PRODUCTION!
WHERE THE HECK IS THE BLACK BOX?
Doesn’t everybody know that the hiney needs proper coverage when
performing this move? It’s gotta be in the handbook. or something.
But I’ve gotta say, I’m really enjoying the coral, black and turquoise combo.
Enough of the monkey business.
They head to dinner, Kaitlyn kind of confesses she’s falling in love with him, but their dinner is just kind of eh.
If you’re a regular PTMT reader, shrug and tilt.
They head to the fantasy suite.
It’s here that she really confesses that she’s falling in love with him.
And he responds “You know, I’m falling in love with you as well.”
WAIT.
WHAT?
SINCE WHEN CAN THE BACHELOR RESPOND TO THIS?
SINCE WHEN CAN HE SAY THE WORD LOVE TO A GIRL?
I mean, I know this is the “season of no rules”, but come on!
IT’S BABY MAKIN’ TIME. AKA WHITNEY’S DATE.
And right out of the gate, I’m going to score her a 9.6 on the whole run and jump maneuver.
Sister has some serious ups.
Look at the air her legs are catching!
They climb on a boat for wine and a picnic.
And the Bali air is not doing Whitney’s hair any favors.
They make out on the boat. A lot.
I’m not a fan at all of her frosty pink lipstick, but I do think these two belong together.
And don’t look now, but Whitney needs a black box too!
WHITNEY! I NEVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED THAT YOU WOULD REQUIRE A BLACK BOX.
I’m not mad at you Whitney. I’m just disappointed.
They head to dinner and Whitney is wearing a highlighter yellow maxi dress.
And she’s somehow pulling it off.
Chris immediately jumps in and tackles the elephant in the room: the fact that Whitney has a real live job that she happens to love.
He goes on to say “There’s NOTHING to do in Arlington”, and for a moment, it looks like Whitney might throw up.
But she rallies and said that even though she loves her career, she’s not fully happy with just the career. She says if she moves to Arlington, she would leave her career and that having babies and being a mom would be her job.
CHRIS.
STOP EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW AND GIVE NEIL LANE A CALL.
LET’S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
Time for Becca’s date!
We’re 2 seconds into it, and I have to give the Whitney side-eye to Becca’s outfit.
Are those plastic shorts?
If they are, then she clearly needs to turn the waistband over once. Because DUH.
(Please tell me the girls out there my age did this when donning their plastic shorts at NCAA cheerleader camp? Anyone? Anyone?)
If they’re not plastic, are they leather?
Neither option is good.
They sit down in front of a couple of wise men from the community.
One guy is apparently the village psychic.
The advice they give to Chris and Becca?
“Do the big wiggle.”
Okay, so maybe that’s not a direct quote, but it’s definitely the gist.
Becca’s like Allllllllllllllrighty Then and kind of wants to just die right there on the spot.
They hop in a stream, and make out.
And I start getting nervous about the maybe leather shorts.
Because if they are in fact leather, we might have a Ross incident on our hands.
A good Friend’s reference never gets old. Am I right?
THE LOTION AND THE POWDER ARE MAKING A PASTE!
They head to dinner, and I am IN LOVE with Becca’s outfit.
A pleated short maxi, simple gold disc necklace, cognac wedges, and beachy hair? YES, PLEASE!
The girl is looking GORG.
She is sunkissed and Beautiful.
And they both basically admit that they love each other.
I’m confused.
Because he’s also told the same thing to Kaitlyn and Whitney.
CHRIS. PICK A GIRL. ANY GIRL.
Becca then reiterates to the camera how she’s choosing to wait until marriage.
BUT THEN she says something about temptation, and ” who knows what will happen” in the fantasy suite.
BECCA. LISTEN TO ME.
Do NOT even think about doing the Big Wiggle with this guy when he still has 2 other girlfriends!
NO. WIGGLING. ALLOWED.
They head to the fantasy suite, and she finally admits to Chris that she is a virgin.
Don’t be ashamed Becca!
BE LOUD AND PROUD!
