These recaps take a lot of time to write.
A lot of time.
So, you should know that part of me wanted to not write a recap.
Instead, I felt like my time would be better spent pouring all of the time and energy I use when writing these recaps and instead ORGANIZE AN INTERVENTION FOR NIKKI WHO AT THE END OF ALL OF THIS WAS STILL CUDDLED UP NEXT TO HUHWAHN ON THE COUCH MAKING KISSY FACES AND SMILING.
I have no words.
Oh wait, maybe I have ONE word.
I would also like to say this:
Remember last week when I said at the end of The Women Tell All that I liked Huhwahn more after watching? Well, I would like to officially recant my statment.
Bless my heart.
Bless my stupid little heart.
Huhwahn was such a little punk last night and I NO LONGER like him (not that I ever really did…but I did seem to have a fleeting moment last week where I didn’t hate him).
And I would like to say now that not only do I not like him, he’s actually made me want to be physically violent towards him.
Like specifically I wanted to smack that SMUG and CONDESCENDING look off of his face.
And let me be VERY clear about something.
I don’t hate Huhwahn because he chose not to propose.
I think that is the only time he showed even a glimmer of respect for any of the girls.
It’s TOTALLY FINE that he didn’t propose.
It’s even fine if he doesn’t love Nikki.
How he treated the girls was not fine.
And the way Nikki was just sitting their all snuggled up next to him last night?
I felt like she was brainwashed or under some sort of Latin spell.
She needs to be kidnapped by her family or a group of girlfriends and DEPROGRAMMED.
Okay, I realize I kind of got the cart before the horse with the above rant, now let’s start with the beginning of the show.
I don’t understand all of the tongue movement.
She then goes on to say that he sometimes makes her cry.
Yes, you read that correctly.
HE SOMETIMES MAKES HER CRY.
HUHWAHN SOMETIMES MAKES HIS MOM CRY.
Clare says that what the mom said gave her comfort.
WHAT THE FREAK?
In this case, it seems that the apple DOES IN FACT fall far from the tree.
At the end of their time together Clare says,
“Huwahan Pablo 100% has my heart. And now so does his family.”
Nikki’s turn with the family.
And there’s #2 straight out of his dad’s mouth.
“You feel he’s the kind of guy you want? You’re sure?”
It seems as if Huhwahn’s mom is seriously having to fight the urge to tell Nikki to skeedaddle while she still can.
Nikki then asks the mom if she thinks he’s ready for this, and the mom says “I’m pretty sure.”
I’m thinking that’s code for ” HE*# NO .”
She then AGAIN says that he’s not an easy guy.
Now Nikki is going to get some 1:1 time with the braces wearing cousin with the super straight teeth.
First question he’s got for her right out of the box is, “How much fighting can you take?”
And that’s when red flag number 3 pops up.
NIKKI! LISTEN TO HIS FAMILY!
What could have been sweet kind loving words was not what came out of his mouth.
Some sexual thing..I don’t even want to repeat it.
Every single woman deserves to be treated with respect. I’m not just an object, maybe I have him all wrong. Maybe he’s not the man I thought he was. I’m so confused right now, and I really don’t know what to do next.
And I’m telling you right now, it’s the first time I really liked Clare.
Do I even need to cue you girls anymore?
I will say this, Chris (my hubby) guessing what Huhwahn might have said was HILARIOUS.
None of his guesses are appropriate to be written on this blog (sorry!),
but I’m afraid he might have been right about one of them.
In fact, he might have nailed it on the head. And if he’s right, Clare should have jumped out of the helicopter mid flight and started running for the hills.
Exactly what Huhwhan said and the words he used, she couldn’t bring herself to repeat it.
And at this point in the show, I would like to beg Clare to REMEMBER WHAT SHE IS FEELING AT THIS VERY SECOND.
Hang on to those feelings Clare and remember how he is making your skin crawl.
She ignores his request, walks 5 feet ahead of him, and tells him they need to talk.
They sit down and it seems that she is using a throw pillow to put distance between them.
And I dig it.
She tells him he wants to talk to him, and he immediately gets defensive and is all “I’m here.”
She said “We had a conversation in the helicopter……You could have said anything in the world…….and What did you tell me?”
Huhwahn plays dumb and acts like he has no idea what he said.
He says “Things that happen in private, stay in private.”
He gets soooooo defensive and is soooooooooo UNLIKEABLE.
He asks, “This is why you wouldn’t give me a kiss?”
He then goes on to say, “I don’t need the physical anymore.” And for a second I thought my t.v. changed channels.
We don’t believe that for one cotton pickin’ second Huhwahn.
Clare continues to probe Huhwahn for some answers.
He starts talking, and I seriously couldn’t understand a word of it,
BUT I KNOW IT WAS CONDESCENDING AS HE*#. Sorry for the language, but believe me, I’m editing myself as it is.
I wanted to punch him square in the face.
BUT…you’re never going to believe what happens next….
All of a sudden I see Clare changing her body language.
She starts allowing him to touch her.
Then he starts spewing some mumbo jumbo about her breaking her own “no kissing” rule, he starts touching her face, and starts baby talking,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE CLARE IS ACTUALLY LIKING IT.
I take a quick second to puke, and then I yell,
TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT ON ALL OF THE RED FLAGS!
And just in case Clare is a visual person, I decided to whip up a graphic.
Does she listen to me?
