watched one minute of The Bachelor. Your recap is enough for me. Hilarious. I could not have enjoyed that more! I’m sure Becca will be the next Bachelorette and get the man you think she deserves.
Amanda says
Poor Lauren, she’s just a poor mans Emily. Bless.
Jenny Null says
I didn’t watch this season because Arie just seemed so blah to me. I did however watch the finale and the after the final rose episode. I think Arie and Lauren are made for each other…..neither one ever has an intelligent conversation. I feel like Arie never had any meaningful conversations with any of the girls all season. I’m sure he is a very nice guy, but he has no idea what he wants. He told Becca last night that he wanted to talk to Lauren before he broke it off with Becca. So if Lauren had not taken him back, does that mean he would have just stayed with Becca! That is so not right!
Susan says
OMG! You have to watch Kelly Rippa’s interview from Live today! She was like I do NOT care about this and was super funny!
Amy says
I love you recaps almost more than watching the actual show. Your tweet was hysterical.
Cheriese says
Love your recaps! I have to admit that it kind of felt icky watching that breakup. I felt so bad for Becca and how they played her like that and how the cameras (and Arie) wouldn’t leave her alone. But I’m glad they broke up, because she deserves better!
Michelle D. says
The show could have been an hour shorter if Arie would have left the house when Becca asked him to! I was never a fan or Arie and I figured he would go back to Lauren. Becca ditched a bullet and she will be fab as the next Bachlorette!
Colleen McTeague says
I read this post because I was so curious about the drama that happened aaaand I think you said this in the beginning of the season, but I definitely should’ve read your Bachelor recap posts all dang seasons even though I didn’t watch the show. Sooooo funny and on point! Sheaffer you #nailedit!
Kathy says
I love your recaps as you always say exactly what we are thinking with humor, intelligence and kindness. I’m not here to criticize except for the ridiculous 40 minute breakup. That was painful. I do feel that Arie was influenced by his family all choosing Becca. Might that have tipped the scale toward her when he was struggling to make a decision? They obviously liked both women and perhaps could have better communicated that they’d support his decision, whatever that might be. (Unless, of course Krystal was one of the choices – then run, Forest, run.)
Kara says
Your tweet was awesome!!! Thanks for the recaps….It has been hard enough for me to watch these past two night, much less know I would have to write a blog post about them.
Sarah G says
Love the recaps! I agree, bad choice to do this with the cameras. I would like to hope that that would’ve been handled differently if they hadn’t been filming it. So awkward to watch.
Barbara Parnell says
I never watch this show..in fact, if I’ve seen all of 5 minutes of it ever, that was too much. I’ve seen this guy online and cannot even understand the attraction..kind of a wimp,no? I have no idea why this show even exists, one guy having fun with how many women, and they are all vying for his attention? Weird and crazy in today’s world. Anyway, I do find your take on things very funny…you really nail it.
Kelsie says
Thanks you for saying what I’ve said about Lauren looking like Emily from the very beginning of Arie “having a great connection with her.” I think I’ve reached the point where I don’t want my favorite girl to ever “win,” because they’re all too good for the bachelors.
Michelle says
You are right, Becca can do WAY better!!!! You go girl!! So happy that she’s the next Bachlorette!!!!
SUPER disappointed in ABC for taping the entire breakup! It makes me want to boycott watching this show! But……..I love Becca, so I will watch this next season. But…….my friends and I are getting VERY close to forgetting this show forever!
Kathy says
I agree – the warm fuzzies for Harrison kind of went away and then again last night. I am so conflicted, I think Arie made some big mistakes but it’s like they were making him out to be the villain when you know the show was pushing him to break up with her on camera. Becca definitely handled it with more class than Harrison did!
Anna says
Am i the only one who was super disappointed in Monday nights episode in general?? I mean, Arie and Lauren are boring, Arie is boring even when Becca is around, and that breakup was boring! I know that sounds mean, but I just felt no emotion from Arie at all through that last episode. He’s been obsessed with Lauren the whole season, and I honestly think he just picked Becca because she made more sense and his family thought she was the best fit. He also probably thought she was extra attractive as an option when her ex came back to get her… you know how men are. He should’ve chosen Lauren to begin with or at the very least NOT PROPOSED to Becca. He was already so over her at their breakup, and that was what made it so painful to watch for me. I would’ve loved to see Becca give him a big slap across the face! ha
Kim says
LOVE LOVE LOVE your recaps! They always make me laugh! 🙂 I think Jason’s wife was right when she said if ABC didn’t show the break-up, then we’d all wonder what exactly happened. I do feel terrible for Becca, but she seems to be in an even better position now considering she’s the new Bachelorette! 🙂
Amanda @ That Inspired Chick says
I laughed through this whole post but I was right there with you screaming “JUST LEAVE!!!” and “Don’t TOUCH her!!” at the TV too! And did you see Arie’s face when Becca was walking towards him before the proposal? It was not radiating joy. He looked like he wanted to puke and run or at best, like he was watching his sweet grandmother hobbling down the stairs. I was not impressed. And your tweet was so spot on!!! That Inspired Chick
Jill says
I laughed through this whole recap!!!!! Excellent! Can’t wait for tomorrow’s!
