These recaps take a lot of time to write.
A lot of time.
So, you should know that part of me wanted to not write a recap.
Instead, I felt like my time would be better spent pouring all of the time and energy I use when writing these recaps and instead ORGANIZE AN INTERVENTION FOR NIKKI WHO AT THE END OF ALL OF THIS WAS STILL CUDDLED UP NEXT TO HUHWAHN ON THE COUCH MAKING KISSY FACES AND SMILING.
I have no words.
NO. WORDS.
Oh wait, maybe I have ONE word.
I would also like to say this:
Remember last week when I said at the end of The Women Tell All that I liked Huhwahn more after watching? Well, I would like to officially recant my statment.
Bless my heart.
Bless my stupid little heart.
Huhwahn was such a little punk last night and I NO LONGER like him (not that I ever really did…but I did seem to have a fleeting moment last week where I didn’t hate him).
And I would like to say now that not only do I not like him, he’s actually made me want to be physically violent towards him.
Like specifically I wanted to smack that SMUG and CONDESCENDING look off of his face.
And let me be VERY clear about something.
I don’t hate Huhwahn because he chose not to propose.
I think that is the only time he showed even a glimmer of respect for any of the girls.
It’s TOTALLY FINE that he didn’t propose.
It’s even fine if he doesn’t love Nikki.
HOWEVER.
How he treated the girls was not fine.
And the way Nikki was just sitting their all snuggled up next to him last night?
I felt like she was brainwashed or under some sort of Latin spell.
She needs to be kidnapped by her family or a group of girlfriends and DEPROGRAMMED.
AMEN?
Okay, I realize I kind of got the cart before the horse with the above rant, now let’s start with the beginning of the show.
Clare’s up first to met Huhwahn’s family.
I don’t understand all of the tongue movement.
She then goes on to say that he sometimes makes her cry.
Yes, you read that correctly.
HE SOMETIMES MAKES HER CRY.
HUHWAHN SOMETIMES MAKES HIS MOM CRY.
Clare says that what the mom said gave her comfort.
WHAT THE FREAK?
In this case, it seems that the apple DOES IN FACT fall far from the tree.
At the end of their time together Clare says,
“Huwahan Pablo 100% has my heart. And now so does his family.”
Whatever.
Nikki’s turn with the family.
And there’s #2 straight out of his dad’s mouth.
“You feel he’s the kind of guy you want? You’re sure?”
It seems as if Huhwahn’s mom is seriously having to fight the urge to tell Nikki to skeedaddle while she still can.
Nikki then asks the mom if she thinks he’s ready for this, and the mom says “I’m pretty sure.”
I’m thinking that’s code for ” HE*# NO .”
She then AGAIN says that he’s not an easy guy.
Now Nikki is going to get some 1:1 time with the braces wearing cousin with the super straight teeth.
First question he’s got for her right out of the box is, “How much fighting can you take?”
And that’s when red flag number 3 pops up.
NIKKI! LISTEN TO HIS FAMILY!
Okay, now it’s time for the last dates with the girls.
Clare’s Last Date
They hop into a helicopter, but as we are seeing the helicopter land, we are hearing Clare’s voice.
She says,
What could have been sweet kind loving words was not what came out of his mouth.
Some sexual thing..I don’t even want to repeat it.
Every single woman deserves to be treated with respect. I’m not just an object, maybe I have him all wrong. Maybe he’s not the man I thought he was. I’m so confused right now, and I really don’t know what to do next.
And I’m telling you right now, it’s the first time I really liked Clare.
Do I even need to cue you girls anymore?
I will say this, Chris (my hubby) guessing what Huhwahn might have said was HILARIOUS.
None of his guesses are appropriate to be written on this blog (sorry!),
but I’m afraid he might have been right about one of them.
In fact, he might have nailed it on the head. And if he’s right, Clare should have jumped out of the helicopter mid flight and started running for the hills.
Exactly what Huhwhan said and the words he used, she couldn’t bring herself to repeat it.
And at this point in the show, I would like to beg Clare to REMEMBER WHAT SHE IS FEELING AT THIS VERY SECOND.
DIRTY.
USED.
UN-LOVED.
Hang on to those feelings Clare and remember how he is making your skin crawl.
Here’s #4:
She ignores his request, walks 5 feet ahead of him, and tells him they need to talk.
GO CLARE!
They sit down and it seems that she is using a throw pillow to put distance between them.
And I dig it.
“Besito?”
She tells him he wants to talk to him, and he immediately gets defensive and is all “I’m here.”
She said “We had a conversation in the helicopter……You could have said anything in the world…….and What did you tell me?”
Huhwahn plays dumb and acts like he has no idea what he said.
He says “Things that happen in private, stay in private.”
“Besito?”
He gets soooooo defensive and is soooooooooo UNLIKEABLE.
