I didn’t do a recap last week, but I still have a handful of thoughts to share about last week’s episode before we get to this week’s episode.
LAST WEEK’S SHOW
First. He sent home Corinne. I did not see that coming. Neither did she. She was ROCKING 2 high slits on her dress and she was ready to sail in to the fantasy suite date. And she had on my rabbit fur from 1985. I loved that thing. As Nick was escorting her out, I couldn’t help but think of how he would never know the wonder of the #PV. But I’m excited for all of us, because Corinne and her #PV were MADE FOR PARADISE.
Second. Nick was wearing the most turtlenecky turtleneck I ever did see.
Third. I’m pretty sure Nick was hoping said turtleneck would eat his face right then and there when Raven told him that she’d never had a “happy ending”. #sorrydad #sorryamerica
UM. I think this is what people call “TOO MUCH INFORMATION”. Anyway, Nick was somewhere between mortified and giddy. #challengeaccepted
And America was like this…
And Raven’s family was like this.
And Raven’s ex-boyfriend was like this.
I mean, seriously. Kick him while he’s down why don’t ya. First you beat him with a stiletto while he was naked, and now this. This guy will never be able to show his face at the Hoxie Applebee’s ever again.
THIS WEEK’S SHOW
First of all, let’s talk about the fact that the Bachelor franchise is trying to kill us all. It’s the only reasonable explanation for the 3 hours of Bachelor t.v. this week. This is unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!
The show opened up this weekend with Raven letting us know that Nick is, AND I QUOTE, “Really good at what he does.” She flitted around the town making snow angels and petting dogs. The trees were greener, the sky was brighter, the flowers were more fragrant, and the fireworks were more fireworky. #ifyouknowwhatimean The skipping implied that Nick rose to the occasion and that Raven was now fully satisfied. #goodforher #gonick #letsstoptalkingaboutitnow I mean, really.
RACHEL’S DATE
Next up, Rachel. You know the one that’s the next Bachelorette? Yeah, she’s still there. Well, the two seemed to be falling in love with each other, BUT WE KNOW BETTER. We also know that there must have been a BOGO special at the local Finnish Dollar General, because all the girls have the exact same hat (just in different colors).
Rachel told Nick that he wasn’t like other guys. And Nick responded with, “I might be white, but I’m still a minority.” I’m not sure if this was the best or the worst line of the entire night season.
That night they headed to dinner. And I scratched my head at our resident braniacs choice of attire. Because she was wearing a crop top. IN FINLAND. #shakingmyhead
Nick asked “If you could check your ego at the door, what would your heart say?” And Rachel said “That I’m falling in love with you!” And then she fell into a pile of giggles. And then they made out in front of a roaring fire. And then Nick told her he was falling for her too. And it was all completely believable…EXCEPT THAT WE ALREADY KNOW THE TRUTH. WHERE DID IT GO WRONG, PEOPLE? WHERE? WHAT THE FRICKING FRACK IS GOING ON HERE? The next morning, Nick made her breakfast and Rachel wore a penguin onesie. I felt like that was worth noting.
VANESSA’S DATE
For Nick and Vanessa’s date, it seemed as if the plan was to give her frost bite and hypothermia, with a touch of pneumonia. Because their “date” was going back and forth between jumping in freezing cold water and then heading to a sauna. Over and over again. Oh, HELL NO. I would have been all PEACE OUT. Case and point: at Carter’s baseball practice last weekend, my back hurt from shivering. And I legit thought that I was going to cry. And it was like high 50s. BUT REALLY WINDY.
This looks a TERRIBLE TIME. But I think we can confirm the Buy One, Get One special at the Piggly Wiggly. Because we are now seeing the 3rd hat.
After the ice bath shenanigans, they headed to the outdoor hot tub. Vanessa said that she thought the most important part in a relationship was the ability to compromise. And she followed that up by saying that she had no plans of compromising her 3 hour lunches ever Sunday afternoon with her family. And you could tell that Nick would rather do the Polar Bear Plunge every Sunday then lunch at Aunt Cindy’s house on the same schedule. Nick shared his concerns that Vanessa’s family was too traditional for him. But I’m not sure he knows what traditional means. Instead, I think he’s just concerned that the family has weekly traditions. Which isn’t the same thing at all. But whatever.
