If you didn’t already see my Bachelor recap from last week, click HERE to check it out.
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All right, now it’s time for our recap! We started out the episode with a war of words between Corinne and Taylor. It was mind-numbing. During their back and forth on “emotional intelligence” and “maturity” and what exactly those terms mean, my overall IQ dropped by 70ish points. I could actually feel it happening. I will say I lol’d when Corinne told Taylor that she…and I quote….had “a skank face on her face.” That’s good stuff right there.
They went back and forth. And back and forth. And then back and forth again. I was thinking somebody was going to have to step in and just recommend that they “FOR THE LOVE! AGREE TO DISAGREE!”. But then, something weird happened. I was legit confused. It was like Corinne was playing some sort of Jedi mind trick on Taylor. I think at one point Taylor didn’t know up from down and you could tell that a little bit of self doubt started to creep in.
I’m telling you, Corinne therapisted the therapist.
Or maybe Corinne Jedi mind tricked me, because by the end of the argument, I liked Taylor LESS than I liked Corinne. And that’s sayin’ somethin’. Probably about my emotional intelligence.
Corinne went to Nick, cried on his shoulder, told him she didn’t think Taylor was here for the right reasons, and then called Taylor “entitled”. #saidthegirlwiththenanny #whotakesnaps And even though history has shown that when you tattle tale on another girl it is not taken favorably, she still seemed to somehow guarantee herself a rose this week. I mean, Nick ended up thanking her for being so honest. So, she obviously Jedi mind tricked him as well.
The chick has SKILLZ.
ROSE CEREMONY
It was obviously SUB ZERO during the rose ceremony. I felt so badly for the girls. I’m straight up miserable when cold. I shiver uncontrollably (which makes my back hurt), and my teeth chatter like those wind up teeth. I’m pretty sure I would have been all PEACE OUT, JUST SEND ME HOME.
Who already had roses: Raven and the Russian Spy
Who got roses: Whitney (AGAIN, WHO????????), Danielle, Jasmine, Rachel, Jaimi, Josephine, Vanessa, Alexis, Corinne, Taylor
Who went home: Sarah (WHAT? WHY?) and Astrid. They were left in the cold. See what I did there?
Josephine was straight up shocked when Nick called her name. As was I, Josephine. As was I. Also, I wonder when exactly I’m going to stop shouting “WHO IS WHITNEY?” at the t.v. when her name is called.
This is Whitney, y’all. Study this face so you won’t be left wondering who she is next week. Commit it to memory.
Nick let all the remaining girls know that they were going to New Orleans!!! And I feel like now is as good a time as any to say that Shark Girl is growing on me. I mean, after the New Orleans announcement, the girl said, “Hi, I’m Miss Louisiana! I love gators, grits, and a goooooooooooo-d time.” It’s important to know that while saying “gooooooooooooood” she expertly shimmied her boobies (that if you remember correctly, just recently celebrated their 1 year old birthday). They moved just enough. If I shimmied like that, somebody might get hurt.
MORE OF SHARK GIRL, PLEASE!
They arrived at a swanky hotel, and then Harrison showed up to say there was going to be a group date, one 1:1 date, and one 2:1 date. A 2:1 date? OH, THE HUMANITY! At that point, I would have bet my entire life savings that Corinne and Taylor were going to be the lucky ladies that were paired together on the dreaded 2:1. And I had flashbacks to this scene. Yep, I reminisced about the the most epic 2:1 pairing EVER in the history of EVER. #rememberthebadlands #neverforget
1:1 Date: Where have You Beignet All My Life with Rachel
Nick and Rachel’s date was set up for them to experience the city. They walked around a local market, sampled hot sauces, ate oysters, and we all marveled that Rachel was able to stay dressed. I mean, her “top” (and I use that term very loosely) had a plunging neckline AND it was backless. Girls, that’s hard to wear.
And then Nick ate his first ever beignet. And he dug it.