He asks, “This is why you wouldn’t give me a kiss?”
He then goes on to say, “I don’t need the physical anymore.” And for a second I thought my t.v. changed channels.
We don’t believe that for one cotton pickin’ second Huhwahn.
Clare continues to probe Huhwahn for some answers.
He starts talking, and I seriously couldn’t understand a word of it,
BUT I KNOW IT WAS CONDESCENDING AS HE*#. Sorry for the language, but believe me, I’m editing myself as it is.
I wanted to punch him square in the face.
BUT…you’re never going to believe what happens next….
All of a sudden I see Clare changing her body language.
She starts allowing him to touch her.
Then he starts spewing some mumbo jumbo about her breaking her own “no kissing” rule, he starts touching her face, and starts baby talking,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE CLARE IS ACTUALLY LIKING IT.
I take a quick second to puke, and then I yell,
CLARE NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
STAY STRONG!
REMEMBER NAM!!!!!!!
TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT ON ALL OF THE RED FLAGS!
And just in case Clare is a visual person, I decided to whip up a graphic.
Does she listen to me?
Does she attend to the red flags?
No. No she does not.
Instead, she changes her tune and is all “See, this is what I want to hear.”
Then she starts touching him. And then she starts baby talking too.
And then he snuggles up to her AND SHE LETS HIM.
And somehow he worms his way right back in.
Annnnnnnnnnd now I want to punch Clare in the face.
Harrison goes to the “celebrity panel” in the audience to ask how they think things are going,
and I have one things to say: SHARLEEN IS THE BOMB
I’m on the fence about her lipstick choice, but her assessment of the entire situation is RIGHT ON.
She very eloquently states that she found it pretty painful to watch and TOTALLY CALLS it when she called him patronizing.
Nikki’s Last Date
Now it’s time for the last date with Nikki.
And her boobs are looking GOOD.
But they seem quite a bit bigger than I remember them being, no?
He asks her if she has any concerns and he fiddles with her hair.
STOP TOUCHING HER.
Her only concern is that she thinks he might be “a little guarded”.
I think they got on a boat and made out……but at this point I’m thinking my eyes were starting to cross and I was starting to go in and out of consciousness.
He’s super hard to understand, but I think he starts talking about watching t.v. alone when he gets back home.
It seems to tick Nikki off.
But don’t worry girls, she’s not ticked off enough to actually do or say anything.
Cut to Nikki’s place that night where she gives him approximately 7,364 opportunities to say that he loves her. I think I blacked out while Nikki was sitting on the couch talking to Huhwahn.
Either that or I was just blinded by anger.
I think she wrote a note saying she loved him.
And I think he was just like “Yeah, thanks.”
He tells her to go to sleep, and then he leaves.
She’s left crying on the couch.
OKAY. NOW IT’S TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY.
CLARE
Clare says “I would want nothing more than for Huhwahn Pablo to
tell me that he’s falling in love with me.”
I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONFUSED.
CLARE.
SERIOUSLY.
Nikki says, “If he gets down on one knee and proposed I’m absolutely going to say yes.”
And I just sit there and shake my head.
OOOOOOHHHHHH MMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Were they both dropped on their heads as small children?
Then Clare says, “It’s been my perfect version of a fairy tale.”
I’m not sure what fairy tales Clare was read as a child, BUT I don’t recall Prince Charming ever whispering the f-word
into Cinderella’s ear.
Clare gets out of the limo, Harrison walks her up to Huhuwahn, and she starts pouring her heart out.
WHY IS HE LETTING HER TALK?
She basically professes her love and said “I believe in you.”
And then Huhwahn says,
“I wish the earth suck me today, because this is the hardest decision ever.”
Huhwahn, rest assured, we wish the earth would suck you today too.
He leans into give her a hug, and she gives him the Heisman.
He says, Do you want to know when I made my decision?”
Clare said, “No.It doesn’t matter to me, I lost respect for you.
I would never want my children having a father like you.”
Well, I’m not sure he should have brought his parenting skills into it (he does seem like he’s a great dad to Cameeeeeeeeeela), but as far as everything else…..
IT’S ABOUT FREAKING TIME CLARE!
WALK AWAY AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!
As she walks away, Huwahn says “Whew. I’m glad I didn’t pick her.”
And I didn’t know it was possible, but I liked him even less than I did 2 minutes prior.
NIKKI
Nikki gets off the boat wearing a bright blue “dress” with a side slit up to her hoo-ha, and I’m silently willing her to not pull a Brittany.
Nikki starts talking, and she professes her love to him.
She says “I LOVE YOU!”
And he responds by saying, “Just know that I love so many things about you.”
Uh-oh.
He then says,
“I have a ring here in my pocket, but I’m not going to use it. Uh-uh.
I AM 100% sure that I don’t want to let you go. I like you a lot. A lot. “
Nikki seems strangely fine with this.