Chris’s initial reaction can best be described as stunned silence.
But he pulls it together and says he admires that.
Whew.
Virgin’s everywhere breathe a sigh of relief.
All the dates are done, and our Prince is SERIOUSLY confused.
Kaitlyn and Whitney have shared the fact that they are falling in love with him AND that they are willing to move to Arlington.
Becca hasn’t committed to Arlington yet, and that leaves Chris wondering.
It’s pretty obvious that he has some real feelings for all 3 girls, and it’s actually
pretty dang sweet.
Prince Farming talks to his wise advisor, Harrison.
Harrison basically just agrees that our young Prince is in a quandary.
#norealadvicethere
Well played Bachelor interns, WELL PLAYED.
I would like to point out Whitney’s beautiful bone structure, her perfect top knot, and the colorful studs.
GIRLS! Don’t they look awfully similar to our favorite $8 earrings?
(More on the earrings again in a minute…..)
Chris stands in front of the girls, stumbles over lots of words, and has lots of awkward pauses.
He then asks Becca if he can see her for a moment.
Kaitlyn basically starts doing a happy dance and the girls try to not high 5 each other and scream “LOSER!” at Becca on her way out.
But in a twist, Chris walks back WITH BECCA.
And Kaitlyn is all “Ohhhhhhh Shoooooooot.”
He finally loads her up in the rejection minivan, and she is heartbroken. I feel just awful for her. You can tell that Chris does too.
While driving in the mini, she says she’s humiliated and confused, and that it really blows her mind.
She feels betrayed, and who can blame her.
That’s all right Kaitlyn, you’re the real winner here, because you aren’t going to be living in Arlington.
In times such as this, it’s best to remember what Garth says.
Some of God’s Greatest Gifts, are Unanswered Prayers.
You just weren’t built for farm life Kaitlyn.
#garthknows
AND THEN…..I REALIZE THAT NEXT WEEK IS THE WOMEN TELL ALL!!!!!!
And I cannot even imagine what’s going to take place between these girls….but I know this…
Harrison will handle it all like the professional he is.
If you need to catch up on previous weeks recaps, please do so by click HERE!
Now….a little bit of fashion and a GIVEAWAY reminder before you leave today….
They are UGGs (so they are totally comfortable), and I love the fun leopard pattern!
They have a good heel height (high, but not so high I that I might roll an ankle….I really do feel that way with some shoes) and true to size, kind of.
I’m normally a 6 or a 6 1/2, and the 6s were perfect in these.
Click HERE for the leopard wedges.
#meow
And yes….I was wearing my camo pants….again.
And they are ON SALE again…this time for $32.99.
Yep…..they’re fab. A super fun and sassy neutral!
HOW FLIPPING CUTE WOULD THEY BE WITH MY RED PANTS from Monday’s post?
I mean seriously. Sub in the wedges, keep everything else, and WOWZA.
utility blouse options HERE / pants HERE / bracelet HERE/ earrings HERE / necklace HERE
OMG, right?
A little more chic and dressy than the above more casual option from UGG.
Love the wooden heel and the wide leopard straps.
Well, they were on Good Morning America on Tuesday morning!
OUR EARRINGS ARE FAMOUS!
They were re-making Oscar outfits with pieces from Nordstrom, and the guy was all “These earrings are only $8!” Please. Like we didn’t already know about these earrings.
#oldnewsdude
And if you follow me on facebook, you saw the great news yesterday!
The earrings now come in CORAL! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!
(They are now back ordered…but only for like a week…so who cares! Not me!)
Best $8 you’ll ever spend.
Like I said on facebook yesterday, I actually like them more than my solid Kate Spade studs.
#shocking
Click HERE for the earrings.
(Also, a couple of you asked about my necklace yesterday on facebook. It’s not just a name necklace, it’s my actual signature! You can find it HERE. Mine is the 16″ chain with an acrylic color of “antique gold”.)
Also, THIS pretty aqua Zella Deja jacket (love my Deja jacket) is 40% OFF and fully stocked!
