I never recapped The Men Tell All from last week because 1) time got away from me, and 2) I don’t think it’s good for my health to recap more than 1 show a week. So here’s my recap: Chad is a JACKWAGON. The end.
Quick review from last week: The episode started out with JoJo letting Luke go. WHAH! Then it was Fantasy Suite week with her remaining 3 suitors: Chase, Jordan, and Robby. We were led to assume that she did the big wiggle with both Jordan and Robby. And then it was time for her to possibly wiggle with Chase.
However, her date with Chase went a little something like this…
JoJo : “Chase, I’m going to need you to tell me that you love me.”
Chase: “Um, okay. I’m realllllllly scared because I’ve never said I Love You before, but I’m going to trust you with my super sensitive heart and go ahead and say it. I LOVE YOU, JOJO!!!!!”
JoJo: “Huh. Welllllllll, I don’t feel the same way. Buh-bye.”
Click HERE if you want to catch up on all the other recaps before starting this week!
SO LET’S GET STARTED WITH THIS WEEK’S BACHELORETTE! IT’S THE FINALE Y’ALL!
It’s a big week you guys. The remaining two dudes got to meet JoJo’s family, and we got to see if JoJo was going to end up with a former pro football player or a former professional competitive swimmer. I mean, we were all on the edge of our seats.
So, here’s the deal. JoJo and her guys were in Thailand. And she was in love with both of them. #oopsie #shepulledaben
So, a handful of quick notes on JoJo’s family. The sister was mute. The brothers were nice and normal. Which let’s be honest, was no fun at all. Mom seemed very wise, but the fact that she didn’t drink straight from a bottle was highly disappointing. Dad was very sweet, but he looked SUPER FAMILIAR to me. Wait for it……
I know all of you are shouting “THAT’S WHY HE LOOKED FAMILIAR!” right now. #guesswho #herman
JORDAN MET THE FAMILY
Jordan showed up with flowers, handed out hugs to everybody (it was sweet), and inadvertently grabbed Mama’s boob (I hate it when that happens!).
He then gave them all silly hats to break the ice. Sadly, we didn’t get to see the brothers don their gifted head dresses. I did however enjoy seeing dad in a cowboy hat. Jordan sat down with Mama Fletcher and she was no joke. MAMA DON’T PLAY. She said “Can you give me your word that you will never break my daughter’s heart?” And after the longest pause in the history of pauses, he said “Absolutely not.” Was I the only one that was confused? Would he absolutely not ever break her heart? OR could he absolutely not ever promise that?
Mama Fletcher told JoJo that she thought that she (meaning JoJo) and Jordan were too alike. She also thought he was too likable and posed the question “Who doesn’t like Jordan?” JoJo laughed, nodded her head, and was like “You’re right, everybody likes Jordan!” I was like, Um..I can think of a couple of people that don’t enjoy him. #hisbrotheraaron #andme
JoJo had a moment with her brothers, but I felt like they were imposters. Where were those psychotic Fletcher brothers that we all came to know and love last season? Instead, we got sweet and caring brothers who had some good insight. Good for JoJo, not so good for us. JoJo told them that Robby adored her but that Jordan was just so much fun. One of them said, “You’re not looking for a New Year’s Eve date, you’re looking for a husband.” Now THAT’S some good advice. High five to the Fletcher brothers. I’m going to go ahead and give them the MOST IMPROVED award.
Jordan had time with Papa Fletcher, BUT HE DIDN’T ASK FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE. JoJo had let Jordan know that if he was going to propose to her that he absolutely had to ask for her father’s blessing. AND HE DIDN’T. #uhoh
ROBBY MET THE FAMILY
Robby was next. They sat down for “dinner”, and Mama Fletcher asked him why he loved her daughter. He said, “She’s smart AND intelligent.” WOW. Smart AND Intelligent. He didn’t even mention her boobs.
Robby took both Mama and Papa Fletcher aside. AND OMG he said all the right things. And for the first time this entire season, I LIKED ROBBY. I reallllly liked him a lot! Nobody was more surprised than me.