I’m not mad at Huhwahn for not proposing, but I am mad at him for HOW he didn’t propose.
Does that make sense?
He could have not proposed RESPECTFULLY, and I would have been fine with that.
But instead he had to tell her he had a ring in his pocket that he WASN’T going to use.
Whatever dude.
I have one final thing to say to Nikki.
Can you guess what it is?
And at the end of it all, at the end of this huge big messy train wreck, do you know who the people are that I want to punch in the face the most?
THE PRODUCERS AT ABC WHO PICKED HUHWAHN.
SHAME. ON. THEM.
Now it’s AFTER THE FINAL ROSE, and wish I had more to give, but I don’t.
I’m spent.
All you need to know is that Huhwahn was just as arrogant as ever, he didn’t take responsibility for anything he said or did, and he DOES NOT love Nikki.
To be honest, I don’t even think he likes her. Not even a little bit.
You also should know that he was a total el jerko to Chris Harrison.
I’m sorry, but you don’t mess with the king of the Bachelor franchise.
STEP OFF HARRISON HUHWAHN.
Well, that’s it. That’s all I can muster.
And now I want you to join with me in a moment of silence.
Let’s all just sit here quietly and feel grateful that this is the very last time I have to write
about this season.🙂
And just in case you missed it….
Also, I’ve received several e-mails (around 10) in the last week or so about the AMAZING swimsuit selection at Macy’s. I finally got around to checking it out online last night, and everybody was right! The selection is awesome!
Click HERE to get to all of Macy’s women’s swimsuits.
They have an especially good selection of tankinis and cute one pieces,
which is what I am ALL ABOUT.
And make sure you come back on Friday for an AWESOME post on maxi dresses (AND A GIVEAWAY!).
WOOHOO!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂
Mix and Match Mama says
Oh my goodness! The red flags killed me! Absolutely killed me! Hysterical Sheaffer!
Marie says
Thank you for your recap! It was hilarious, as usual. I was exhausted just watching it, so I can't imagine writing about it. Chris Harrison looked like he needed a nap after the "After the Final Rose" episode. I loved that he said he was glad the season was over! We feel your pain, Chris. I was also loving how much Sean and Catherine were hating on JP. It was like they were boiling over how much of a jerk he was. I liked them even more after their comments!
Dawn says
Loved this!! Huuuwwann is a total jerk!! Can't believe how rude he was!! At least we had your recaps to get us through the season! 😉
Stacy P. says
Thank you for taking one for the team and watching that trainwreck. If I'd been either of those girls, I'd have hauled off and slugged him in the face at his arrogance. Now THAT would have been good tv. 🙂
Melissa H. says
Thank you, this was so funny!! Your posts have been the only thing good about this season. I am disappointed in myself for wasting my time watching it.
Julia B says
I couldn't agree more, this was a train wreck of a season. But thank you for the hilarious recaps all season, they definitely kept me entertained every Wednesday morning : )
Tab & Erika says
He wanted the "earth to suck him up"???? WHAT?? I'm so confused by that statement!! And…what a jerk!! So glad that season is over, but I have to say…I LOVED reading these recaps. BEST EVER!!! I LOVED the pic of all the red flags. HILARIOUS!!
Anonymous says
Don't hate me. But I've NEVER watched a minute of The Bachelor in my life. (and I'm pretty sure that this season is why)….but I LOVE your re-cap. The red flags KILLED ME. I died laughing. What a jerk. RUN. I love you and your blog.
A sister in Jesus- in Michigan
Kelly 🙂
Blue-Eyed Bride says
Those red flags are the funniest thing I've ever seen! I didn't even watch the show, but I had to read this and I laughed the whole time. Stinking hilarious!
Cheryl says
Thank you for this…..what a train wreck this season has been…..his arrogance, his ego, his total lack of respect for women…….Clare sat next to him on that couch and she looked like a stepford wife…….where was her voice?….I'm from Missouri and I'm ashamed that she's also from Missouri….we usually raise our daughters better than this…….loved your red flags because they were so freaking true!!!!
Sharon says
First season ever that I didn't watch a single second of this show. Your recaps assured me that was a good choice. I mean I have watched this show from the very very beginning, even tolerating all the stupid comments from my husband telling me what a stupid show it is. What a poor poor choice he was.
On another side, your blog is having serious influence on my family lol. My daughter and I went shopping the other day. I got a Military Jacket (Banana Republic Factory). I've looked for months and finally found one that I loved enough to buy. It's out of my comfort zone and normal style so we will see how it goes. My daughter got leopard flats….and I believe your name came up as she was trying to decide whether to go for them or not. We don't have Nordstrom here in Canada (yet) but we did hit up Anthropologie too. My daughter did very well, getting the almost must have top you have posted. I was the one that wanted it, and they didn't have my size left. I loved it too, made me sad. Between you and Shay, you are now our fashion advisors. "would Shay and Shaeffer approve?" Have a great day.