And finally, before you go, please don’t forget to enter yourself or a friend in the Special Mama contest! The only requirement is that all entered must be the mom of a child with special needs.
Click HERE to enter.
One special mama is going to get spoiled with a $1,000 gift card to LOFT!
See you ladies back here on Friday where I’ll announce the winner to the contest AND surprise her with some more fun items! (Yes….more items…in addition to the $1,000 to LOFT.)
It’s gonna be fun!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂
Erika Slaughter says
This post is what wakes me up on Wednesday mornings!! Love reading these! What am I gonna do in two weeks?? Could you maybe start recapping Young and the Restless?
clatk says
I'm a Y&R girl too!!! So glad to see someone else who can appreciate a good soap opera ;)!!
Mix and Match Mama says
Woohoo! I just love those earrings!! Sooooooo cute!! And I can't wait to read your Women Tell All post!
Sarah Kuykendall says
OMG! Your Garth Brooks quote has me laughing aloud at 6 AM!!
Polka Dot Blossom says
This post was stinking hilarious! And YES to the NCAA Cheerleading camp shorts! Spirit Stick anyone? That was EXACTLY what I thought when I saw those! And of course you roll the waistband over once, it just makes sense. Uh…right? I grew up in California and we were doing that exact same thing. So glad you mentioned that! Hahahaha!
Anonymous says
Love the Garth Brooks quote. Kaitlyn wouldn't be happy on the farm.
Also is there a reason you chose the wide strap wedge over the crisscross? Just personal preference or was it more comfortable?
Sheaffer says
Just personal preference! 🙂
Chelsey says
I love your recaps… mainly because I don't have time to sit and watch 2 hours of The Bachelor, but I'm still interested in what happens. Perfect Friends references BTW.
Oh, and I bought those Bond & Treasure jeans you linked to last week – LOVE them!!
Anonymous says
The pants rang up at $26.93 with the 40% off!
The Boutelle Family says
I didn't think your bachelor recaps could be anymore perfect, but the addition of the Friend's references are amazing! Love it!
BethG says
Why does The Bachelor not have tissues readily available??? With all the crying this season I have not seen one person use a tissue! Even during Harrison's interview with Andi ~ the poor girl desperately needed some Kleenex!
Jill Sloothaak says
"Remember what Garth says…." HAHAHAHAHA!!! Some of your best work ever. 🙂
And, also….the large strap wedge photo with the white tee and cute necklace. I pretty much want that outfit from head to toe. You highlighted everything except the jeans. Please tell me where I can get those jeans! I love love them.
Happy Wednesday!
Sheaffer says
Thanks Jill! 🙂 I added the jeans link above! Sorry bout that! 🙂 xoxo, Sheaffer
kristen says
Bravo! As usual! Wanted to see if you have any cognac wedges recs! I have the Calisto nude must haves but really need a cognac option! Let me know if you have or find anything comfy and cute!
Brooke Bennett says
#garthknows… hilarious!!
Rebecca Jo says
Yep… I am headed right now to buy the leopard flats AND those earrings!!!
Tessa Ernst says
One of my favorite posts ever. The cheerleading shorts?? #totallydidthat #90s Ross and the leather pants? One of my favorite Friends moments ever!! Still laugh out loud! And #garthknows?! Yes he does! Love Garth and that fits perfectly here hahaha. Great recap as usual. This one really spoke to me! Keep it up 🙂
April Parrish says
I can't stop laughing…great recap!!!
I agree with Erika, could you start recapping the Young and the Restless??? LOL! But seriously could you?
I said it last week and I'll say it again today I love those leopard wedges!!!
Scarlett Valentine says
Love, love, love your Bachelor recaps AND fashion finds! I just want to make notice of the coral shorts Kaitlyn is wearing and how very similar they are to the coral shorts that Andi wore when she visited Josh for a hometown. I'm kinda wondering if they were the same shorts borrowed from a secret Bachelor wardrobe that we don't know about. Hmmm.. Also, I love Whitney and I think he needs to go ahead and seal the deal there, but holy self-tanner! I mean, sister needed to hire a pro or demand a refund! My husby was the first one to comment on her orange knees and elbows…which led to a story about he once broke up with a girl because her bad spray tan was THAT bad…anyway, Whitney should have tested out that spray tan LONG before Bali and national television #orangeisthenewblack.