I mean, he realllllllllly liked them. This was his actual face after eating his first beignet.
Then they got the opportunity to participate in a Second Line. And Nick got down with his bad self. He had a surprising amount of rhythm, and you could tell they were actually having a blast together. It was cute! I would like to point on here that our boy Nick can dance AND roller skate. If he could sing, that would be a trifecta. #thewholepackage
They went to dinner (in a Mardi Gras float warehouse), and I have to say that I LOVED Rachel. She was well spoken, poised, totally approachable, and fun! And y’all, we better all hope that Rachel makes it to hometown dates, because her daddy is a federal judge. AND THAT WOULD BE SOME GOOD T.V. I wonder how Judge Daddy is going to feel about Nick’s romp in the bouncy house. They talked for a bit about how he would address him, and they settled on “sir”. Good call. I might have gone with “The Honorable Judge So and So”, but “sir” will do.
GROUP DATE: Till Death Do Us Part
Who is going: Josephine, Christina, Alexis, Raven, Jaimi, Vanessa, Danielle, Whitney (SERIOUSLY! WHO?), Jasmine, and Danielle
So the group date took place at a haunted house. With a caretaker named “Boo”. Clever. Boo explained that the house is haunted by an 8 year old girl named May who has spent eternity searching for her missing doll. He took the group on a quick tour, pointed out some “spooky” things, and showed them something covered in a sheet. Mr. Boo told the girls to not touch the sheet. Because it might tick the ghosts off. #thanksboo
In the most precious hick accent you’ve ever heard, Raven said, “If I see a ghost, I’m gonna rebuke that thang in the name of Jesus. I’m not putting up with it.” Raven. I love you. I mean, she can beat the tar out of somebody with a stiletto, and then she can turn around a rebuke a ghost in the name of Jesus. The girl has some serious range!
They got out a Quiji board and started to play with it. And I was totally with Vanessa on this. I would have been all BuhBye. Mama don’t play with Ouija boards.
Of course somebody touched the sheet (don’t even remember who), somebody put on a ghost’s hat, somebody moved May’s beloved baby doll, rocking horses rocked, lights flickers, and a chandelier fell. I tell you what, the Bachelor interns were working over time at this house.
In the middle of all the spookiness, Raven “accidentally” told Nick she loved him, but Danielle got the group date rose. Sidenote, when Raven proclaimed her love, she stated that her love started when Nick sang The Little Mermaid to her. UM, WHAT? Why in the world would we not have seen this? I mean, THAT IS SOMETHING I’D ACTUALLY LIKE TO SEE! Is it possible Nick can sing too? That would be a triple threat, ladies! #butwhocares #nobigdeal #iwantmore
2:1 Date: Meet Me In The Bayou with Corinne and Taylor
Before we get to the date, let’s talk about how Corinne and Taylor prepared for the upcoming 2:1. Taylor meditated with oils. BORING.
Corinne took a different approach. She ordered enough room service to feed 12. And wine. And I respect that. At that moment, I felt a closeness to Corinne that I never dreamed was possible.
Mamas…….can you think of anything else that sounds better than being in a hotel room… by yourself… taking a bath while drinking champagne…. slipping into a nice fluffy robe…..and having stupid amounts of food being delivered to you. That’s the stuff dreams are made of, ladies.
The happy threesome hopped in a tiny little boat with Dog The Bounty Hunter as their guide.
The dress code for the swamp and voodoo ceremony was casual: jeans and tanks or tees, bras apparently optional. I’m looking at you, Taylor. They walked into the woods where there was a woman reading tarot cards. Here’s the deal. You don’t have to be a psychic to know that these girls are cray and that things are going to end badly in the Bayou.
She separated the girls to read their cards….and when each girl spent alone time with Nick, they both spent their time bad-mouthing the other girl.
