First of all, I just want to say that you guys totally made my week last week! I had over 300 comments on my Bachelor post on instagram, and so many of those were you tagging friends. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Growing a blog is hard work, so when y’all share it with your friends, it means so much to me! (And if we are being honest, Bachelor recaps take me a sweet forever to write, so I’m so happy to hear that y’all are enjoying them.)
Before we get started, I did a poll a couple of weeks ago to make sure the majority of you wanted me to continue to do Bachelor recaps. I thought 80% was a pretty large majority, so I will definitely keep doing them this season!
I know that I have lots of readers that don’t watch The Bachelor (y’all are smarter than the rest of us saving 2 hours a week! ha!), but I would like to encourage all of you to try to read the recaps anyway! I have lots of ladies tell me they read (AND ENJOY THEM!) and that they’ve never watched a Bachelor episode in their life! (And I typically have at least 1 non-bachelor item on Wednesday’s post, so you don’t want to miss that!)
Click HERE to see the Season Premier and meet all of the
Click HERE to see episode 2. One poor girl suffered from a bit of PTSD during the episode due to a bumper car incident from her childhood. You know, because people were bumping her car. #forreal #blessherheart
All right! Let’s get started with this week!
The girls were all sitting in the sunken living room when Harrison showed up with the first date card.
The card said It’s all about the ring. The girls being invited on the date were Maquel, Jacqueline, Lauren B., Tia, Marikh, Bekah M., Bibiana, and Krystal…..and they all immediately got nervous that it was referring to a boxing or wrestling ring, and they were right. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping that Bibiana was going to knock the baby stripper voice right out of Krystal’s head.
Well, the GLOW ladies from the 1980s showed up and one of them was looking ROUGH. Both of them looked ridiculous. But here’s something you should know about these women. They take their jobs as Bachelor wrestling coaches VERY seriously. And you definitely shouldn’t laugh or talk back to them. #justaskBibiana
Arie talked about the “wrestling fight” that was about to go down (hand over your man card, Arie), and almost immediately the 80’s GLOW ladies started to pick fights with Arie’s women. I think they were supposed to be inspiring them to wrestle, but it just came off as plain mean to me. I mean, I know they were “in character”, but it was just stupid.
AND LORD HELP US, Bibiana talked back to them. One of the GLOW ladies came back at her by making fun of her name and talking smack about her mom. And then one of them pulled Tia’s ponytail. UM, NO M’AM. Don’t pull on my weave.
All the girls were sent backstage to choose their wrestling costumes and alter egos (more about this in a minute), and Arie was waiting for his opponent for his “wrestling fight” dressed as The Kissing Bandit….although I’m pretty sure when they ordered the costume from costumes.com that it was called The Hamburgler.
So, the Hamburgler was up first, and he was going to face off with Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny Kingdon!!!! Basically, Kenny threw Arie around like a rag doll. See The Hamburglers legs in the air? It wasn’t pretty.
After the smack down, where Kenny actually ended up letting Arie “win”, it was time for the girls to fight, and they were going to do so in front of a live audience! A live audience that they apparently picked up at the local Luby’s. I would say the median age was about 76.
Rizzo was into it and chose a sex kitten as her alter ego. You could tell she thought she looked HOT in her zip up cat unitard. But I’ve gotta say, to me she just looked like she needed her mommy to give her a sack before sending her out the door to go trick-or-treating. She looked 12. Which will serve her well when she’s 60.
She faced The Lunch Lady (Raquel) complete with a lunch tray, a hair net, and a drawn on mole. I MEAN. HIGH FIVE TO RAQUEL FOR GOING FOR IT WITH THE COSTUME. My favorite part of all the matches was when Raquel danced around the ring with the lunch tray and then pinned Rizzo against the ground with it.
Krystal (The Cougar) almost murdered the Prom Queen in the ring with blunt force trauma to the head.
And then these two did a very awkward sensual type dance instead of actually wrestling. Just look how uncomfortable the ref was.
At the group date cocktail party, Krystal took Arie away first. #becauseduh #krystal
And she was wearing a shirt again. As a dress. Actually, this time it was more of a cami. AS A DRESS. Oh, wait. It was a romper. WHEW. I was glad the romper wouldn’t allow us to see her hoo-ha, but I continued to worry about chafing.