Sharon says
p.s. Although I do now find a Nordstrom (thanks again to you and Shay) whenever I can when I'm in the States and have a few things. I even splurged and took a change on getting a dandy of a deal on black boots shipped to me. (Shipping isn't so painfree and easy when you live in Canada). And I love love love them. Can't wait til they come to Canada.
Sadie LaBelle says
NO ONE will EVER measure up to Sean! Nuff said! Have a wonderful day!
Brianna Deneen says
You are so funny!!!!! Best recap ever!! He is absolutely the worst bachelor. By the way, it is extremely telling that his family does not go to bat for him. What adult man makes his mother cry? For her to warn other woman about him making her cry is a huge red flag:) Gosh, I don't know how you made it through this post without having a meltdown. I looked forward to your recaps all season! You are just so hilarious!!!!
MerryRodman319 says
This whole season has been like watching a train wreck. The only saving grace was seeing Catherine and Sean tell Juan whats up.
Erin and Ryan says
I'm with Kelly a few comments up – I never watched Juan {didn't really like him from the start}, but your recaps are hilarious!! BAHAHAHA
Narci says
Seriously hysterical!! Great job! And, yes, RUN, Nikki!!!!
Dani @ Adventures of a Pharm Girl says
Yes. He was a H.A.M!! I could barely watch, seriously. Im not sure if Im more upset at him or the fact that Anid is the bachelorette! Epic fail bachelor producers EPIC FAIL. But I love your recaps ahaha. They seriously brighten up my day
xoxo Dani
Lisa says
Oh. My. Word. I am relatively new to your blog, but I always look forward to your posts. And you have outdone yourself here. The red flags and RUN signs made me laugh so hard I almost spit out my coffee! The finale and ATFR show were sickening. 'Nuff said.
Krista says
Thank you so much, Sheaffer for putting up with a horrible season of the Bachelor and writing a knee-slapping, hilarious recap. My deductive abilities tell me that I missed absolutely nothing by not watching this season (first time missing a season since 2006)… but thank you for your delightful graphics and self-edited blog. You are awesome as usual. 🙂
Laura says
Sharleen was the only good thing that came out of this season….Juan Pablo was a CREEP!!
Lisa says
Oh. My. Word. I am relatively new to your blog, but always look forward to your posts. And the red flags and RUN signs made me laugh so hard I almost spit out my coffee. After watching the sickening finale and ATFR show, I knew your recap would be one I could not miss!
Jaren says
I couldn't agree more!! Love the flags!!!!!
Katie @ Team Skelley says
I am a sporadic Bachelor fan and did not watch this season, but I read the recap over at Entertainment Weekly and my eyes about fell out of my head when I read his family's comments to the women. And then the girls STILL wanted him! The only thing I can think is that they did not really want JP – who correct me if I am wrong, is an unemployed deadbeat with no personality and a mean streak – they just wanted to win the competition.
Heather HS says
RED. FLAGS. That is all! Best recap to date. I am sending Nikki a comfy pair of must have converses to RUN away in asap!!
Leiah G. says
I don't blame you one bit, girl. That show was exhausting – much less having to write about it! You killed it though as always! Thanks for the good laugh. We can all rest easy now that this horrible season is OVER. Kuddos on the red flags – hilarious!
plfuller6 says
I LOVED this recap! I agree with you 100% on everything. I think one of the MANY drawbacks for poor ole JP was that he had never watched the show before he was on the Bachelorette. He doesn't know what the huge fan base 'expects' of him. He could have so easily said "we haven't made any plans yet." Harrison would have moved on. Maybe Miss Nikki will WAKE UP & RUN before summer!
Sarah G says
Oh my goodness… I am laughing so hard! You hit the nail on the head with this re-cap. I was so exhausted watching these 3 hours. My only hope is that someone bought Chris Harrison a beer after the show! He needed one! Thanks for a great season of recaps!
Marty says
The red flags? Perfection.
Anonymous says
Your recaps made this season so much more enjoyable! Thanks for all the time you put into them! Love it! ~Betsy
Brittany F. says
LOVE your recap and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that this awful, boring, shameless season is over. Adios, Juan! PS…Why did we not get to see our friend, Neil Lane, this season and his glorious rings? I would rather watch Neil discuss diamonds for an hour than to watch Juan tuck hair behind ears for another second of my life! Eees NOT okay, Juan Pablo. Not at all!
SarahN says
Even though your recap was OUTSTANDING, let's move on from that tray wreck of a show and start talking MAXI DRESSES! Girlfriend – you must throw us a sneak peak on FB! Friday is too far away and I have a Vegas trip coming up! We need a teaser! ?