They then met back together and anxiously awaited to see who Nick was going to give the rose to. Taylor was 100% sure she would be getting the rose. Corinne was 100% positive she would be getting the rose. Look how desperate and scared Nick looks in the picture below. I almost felt sorry for him.
Nick gave Corinne the rose, the happy couple hopped back in the boat, and Taylor was left sitting in the woods by herself.
It’s strange, I still want to punch Corinne in the trachea…AND YET, I want her to stick around because I’m dying to meet her family. #andthenanny
On her way back to civilization, Taylor stopped by VooDoo Central and apparently had some sort of ritual performed on her. UM. NO THANK YOU.
Corinne and Nick went to dinner. She was telling Nick how she was so glad that they got to spend alone time together. BUT GUESS WHO SHOWED UP. I’ll give you one hint: She has a Master’s degree. That’s right, our resident psychotherapist couldn’t leave “without speaking her truth”. Oh boy, that’s gonna be good.
TO BE CONTINUED.
But before the show ended, we got to see a fun little exchange between Shark Girl and Nick (with a Nicholas Cage mask on). I’m ready to start seeing Shark Girl in more than just outtakes! SHE IS HYSTERICAL.
Now, before you go, something for all of you wine and rose lovers out there!!!!!! Click HERE for these tops. They are technically pajama tops, but I’m thinking they would be darling worn out of the house with jeans and converse. They would certainly make excellent lounge wear.
See y’all back here on Friday for Friday Favorites!
Susan Jeffries says
I haven’t had the chance to watch the end of this episode yet. Busy week. But now I don’t need to. Your recaps are so much better than the real thing(: Thanks for making me laugh out loud before I head to work today.
Erika Slaughter says
I missed the episode this week but had no doubt you’d get me caught right up. I couldn’t agree more! I think it’s nuts Corinne is still on but I want to meet her family!!
Amy says
You’re right about one thing. Alone in a hotel room surrounded by room service is the stuff dreams are made of. And Nick liked that beignet so much it was borderline uncomfortable. Hahahaha!
Shay Shull says
The conversation/thought bubbles make me LOL!
Megan says
So for the first time ever, I dosed off in the middle of an episode. Why is this season so boring???? Apparently I missed spunky Raven and her rebuking comment. Is it weird that I kind of want to pull it back up on my DVR and watch? Love her!
http://www.lettinginthelightblog.com
Caroline says
YES! Nick had a moment with that beignet! And “if I shimmied like that, somebody would get hurt” had me rolling.
Jaimie Hurst says
Your recaps are just too good! They make me laugh the entire time! Also, totally agree.. WHO IS WHITNEY?!?!
Narci says
I love Shark Girl. I mean, I have no clue what her real name is, but her outtakes are the best! Also, Nick having a moment with his Beignet! Hahaha!
Emily says
My friend happened to see them filming the beignet date and she said when they were done Nick stood up, raised his hands in the air and made his date and the producers brush all the powdered sugar off of him. She has a picture of it but I didn’t know how to share with you. Said it was pretty ridiculous watching a grown man do that!!
Amy Calvo says
WE NEED TO SEE THE PIC!!
Ashley says
I love everything about this comment. Thank you Emily.
Maggie says
I don’t like Corinne… but props to the girl for being the first ever in Bachelor history to have a hairband and actually use it. Did you notice she actually put her hair in a ponytail on the boat ride??
Karla says
I’m weirdly starting to like Cray Cray Corrine and YES, I noticed her using the ponytail holder on the boat ride. #finally
Samantha says
Your recaps are always hilarious. They are the best part of watching the Bachelor. I was totally agreeing with you about the wanting to see Nick serenading Raven to the Little Mermaid song and then saw #butwhocares #nobigdeal #iwantmore. I don’t know if everybody got it, but you are a hashtag genius! You had me cracking up.