While talking around the fire that night, things got real. Nick said he was proud to be an American, and Vanessa said she was proud to be a Canadian. I don’t see either one of them being willing to move across borders. I was thinking they were pretty much DONESVILLE, but then she told the cameras that Nick was everything she had been searching for. It was here that I started wondering exactly what her criteria was. She said, “I know in my heart that this is it for me. Nick is my other half. The one I know I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Allrighty, then.
TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY
Harrison showed up for like 3 seconds. He said it wasn’t going to be an easy day. Nick agreed. Harrison left. #hegone
The girls were all lined up and it was obviously FREEZING outside. He called Raven’s name. And then he called Vanessa’s name. And y’all. I know we know that Rachel is the next Bachelorette, but I was literally still SHOCKED. I had all but convinced myself that she was final 2. Nick cried, and Rachel kept it classy. Just like any future Bachelorette should. And listen, nobody gets to be sad, because this is not goodbye forever… just goodbye for now. 😉
THE WOMEN TELL ALL
Okay, time for some brutal honesty here. The Women Tell All special was 2 of the least favorite hours of my entire life.
They kicked things off with Harrison and Nick crashing some Bachelor viewing parties. AND Y’ALL. Bachelor Nation is a ZANY group. Take this lady for example. She was screaming “NICK IS IN MY HOUSE!” at the top of her dang lungs. And please notice the life size Nick and poster board in the background (that looked like a Science Fair Project on love).
When we got to the Women Tell All, girls literally talked over each other the entire time, and I kept waiting for Harrison (who typically SHINES at The Women Tell All) to jerk the reigns and get these ladies in line. He did whistle at one point in an effort to get them all to SHUT UP, but no such luck. Harrison did however open up the show by saying “platinum vajeen”, so there’s that.
The girls were introduced, and I found myself scratching my head on a couple of occasions.
Like, WHO IS THIS PAGEANT QUEEN? Seriously. Was she on the show? I have no memory of this one.
Josephine, I think you’re great, but this lip color was an error in judgement.
Liz was the first girl in the hot seat. And I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Liz did the big wiggle with Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. Here’s my takeaway with Liz after seeing her at The Women Tell All. The girl is MUCH MORE than her 1 night stand with Nick (which happened at Jade and Tanner’s wedding….just fyi). She was well spoken, empathetic to other contestants, and it was obvious that all the girls loved her. Apparently she doesn’t just hook up with guys at weddings, she also builds wells in foreign countries. I wish she would lose the nose ring, but I like her. She then waxed on about how it’s not what you do, it’s who you do. Just kidding. She talked about how it’s not what you do, but who you are. The statement was met with thunderous applause from the other ladies. I like you, Liz.
Taylor was up next. She said she was most upset that she’d been shamed for being a mental health counselor. TAYLOR. Nobody shamed you for being a mental health professional. You were being shamed for being a whiny B. Taylor also brought up that she was upset that Corinne called her a “swamp monster”. I’M SO SURE.
Taylor requested an apology from Corinne, and Corinne was all NO M’AM. Nope. #sorrynotsorry
Then it was Corinne’s turn up at the front with Harrison, She started by admitting that she came off more promiscuous than she had planned. What was it that put people over the edge do you think, Corinne? The topless photo shoot? The bouncy house mounting? The whip cream boob? Or Operation #PV? What exactly was it that gave people the wrong idea? 😉 Before we go further with Corinne, I would like to again state that I like the girl. Is she crazy? Yes. Over the top? Yes. Entitled? Yes. But is she real? YES. Corinne is just doing Corinne, and she makes no apologies for it, and I kind of like that.
She then explained Raquel’s “nanny” title to everybody. Corinne shared how her mom had ovarian cancer, was very close to death, and Raquel was like a second mother to her. She said she called her a “nanny” because she was much more than a cleaning lady to her. She said she didn’t want to belittle Raquel with the “cleaning lady” title. I think I understood what Corinne was trying to say…..HOWEVER, I don’t know about y’all, but “cleaning ladies” should be held in the highest regard. We have a service that comes once a month to our house….but we’ve been disappointed lately (swirly scratch on my fridge door – I’m looking at you), so we haven’t had any regular cleanings for several months. A new service came last week, and I quite literally wanted to hug the crew. And I considered not ever showering again in the master shower because I had never seen it so clean. So, anyway….the term “cleaning lady” only musters up feelings of love and respect for me. Am I right, ladies?
