The Bachelor Episode 7 (Part 1): Arie Loves That

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Okay, time for The Bachelor recap!!!!

Here’s a little review for you, if you need a refresher of the season.

Episode 1, click HERE.  That time I had to google the spelling for wiener.  “I before e, except after c” still applies.

Episode 2, click HERE.  That time we realized Arie was basically dating his mother.

Episode 3, click HERE.  That time the “lunch lady” wrestled the “sex kitten”.  And the lunch lady won.

Episode 4, click HERE.  That time a girl almost drank her pee for love.

Episode 5 (part 1), click HERE.  That time Arie grounded one of his girlfriends.  And we loved it.

Episode 5 (part 2), click HERE.  That time one of the girls told Arie she would totally eat a human.

Episode 6 (part 1), click HERE.  That time Rizzo wore a bra for the first time.

Episode 6 (part 2), click HERE.  That time I went all BEC on one of the contestants and it became clear I needed therapy.

Okay, before we get started, can we all admit that we are all a little bit sad that we are now in the Post Krystal Era of this season?  #ikindamissthebabystripper   I mean, who am I suppose to irrationally hate now?

The episode this week started with 7 girls:  Rizzo, Lauren, Jacqueline, Becca, Sienne, Tia, and Kendall.  And they were going to be in Tuscany!  It’s a little known fact, but Tuscany is actually the perfect place to fall in love. 😉  Harrison announced that there would be no rose ceremony this week, there would instead be just dates:  3 1:1 dates and a group date.  Roses would be up for grabs on all the dates, and those who got roses would get to take him home to meet their families.

The girls roamed the town a bit and walked right by The Leaning Tower of Pisa, and one girl questioned “Why is it leaning?”  I hoped she was kidding.  The way she asked had me thinking she had never heard of this landmark before.  Maybe she was just being funny.  #fingerscrossed

They walked into their Tuscan resort, and they once again acted like they’d never seen beds or sofas before.  Like, they squealed with delight at the sight of furniture.

The first date card arrived.  And just it’s arrival made Tia cuss.  Which was hysterical.

Becca:  Let’s fall in love under the Tuscan sun.

Arie picked Becca up in a tiny little convertible, and she was looking gorgeous in the cutest little romper/sundress combo.  They actually make a really cute couple!!!  They went in to a couple of different little shops and vendors, and they put together a picnic.

She mentioned that he was really easy to travel with, which made me lol.  I mean, sure he is!  It’s 100% free, it’s 100% planned by others, and they were in Tuscany.  Throw a couple of kids in a minivan for a 7 hour road trip to grandmas, and we’ll see how fun he is.

During their picnic, they were both admitting to each other that they were fearful that the initial spark and passion between them had faded.  But it seemed like they found it again.

Yep, they definitely found it again.

Good news, while Arie kissing other girls sometimes invokes a gag reflex in me, these two crazy kids kissing doesn’t bother me.  And I prefer when my television programming doesn’t want to make me puke, so I consider this a win.

That night at dinner, Arie was giving me SERIOUS Mr. Rogers vibes in his button up and cardigan.  But here’s the deal, I LOVED MR. ROGERS.

I mean, I was half expecting him to toss a penny loafer in the air and break into song.  “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor.  Would you be mine.  Could you be mine.”

Over dinner they talked about who he would meet if he were to go to her hometown, and then she got the rose! She told the camera she could confidently say that Yes, she could see Arie being her husband.

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Back at the hotel, Jacqueline was crying to Kendall.  She was having “swirling doubts”.  She was spiraling, y’all.

She basically didn’t think it would be the right thing to do to take Arie home to meet her parents when she wasn’t sure about him personally.  She also said something about not being able to imagine him having a conversation with her parents.   Which I think was a dig at Arie.

Jacqueline headed over to Arie’s hotel room to talk to him and share her fears.   But before she launched in to why she was breaking up with him, she grabbed his glass of wine and started chugging it.  Which made me like her so much.  #respect

Her words started spilling out, and she basically said, “I don’t want to end up in Scottsdale, married to you, and wonder how the heck I got there.” Again, #respect.

So she broke up with him, and then she ate his face.

Several times.  She ate his face several times.  Very passionately.

I was confused.  And so was Arie.

When hugging goodbye, he said, “If you have any regret, you come back to me.”  And it was such a real and sweet moment.  Arie admitted that her remaining 6 years of school scared him, but he had hoped their connection was strong enough to see that through.

After the break up, Jacqueline said, “I came here open to finding love, but I certainly did not expect it.”  And then she panicked in the hallway.  She started questioning everything.  And she started spewing utter nonsense like “Arie is perfect.”

But you know who took this all the hardest?  Kendall.  God Bless her dead animal loving human flesh eating heart.  She’s really just a big ol’ teddy bear.

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The next date card arrived, and Tia dropped another F bomb.  Yes, again.  #teamtia

The card said, “Lauren – Let’s break down our walls.”

And this was me.

Why was Lauren getting another 1:1?  Just 1 week after having the date where she said “wow” 13 times and couldn’t even get excited about cheese?

And when she got the 1:1 date again, she looked just as about excited as I felt.  Which was NOT VERY.

But when she saw him, she did land a really great run and jump.  And she straddled him like it wasn’t her first rodeo.

They hopped on bikes and Arie did a little bit of showing off.  And I think it speaks to what kind of person I am that I was legitimately concerned that he might end up with a head injury.  #ineedtocalmdown

While walking and biking together through the Italian countryside, Lauren said,  “It’s very Italian.  And he said “Yeah.”  And I said WOW.  My goodness, NOTHING gets past this girl.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  This year’s Lauren looks to me like Peter Brady’s ex Lauren and Emily Maynard had a baby.  Yes?  Am I right, or am I right?

Does Arie like Lauren because she favors Emily and he still basically loves Emily?  This at least helps  me to understand why he feels such an attraction to her.  She’s basically Emily Maynard.

After the bike ride, they stopped to eat some pizza at a cafe.  And what is becoming another type of tradition in Bachelorland, they played soccer with some local children.

At dinner that night, Lauren toasted to breaking down their walls.  And then she started breaking them down.  It went a little something like this:  “After our first one-on-one, I felt very strongly about you.  I knew there was something different about you because you aren’t like anybody else that I’ve ever dated.  And every time I’m with you it’s very obvious to me that I feel like I am starting fall in love with you.”

This is what Arie had been waiting to hear from Lauren!!!!  And I was impressed, because it was several words strung together in a cohesive sentence from Lauren.  It was the most I had ever heard her speak at any given time.

But upon receiving the news, Arie looked like this.  It was a look I didn’t understand.

And then he got up AND LEFT.  Like he stood up, and walked away.

And he left Lauren sitting there feeling like she’d said too much too soon.  Two perfectly formed tears spilled out of her eyes, but she very politely dabbed them away.

I was left wondering if the pasta sauce didn’t agree with him.  Maybe he was gassy?  That was seriously the best explanation I could come up with. He was wandering around in the woods for crying out loud!

In a surprising turn of events, he came back and very casually said “Sorry bout that.”  Upon his return, she let him know that she sensed something was wrong.  I’m telling you, NOTHING gets by this one!  #nancydrew

But he promised her that he was fine.  And then he gave her the rose and said “I’m falling so deeply in love with you , it’s crazy.”

YOU’RE RIGHT ARIE.  THAT IS CRAZY.

He gave her the rose and that was that.

See you back here tomorrow for Part 2!  I haven’t even watched it yet, but #spoileralert…the previews makes me think it’s going to be THE MOST DRAMATIC episode yet.

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