Does she attend to the red flags?
No. No she does not.
Instead, she changes her tune and is all “See, this is what I want to hear.”
Then she starts touching him. And then she starts baby talking too.
And then he snuggles up to her AND SHE LETS HIM.
And somehow he worms his way right back in.
Annnnnnnnnnd now I want to punch Clare in the face.
Harrison goes to the “celebrity panel” in the audience to ask how they think things are going,
and I have one things to say: SHARLEEN IS THE BOMB
I’m on the fence about her lipstick choice, but her assessment of the entire situation is RIGHT ON.
She very eloquently states that she found it pretty painful to watch and TOTALLY CALLS it when she called him patronizing.
Nikki’s Last Date
Now it’s time for the last date with Nikki.
And her boobs are looking GOOD.
But they seem quite a bit bigger than I remember them being, no?
He asks her if she has any concerns and he fiddles with her hair.
STOP TOUCHING HER.
Her only concern is that she thinks he might be “a little guarded”.
I think they got on a boat and made out……but at this point I’m thinking my eyes were starting to cross and I was starting to go in and out of consciousness.
He’s super hard to understand, but I think he starts talking about watching t.v. alone when he gets back home.
It seems to tick Nikki off.
But don’t worry girls, she’s not ticked off enough to actually do or say anything.
Cut to Nikki’s place that night where she gives him approximately 7,364 opportunities to say that he loves her. I think I blacked out while Nikki was sitting on the couch talking to Huhwahn.
Either that or I was just blinded by anger.
I think she wrote a note saying she loved him.
And I think he was just like “Yeah, thanks.”
He tells her to go to sleep, and then he leaves.
She’s left crying on the couch.
OKAY. NOW IT’S TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY.
Clare says “I would want nothing more than for Huhwahn Pablo to
tell me that he’s falling in love with me.”
I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONFUSED.
Nikki says, “If he gets down on one knee and proposed I’m absolutely going to say yes.”
And I just sit there and shake my head.
OOOOOOHHHHHH MMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Were they both dropped on their heads as small children?
Then Clare says, “It’s been my perfect version of a fairy tale.”
I’m not sure what fairy tales Clare was read as a child, BUT I don’t recall Prince Charming ever whispering the f-word
into Cinderella’s ear.
Clare gets out of the limo, Harrison walks her up to Huhuwahn, and she starts pouring her heart out.
WHY IS HE LETTING HER TALK?
She basically professes her love and said “I believe in you.”
And then Huhwahn says,
“I wish the earth suck me today, because this is the hardest decision ever.”
Huhwahn, rest assured, we wish the earth would suck you today too.
He leans into give her a hug, and she gives him the Heisman.
He says, Do you want to know when I made my decision?”
Clare said, “No.It doesn’t matter to me, I lost respect for you.
I would never want my children having a father like you.”
Well, I’m not sure he should have brought his parenting skills into it (he does seem like he’s a great dad to Cameeeeeeeeeela), but as far as everything else…..
IT’S ABOUT FREAKING TIME CLARE!
WALK AWAY AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!
As she walks away, Huwahn says “Whew. I’m glad I didn’t pick her.”
And I didn’t know it was possible, but I liked him even less than I did 2 minutes prior.
Nikki gets off the boat wearing a bright blue “dress” with a side slit up to her hoo-ha, and I’m silently willing her to not pull a Brittany.
Nikki starts talking, and she professes her love to him.
She says “I LOVE YOU!”
And he responds by saying, “Just know that I love so many things about you.”
He then says,
“I have a ring here in my pocket, but I’m not going to use it. Uh-uh.
I AM 100% sure that I don’t want to let you go. I like you a lot. A lot. “
Nikki seems strangely fine with this.
I’m not mad at Huhwahn for not proposing, but I am mad at him for HOW he didn’t propose.
Does that make sense?
He could have not proposed RESPECTFULLY, and I would have been fine with that.
But instead he had to tell her he had a ring in his pocket that he WASN’T going to use.
I have one final thing to say to Nikki.
Can you guess what it is?
And at the end of it all, at the end of this huge big messy train wreck, do you know who the people are that I want to punch in the face the most?
THE PRODUCERS AT ABC WHO PICKED HUHWAHN.
SHAME. ON. THEM.
Now it’s AFTER THE FINAL ROSE, and wish I had more to give, but I don’t.
All you need to know is that Huhwahn was just as arrogant as ever, he didn’t take responsibility for anything he said or did, and he DOES NOT love Nikki.
To be honest, I don’t even think he likes her. Not even a little bit.
You also should know that he was a total el jerko to Chris Harrison.
I’m sorry, but you don’t mess with the king of the Bachelor franchise.
STEP OFF HARRISON HUHWAHN.
Well, that’s it. That’s all I can muster.
And now I want you to join with me in a moment of silence.
Let’s all just sit here quietly and feel grateful that this is the very last time I have to write
about this season.🙂
And just in case you missed it….
Also, I’ve received several e-mails (around 10) in the last week or so about the AMAZING swimsuit selection at Macy’s. I finally got around to checking it out online last night, and everybody was right! The selection is awesome!
Click HERE to get to all of Macy’s women’s swimsuits.
They have an especially good selection of tankinis and cute one pieces,
which is what I am ALL ABOUT.
And make sure you come back on Friday for an AWESOME post on maxi dresses (AND A GIVEAWAY!).