In her best baby stripper voice, she asked Arie how he wanted her to behave on group dates, and he basically said “you do you, Boo”. Krystal’s take away? Arie wants to marry her, he hates all the other girls, and she should totally be more aggressive if she wants to be. This should be fun.
During Bibiana’s time with Arie, she chose to talk about Krystal a bit. Tsk tsk, Bibiana. It’s way too early to be bad-mouthing the other girls. And you can tell by the look on Arie’s face, he was annoyed. Hello, side eye.
Rizzo and Arie hung out on a couch, and I didn’t see their tongues, which I appreciated. I mean, it was blocked by his hand and her jean jacket collar, BUT STILL. It was appreciated. She told him that she’d been in a relationship that lasted like 2 1/2-3 years. So basically she “went with” a guy from like 6th-9th grade.
The next day by the pool, Krystal was telling one of the long last Kardashian sisters that she’s basically never been a girl’s girl. YOU DON’T SAY. And that she’s had to endure so much her whole life, and that her friend’s boyfriends break up with her friends because they always wanted to date her, and that this experience would be no different because she already knows that she and Arie have something special.
Shaking. My. Head.
The next date card arrived, and Lauren S had her name called. WHO?
The card said “You had me at merlot”. I’m thinking Lauren must be one smart cookie, because she said “I think it has to do with wine.”
They headed to Napa on a private plane. And y’all. I’ve pretty much got nothing to report. The chemistry was lacking, and the conversation was boring. How boring you ask? Well, they talked about bedtimes and cardigans. The only thing missing was a discussion on bowel movements. BUT. Lauren thought they were probably meant to be together because they both like sleeping and they both like going to wineries. Lauren, you just described EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I know. Throw in a guy that vacuums and you’ve just described every woman’s fantasy life.
Later that night, the conversation flowed more freely, but only from Lauren’s mouth. The girl couldn’t stop talking. She was bouncing all of the place, had no common thread between topics, and at one point I’m certain I heard her mention an eye infection. Not typical first dinner date fodder. Then something happened that I’m not sure if I’ve EVER seen happen on a 1:1 dinner date. WAIT FOR IT……. Arie started eating. Yep, eating actual food. UH -OH. That was not a good sign.
He picked up the rose. He PICKED IT UP, and then he said “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you this.” It was harsh.
The intern opened the door at the mansion, grabbed Lauren’s suitcase, and audible gasps were heard throughout the crowd. Some of the girls started crying, but Krystal felt that this was the right time for her to school the other ladies. She started off eulogizing Lauren by calling her “an amazing beautiful soul”. Krystal. She’s not dead. And then she said she wanted to give everybody some advice since she’d been both on a group date and a 1:1. Her ground breaking advice was basically to live each moment to it’s fullest when you are with Arie, because you never know when it might be your last. This quite certainly cemented everybody’s hatred for our resident baby stripper.
The next group date arrived and the names on the card were: Ashley, Becca K., Brittany, Jenna, Caroline, Chelsea, and Annaliese. The card said “Love is rough.” OH, WAIT. No, the card said “Love is RUFF.” And y’all, Annaliese immediately got sweaty pits. Because….you guessed it… she had a traumatic experience with a pup in childhood.
Please, join me in making this face.
She, and I quote, “almost lost an eye.” when her grandparent’s dog named Sunshine turned on her. I’d be much more likely to take her fear seriously if she wasn’t the same girl who had suffered from PTSD from the bumper car incident.
So, on her Bachelor questionairre, Annaliese obviously said that her greatest fears were cars and puppies. Because it’s WAY TO MUCH of a coincidence that both of these random fears had now been exploited.
LADIES READING. THIS IS MY PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. When applying for The Bachelor, when it says, “What are your fears?” you say “tacos and diamonds”. Repeat after me. TACOS AND DIAMONDS.
I will say this, the Bachelor producers did another flashback piece, and they used this dog.
And now I think I’m afraid of dogs too.
The dog show was woefully underwhelming, but they walked into the joint like it was going to be amazing.