Corinne and Taylor continued to argue about NAPGATE 2017. And in my opinion, Taylor was the one that was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more annoying. They went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And then back and forth again. And is it me, or does Taylor end everything with a question inflection? Yes? She does, right? What do you guys think? I’m thinking she does?
Taylor apologized, but Corinne was having one of it.
And then this girl talked. To review, this is Whitney.
Kristina’s time in the hot seat was next. Nothing but love for this girl. She talked about her past again, and it was clear that she’s truly an amazing person.
Liz was very touched by Kristina’s words. She gave Kristina lots of love and then brought up how ridiculous it was that they were up on stage arguing about such stupid things as naps. PREACH, Liz.
TIME FOR NICK! Homeboy was nervous. With good reason. These girls were out for blood. But I have to say, I think he held his own. He was kind to each of the ladies, greeted them with a smile, and was able to convey to them that he truly understood what each of them was going through. I found him to be very genuine and likable.
And then it was time for the portion of our show when somebody (that nobody remembers) talked a lot. It happens every dang year. This year it was Danielle. I seriously don’t remember Danielle. She was apparently sent home on a 2:1, and judging by her tears and shattered feelings, they had a connection.
At the very end, Harrison brought out Rachel (the new Bachelorette) and the crowd went wild. And let me say, the other girls ADORE her. Rachel hugged Nick and thanked him for showing her that the process can work.
Well. That was it. 2 hours of my life that I will never get back. But great news, I’ve got another BACK IN STOCK ALERT for y’all! Conner’s 7th WORK WEAR post was on Monday (click HERE if you missed it), and she shared a Casual Friday look with this awesome floral top, jeans, and wedges. Well, the top was sold out on Monday, but I found it from another source! UPDATE: A reader (thanks, Christine) also found it ON SALE AT MACY’S!
top at Lord and Taylor, ON SALE top at Macy’s!!!!! / items in same print (including cold shoulder top and dress) / gap midrise skinny ankle jeans / similar wedges
Here are some of the other options in this print. Just click on what you are interested in:
I’m also loving THIS top…same cut and maker, different print. It also comes in a couple of black and white combos.
See y’all back here on Friday for Friday Favorites! Oh, and please leave your thoughts on this week’s episode!
Stephanie says
A BOGO at the the Piggly Wiggly. lololololol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jamie says
I had no idea who the beauty pageant girl was either! And you’re right, Raven’s ex will no longer frequent the local Applebee’s. Ha!
Dawn Scheurich says
Ditto to everything you said, especially about Josephine’s unfortunate choice of lipstick color ????????!! I also have no recollection of (I have to scroll up and find her name) Elizabeth… You are hysterical and I so look forward every week to your recap!! Oh, and I would LOVE to see Corrine on Paradise!!
Christine says
Conner’s top is also on sale at Macys.com for $38.39 🙂
Sheaffer says
NO WAY! Thank you, Christine! I updated my post!!! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Sarah says
I love your recaps! And I’m so with you on the cleaning lady thing!
Glad you’re back and know I’m still thinking of you and your friends. 🙂
Kris says
Hysterical recap! I disagree about Corrinne, though. I find her anything but real. She strikes me as a season 25 Real World cast member. She is a long time viewer who is playing a part for screen time. But thumbs up on the cleaning ladies–nothing but respect when they come to my house!! 😉
Julie says
I was seriously rolling laughing at your Raven comments and accompanying pictures!!! The best!! Also, I agree about the WTA episode. I didn’t even watch the whole thing. Too much talking over each other, etc. Chris has to get it under control. I do disagree about Corinne though. I feel she totally came on the show with an agenda, and didn’t care at all about Nick. Truthfully, I haven’t been into this season, but still watched, and LOVE your recaps!!
Kristy says
My PVR crapped out on me this past weekend so I have been unable to record any shows. Thanks for this update, I now feel like I don’t need to spend seven hours of my life trying to catch up on shows.
Kelly says
I live for your recaps! I’m so glad you mentioned the ridiculous toboggans those girls wore…especially in the ice pool…I mean, how warm was it really keeping Vanessa?? I like Corinne too. She’s not afraid to live her life wide open. Would I make the choice to straddle someone I just met in a bouncy house? No…but that’s just Corinne right? 🙂 I can’t wait to watch that tornado on Bachelor in Paradise! Please bring Chad back too!?
Jody says
Corrine is perfect for paradise!!!