Jaylyn Bond says
Oh my goodness gracious. PRAISE THE BACHELOR GODS that this season OVER. FINALLY!!!!! Your recaps are always hilarious but this took the cake for most hilarious. The red flags? OMG dying laughing. I literally have no words to describe that episode … I just cannot believe Juan P thinks its ok to degrade women like that. What're your opinions on Andi being bachelorette?
LifeIsGood says
I'm gonna be honest with you. Loved the red flags! I think Nikki was even wearing one but she's still not seeing it. Ay Yai Yai! Where are her family and BFF? She needs an intervention! She wasn't snuggling up to JP, she was cowering. The season is over. It's okay. It's gonna be fine. I feel fantastic!
Sara Laverty says
This recap helped redeem the time I spent watching the trainwreck on Monday. OMG it was a disaster.
Melanie says
Loved the red flags. Would like to know what Chris Harrison's guesses were for what Juan said in the helicopter! I hope Nikki wakes up and runs!!
Melanie says
Love the red flags! Would love to know what Chris Harrison's guesses were as to what Juan said in the helicopter!!!! I hope Nikki wakes up and RUNS!!
Blondie says
Hilarious, as always! The ONLY good thing about the After the Rose ceremony (or as the Entertainment Weekly recap said: The Tealight Candle Thunderdome – SNORT) was Sean and Catherine. And her bangs. When Sean verbally bitch slapped Huwahn back down when Huwahn tried to compare them? I cheered and loved him even more, as if that were possible. This is the difference between a real man and a weird, krinkly eyebrowed dude. Take note, Bachelor producers.
Thanks for this season's recaps – it was the best part of the show!
Blondie says
Hilarious, as always! The ONLY good thing about the After the Rose ceremony (or as the Entertainment Weekly recap said: The Tealight Candle Thunderdome – SNORT) was Sean and Catherine. And her bangs. When Sean verbally bitch slapped Huwahn back down when Huwahn tried to compare them? I cheered and loved him even more, as if that were possible. This is the difference between a real man and a weird, krinkly eyebrowed dude. Take note, Bachelor producers.
Thanks for this season's recaps – it was the best part of the show!
Tiffany Martha says
awesome. all i can say is awesome.
Anonymous says
BEST BLOG POST ever in the history of BLOG posts. You should charge peeps to read this one….so funny and so true.
Kim Kauffman says
Ok. There's never a time when you aren't hilarious. But those red flags? I think they might have been my favorite thing I've ever seen. SO funny. Especially the one where they are all flying together ha!!!
Shannon Cook says
You are hilarious! I look forward to your recaps each week. The red flags cracked me up!
V @ X-tremely V says
Your recap is awesome! I wasn't a fan of Nikki or Clare from the start, but Clare totally changed my mind when she put her hands up and denied the hug! Nikki is just a plain idiot to stay with him! And JP….there are no words for how pitiful he is!
Melanie Lien says
Bless your heart. Your job here is finished. I loved your post and completely agree 110% with all of it. I couldn't get over how much his own family didn't seem to like him. They were basically saying "RUN!!"
Anonymous says
I only started watching the bachelor with 3 episodes left as I found your blog and recaps and wanted to be able to relate to who you were talking about-HYSTERICAL!! And you are right, RUN GIRL RUN…He is a classic narcissist. He kept saying, It is what it is. Classic narcissist Talking in circles. Classic again. Nothing EVER his fault. Classic narcissist. The red flags were perfect…take a lesson here girls!
Sarah says
The red flags were hilarious! I "watched" the season through your recaps, and so glad that I didn't invest my time in this season, I would much rather read your recaps. Hopefully the bachelorette is better? I don't know the girl, but everyone seems excited?
Anonymous says
oh my word you said it all so well! The red flags were great:) Nikki had just said she couldn't wait for JP to say he loved her and then when he didn't she was all smiles and acting like it was all ok. I believe we can agree she was dropped on her head as a child. 🙂 If I were Nikki's mom oh the talking she would get!!!
Sarah E @ theteacherswife.com says
He is a total jerk…I loved Sean and Catherine's assessment of the situation. I only watched a little of the ATFR and that was enough for me! Your recaps are still hilarious! 🙂
Liz/happymommy says
You have outdone yourself once again….great recap and oh so hilarious!!!! That was such a train wreck of a show on Monday night…..Chris Harrison was right when he said that most of America was probably throwing stuff at their TV's, ha! I mean seriously, Huhwahny P is just the worst and I just loved when Chris said he wasn't sad to see this season end either, you could tell he was so fed up with Huhwahny P! Yay to Clare for FINALLY giving it to him, although it took her long enough and Nikki, well she is so brainwashed that it's not even funny! Thanks for sticking it out all season long, your recaps were the best part of the whole season. Now I hope you will be back for Andi's season cause as much as I say I am never watching this show again, I will!
Jane @ The Borrowed Abode says
Your recaps are the best I've ever seen for the bachelor. And this final one? EPIC.
