Okay, peeps! We are now 4 episodes in on The Bachelor! If you missed the first three recaps and want to catch up, you can do so by clicking the following:
Episode 1, click HERE.
Episode 2, click HERE.
Episode 3, click HERE.
This episode opened up with Rizzo taking a leisurely swim in the pool, while several of the girls were inside mulling over how they thought that Arie would feel about the about the 14 year age difference between them (once he found out about it). My thoughts were that Arie already has to know that she’s pretty young. You know, since she looks 14 and all. But here’s what we know for sure: Rizzo is 22 years old and everybody is FREAKING THE FREAK OUT about it. Maquel is 23, and CRICKETS.
Harrison sauntered into the living room with the 15 remaining ladies, and I legit didn’t have a clue who 3 of them were. He let them know that they were about to embark on a journey that would take them around the world…and they would be starting in Tahoe. Huh? Tahoe? But don’t worry, the ladies still lost their minds. Time to grab some Corn Nuts and Funyons and hit the road ladies! ROAD TRIP!!!! #tahoeorbust #shotgun
When they arrived in Tahoe, the girls took up residence in a sprawling and gorgeous cabin. Arie took up residence at the local Hard Rock. #um #okay
Bekkah grabbed the date card and read it to everybody..although I’m really not sure what it said, because I was too worried about her massive earrings. I mean, if those babies were to get hung on a sweater she could lose an ear. At the very least an earlobe.
The first date card said, “Sienne – Let’s Let Our Love Soar.” Arie showed up at the Lake Tahoe cabin, they hopped in a cool Bronco, and then they went parasailing together….as the girls looked on from their cabin with binoculars. (I giggled to myself thinking of the producers handing out the binoculars one by one to the girls and casually suggesting they take in the beautiful scenery.) 😉 I appreciated the low profile stalking, but I did raise an eyebrow to what I’m looking at below. Is it just me, or is the long lost Kardashian sister holding the binoculars backwards? Or upside down? Or both?
Speaking of scenery, Tahoe was GORGEOUS. High 5 to the tourism board for scoring this little stop in the Bachelor world tour. But thank Heavens that Annaliese was gone, because I’d heard that she had a traumatic experience with crisp mountain air and pine trees in middle school.
After parasailing (which I don’t know if you know, is A LOT like love), they sat by a lake with a picnic and had a nice little convo. Nothing exciting, just nice and normal. I was however concerned with Arie’s bronzer application. It’s true what they say. Less IS More.
Then they headed to the Hard Rock casino for the evening portion of their date. And I was pretty much transported back to junior high when we also wanted to go to Hard Rock after a school dance. They sat down with some food and a glass of wine, and here’s my takeaway…… Sienne is FREAKING AWESOME. She talked about her childhood, growing up with parents that had a difficult relationship, and never really having a good role model for love. The girl is real. And I liked her.
Arie gave her the rose and told her he thought it could be the start of something amazing. And then they headed to a private concert and danced in front of lots of people with cell phones. We all know these awkward concerts are just part of the Bachelor franchise, BUT Y’ALL. This time it was a song I actually know and LOVE! It was The Greatest Love Story by Lanco. If you haven’t heard it, google it and listen to the sweet lyrics. It’s a catchy little ditty.
And now there are two things we know about Arie: 1) The boy knows how to properly throw a girl against a wall to make out. Which we learned all the way back in 2013 I believe. AND 2) The boy can execute a proper dip.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Maquel got a call from her mom. As soon as I saw her on the phone, I knew something had to be wrong…either a family tragedy, or an old boyfriend wanting another shot. Sadly, it was a family tragedy. She was told that her grandfather had passed away. She packed up and went home for a couple of days. which I thought was the right decision.
Chelsea, Krystal, Becca, Marikh, Ashley, Jacqueline, Jenna, Tia, Kendall, Lauren, Brittany, Caroline – Will Our Love Survive? – Arie”
The girls were properly outfitted with Northface, Sorels, and blanket scarves – and they were ready to embark on a romantic hike with their Prince Charming.
But not so fast ladies, first you need to meet with this guy. He’s a retired Green Beret, and he’s here to teach y’all some survival skills. You should know now, this is not going to be a romantic hike by any stretch of the imagination.
I was curious, were they going to learn how to make their own fire? NOPE! Build a shelter? NOPE! First things first, he schooled them on how if there’s no water, it’s okay to drink your own urine. Cool. They were all handed water canteens and told to go tinkle in them.