Michelle Harmon says
First of all I have to tell you that my mom who is almost 60, LOVES your blog. Last week she said something sassy and funny in a text and then goes, ‘I’m starting to sound like Sheaffer!’ Ha ha. I love how your readers feel like we are your friends…I also was touched when she told me last week that Sheaffers sweet friend Manda had passed and that we needed to pray for you. I had seen this already as I had been following her story. Thank you for being a precious refuge!! Anywho/–You mean a lot to my momma, who lived in Portland Oregon and runs a maternity home for homeless pregnant girls. ❤️️ She enjoys checking up on your blog often!
Second of all I really enjoyed this recap! My favorite are your different faces in response to Ravens ‘day after scene’. ????????????????
You are fantastic!
Sheaffer says
Hi, Michelle! Well, you are just the sweetest, and your mom sounds awesome! A maternity home for homeless pregnant girls? What an amazing thing to do! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
emily says
penguin onesie. check. lipstick. check. nose ring. check. corinne doing corinne. check.
and i am so glad you wrote vajeen….I was wondering how to spell it.
you make my Wednesday mornings fun!
XO
Kara says
You were spot on about the Raven date-LOVE the comments!
You had me cracking up about NOT participating on the ice bath date-I agree-what a dumb choice of dates. (Side note-Finland…not a good choice of locations in my opinion-doesn’t appear to be many activities to do there and while pretty, way too cold) Also, thanks for commenting about how Vanessa not wanting to compromise of moving, family tradition, etc in one breath and confessing her love for Nick in the next…What???
I thought the Women tell all was boring as well…wish we could see more of Kristina…would love for her to be The Bachelorette but guess that chance passed.
Great recap as usual
Jamie says
Everything that Raven said and did, both last week and this week made me super cringe-y…I felt like I had to watch with my hands over my eyes!!!! Just way too much!!!! And seriously, was the pageant queen girl really on this season, I have ZERO recollection of her.
Sharon says
Ha, I love all of your photo memes when you’re talking about Raven. Hilarious! Your recaps always crack me up!!!
Angela Ellingson says
Hilarious!! Rachel is going to be the best Bachelorette!!! It says a lot that in a group of women clearly decided into team Taylor or team Corrine that they ALL love Rachel!
Sonya says
These dates in freezing Finland would not be my thing. I would have been outta there. If I’m cold, I’m taking anything off. #sorrynotsorry Loved Rachel’s penguin PJs and I love that she chose them (I assume out of comfort and warmth). And they did seem like they had a connection so it’s just crazy to me that it wasn’t them. The Corinne/Taylor fight seemed so unimportant and it was annoying. And why do these people we hardly know do most of the talking on these things. Makes no sense unless they were just on so little that they didn’t have a chance to look bad.
Kate says
“This guy will never be able to show his face at the Hoxie’s Applebees ever again.” HAHA
Also, thank goodness Rachel is our next bachelorette, because I am not ready for her to leave us yet!!
Amy says
My philolosophy is that they made Nick get rid of Rachel because they wanted her to be the Bachelorette.
Here’s my reasons:
1. He told her he was falling for her and didn’t say that to anyone else.
2. He talked about the future with her over breakfast.
3. They seemed crazy about each other and really had no red flags, like with Vanessa.
4. The biggest one…he said something along the lines of “selfishly I hope this isn’t the last time we see each other” or something like that. I took that to mean that he really didn’t want to do it, but had to because of producers, and hopes that they get together after it doesn’t work out for him or her on the Bachelorette.
And…..I care way to much/analyze toomuch about people I don’t know!
Mona Brawley says
Sheaffer,
I am so sorry to hear about your precious friend, Manda! I had been praying for her since you and Shay posted, #Manda Strong on your pages a few years ago. My prayers are with you all and her family.
The Bachelor- I love your post! They make my Wednesdays! I laugh out loud until I cry sometimes. It makes my insane obsession with this show seem more bearable.
I thought the Raven thing was ridiculous but your recap with the pictures said it ALL!
I agree— What happened between Nick and Rachel? It did not make any sense why he sent her home.Each week their relationship continue to progressed. You could tell even on the Women Tell All that they were very amicable and still had chemistry. It looked like he was about to fall over when he was hugging her goodbye. So sad, although I am happy she is the bachelorette, I wish they could have just ended up together. I guess maybe next week will show us what all the editing has hidden from us? I think whomever he picks will have a lot of problems with this season and the way he told Rachel he was falling in love with her. She is probably soooo excited that Rachel is the new bachelorette and will be away from Nick finding her own love.