He is too much. I'm not even sure he's that amazing a dad. Of course, we don't see much of it on TV, and dmaybe the girl was uncomfortable in front of the camera, but I noticed that when Cameeeela was there for the final episode her body language didn't seem like she was that stoked to be around him. At one point he had to pick her up off someone else's lap and put her on his at the dinner table, and she didn't look too thrilled.
My heart broke for Nikki on that couch during After the Rose. I know, she should have run. But oh my gosh, her body language was so embarassed and defeated looking. I think she was trying to be brave and save face, but you know she must be dying inside. To profess your love publicly and not hear it back? Yuck. Like you said…RUN.
Hayley Chandler says
Thanks for a brilliantly funny recap as always!!! So glad this season is over!!! If The Bachelor has anymore Juan Pablo types, they may have to call it quits because no one will watch.
Tiffany {A Touch of Grace} says
I feel like I need to give you a standing ovation for sticking with it and finishing this season Sheaffer. Those red flags, I about died laughing. I'm SOOOOOO glad this season is over. You could tell even Catherine and Sean were pretty disgusted with him on After the Final Rose. Nikki is an idiot for staying with him. Her parents need to give her a stern talking to (or a slap in the face).
And at this point I'm not planning on watching next season either. I'm not thrilled with Andie as their choice for bachelorette.
Heather says
I'm sad the season is over because I absolutely love reading your recaps. Seriously, you should get your own talk show because this is hilarious! Love the red flag graphics!
Mely says
Hilarious as always! I think Jillian Harris had a different perspective that was also interesting to read. check it out if you have a chance.
http://jillianharris.com/blog/post/my-thoughts-on-juan-pablo-nikki
theblueeyeddove.com says
Thank you for all the hilarious recaps this season! It certainly helped make it a little more bearable 🙂
Anonymous says
The red flags were hilarious and so true! Your recaps are more entertaining than any episode this season. Seriously ABC should hire you to provide commentary during the episodes to make watching more bearable. Huawahn has made me never want to watch this show again.
Miki says
I am a new follower to your blog and I just gotta say, if we lived close to each other, I know we'd totally be friends. You are so funny and I couldn't agree with you any more on everything Huawahn. Nightmare. I texted my friend that night watching ATFR and said, "I sure hope Nikki has some running shoes close by, like in her purse, because she needs to get outta dodge…fast!" She looked like such a brainwashed, pathetic puppy. Thanks for the recaps and for taking the time to write them…I loved them!
Anonymous says
You know how Chris H. kept referring to a "surprise" and Juan Pablo was like, "what surprise… there's no surprise." Well, according to Reality Steve, who has a lot of inside info and correctly spoiled the entire season, ABC had offered JP money to propose to Nikki during the ATFR show. Apparently, he led them to believe that he was going to and that was the surprise they were expecting. However, he led them on and never did propose. I don't think he should have proposed, but I do think it was interesting to see how he turned the tables on ABC and tried to make them look bad. He seems to be very much at odds with the producers.
Courtney says
Oh my, do I love this recap. I read the recaps weekly, but really couldn't stand to watch the entire season! There was an interview before the show actually started and I knew he was a jerk by the way he was talking about his own daughter. However, I made myself watch a few things here and there and it confirmed my first gut feeling about him. Who does he think he is? He thinks he is way more important than he really is. Nicki if from my home town and I really want to look up her address and go to her front door and make sure she didn't fall or damage the logical thinking part of her head. She is so cute and deserves so much better. Okay, I feel better now! LOL
Jamie Ross says
Perfect recap, Sheaffer. I think you nailed it. I laughed throughout your recap. But I'm also a bit sad for the girls. They were so wronged! And I love the clothes on your blog. You are fantastic :)! Blessings to you!
Alana says
So hilarious and SO true. Love all the red flags, too. TOO FUNNY! And I'm going to love it when I get my new military jacket in the mail in the next couple of days, thanks to you!! 🙂
Sabrina says
HILARIOUS!!!!!!! Best recap ever!!!! Watching the show would be half the fun without your recaps!!!! Loved the red flags LOL!!! How could they not see them?!?!
Anne F says
Thank you for powering through that recap! Hilarious as usual! Love your blog! 🙂
Susan says
Thoughts….1) Nikki's earrings were like a puzzle! One earring fits inside the other. I can't take credit for knowing that…one of my show watching friend's noticed it 🙂
2) We all loved Sharleen's lipstick!! Tons of people were asking her, so she shared the colors on Twitter Sephora lip liner in rich burgandy and Stila liquid lipstick in Amore – deep plum sheen.
3) I thought Nikki looked like she'd dropped a few pounds before this last episode (not that she needed to, but probably in preparation for her proposal that didn't happen!!) This is probably also why you felt her boobs looked bigger…in proportion to her tinier body, they probably did!