JoJo said good-bye to Robby and then returned to talk to the family. And y’all, every single one of them was #TEAMROBBY
Here’s what they said in a nutshell “We all like Jordan just fine. But we REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY like Robby.” They proceeded to tell her that Robby asked for the parents blessing, but Jordan did not. And our JoJo did not like that. She kind of started melting down. She snapped at her mom, started crying, and started waxing on about how if she chooses Jordan, she’ll always wonder how it could have been with Robby, and then vice versa. But you could tell, THE GIRL IS CRAZY TOWN FOR JORDAN. Mama was visibly upset at her daughter’s confusion. As was Herman.
It was here where I was hoping Mama was going to cope with the stress of it all by picking up a wine bottle and going to town. But it was a no go. Let’s just all take a moment to reflect on the awesomeness that was Mama Fletcher last season.
FINAL DATE WITH ROBBY
Robby and JoJo headed to a private beach together. They swam, appeared to get ready to have a chicken fight (even though they were the only ones there), and then Robby painted a verbal picture of their future life which included a big and comfy couch (love it), kids laughing in the background (love it), a dog (love it), and burnt meatloaf (what?).
Robby then said “I feel like my life hasn’t started yet.” And she responded by straddling him. Like HARD CORE straddling him. It was like a jump and run from a seated position to a seated position. It was a sight to behold.
That night at the Marriott (seriously, The Marriott) Robby pulled out some photos for them to take a walk down memory lane. And I was like 4×6 photos? Really? Is that all you got? We want a poem. A scrap book. AT THE VERY LEAST a memory box. GET IN THE GAME, ROBBY. He continued to tell JoJo how much he loved her. And even without a memory box, I believed him. And I was truly starting to see him as really great husband material.
FINAL DATE WITH JORDAN
Let’s all just acknowledge that JoJo was TICKED. We’ve all been JoJo on this date: you know, when you’re person asks “What’s the matter” and you say “Nothing.” And then he asks how you are, and you say “Fine.” And all the while you want to punch him in the face. Yep, she was passive aggressive as all get out. They too headed to a private beach and she was all up in his grill.
They sat down and she immediately (and not so casually) asked “So what’s going on in your head?” And he simply repeated “What’s going on in my head?” UH OH. RED FLAG. JoJo continued to ask more “casual” questions like, “So what did you and my dad talk about?” to get to the bottom of things. I’d recap their conversation here, but it was SUPER hard to follow. And this what Jordan looked like most of the time. Not a super reassuring face if you ask me.
I basically think one of two things was going on here 1) Jordan wasn’t sure if he wanted to propose to JoJo, and that’s why he didn’t ask dad. 2) Jordan knew he loved JoJo, but he had too much pride to ask the dad before he ever heard an I Love You from JoJo.
NEIL LANE MAKES AN APPEARANCE and FINAL ROSE CEREMONY PREP
Robby pretty much part twirled and part flew over to meet Uncle Neil. The boy was on CLOUD 9. He chose the ring and went with “the bigger the better” way of thought. I can respect that.
Before Jordan headed over to possibly pick out the bling, it was obvious he was regretting not asking the dad, and I was like HELLO? Do they not have phones in Phuket? And then it happened…he called Papa Fletcher! He got both Mama and Papa on the phone, professed his love, and then finally popped the question. To the parents at least. They both said yes.
And then, something I don’t recall ever seeing on The Bachelor before, both guys sat down to write JoJo a note to be read right before the final rose ceremony.
In his note, Robby professed his love for her. Again. She read the note and seemed genuinely touched and happy. And as she was reading it she had me thinking that she was going to be laughing on a big couch and burning meatloaf with Robby for eternity. BUT THEN. THEN SHE READ JORDAN’S NOTE. Jordan wrote a note too because he wanted to make sure that JoJo knew that he had in fact asked for her dad’s hand in marriage before he showed up to pop the question. Good call, Jordan. And while reading Jordan’s note, it started to become clear that Jordan was going to be her forever. #oratleasthernext6months
JoJo BAWLED when reading both notes. Being the bachelorette is hard y’all.
TIME FOR THE PROPOSALS
Robby got out of the limo first.
JK. That’s not him. But he did get out of the limo first, which didn’t bode well for him. He shook Harrison’s hand and started walking towards JoJo on the beach. He was confident, and dare I say 100% SURE that he was THE ONE.