Died at the Joey cameo ????
cassie {hi sugarplum} says
I’ve never yelled at the TV as much as I have the last two nights. He’s full of baloney and a total wuss for handling it all the way he did!! I read another interview with an ABC producer that said the breakup actually went on EVEN LONGER than their UNEDITED footage. Allegedly Arie was waiting (and hoping) for some sort of blowup scene, her begging and pleading. IN YO FACE ARIE! There I go yelling again! Stupid ABC!
Kelli says
It was sad to see the breakup with Becca but RATINGS! I feel like they showed it because they knew Becca was going to be The Bachelorette and ultimately, this will make more people want to watch her season. Again, ratings. I think more people enjoyed watching it than they’re willing to admit. When they sign up to do these shows, they can’t be upset for their personal business being out there. The Bachelor is literally one guy breaking the hearts of 25+ women. Just my two cents!
MelanieL says
“THAT’S WHAT BEING ENGAGED MEANS, FOOL…” I LOL’d louder than I ever have. I love your recaps and I’m sad it’s almost over! 🙁 You have a gift for sorting this mess out and also helping us look great! Thank you!
Sharon says
Omg yes!! I was yelling “JUST LEAVE ALREADY!!!!!” at my tv that whole time. It was like he was waiting for a goodbye hug or kiss?! Um, NO! Get out!!!
I truly think he’s a narcopath and has no empathy or true emotion. He is a player, and he needs a girl like Lauren who is weaker, so he can get away with stuff easier (in future)- IMO. Also, did you notice how they didn’t watch the finale together??? So does Lauren even KNOW how the breakup with Becca went down?! Obviously, Arie told her they wouldn’t watch it (in his charming, manipulative way of course)! Argh!!!
On another note, SO HAPPY for the next bachelorette!!!
Whitney says
You are so darn funny! I don’t even watch the show but look forward to your recaps…. Love it and love you 🙂
She says
I think it’s time you start recapping Vanderpump Rules! ????
Heather Cleland says
I haven’t watched the show in a long time and I’ve been loving your recaps every week. So funny! But… I did make a point to watch the last two nights. Arie moaning every time he kissed one of them was soooo annoying. Ugh. And wearing a BLUE suit to the proposal! I don’t know what the girls see in him. He’s so boring and blah.
I agree airing the breakup was in poor taste. He did seem like he was waiting for Becca’s approval or blessing before he left. I kept expecting him to apologize or show some of remorse. He barely did either. Becca is so much better off without him. He clearly prefers someone who will let him take the lead and not challenge him or expect to be his equal.
Karen Nadherny says
I live for these bachelor/bachelorette posts! You are so funny and say everything that I think about these shows! Thank you so much for taking the time to write these! Made my day!
Anna says
YOUR BACH RECAPS ARE LIFE! I don’t even watch the show anymore, but I check in weekly for YOUR update. 🙂
Sue K. says
Your recaps = life. Could not love them more.
Arie and all the garbage = could not roll my eyes harder or I’d tip right over backwards. Ugh.
Lori Helms says
I was a huge Bachelor fan when the show began but I stopped watching after Mesnick’s season. I got sucked back in a few years ago when I started reading your recaps because they were so hilarious and I felt left out since I was watching the show.
I have to say that watching the 5 hour finale was painful. I’m sad that Becca had to go through such heartbreak but I really think she dodged a bullet. Arie should have never told both women he loved them so many times and he should have never proposed if he was still so conflicted. I’m sure there was pressure for a proposal but if he was really in it for a life-long partner he would have done what was best for his future and not ABC. The other thing that pisses me off is that I don’t think he would have dumped Becca if he didn’t already know that Lauren was willing to take him back.
Emily Reising says
Oh so many thoughts on this show. I completely agree that Harrison seemed a little too happy with the social media outrage and everyone losing it. And then to have the producers tweeting about being respectful because these are real people! We’re only upset with you, ABC!! This was almost my breaking point of not wanting to watch any more seasons, but of course I’ll keep going. While I think Becca will be a fun bachelorette, I’m ready for some new blood in there and not just the last cast-off.