Well, it wasn’t. Dogs didn’t perform tricks, children cried, pups pooped, and doggy style jokes were made. It was a new low for the franchise.
At the group date rooftop cocktail party, he spent some time with each girl. And as we heard Annaliese telling the camera that he “seemed a little off” and there “didn’t seem to be much sexual chemistry”, it showed him muggin’ down with Olivia 2.0.
The only other takeaway I have from the group date cocktail part was that I’m continuing to REALLY LIKE Becca K. Because she’s NORMAL. She’s relaxed when she’s with him and they seem to genuinely be having a good time.
ROSE CEREMONY COCKTAIL PARTY TIME!
Bibiana set up a day bed with candles and a telescope to try to have some alone time with Arie.
BUT DANG THOSE SNEAKY LITTLE PRODUCERS. No doubt that they told Arie to go to the front driveway with one of the girls where he just happened to stumble upon Bibiana’s set up. He then proceeded to pretty much take every single girl there. Every girl EXCEPT Bibiana.
Tia and Arie got some time together, and he’d set up a perfect redneck date night, complete with hay bales and moon shine. I can guarantee that my friend Keely’s heart went pitter patter, because this set up was speaking her language! Love you, Keely!
And then Annaliese stole him away to basically beg him for a kiss. Y’ALL!!!! IT WAS SO AWKWARD!!!!! He said “I just don’t think we’re there yet.” The kissing bandit refused a kiss. It was painful.
And I’m not sure who this girl is. But Jane Doe here straddled him in a floor length white dress. She also drank so much that I’m pretty certain she almost puked on him in the 2.3 seconds before she straddled him.
Annaliese, obviously troubled by the fact that he turned down a kiss from her, went to find him again. Rizzo spoke for all of America when she said “I literally can’t watch.”
Annaliese point blank asked him if he saw a future with her. And his answer? A flat out NO. Whahhhhhhhhh! I felt so sorry for her! Through tears, she told us that she felt scared that she was never going to find love. So, this poor girl is scared of bumper cars, puppies, and never finding love.
Arie went ahead and escorted her out, and after she left, this is an actual conversation I heard between some of the girls.
Yes. She left.
Yes. She left.
In case you are confused. The girl left.
Olivia 2.0 and Rizzo already had roses. And he had already let Lauren and Annaliese go.
These are the girls who got roses: Caroline (WHO?), Kendall., Ashley (WHO), Lauren., Brittany, Becca K (YAY!), Sienne, Krystal, Tia, Raquel (I mean, I recognize her name..but that’s all.), Jane Doe, and Jacqueline,
It was down to Bibiana and the long last Kardashian sister. The long last Kardashian got the rose.
And I actually felt terrible for Bibiana.
That’s it for this week’s recap..but before you go, two things….
1) Did y’all see Monday’s post? It’s a Style it Again, Sheaffer post, and I show you 2 different ways to style 3 different tops. I also highlighted these high waisted jeans. I LOVE them, but I talked about how I didn’t love the rip below one of the knees. Well, a reader wrote in and said the following: Take the jeans to Nordstrom and have alterations put a patch” behind the rip. I did that with the famous AG jeans from 2 years ago and I love the look. Their alteration dept can do some amazing things. Stef! That’s genius! Totally doing this!
For size reference, I’m wearing my regular 27.
2) I’ve got a SALE ALERT for you!
I’ve talked many times before about how the entire line of Gibson fleece tops is STELLAR, and the side tie style is NOW ON SALE!
I have a cowl neck from last year…and this year I added a twist front, a side tie, and a front tie to the mix. To some, it might sound crazy that I have 3, but they all look very different. Seriously. They are all a wonderfully light fleece material that is oh so cozy without being too heavy.
These tops look great on their own, but they are PERFECT FOR LAYERING since they aren’t bulky. And each style comes in a myriad of colors! Oh, and perhaps most importantly….FLATTERING AS ALL GET OUT.
The tie front top is in the outfit below and also comes in turquoise, wine, and blush. I’m wearing a small and have plenty of room. The site suggests sizing down, but I went with my regular small. I’m also wearing my regular size 27 in the jeans, but the site recommends sizing down in these as well.
See you back here on Friday, everybody!