I’m not going to lie, if my ability to pee in the cup at the doctor’s office is any indication of my ability to pee in a canteen, I definitely would have had issues. And needed a baby wipe afterwards. And some antibacterial.
The girl’s all emerged with their pee filled canteens, and the survival expert told Arie to lead by example. DRINK CHUG A LUG – CHUG A LUG – CHUG A LUG.
The girls all gagged.
But not Tia. Tia was all “I’m impressed!!!!”
I’ve gotta say, Tia was endearing herself more to me with each passing minute.
And then, Jacqueline decided it was her time to get noticed. And she did so by boldly saying, “I’ll do it!!!” She took a deep breath, licked her lips, and almost did it! SHE ALMOST DRANK HER PEE. To impress a boy. Who says romance is dead????
Have some pride, woman!
The only thing that stopped her was Arie screaming “WAIT! Mine was just apple juice!
After that they talked about finding nutrition in a survival situation, so they dug up worms. And ate them. Makes sense.
And not surprisingly, the taxidermy girl ate a worm…and then doubled down by eating a maggot. And then we watched her sneak off into the woods with Arie and make out. UM, not enough money in the world. Or Tic Tacs.
The final challenge involved breaking the girls up into teams, handing them a map and a compass, and telling them to find their way to the final destination…which was a hot tub. Because BACHELOR. In her 1:1 interviews, Krystal kept going ON AND ON about how all the girls were so immature and how she was SO ABOVE all of it. I couldn’t roll my eyes harder if I tried.
Oh wait…yes I could….because then Krystal said, “I’m not sure what I’m going to say. But whatever I do, I’m sure it’s going to be perfect.”
Is this girl for real?
That night at the group date cocktail party, several things of note happened.
One – Kendall the taxidermy girl went all taxidermy girl on him. And he didn’t seem to be freaked out about it. BUT I WAS. Actually, I was just creeped out. She talked about her stuffed duckling named Ping. Disclosed that she hung out with Ping on her shoulder during the day, and that he was…and I quote….”the best traveler”.
Y’all. Here’s the real kicker. Arie seemed to dig it. He said something about her being quirky and sexy. Which just goes to show that one man’s psychotic and whackadoodle is another man’s quirky and sexy.
Two – Krystal had some time with Arie. When she was talking to him, I wanted to punch her in the trachea. Her baby stripper voice was more stripper than baby. And she said things were weighing on her because girls were obviously feeling threatened. AND Y’ALL. That’s when it happened. Just when you thought she couldn’t get more annoying. She started whispering. And a whispering baby stripper is about as annoying as it gets. We pretty much reached the pinnacle of annoying…. especially when she was making this face.
Three – While Krystal was with Arie, the girls all took the opportunity to talk about her. When Chelsea imitated her, I gave her a slow clap. Who would have thought that the girl I at first dubbed Olivia 2.0 would end up being a fan favorite?!? And Tia said, “When her mouth opens, my face goes……..(as she made the face below)”. And all of a sudden, I wanted to be Tia’s best friend. Like I wanted to invite her to the mall food court for tacos. I would of course extend the invitation to Caroline, Chelsea, Sienne, and both Becca’s/Bekha’s as well.
Four – After her time with Arie, Krystal walked up to the group and said “Hi, friends.” AS IF.
Five. And then she asked Tia and Caroline to come with her. Oh man, this was going to be good. I was low key hoping for something big to go down. Like maybe Tia would pull a Maynard.
Sadly, no Maynards were pulled. But when Tia had reached her limit, she just stood up, quietly walked out of the room, and headed back to the couch.
At the end of the night, Tia got the rose. Krystal’s head low key exploded.
The next day back at the house Krystal was talking about how misunderstood she was, but yet how she always comes off as flawless. This girl is sooooooo unlikeable.
Then it was time for Rizzo’s date! The date card said “I’m looking for a stable relationship.” When talking about her to the cameras, Arie said “We have a great physical connection and she really challenges me. She has this wisdom, and she’s a little deeper than a lot of the girls I’ve dated in the past.”
The hopped on horses and took a scenic ride through the woods. She didn’t mention her age.
They took a little soak in a hot tub and drank some bubbly. Arie talked some about his past and a lot about his injuries. She didn’t mention her age.