I always want people to be happy out of this show but I don’t see Arie and Lauren making it too far. They seem like they will run when the pressure and problems come in. Lauren will probably be better off than being his second first pick.
Liz says
If we had watched it together, we would have been screaming a lot of things in stereo – “What about Emily?” “SHE SAID LEAVE!” But apparently I was more vocal about Lauren’s meet-the-parents outfit. Did the airline lose her luggage?
Michelle Nobbe says
Okay, so I haven’t watched this season, but your updates have been enough! I don’t think I could have handle to watch. So, thank you for your updates! You make me laugh out loud so much as I read them! It is a great laugh before I start my work day!
Crystal @EatDrinkCLE says
Oh Sheaffer, I love you so! These Bachelor recaps of yours are hysterical! I haven’t watched this season because I despise Ari and can’t stand watching him but I look forward to your posts because they never fail to rock. I had to stop reading these at work because I need to be able to laugh out loud and don’t want to cause a scene. I only with we lived closer because we certainly would make great friends. #teamstarfish #guacandqueso
Lynn Duncan says
I had lost any love for Harrison food to this season, but he has been so gleeful about this situation.
Becca did dodge a bullet.
Lauren is smug but clueless. She “won” but didn’t watch the show, and she is facing to plan her wedding even though she and Arie haven’t so much as had dinner at a restaurant, as Jimmy Kimmel pointed out last night.
At least you have the comfort of your sweet goldens since you couldn’t binge eat to get through this!
Yvonne C says
Thank you so much for your hilarious recaps! I have been a Bachelor fan for years, but just could not fathom the thought of watching this season. I think Arie is such a tool! I know Becca definitely dodged a bullet when he dumped her, but wow, so cruel to do it on TV. I am from Minnesota and will definitely be watching Becca’s season! Thanks again for the awesome recaps!
Kim Fleming says
I get it Schaefer I do!! I was mad at him for awhile, and then I think, the producers, the show, the people of the network WANTED this, the unedited break up stuff. BECCA did not deserve it no way, I feel for her and am glad she was given a 2nd chance (which we all know she will find someone, they all do). But, will either of these couples LAST? Who knows? I like Lauren B thought and hope they both find a lasting LOVE!! As far as the rest of Bachelor Nation………..we will continue to eat guac and drink margs.
Julie says
I’m so with you! Arie — I can’t even —
You gave up Becca for someone who has the personality of a bagel! I feel you Sheaffer give Lauren way too much credit — ugh – she bores me in all of her tiny tear wiping and constant need for reassurance!
My main point is this — everyone gave Becca M sooooo much grief about being so young — Lauren is only 2 years older?????? Why is that not an issue — I’d take Becca M – with a personality and strong sense of who she is a million times over Lauren!!!
And one more point – your entire family saw that Becca was a better match — Do you not think they know a thing or two?????
Angela Ellingson says
“UH, YA THINK? THAT’S WHAT BEING ENGAGED MEANS, FOOL…. LESS CHANCE OF BEING WITH OTHER LADIES.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself! Unreal.
Jessica says
Yeah I thought it was a bit much and I’m not sure we needed it fully unedited to grasp that Arie is the bad guy is this scenario.
I totally agree that what I would really want to see/hear is the phone conversation between him and Lauren. I also think it’s wrong that he got confirmation basically that Lauren would take him back before he broke it off with Becca. I think if Lauren had said no then he wouldn’t have ended it with Becca. He would have just continued to fake it.
Becca definitely deserves better and hopefully she will find someone on the Bachelorette!
Courtney Torres says
Can we talk about the fact that when Arie met up with Lauren she basically leaped into his arms (when he supposedly was having a “panic attack” hoping she would even take him back?), and THEN when she agreed to get back together with him, she said “I know I’m weird about engagements and stuff, but I hope that doesn’t take too long…”
Did anyone else hear that as “put a ring on it soon buddy”….”oh here you go Lauren, I have this ring, it’s probably still warm from Becca’s finger, and her tears polished the diamonds for you too my love!”
Meg says
I don’t even watch this dang show but I started reading your blog and couldnt stop! You made me want to know what happened. You are hilarious, girlfriend!
And now I know why I don’t watch this show! Ha!