4) I'm with ya – glad this season is done!!!
sammy says
I have so much to say about the whole bachelor situation, but after reading your recap all I am left thinking is…1. You have a serious talent for writing and 2. I want you to be my friend in real life 🙂 Thanks for the laughs!
Melissa Nichols says
Heelarious.
Laurie S says
Sheaffer – Love your blog and all the hard work (and shopping) you do! Girl, you should get a massage for recapping this disastrous Bachelor season! I skimmed most of the recaps from earlier in the season, but read today's in detail, and your take on it was hilarious (but his antics were nauseating). Run, Nikki, Run!!! Save yourself!!!
Leanne C says
Oh. My. Goodness. You crack me up!! That was hi-larious. I agree with your recap 100 % Nikki should RUN RUN RUN!! Clare was never one of my favourites during this season, but I did gain some respect for her when she told "Huhwahn" (LOL! I love how you spell his name) what for at the end!
I'm more excited to start watching Andi's season. I did enjoy her and can't wait to watch her journey 🙂
Love your blog! :))
Because Shanna Said So says
LOL!!! You know I don't watch this show, but dear Lord, I think he has been the worst one yet!!! GROSS!! RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! BTW, I sent you an email about a conference. Did you get it?
Susan Cahalane says
You are a funny funny funny girl!! I love your re-caps, your sense of humor is hysterical! I also love your fashion posts. I teach full time & have no time to shop, I pretty much just buy what you suggest & always love it!! I mess up with sizing though, I am 5'3, things are always too long on me. Please do a blog post one of these days on what you eat all day – you are so skinny! I can't believe you're in summer slim-down mode, you look so thin in your pics!
amy says
Hilarious and on point recap! I know it takes a lot of time to write these and I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for the much needed and appreciated laugh. These Bachelor recap posts are what keeps me coming back for more! 🙂
Morgan Soper says
Sheaffer, thank you for enduring the pain of watching such an awkward/offensive season of the show just to make us laugh (and cringe at the CREEPINESS of Juan Pablo)! You are a CHAMP! Although I most certainly will NOT miss Huhwhan Pabs, I will miss your recaps 🙁
High-fives from your fan,
Morgan
Katriel-Maria Berbert says
And after he didn't propose? "Don't get cranky." He says to her. She's been like talking about how this could be the fairytale that she's dreamed of, and he's like, I don't love you, I guess I like you, I've got a ring in my pocket that I'm not giving to you…Take my rose and don't get cranky." EXACTLY what she'd pictured.
Anonymous says
Whoa!!
So glad this train wreck is OVER! Like fingernails on a chalkboard the whole season.
I so much loved your recap. Hilarious! "RUN" and captioned "RED FLAGS". Classic!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alison @ Get Your Pretty On says
Your red flags cracked me up so much!!! This was a nice evening read, loved every bit of it.
Anonymous says
to my fellow SLP, you are hilarious!! The red flag ordeal was GENIUS! !!!
April Parrish says
Yay!!! You made it!!!! I know it's been rough, but I've enjoyed every single one of your recaps!!!
Juan Pablo disgusts me! Nikki is just plain stupid! So proud of Clare for choosing not to speak to him at After the final rose.
Poor Chris Harrison…I bet he's glad this mess is over too!!!
🙂
Debra says
Did you see the update on what he said? I would have ditched him, too!
http://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/bachelor-juan-pablo-obscene-told-clare-crawley-helicopter-170000054-us-weekly.html
Unknown says
The red flags are ao awesome! Can I just say I thought that Sean was going to fly across the stage and punch Juan Pablo in the face for you… It's a good thing his momma raised him right or there would have been a fight! This season was awful, nicki needs a copy of he's just not into you…
Anonymous says
Okay, your recaps are THE funniest things i have ever read 🙂 You are hysterical! Thanks for taking the time to write these! Hilaaaarious! 🙂
Linda says
Sheaffer–I just realized that I had "shared" your post on my FB page but had not commented. This is just the funniest thing I have ever read! In addition, I share all of your opinions. I would not have been upset at his not saying the L word if he just hadn't been such a total jerk. My opinion on Nikki is, she's holding on til Friday when People magazine comes out and her true 15 minutes of fame begin. Then, before you can say "eees okay" she will be high tailin' it! She looked embarrassed on ATFR, as well she should have been. Not one intelligent comment from Huwahn could be found in that whole hour! As my favorite Judge Judy says, "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever!"
Sabrina says
I just want to add that I have loved Sharleen from day one. Something about her made me like her. I love how classy she is and so different from the other girls. I wish she was the next bachelorette, but Andi will do! 🙂
Chic Coastal Living says
What a crazy end! It was everything you said and even worse! I felt so uncomfortable for everyone involved that i was so happy when it was all over!
klmoore23 says
Thanks for the laughs this season. Honestly it's the only thing that got me through! Saying that however, did you happen to read Jillian Harris' blog take on Monday's episode? Interesting perspective and I have to agree that ABC really overemphasized JP as a dumb, thoughtless bimbo. I wish Nikki and him the best of luck. I'll be quite surprised if these two last long!