That night they headed to an intimate dinner. I mean, she was going to have to tell him, right? But before her age came up, the girl had an awesome conversation with him. She was open, honest, insightful, and real. When he asked her if she would be ready to settle down if she found the right guy and it was the right time – she answered with, I can’t say that because it’s never been the right guy or the right time! #insightful #ANDSOTRUE
And then the following conversation happened:
Bekkah: “Do you know how old I am?”
Bekkah: “I haven’t wanted you to see me through the lens of my age.”
Arie: “Uh-huh. But how old are you?”
Bekkah: “I’m 22.”
Arie literally put his hands up to his mouth, gave an audible gasp, and said “OH MY GAWD.” I felt the reaction was appropriate. He was in a straight up panic. It’s as if he was mentally searching for the age at which each state considered people a minor. It’s okay, Arie. You’re safe.
He lamented “you’re soooooooooo young”, and he started to voice all of his concerns to her. I mean, he’s 36! He likes to go to bed early, watch Dateline, and wear cardigans. He let her know he was worried that she wouldn’t also want to watch Dateline and wear a cardigan. (Okay, so that wasn’t the exact conversation, but it was definitely the gist.) These are REAL concerns.
Bekkah countered his arguments by letting us all know that her mom, her sister, and several other people in her family were basically child brides….so it wouldn’t be super weird if she was a child bride too. Good to know.
And then this happened. ALL OF MY HOOP EARRING NIGHTMARES WERE ABOUT TO COME TO FRUITION. But by the Grace of God, her lobes remained unscathed.
Although he had plenty of (well founded) reservations about this child bride, HE GAVE HER THE DATE ROSE! Do I personally think the 14 year age difference is a big deal, especially when one of them is 22? YES. YES I DO. However, I like Rizzo now, so I’m good with her staying for a bit.
Time for the cocktail party and rose ceremony. All the ladies were sitting around and talking about how they were so excited to get to spend some much needed alone time with Arie. Which was obviously writing on the wall for the fact that there wasn’t going to be a rose ceremony.
Arie was about to start handing out roses, when Krystal almost exploded. She said, “I’m sorry, would you mind if I had a quick moment of your time?” And here’s the worst part about it. Whispering Krystal was back. I’m not sure what she said to him because I couldn’t understand her. I wanted to be all SPEAK UP….you went down a thousand stairs and around several corners, THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU.
They went back and joined the others at the rose ceremony, and the following got roses: Lauren, Kendall (the taxidermy nut), Ashley (WHO?), Becca K, Chelsea (the mama who was supposed to be a villain I thought, but who I really like!), Jenna (the girl who mounted him last week in the white dress), Jacqueline (the girl who almost drank her pee), Marique (the Kardashian sister). And remember….Sienne, Tia, and Bekkah already had roses.
With one rose left, Caroline (Tia’s bestie) and Krystal were standing there. And he called, “Krystal”. The below picture is an actual representation of how 97% of America looked.
And then Tia looked like this.
Who didn’t receive roses: Caroline (who appeared to be Tia’s bestie of the group) and Brittany T.
BUT, LADIES. The best part of the entire episode happened in the last 30 seconds. We got to see the Kardashian sister telling Chelsea that she heard that she had told Arie that she was using her compass as a mirror, which she totally had by the way. And then she accused Chelsea of “GLAM SHAMING” her. She was serious. She did this all with a straight face, and it looked like her feelings were legitimately hurt. Chelsea said “I’ve never been accused of being anti-glam.” And then she made a bold political statement. She said “For the record, I am and have always been pro-glam.” Somebody needs to make t-shirts.
Before you go! A couple of fashion items that I feel I must tell you about.
Look at this handful of items that are NOW ON SALE!
And if you didn’t catch Monday’s post, you need to check it out! I am having a moment (lots of moments, actually) with black. This particular moment was with our much beloved shift dress (in black of course, even though it comes in tons of colors) that is ONLY $46!
I had to size up to a medium in this dress for the chest area, but I wish the rest was a small. I think when I take my jeans in for the patch, I’m going to take this in to get it taken in and hemmed a bit! It’s a really great dress and a wonderful staple to have in your closet. The black (and the other darker colors) aren’t see thru, and they don’t require a slip!
Get The Look For Yourself Here:
Click HERE to see all of the other outfits! We’re talking black on black, and I loved it!
See y’all back here on Friday!