Jessie says
I'm so glad someone mentioned the tan! I was beginning to think my hubby and I were the only ones who noticed. It seriously distracted me for the entire date. Poor Whitney!
Donna Epperson says
OMG yes! I just thought it was my crazy pregger brain or the TV just having some malfunctions. That spray tan was BAD! Poor girl…
Erin Soto says
Honestly, you've got the best Bachelor recaps out there!!! Love checking in on your blog for these. The fashion is a massive bonus 🙂
Baby Kate's Mom says
I love your recaps & LOVE the Friends references this week. When I was watching I just knew you'd talk about Whitney's earrings. Great post girl!
melissabunny100 says
You looks so cute by the front door!!!
Anonymous says
Okay so I'm not sure if you know but Chris has his own recap on people.com. It's interesting to hear what else was going on besides what we see. Like on the boat where it seemed to me that Chris just wasn't in to being as snuggly romantic as Whitney. Well apparently the whole crew was sick and throwing up. And when they jumped in the water I thought that the water looked a little rough and like they were in it for all of five minutes. Oh and he totally addresses the issue of his sweating through every shirt. And he sends a shout to Kaitlyn.
Unknown says
I love your recaps! I was dying about the hug mount whatever it is. The friends references, gold! I also have to admit that I don't have my ears pierced, I know it's basically a sin but I just am not a big jewelry person. I did notice whitneys earrings and I thought I wonder if she reads your blog!
Maddy Haggerty says
oh.my.gosh you are hilarious!!! I live for these posts! You say/describe everything point on! LOVE!!
Micah Tjeerdsma says
Can't. Stop. Laughing. Oh man, #garthknows couldn't be more spot on! When my husband and I were dating he told me that he felt like he was supposed to move back to Sioux City, Iowa. Let me tell you, it's small, but that was nothing compared to Arlington. Obviously I said that, "I didn't receive the call to move to S.C." We're married, so needless to say…there was no move.
kristie's girls says
So very funny!!! Ok…… What is a black box???
Janet says
Love your recaps. I am just not on team Whitney. I'm hoping for Becca. I can't see Whitney leaving her career and being happy in Arlington. I think Becca would adjust better. And of course now I have to jump over to People.com to read the recaps from Chris.
Michelle Ragsdale says
Oh my do I love your recaps… I did the waist band fold over with my plastic shorts (aka umbros)#bornin1977confessions…#memories…as soon as you wrote about leather shorts…I thought of that friends episode then I scroll down and there it is….lol…#garthknows is genius….and rejection mini van should also become a hashtag…love your sense of humor!
Kathryn Katz says
Wow I haven't heard umbros since high school… born in 79 🙂
Brooke says
Seriously I want to know how many women actually run up and mount their men like that?!?!? LOL
Lindsey says
I'm gonna try it next time I see my man and will report back how easy it is. Seems like he needs to know or you will take him down!
Libby Gordon says
If I did that to my husband, we would both wind up in the ER. Even when I WAS young, limber and itty-bitty, we would've fallen over-I'm THAT coordinated. PLEASE report back if you do this; better yet, film it and we'll score it!;)
Melissa Gibbs says
Love your Bachelor recaps! Hilarious! Also, the coral earrings are back in stock…I just ordered a pair!
Susan Pelizzaro says
Sheaffer, how is that white tee? Do you absolutely love it? I need to get a few and wondering if I should get these. Thanks!
Sheaffer says
Hi Susan! I like it, but you definitely need a cami under it. I haven't tried any of the other colors, so I'm not really sure. I know that Shay has a couple of the striped ones and loves them! Sorry I'm not more help!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂
AmyJ says
Nordstrom just let me order ALL 3 pairs of earrings. Coral is back ordered but will ship mid-March. And, of course I got the wedges and T-shirt too! #myhusbandwillbethrilled 😉
Caitlin Williams says
#garthknows might be my new favorite hashtag ever! I immediately noticed Whitney's earrings and thought wow I need a pair of those bad boys! 🙂
Emily Morris says
DV by Dolce Vita needs to carry size 5!! Small footed females need cute shoes too! Am-I-Right?