Mona Brawley says
By far, one of your serious/funniest post yet! I couldn't have agreed with you more. RUN is definitely the word for this season. I kept feeling like where are Nikki's Mother? She definitely needs some woman in her life. That was worst finale ever… Thanks for posting. I read these when I need a LOL laugh. You always deliver,even though this season has been a snoozefest! You still made me smile.
Elizabeth {Chasin' Mason} says
I've been waiting for this recap since I watched the finale. Actually I only watched the After the Final Rose and thankfully that's all I watched because I don't think I could handle the rest. Oh my goodness. I didn't even watch the season but the last 3 episodes and I want to punch him in the face! GREAT RECAP! Took the words right out of my mouth!
Anonymous says
Hi Sheaffer!
Your recap is LOL Hilarious! Thank you so much for the Red Flags and the Run graphics. I can always
count on you to help us all make it through the Monday night awkward show. Chris H was classic in his
interrogation of JPG. I'm sure JPG will not be invited back on the show for ANY of his opinions on love
or fame. I was hoping that JPG's big announcement was an airplane ticket to Caracas. One way.
You can't fix stupid, as they say.
Looking forward to your Andi recaps.
MorganizewithMe says
Sheaffer – you rock! I would like to re-quote all of my favorite one liners from your post but I would be here all day! Thanks for summing up once again what most of us are thinking. You say it like it IS!!!
Terri D. says
I know how hard it was to watch this season let alone write about it. Please know your summaries were the ONLY bright spot for me the whole season long. You make me laugh out loud:)
Terri D. says
I know how hard it must have been to watch this whole season let alone write about it! Your summaries each week were the ONLY bright spot of this whole season! You made me laugh out loud:)
Carissa Howard says
I just watched the episode last night, so I was just now able to read your recap. I TOTALLY agree with you on everything! He was such a JERK and I loved that Catherine told him not to bite the hand that feeds him. I think red flag #1 was that his baby momma didn't want to marry him. Red flag #2 Des sent him home, obviously she saw it before all of the rest of us.
I am excited about Andi being the bachelorette and I hope that you will still keep doing your recaps. You say what all of us are thinking!
Keisha Dawson says
I just have to say that this is the most fabulous Bachelor recap! I couldn't even bring myself to watch this season, but nothing else was on Monday night, so I decided I would tune in to see how it all went down. It was absolutely horrendous! I seriously can't believe how it all went down. My favorite part of "After the Final Rose" was when Chris asked Catherine her opinion. She was AWESOME!
Kelly Reber says
Thank you for taking one for the team!! This season was painful from Day#1 but I too stuck it out and kept watching bc once I'm on the train headed for that brick wall lord knows I cannot step off.. The RED flags are awesome and will always make me laugh. Who cares that the man did not say I love you… I think what made so many people mad was how outright rude he was! I read Jillian's take on it too and gotta say I don't agree which hurts bc I love her so much! Juan is a bad person who treats people poorly and he does not deserve to be defended. He doesn't own any of his bad behavior and prob never will – ppl like him don't usually have a clue! I felt sorry for Niki and the fact that she looked near tears on that couch until he looked at her and she would plaster on the most fake smile…. ugh… hours of my life that I want back!!! Good bye Juan P! I will be happy to never hear about you again!! Let's hope Andi is a much much better Bachette!!! Love you Shaeffer and your fashion eye.. you are making me poor 😉
Stacie Steele says
"And just in case Clare is a visual person, I decided to whip up a graphic." hahahahah!!
THEN: "I'm not sure what fairy tales Clare was read as a child, BUT I don't recall Prince Charming ever whispering the f-word into Cinderella's ear." I cracked up so loud at my desk at work! Thank you for that. You're hilarious and I love, love, love your recaps. They made this boring season so much better.
Anonymous says
Just so you know — stating that having ADHD is a "red flag" is EXTREMELY insulting. I cannot believe you posted that and no one else has commented. ADHD is something that millions of children and adults struggle with and making fun of it in that way is just NOT ok.
Sheaffer says
I truly am sorry that I insulted you. I have family members with ADHD and they joke about it. I guess my perspective is skewed due to that fact. And to be honest, it was late at night when I was finishing the graphic, and I was just trying to think of one more thing to write on a red flag.
Hope you will accept my apology!
xoxo,
Sheaffer 🙂
Baby Mama says
This was so funny! The flags were the best part! So happy this season is over. No more Juan!
{Hi Sugarplum!} says
girl, you totally made this season! And I couldn't even bring myself to watch it…but I loved it bc of you!