Okay, girls! It’s week 2 of the Bachelor, which I’ve dubbed THE CORRINE SHOW. Grab your alcohol of choice and some sort of pillow, because you’re going to need both of them. I promise you, you will be driven to drink and hide by the end of this episode.
Click HERE for the episode 1 recap if you missed it! You really can’t miss the introduction to all the crazy.
Week 2 opened with Harrison showing up and letting the girls know that all of them are not going to get alone time with Nick this week, and he dropped the date card on the table amidst high pitched giggles and screams.
Date Card Days: Always a Bridesmaid
Who is Going: Corinne, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Haley, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Danielle, L., Elizabeth W.
Corinne says “I’ve never been a bridesmaid.” And we’re all like “You don’t say.” Being a bridesmaid implies that you have girlfriends, and we’re on to you girl. You’re one of those I’ve never really had any good girlfriends because they’re always so jealous of me types. #puke #gag
All the girls hopped in 3 different Buick Convertibles (#productplacement) and off they went! DOWN A HIGHWAY. AND NOT A ONE OF THEM HAD A RUBBER BAND. #whenwilltheylearn
They got out a different mansion and were told that they were all going to be taking wedding pictures with Nick. Good times.
Now, before we start in on the date, let’s talk about the photographer. Because he’s wearing a floral romper LIKE A BOSS. And if we can all be honest with ourselves for a second, we’re just mad that he looks so good in it. #goodluckinthebathroombuddy #theromperwillbearoundyourankles #beenthere
So, Romper Boy let them know that they were going to be playing various brides in their photo shoots..an 80s bride, a biker bride, etc….. But some girls weren’t going to get to play the coveted role of bride. Some of them were going to have to play the dreaded bridesmaid role. The bridesmaids were seriously bummed out. But I’m all, “HELLO? Have y’all met Liz? History has shown that Nick likes a bridesmaid.” #allegedly
Corinne got “Beach Bride” and was feeling pretty proud of herself in her white bikini and claimed that she was the hottest bride there.
And then this gal walked in.
And Corinne was actually upset that there was somebody more naked than her. This is something that I don’t understand. Personally, I’d be hoping for Winter Wonderland bride.
First up, the Vegas Bride.
Romper Boy sprang into action and started inspiring the “talent” by shouting things like “Whose being naughty in Las Vegas?” and “Somebody needs a little spanking.” For real.
And I imagine this to be happening somewhere…
We then got to see pictures taken of a Biker Wedding with Hailey, an 80s wedding with Vanessa, a Traditional Wedding with somebody (forgot her name), and a Princess Wedding with Taylor.
There was also a Shotgun Wedding with Shark Girl. Just fyi, until they handed her the fake belly bump, she admitted she thought a shotgun wedding meant she was going to get to be a hot and sexy bride with guns. Is that a thing?
NEXT UP, the Adam and Eve themed wedding with Brittany. Again, not a thing. I don’t have much to say. Except this: It’s not that I’m mad at you Bachelor producers, I’m just disappointed. #iwantyoutobebetterthanthis
And then it was finally time for the Beach Wedding with Corinne. In lieu of a beach, they hopped in a pool, and Corinne claimed she was going to go “out of her comfort zone.” OH, GOODY. She peeled Nick’s shirt off…
…and then she took her own top off (she might have considered it “courageous”, but my extra years made the term “pathetic” come to mind). Corinne then told Nick to Janet Jackson her boobs. #thatescalatedquickly (For all of you that were like 3 in 1993…Janet Jackson appeared on the cover of a Rolling Stone magazine issue where she was topless, but some unknown man’s hands were covering the goods.)
Best AND WORST quote of the whole episode was when Corinne said”Nick held my boobs today.” Corinne, think of your parents. THINK OF YOUR NANNY! And p.s. Corinne, NOBODY believed you when you said “nobody has ever held my boobs like that.” #yeahrightcorinne #misscorinneifyourenasty
I would like to mention that the girl below was nothing short of horrified that Corinne took her top off and shamed her family in this way. If you need a reminder on who this girl is, she’s the one that introduced herself to Nick and promptly made a reference to the fact that she wasn’t wearing any panties. I mean, that’s like the pot calling the kettle skanky.
That night, the group date ended on a rooftop with copious amounts of alcohol being provided. And if it wasn’t already, this was where it definitely turned in to The Corinne Show. Corinne had a little bit of time with Nick, as did a couple of other girls. Then, when Shark Girl was talking with him, Corinne hopped in again declaring “I already miss him.” Then when Taylor was with him, Corinne showed up again. And then Corinne was mad because Taylor RE-INTERRUPTED HER.
That’s when Corinne said that “Corinne goes about things in a classy way”. It seems as if the 7th vodka tonic makes Corinne start talking in the third person. Sheaffer doesn’t like it when people talk in the 3rd person.
And then Corinne addressed the group. Y’all. My eyes just about rolled right on out of my head with her condescending and self righteous speech. But this next picture made my month. Did anybody else catch the glimpse of Cousin It in the background? She literally couldn’t even. I want to give that girl a high five.