Kristin S says
1. Yes, who the heck is Whitney? We said the same thing when he called her name.
2. Evidently bras are optional this whole season. I can’t believe you didn’t do a screenshot of yet another dress with no front. Is this a thing now? Were they all told to bring tops/dresses with no front and no bra? Ew.
Kelly says
I’m totally with you on the opening part of Corinne and Taylor! I DO NOT like Corinne and think she’s just obnoxious but she actually had me on her side more than Taylor’s in their little spat! Taylor is just nasty and has a sour look on her face all the time, I’m glad she’s gone. Great recap!
Mary says
My husband and I were wondering who Whitney was too. We were like, “has there been a Pilates instructor on there this whole time?!”
Ann says
For the scarf sale, where do we enter the discount code? What a deal! Thanks!
Sheaffer says
Hi, Ann! After you hit “checkout”, a discount box will appear where you enter the code! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Erin says
I realized why they don’t show eating on TV, the beignet scene was uncomfy to watch…all that crunching and munching :/! Love your recaps!
Brooke Richardson says
I must say this episode made me really want a beignet! I didn’t enjoy the haunted house or bayou date. It was still entertaining though and your recaps are the best!!!
Michele says
Hoping things pick up now that Taylor is gone. Those two little girls fighting on the playground took up WAAAAY too much time!!! Why are a 21 & 23 yr old fighting over a 35 yr old anyway??? Thanks to Raven and Shark Girl for some laughs!!
Kate says
“…with Dog the Bounty Hunter as their guide..” I choked on my wine when that man leapt into the back of their boat. SO funny. As is your entire recap, obviously!!
Cheryl says
We could literally not take our eyes off that guy nor could we stop laughing! My son (I know, I’m wrong) said he needed to work in a “leg day”.
Bekah Bruce says
Favorite recap of the season! I agree– I liked Taylor less. I don’t like Corinne but I too, can appreciate her room service skills. And your hashtags! Hilarious!
I want to see Corinne’s crazy family but I really like Vanessa, Rachel, and Raven..I’d like to see them more.
And agreed–Shark Girl needs her own show!
Sarah says
HAHA your Little Mermaid hashtags had me cracking up! Love your recaps more than the show!
Jennifer says
Best recap ever!!! Its because of you I must watch this show. Great job this week and keep up the great work!!!
Rebecca Jo says
I would have so been like PEACE OUT on these dates. My momma never even entertained the idea of us getting one of those boards. From Da Devil … in my best Waterboy Momma voice.
Why is Shark Girl always in the credits. We need an episode of just her & Nick. You can totally tell she’s friendzoned at this point, but man, they look like they have a great time together
Sara says
I thought the EXACT thing when the show ended this week. Why is she always the one having a funny moment with Nick during the credits but we don’t see much of her otherwise? She’s funny!
Nicole G. says
I just want to tell you that your recaps are hysterical!! I am laughing so hard I have tears coming down my face and my kids and husband think I’m crazy!! Thank you for doing these recaps especially this season because I am not loving Nick as the bachelor and find this season a little boring. I actually fell asleep during this episode so thanks to your recap I’m all caught up!!
Brooke says
I can’t decide who I dislike the most, Nick, Corinne, or Taylor! And that crazy voodoo mess? Um, no thank you! They should have both gone home.
Cheryl says
I LOVE RAVEN! I’ve said it before but this week solidified it for me! I need to meet her Mama…the one who handed her the keys and told her to go get that cheatin man! When she said she would rebuke that ghost in the name of Jesus, I nearly fell out of my chair. Outstanding television.
jodi says
Dog the bounty hunter…lol!!!
Marla says
This may have been my least favorite episode ever. The haunted house was just stupid and I guess I’m just not a bayou kind of gal. However, “Dog the bounty hunter” made up for all the ridiculousness…..I can’t stop laughing. You are genius!!!
Allison Campbell says
I don’t feel like Nick is worthy of ANY of the girls I like! Ha!