Kristen Temple says
BYE ARIE!! (You know like “Bye Felicia”) I too believe Becca and I could knock out a few margs and some guac together and have some great convo…you know because she speaks in full sentences…and there’s some wit in there too. And I believe if I was Lauren I would have said “ARE YOU SURE??? I mean Tia, and the other Becca are sitting RIGHT THERE…are you sure you don’t wanna take them for another spin before you make your FINAL DECISION?” before I would have accepted a proposal. I do believe Arie loves a little Arie and he must like hearing himself say “Will you Marry Me” too! Either way–hopefully this is his LAST proposal and Lauren’s last heart break. NOW…can I please have either the first guy with the accent or the one that brought the horse to Becca? I mean I’ll take whichever one she doesn’t want…but they were both quite YUM…and words as smooth as butta. Hopefully there’s some genuine heart behind it for the girl that kept her dignity through an EXCRUCIATING public breakup.
Kristin S says
Always love your recaps. Love! I was yelling “LEAVE!” from the sofa as well knowing the producers made him stay.
Listening now to the Dirty Hair podcast and love hearing Melissa’s behind the scenes perspective she gives.
Amy says
I cannot bring myself to watch this hot garbage on television but I thoroughly enjoyed this hilarious recap.
Cortny says
I have read your recaps since the beginning but this by far is your most hilarious one. I laughed SO MUCH. Seriously, you have a gift! 🙂
Terri says
I can not force myself to watch this show but I also can’t force myself not to read your updates. I also stopped in the middle of the post to follow you on Twitter. My most humble apologies for not following you before but Twitter is my sports thing so… 🙂
Andrea says
You are hysterical! And spot-on. Not much more to say that you haven’t said already. Looking forward to your after-the-final-rose recap! x.
Michele says
I haven’t watched this season (or any other season, for that matter). I, of course, HEARD what happened and could.not.wait.for.your.recap!!!!
Amanda says
OK I love *everything* about this but I REALLY hoped you’d comment on how the proposal was surrounded by alpacas and DIRTY river water! Picturesque proposal?! It was doomed from the start.
Lisa says
How on EARTH did Arie never cry?! He showed no emotion when he was with Becca, it was awful. He should be HEARTBROKEN he broke her heart and just humiliated her on national tv. And the fact that Lauren says NOTHING about Becca when she was in the studio with Chris and Arie was astounding. She could have at the very least say how she can sympathize with what Becca is going through. Those two things together made me very anti Arie/Lauren. But so glad Becca will be the next Bachelorette!!!! I was going to boycott if they chose Tia (so unlikeable) or Sienne (so nice, but boring). Becca will be an amazing Bachelorette, I can’t wait.
Patty R says
The thing I miss most about the Bachelor season’s end, is knowing I have to wait until the next season to enjoy your posts. You do not miss a thing and I love it! So funny – keep it up!
Katie A says
I swear it was all scripted, that was awful. It makes me mad that they filmed the breakup and blasted it like that. This season the ratings were dropping every week. They needed something to salvage it!
Deb M. says
I don’t know how I stumbled onto your blog, but so happy I did. You are priceless, have impeccable style, and your Bachelor recaps are spot on!! I’m addicted!
Sheaffer says
Aw, thanks Deb! WELCOME!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Sue Ann Niehaus says
This show is my guilty pleasure and your blog is totally the BEST part. You write everything that I am thinking and your humor cracks me up. This one has me torn because I totally believe they all sign up for this and always ask “what did you think would happen….it’s the Bachelor”. However, I am not sure we needed to see the entire breakup and it was awkward and painful to watch. Poor Becca! And why he wouldn’t just leave is such a mystery….it was strange. But, I couldn’t stop watching and sort of hate myself for it. Becca is better off without him and will make an awesome Bachelorette. I also feel like Arie and Lauren are good together and predict they do make the relationship work. So, seems like a win/win/win in the end.
Jill P. says
Fabulous recap. Brilliant as always. A couple things I’d like to mention:
1. Did Becca somehow look like Princess Kate’s doppelgänger on last nights episode? I could’ve swore I was looking at some British royalty.
2. Do we just assume Becca gave the ring back and Arie picked out a new one for Lauren? My wondering mind is thinking too much about that little fact.
3. I’m exhausted in every way after the past two nights.
Lynn Duncan says
Becca slipped the ring back to Arie.
Arie told Jimmy Kimmel he did not get to keep it.
The ring he gave to Lauren was different.
Jill P. says
Thank you!