And I don’t know where it came from, but EVERYTHING IN ME was willing him to turn around. I mean, it took until the 7th hour for me to start liking Robby….and just when I did, she was going to send him packing. He said lots of sweet things, and while all of us realized her contorted facial expressions and silence meant she wasn’t choosing him, he did not pick up on those cues. She finally stopped him (just shy of him popping down on one knee) and explained that although she loved him (the first time she had said that to him, by the way), that her heart was with somebody else. That even though she wanted it to be him, it wasn’t. WHICH DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
Robby was absolutely heart-broken. I mean, had he not explained the burnt meatloaf scenario adequately? But JoJo was a mess. You could tell she felt awful for Robby, and I truly believed that a part of her loved him as well. But the heart wants what it wants. And apparently her heart desires a rogue hair and skinny jeans till death to her part.
Then it was Jordan’s turn. And I have a really important question right now. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS IN HIS POCKET?
He told her all the reasons he loved her. She finally told him she loved him. And then he proposed.
They seemed thrilled. But even though I actually ended up liking Jordan in this episode as well, I’m just not buying it for some reason!?! Still, I would like to suggest a 16×20 print of this on canvas. Above the fireplace.
AFTER THE FINAL ROSE
Robby’s hair was extra swooshy and plasticy while sitting up there with Harrison. But I still liked him! He was genuinely blind-sided. And I think he genuinely loved and adored her. I also genuinely think he should have edited down his accessories. The checked tie was fine, the pocket square was fine, but I think he could have done without the checked flower. But y’all, We don’t need to worry about Robby. Our scruffy Ken doll is going to be just fine. He’ll have another girlfriend and a commercial contract with Crest in no time. Because homeboy’s teeth are WHITE.
So JoJo came out looking like a tan grecian goddess with a perfectly messy pony tail. They had a warm embrace, and part of me felt like JoJo was having to restrain herself from jumping and straddling. Robby was a perfect gentleman, all the while doing his best to get some closure. That closure did not come. The whole I loved you too, but I loved him more argument was hard for him to swallow.
JoJo and Harrison talked for a bit, and then this joker stood up and made a bid to be the next Bachelor. #nevergonnahappen #sitdown
Then it was time for JoJo and Jordan to finally get to appear before Bachelor Nation and the world to show everybody how blissfully happy they in fact were. But I tell ya what. I still had trouble buying it. It all seemed forced. Do y’all agree? JoJo seemed to plaster a smile on her face (but an annoying smirk would sometimes peak through), and Jordan seemed to think that aggressively rubbing her shoulder was going to convince us all that they WERE IN FACT IN LOVE AND GOING TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER DANGIT.
And this was their reaction when Harrison asked about Aaron. Inappropriate, Harrison. Inappropriate.
So, in summary, I hope these two crazy kids work out! They make a gorgeous couple, and I think they are both good people, I’m just not sure?!? I guess you could say I’m cautiously optimistic. 🙂 WHAT ABOUT Y’ALL! Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Now, before you go, remember that the Anniversary Sale ends this weekend…so you only have a handful of days to shop the sale until prices go back up. I’m highlighting three things today that are still available!
If looking for a heeled bootie, THIS one might be your guy! I left the store without them, but I ended up ordering them for myself after I got home! They are such a great price at $79.90! They were true to size for me (even though Nordstrom suggests sizing up), and they will go with everything. They come in several different colors as well.
These GREY BOOTIES (they come in black also) were in several of the outfits from my first day shopping the sale. I got a pair of grey Ivanka Trump booties last year in the sale, and I loved wearing they grey all year! If you are in the market for grey this year, consider these. They are a fantastic price. They are a little hard to get on (since there isn’t a zipper), but I promise you that once you get them on they are extremely comfortable. I was wearing a 6, so I sized down a 1/2 size in these (although online instructions say they run small, so to order 1/2 a size up). So confusing! I think the best bet might be to order your regular size? Click HERE for these suede booties from BP. The studs are so unique, and I just love the contrasting heel.
THESE tees are a year round favorite, and they are on sale right now for $17.90 (regularly $25). I wear a small in the tee, and I think it’s a nice and relaxed fit without being baggy. I already had the white one (and a Kelly green one too), and picked up the “grey ebony” and “purple bramble” for myself….and then ordered the “black-white julia stripe”. THESE TEES are great to wear on their own, but also AWESOME to layer under military jackets, leather jackets, blardigans, and baby blardigans!
See y’all back here on Friday for Santa Alerts! Remember to leave your Bachelorette thoughts in the comments!!!