Lisa says
You called Corinne “Olivia” in your first paragraph. You must have Ben’s season still on your mind or you just miss that hot mess! LOL
Sheaffer says
No way! Ha!!! Going to fix that now! Thank you, Lisa!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Darcee says
I love that you called Corrine “Olivia” in the first sentence! They’d have been a good match! ABC should definitely put them on BIP together!
Sheaffer says
Hi, Darcee! Somebody else just pointed that out as well! I just changed it. Hysterical! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Shirley says
LOVE your recaps! Did anybody else notice the blatant Beauty and the Beast product placement with the antique glass dome covering the rose?!?! I truly expected one of the girls to at least make some type of reference to it! I’m surprised they haven’t done that before, but in the haunted house it made sense. ABC was smart to use it on the night when every other commercial break was also a promo for the new live-action movie. Thank you for the laughs again this week!
KayVonne says
Corrine was on the Ellen Show today. It’s worth watching. She explained a little more about having a nanny.
Kelly says
“If I shimmied like that, somebody might get hurt” had me laughing harder than ever. You, Girl, are officially the funniest girl I know ( or don’t know)… whichever!
I just LOVE me some Schaeffer!
Nancy says
What was it about Corinne this week?!? I definitely went from hoping that she’d be sent home ASAP to hoping that she’d still be around for the hometown visits.
I’m surprised that you haven’t posted side-by-side pictures of Chad and Corinne stuffing their faces. 😉
Kim says
I said that EXACT SAME THING about Dog the Bounty Hunter! Too funny!!!!
Ranisa says
#corinnebrushyourhair
Dawn Spencer says
Oh. My. Stars. I love you, Sheaffer. You are so spot on with your recaps and are just about the only thing that is keeping me hanging on this season! I have so many questions and zero answers. Why does this season seem so boring??? Why do I not feel emotionally invested in the outcome?? Is it me?? Is it them?? And why the hell would any woman go on national TV without a bra?? You know they were raised better than that. Disgraceful. And for the record, I do not like Nick. I do not like Nick in a house. I do not like Nick with a mouse. I do not like Nick here or there. I do not like Nick anywhere. #butIdolikegreeneggsandham
Elaine says
You are a #master! I love your recaps and routinely laugh out loud #thatsthebest! I would read a book if you wrote it – your style is so smooth and you just throw the zingers in #dogthebountyhunter. Today I especially appreciated that you clarified that no one saw Little Mermaid song. I thought to myself “I know this season seems boring but did I really zone out that much?” #Iwantmoretoo
Thanks for doing these recaps – they are the highlight of every season!
Kristin Tate says
Dog the Bounty Hunter!!!!! I died!
Megan Butler says
One of my college besties graduated hs with Rachel. They went to a private Christian school together. Apparently Rachel’s family is ultra conservative and sweet. Sooo should be good combination. Ha!! I can’t wait to see them on hometown dates. (Hope she makes it!) but I kind of think she is too good for him.
Terra Heck says
I realize that most of reality shows are staged and scripted but I felt like this episode was above and beyond that. It was unbelievable with the haunted home, ghosts, chant dances, and all that jazz.
Taylor didn’t do a good job of presenting herself. I ended up not caring for her after her bickering and carrying on.
Sanna says
I don’t know what it is this season, but I can’t get on board with many of the date locations. The zero gravity plane ride is still at the top of my nightmare list, but this week’s dates were bad too. The haunted house, and the voodoo swamp/ tarot cards l dates: what in the world?! Almost every week I am thinking, no thank you! I’d rather be stuck at the mansion with the pool than on most of these dates.
Every season I also wonder if any of the girls ever suffer from motion sickness on those helicopter rides?! I’ve been in one twice and vowed never to do it again. Do the camera crew or producers have Dramamine on hand for these dates?
I also wondered why Sarah was sent home over Josephine and Jaimi. He doesn’t seem to have any chemistry with them. Or with Jasmine or Whitney for that matter.