BennieMom14 says
NCA everybody say……..NCA!!!! WOOOOOO!!! I think you should start giving out a "Scheaffer Spirit Stick" to the girl who most represents the PTMT philosophy……..just a thought. #cheerleadersrule
Anonymous says
OMG! The plastic shorts! We called them plastics and I had every color!! Worn with an oversized t-shirt which was rubber banded on the side! Also, I love Whitney, but did anyone else think she looked like she had been attacked by the self tanner?
-Kim
Lindsey says
My sister pointed out how hot Harrison looked when talking to Chris. Me thinks he needs to be the next Bachelor.
Also, if you are gonna recap a soap, so Bold and the Beautiful. Same soap fam as Y&R but only 22 minutes long. Can't beat that.
Anonymous says
OK…Hit It!
Anonymous says
Becca's shorts were faux leather from Forever 21 according to Possessionista! I am sure you know her and probably follow her on Twitter. We still need to find out when the "jump straddle" started! I am dying to know what season it first appeared and who did it first.
Courtney Bartlett says
Scheaffer, I love love love these recaps! You say what we're all thinking! I'm embarrassed to say I totally had those plastic cheer shorts in high school and thought I was hot snot in them, but have retired those puppies a LONG time ago! Becca is a gorgeous girl, you'd think she'd have something cuter to wear on the most important date of her life! Can't wait to see what happens next week! #TeamWhitney
Shawnee says
I LOVE your recaps!! And I totally thought she was wearing athletic shorts! LOL And I just knew you would say something about Whitney's awful fake tan…..she was orange for sure!!! I ordered a pair of the earrings and will be getting my ears pierced again ASAP!! 🙂
Narci says
So funny! Listen, Garth Brooks knows! 😉 I totally nabbed that Aqua jacket! Good deal! Thanks, friend! Xoxo
Lindsay Unitas says
Schaeffer, you are hilarious! I look forward to reading your blog everyday!
LoriM says
I have no plans to ever watch the Bachelor, the whole concept just makes me cringe, but your recaps are HILARIOUS. I'll keep reading them, for sure.
Leslie Wilkinson says
I nominate lorrie newman!!! She is an amazing mother of 3 children. Her youngest son has down syndrome. Lorrie has always put her children first. I would love to see her pampered with a shopping spree!!
Anonymous says
I would like to know why the show acts like telling him she is a virgin is equivalent to telling him she is really a male prostitute who killed a family in Utah and spent 5 years in prison and has just been released????? Come on, people!!!!!!!!!! It's a good thing!!!!!!!
{Hi Sugarplum!} says
I don't even know where to start…so much greatness in this post!! And for the record, I no longer even watch the show, bc I'd much rather just read your take on it! And those wedges….LOVE!!!!!
Paula says
#garthknows
BAWAHAHAHA..TRUE! So true!
He wants Becca. Whitney wants him. This will be interesting.
Women Tell All…so excited. Let the crazy out! 🙂
Ordered the earrings! 🙂
My blue jacket came this week. The one that came in camouflage green too. I love it.
Chic Coastal Living says
That was a great show and I can't wait till Monday night!
Anonymous says
You totally took me back to lawn of SMU at cheerleading camp! Plastic shorts were my uniform back then! 😉 Also loved your LH shoutout the other day!
Did anyone else notice Whitney's smirking/trying not to smile (unsuccessfully) when Kaitlyn didn't get the rose, and as K and Chris were walking by to leave?? As kind as Whitney seems, I was very surprised to see that little peek of immaturity. There were also a couple times this show that her voice got so high and nasally, my dog perked his ears up.
Thanks for your hilarious pov, as usual!:)
thebestserum says
These are so cool!