Cheri says
I stopped watching about 4 years ago and just watch the finale. I am a hopeless romantic and it has gotten so cheesy anymore. I heard one of the hosts on Highway radio say, “that he felt it was ALL scripted and that even Becca knew what was going on to bring ratings up,” and I totally agree. Becca was too forgiving sitting with Harrison and seemed more than happy to be the next Bachelorette. I do agree with everyone though that Arie should not have done this on live TV but again I think it was a ratings thing and like you, I screamed at the TV for him to leave many times, he lingered way too looooooong. in the end everyone got what they wanted.
Susie Yates says
Sort of an off-topic question, but, whatever happened to Ben and his fiance?
Sheaffer says
Hey, Susie! They broke up several months ago. 🙁
Susie Yates says
Thanks for the response, but was it ever shared why they broke up?
Sheaffer says
I don’t recall ever seeing a reason why, Susie! Sorry! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Kellylane says
Arie was a bad pick from the start! I was so disappointed with ABC for not upgrading Becca’s flight! I mean…come on! If anyone deserved a warm towel it is her! I hope they find some really great guys for her but let’s be honest…there’s going to be some d-bags!
DebbieinArk says
I, too, was ready for Arie to be “leaving on a jet plane”…… Yes, I also was screaming, “Just leeeaaavvveeee already!!!” Unlike others, I don’t think any of that was staged. I think Becca has too much integrity to play that game. I think he continued to hang around, because he wanted her to tell him it was ok. She hit it the nail on the head when she said she wasn’t going to hug him goodbye or anything. He wanted her to hug him, tell him how wonderful he is and wish him all the best with his other fiancé. He was probably waiting on her to give him her address for her wedding invitation. After all, she had at least had the honor of being his fiance’ for a day or two……
I have not been a big fan of Arie. He isn’t really manly enough for my taste, and I think he is self-centered. He needs a lot of affirmation. Don’t even get me started on those moans…..
My main problem with the way he handled the breakup with Becca, (There were many. This is just the main problem.), is that he told CHRIS HARRISON before he even told BECCA! Then brought the camera crew along with him for the breakup. I can’t really blame The Bachelor crew for going with him. I mean there were people watching that episode who don’t even watch the show. (My husband is one of them – ha!)
I wasn’t much of a fan of Lauren either. I didn’t see much personality there. Someone may have been right when they said she is the kind of girl Arie needs. He may not have meshed with Becca, because she has a mind of her own and can think & communicate.
Oh well, we shall see what happens in the future with A & L. Mostly I am looking forward to seeing how Becca’s season goes. Hopefully they got some good guys who are honest and REALLY are “there for the right reasons”……..It is sure to be the most dramatic season ever……..(Sorry, couldn’t comment on a Bachelor blog and not do that.)
Liz Thorson says
Your recaps are fabulous, spot-on and hysterical, Sheaffer! Thank you! The Bach, Bachette and B in P are my non-guilty pleasures! I can’t believe how many of the ladies who have made comments here have never or no longer watch the shows, but always read your recaps! It’s so fun to watch the shows and then read your recaps. Love Becca and did from the 1st episode! She’ll be one of the all-time best Bachelorettes! I hope there are some terrific guys for her to meet and hopefully find the one! I would prefer abc NOT do the cheesie preview of a handful of guys on the AFR show. It’s awkward for the guys and the future Ette, but WOW, classy, lovely Becca could not have been more gracious and warm toward the 5 she was presented.
Meredith says
I love your tweet about queso or guac! I was upset that the breakup was all on camera too. I sometimes wonder if he’s into Lauren just bc she’s hot (and blonde.) I know we don’t see all the convos they’ve had but I’m not sure I have a ton of confidence in them?? I’m also so glad Becca is not with him. She deserves a better man!
Meredith says
Again i was so irritated when he asked Becca if she was ok?? Like seriously?!? And when he was breaking up with her I felt like he wasn’t being very sensitive. It was like he was more concerned with his needs than her feelings.
And I felt like when his family kept bringing up Lauren in every convo with becca that was clearly ABC doing that…no family has ever done that!
CarNicR says
“The last 1/3 of the show was quite possibly the most painful hour of t.v. I’ve ever watched. And I’ve watched Vanderpump Rules on occasion, so that’s sayin’ somethin.’” -HA! So true!
This show totally exploited Becca by filming the breakup. How awful that her family and friends saw that and that she had to relive it. That should have been a private moment between Arie and Becca. It is rather disgusting how low this show will stoop for ratings.
I thought Becca handled the situation unbelievably well! I also was amazed by how beautiful she looked even while her heart was being ripped out of her chest! I am such an ugly crier and I would have been a mess with mascara and snot all over my face! I hope Becca gets her Prince Charming on the Bachelorette!