I thought the Penguin Footie PJs were soo cute. Definitely my style in a cold place and if you are really being yourself. Maybe they were trying to infer that “nothing happened” in the Fantasy Suite with her being a church girl and all… (When they zoomed in on them in the bedroom, my family starting saying to the TV, “Oh, No, her whole church is watching.” LOL.)
Women Tell All-
Corrine must be getting her own reality TV show! She walked on the set like she owned the place! I can’t believe she grew on me and made me really like her. Yes, she is obnoxious. Yes, she is definitely entitled. Yes, she is definitely being 100% herself. More power to her. I felt really badly for Taylor because there was no way to compete with that.
Other than Kristina, Nick and Rachel, the rest was a waste of time. I wished Alexis spoke up more and they showed more of her in the bloopers or her own Stand up comedy routine. She was funny! Liz was okay but Nick in his blog said he wasn’t buying anything that she said! 🙂
Amy- I am so glad someone ELSE cares as much as I do about people I don’t know. Love your reasoning. I guess we will never know until he writes his own “Fourth Time’s a Charm” tell all book. 🙂 I would definitely read it~
PS. Elizabeth came out of the limo right before Rachel and right after Danielle L. who was scratchy crying last night. #2 girl.
I can’t wait to see your recaps of Rachel’s season!
Gina says
Love the Bachelor/Bachelorette posts! As a matter of fact, I had stopped watching the series several years back and began watching again because your posts made me laugh so much! I hate to admit it but Corrine grew on me too and I ended up liking her! Hope she goes to Paradise!????
Erin Port says
I couldn’t believe how rude they were to each other. I absolutely loved Kristina – class act! Seriously! I stopped watching this season BUT I still com and read your recaps — love love love your recaps! You are seriously a HOOT 🙂
Amy says
Josephine was on my last nerve. The end.
Jean says
I love your recaps and look forward to them every week. I feel compelled to comment on the winter hats everyone was wearing. I’m not sure if they are the same kind, I didn’t see the obvious tag, but in Minnesota hats like they were wearing are the height of style. The brand I’m speaking of is “Love Your Mellon”. https://www.loveyourmelon.com.
“Fifty percent (50%) of profit from the sale of all Love Your Melon products is given to Love Your Melon’s nonprofit partners in the fight against pediatric cancer. Our nonprofit partners work in the field of pediatric oncology, fund cancer research initiatives and provide immediate support for families of children battling cancer.”
In Minnesota if you are wearing a Love your Mellon hat it says “I Care” about pediactric cancer. Again, I’m not sure if those are the same brand…..If not, too bad….it would be nice if the Bachelor promoted them. But that style is very popular here where when it’s 50 below windchill, you need a hat on! And when its really cold, staying warm really does trump style sometimes.
Just my thoughts,,,,,,,
Amber says
Where did it go wrong for Rachel and Nick? The penguin footy onesie jammies! That’s exactly where it went wrong! 😉 Lets hope she learned her lesson for her season of the Bachelorette and goes to a warm location so she can leave her footy jammies at home! Ha!
Jill says
Does this super cute top come in regular sizes, not petite?
Sheaffer says
Hi, Jill! It does! I linked it in the paragraph above the picture of my sister. Let me know if you still need help! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂
Sarah says
Seriously hysterical breakdown of last week’s episode…only thing you left out was how incredibly horrible Nick wears a winter hat!! Tuck in your bangs, dude!
Love Christina — really wish she would have been the next Bachelorette. She deserves happiness.
Terra Heck says
I’m stoked that Rachel is the next Bachelorette. Taylor grated my nerves. It was like nails on a chalkboard.
April Parrish says
We’re almost at the finish line!! Another 3 hour event this Monday and it will all be over! I just can’t decide who he’s going to pick???!!!
Great recap!! Have a great day!
emily says
Did you notice Taylor’s tongue touching her top teeth for an UNCOMFORTABLE amount of time??? Cringe worthy!
Sheaffer says
YES, Emily! I even took a screen shot, but somehow left it out of the recap It was sooo weird!
Amanda Garcia says
Danielle is the one who always wore a top so low cut that it looked like her ta-tas would fall out. They danced at the Backstreet Boys date. Remember?!
Laura says
Surely someone besides me remembers that a certain lady shared with the very first Bachelor the same #happyending issue…