Nick returned to the group, and I waited with baited breath, so scared that he was going to give the rose to Corinne. AND THEN HE GAVE THE ROSE TO CORINNE. I mean, isn’t that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic. #namethatshow
Now, ladies. I feel like I need to take a moment and address all the young and impressionable girls in America….taking off your top in front of a boy AND A NATIONAL VIEWING AUDIENCE does not a wife make.
Corinne then addressed the group and said “I felt really good about getting the rose.” Wow. She continued on by saying “I just put myself out there and was myself. That’s it. That’s all I did guys. Literally. I was just Corinne.”
Sheaffer wants to punch Corinne in the trachea.
1:1 Date Card Arrived: Our relationship is about to take off.
Who is going? Danielle M (the NICU nurse who rocks a pair of bootie shorts)
They boarded a helicopter (shocker), spent the day on a yacht (gasp)…had dinner….BLAH BLAH BLAH.
I was in the middle of writing “Even though I think Miss Danielle is CUTE AS A BUTTON, the date was just blah.” And literally, as I was writing those words, Danielle opened up and said that she had been engaged in the past, but her fiance overdosed on drugs (she didn’t even know he was taking drugs) and she found him. Nick said all the right things and was super sweet to her.
She got a rose, and Nick told the cameras that he realized that she was a woman with incredible strength. He also used words like “cute”, “endearing”, and “lovable”. I love her, but I’m afraid Nick is already in the friend zone with her.
BACK AT THE HOUSE
Back at the house, Liz told the camera that she’s been carrying a secret. And then she decided to confide in Christen, who “don’t worry, won’t tell anybody.” Don’t worry Christen, you won’t have to. There are mics everywhere and Liz just told the whole world.
Anyhoo, Liz told her (in three different outfit changes) that 9 months ago she met Nick at a wedding, they hit it off with each other, and then they did things that frightened the fish. #namethatmovie
I did enjoy Christen’s reaction.
Liz regaled Christen with details of her night with Nick….but Christen didn’t feel right about telling the camera, saying “she didn’t want to put it on the family friend channel.” UM,that shipped sailed YEARS ago, Christen.
The last date card arrived and said We need to talk…
Who is going: Kristen, Josephine, Asterid, Jamie, Christina, Liz
The girls hopped in a limo, met Nick on a busy street, and ended up at The Museum of Broken Relationships….which apparently really is a thing. As they were walking around, I found myself wondering, are there still 5-7-9 stores in existence? Because check out the outfits.
They walked through the museum, checking out relics from broken relationships. And then they watched a “live break up”, which was part of a Live Break Up Symposium. Again, that’s an actual thing. The girls were told that they were all going to get to a chance to do a live break up with Nick in front of all of the museum patrons.
It was all really silly, but *#%$ got real when it was Liz’s turn. She stepped up on the stage (which was really just like a 2×2 block of plywood), read from prepared notes….And y’all, SHE CALLED HIM OUT. She outlined exactly what happened to them, and Nick just stood there. Stunned. Absolutely gobsmacked. She turned the tables and basically shamed him for not fighting for her. As a reminder, he asked for her number (you know, after they wiggled), and she said “no”. And now she’s complaining that he didn’t continue to go after her.
That night at the group date cocktail party, Nick said “I’m living my nightmare.” And I’m like, Welcome to the club, buddy. But as the night went on, he started feeling better about things, thinking that Liz hadn’t shared their past “relationship” with the other girls.
But when Nick sat down with Christen, she brought him up to speed and let him know that Liz had in fact told her about their history.
And then Nick and Liz had a talk.
After the talk, Nick said, “The more I talk to Liz, the less she makes sense.”
Similarly, “The more I watch this show, the less faith I have in humanity.”
Nick then told Liz that he didn’t see their relationship going anywhere, because he already had stronger connections with other women. #shegone
He returned to his gaggle of women and told them all that he had wiggled with Liz 9 months before. The camera panned around the couch, and mouths were agape.
So there we were, at the end of our weekly episode, with no rose ceremony in sight. We were just left wondering if Corinne is going to set fire to the mansion next week when she finds out about Liz.
But don’t you worry, because we did get to celebrate a little known holiday with Nick and Sharkgirl. Yep, it’s Sharkgirl’s 1 year Boobiversary, people! She got her boobs 1 year ago today, and by golly that’s reason to celebrate!
Ladies, in the comments, please leave your favorite moment of the show…your most cringe worthy moment of the show….or your favorite part of the recap!
BEFORE YOU GO…
If you didn’t see Monday’s post, make sure you click over HERE to check it out, because not only do I show the look below (and give a full review and size references for each piece), but I also show the gorgeous necklace with a neutral look too. And good news….the ladies at Accessory Concierge extended the code, so you can still use the code STMTHORN to get 20% OFF this necklace!
Get The Look For Yourself Here:
And I felt it my civic duty to let you know that these moto leggings are now ON SALE! I LOVE THEM! And we’re talking $23.40! For size reference, I’m wearing a small in both the tunic (on sale too!) and leggings. I think they are both true to size. (If you are only planning on wearing the tunic with jeans, then you can size down.)
See y’all back here on Friday for Friday Favorites, I have some great stuff to share with you!